Chapter Nine
And baby, we can’t pretend,
In time the scars will mend.
Please believe me, there’s a chance, let’s take it.
And maybe at last we’ll find, that love shared be true, not blind.
You can’t deceive hearts that open wide.
–Steps, Better Best Forgotten
Brian sat by Tommy’s bed, stroking the sleeping child’s head. He couldn’t stop the tears from coming to his eyes. What Mrs. Thomas told him, was unbelievable, sad, disgusting…how could Mr. Patterson do that to his own daughter, what the hell was going on in that man’s head? Why didn’t Cat tell him all about it? Why did she choose to suffer alone? She didn’t have to run away from him…Brian knew that whatever happened, his heart would always belong to Cat.
He tucked the blanket snugly under Tommy’s chin and walked over to the window. He thought of all those times that she had suffered, struggled to bring Tommy up into this world alone. He berated himself for not seeing it sooner. He looked around the bare room, his eyes watering again. She didn’t deserve all…. all this distress and unhappiness. His heart ached for her. Soon, she wouldn’t have to go through this anymore. ‘Never again, Cat.’ He whispered to himself. ‘Never again.’
This was going to be a bittersweet reunion. Catherine felt dizzy as she walked up the stairs to her apartment. Her tears were blurring her vision and her heart was breaking. She scolded herself for letting him go, but what else could she do? She had waited for him for almost half of her lifetime, but all that waiting came to no use. He still wasn’t hers. He never can be hers.
She slipped her key into her lock and turned it. She just wanted to go to bed and cry herself to sleep. Turning on the lights, she closed the door.
When she turned, she found herself face to face with Brian. His hands were on each side of her, so she was trapped between him and the door. She couldn’t run anywhere now, not with his arms barring her way. She shrank back, afraid to face him.
She hurriedly wiped her tears but they kept on coming. He was so pure and so out of reach like an angel…she…she was like an animal, stained with sorrow and shame for the rest of her life.
“Cat, look at me.” He whispered. Cat could feel his warm, minty breath on her cheek, so near her face. She closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears from flowing.
“What are you doing here?” she whispered, her eyes still closed and head down.
“Cat, I know everything. I know Tommy is your child, I know what your father did to you. I know, Cat.” Cat’s eyes snapped wide open.
“Wh-who told you?” she stared at her feet, not daring to look into his eyes, afraid that all her emotions would run wild, afraid that her defenses would break down.
“Mrs. Thomas did. Cat please…look at me…” he whispered once again. His fingers went under her chin and tilted her face up. She lifted her eyes and looked into his, which shone with tears. His hands caressed her face softly. “Why…why didn’t you tell me Cat?” Cat couldn’t speak, it seemed as if she had suddenly turned dumb. “Why? Were you afraid of him?” he whispered fiercely, his hands all the while caressing her face, running his hands over the features that were so perfectly sculptured, the features that he loved dearly. Cat nodded quietly, a sob escaping her mouth. “Were you afraid…of me?” she nodded again, tears spilling down her face.
“I-I was afraid, you’d hate me…for be-being so dirty…so shameful…I-I couldn’t tel-tell…I...I was afraid...You’ll...You’ll leave me…”
Brian groaned and gathered her into his arms, rocking her as he had once did. Tears ran down his face, and he struggled to get his words out. “Cat, you will always be pure to me, no matter what happens. You didn’t have to runaway from me…I’ve waited so long for you, darling. I’m so sorry, so sorry I didn’t know,” he whispered into her hair.
Cat’s arms tightened around his waist and she buried her face into the crook of his neck. ‘This is where I belong,’ she told herself. ‘Right here in his arms.’
Brian pulled away gently and wiped her tears. “Cat, I should have said this long ago. I was such a coward then. I love you, Catherine Patterson. I love you so much it hurts, I love you so much I can die.”
Cat twined her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her. “I love you too, Brian. I love you too,” she whispered against his lips.
* * *
Cat lay in Brian’s arms and she snuggled deeper into his warmth. She felt lucky. Lucky that Brian would still want to accept her after what had happened. Her hands ran along his chest, enjoying the steady rise and fall of his breathing. Without realizing it, a drop of tear spilled from her eyes.
“Baby, you crying again?” he whispered in the darkness, when he felt the drop of water fall on his chest. His arms went around her and pulled her closer. “You wanna talk about…what happened?”
Cat took a deep breath. She traced her fingers around Brian’s washboard stomach.
“Mom left when I was young. I don’t know why, I don’t think I can even remember. My dad was ok then, he didn’t do anything to me. But after my seventh birthday…remember your 10th birthday party?” she asked Brian, pausing for a while.
“Yeah, I do. You were wearing that pink lace dress.” He chuckled, remembering the sight of her. Cat gave him a little pinch.
“That night, he came into my bedroom. Said that he wanted to sleep with me, he was so alone. So I let him. I didn’t know it would turn out…he wanted more than that. But of course, I didn’t know.” She took in another deep breath and untangled herself from Brian’s arms. The sheets rustled as she sat up and she pulled her knees up to her chin.
Brian propped himself up on his elbow and squeezed her hand encouragingly. “Go on,” he whispered, looking at her intently.
“He started coming into my bedroom for so many nights. I didn’t know what he was doing to me, I was so naïve. He always touched me in places that…that… It was only when I turned ten that he…” she stopped at this point, choking back a sob. Her face was streaked with tears again and her body shook uncontrollably.
“Cat…you don’t have to do this,” Brian said, worried about Catherine. He started to reach out for her, when she shook her head.
She took a deep breath, and hesitated for a few moments. “I have to do this, I have to get it over…”
Brian gave out a small sigh and sat up beside her.
“H-he continued doing it to me. I didn’t have my period un-until I was twelve, and it was only then when I realized what he was doing to me. Ruining my life, making me hate myself…the only good thing I had then…was you.
“I couldn’t tell anyone. He threatened to kill me, said that I would get a dying disease. He said that people would shun me, hate me, people would not even try to get near me. I believed him, I didn’t want you to leave me.”
She sat closer to Brian and leaned her head on his shoulder, feeling so drained out. She twined her slender fingers with Brian’s.
“That day, when you came to my house, just that morning, I found out I was pregnant. With Tommy.” Her eyes glanced momentarily at the sleeping figure in the bed at the corner of the room.
“He forced me to move out, that afternoon when you were leaving for Orlando. I was there at the airport, watching you leave. I was behind a pillar. We moved to somewhere out of town. I ran away from home when I was six months pregnant. I stole some money from him, got myself an apartment. Worked my ass off those few years. I moved to Orlando, because he found out where I was staying. He wanted me to come back. Got a job at your house, got this apartment for Tommy and myself. Then just last week, he found me again. Said he wanted to tell me something, but I kicked him out before he told me anything.”
She leaned back against Brian and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. It’s just…too scary, you know?”
Brian kissed her temple and smoothed her hair. “Are you…you know, pressing charges or something?”
“What’s the use? It’s done, no turning back the time. I’ve got Tommy, and I’ve got you. What more can I ask for?”
“It could only get better, Cat,” he whispered teasingly.
Cat turned back to face him, her gentle features in a quizzical frown. “Like…?”
Brian’s teasing eyes and smile immediately turned serious. “Will you marry me, Cat?”
Home
Index
