((Opens, showing a big cafeteria with many people eating and talking loudly, zooms and pans in on L&L's table))
LENNI: I want a cigarette!
SPRITE: You don't smoke.
LENNI: Oh yeah... DAMMIT.
LINUS: Look at stupid Sonic the Bitchhog and his posery fuckcakes.
LENNI:Yeah, they're so stupid. And isn't Sonic the hedgehog supposed to be really fast?
LINUS: With legs that fat? Yeah, right.
LENNI: Really... SHIT, my mom packs such bad lunches.
((Sprite is hit in the back of the head with a flowerpot, she falls down and is swept out of the way by the janitor.))
LINUS: What the hell? ((They hear laughter from the poser table.))
:LENNI: THEM! ((She stands up)) HEY! ((To Sonic)) You slime-eating SHITRAT! What's your problem?
SONIC: ((stands up)) No problem here, just got sick of your little fairy friend.
LINUS: ((stands up as well)) Looks like there's another fairy left ((points to Trixie, who giggles and hides))
LENNI: And where the HELL did you get a flowerpot?
TRIXIE: ((reappearing)) Hee hee, from my garden. You like? ((Blushes))
((Linus climbs up on the table)) LINUS: Yeah... wait, NO, hideous flowers they are.
SONIC: Eat this! ((His table erupts in apples and oranges at Linus. Linus dodges them Matrix-style.))
EUGENE: FOOD FIGHT!!!!!!!
((Everyone sits there, staring blankly at Eugene, who quietly sits back down. Sonic then raises another piece of food to throw when a large voice booms out across the room.))
VOICE: DAAAAAMN! Child! ((The student body turns to see Yoplait standing on a table))
YOPLAIT: ((to Sonic)) Girlfriend! I saw dat!
SONIC: Uhh, no, I, I-
YOPLAIT: uh-UH sistachild you betta get yo ass down to detention! Mmm-hmm! and child ((to Trixie)) those are some pretty flowers I MUST say, mm-hmm.
SONIC: I didn't do anything!
YOPLAIT: Mmm-hmm, don't even-
SONIC: I didn-
YOPLAIT: ((holds up hand)) Talk to the hand cause Yoplait don undastand!
SONIC: But-
YOPLAIT: Uh-uh! ((Snap snap snap)) Get out! ((Does circly head thing))
SONIC: I'll give you a REAL reason to send me to detention! I'll, I'll, uh, I'll break a window!
YOPLAIT: Allow me! ((let's out an ear-peircing scream opera style, and the windows shatter. Sonic trudges out)).
YOPLAIT: Now then! YOU! ((To Linus))
LINUS: I didn't d-
YOPLAIT: Standin' o' ma table? uh UH.
LINUS: But-
YOPLAIT: Child! ((snap snap snap x20)) Down! ((Linus reluctantly climbs down and sits))
LENNI: Hey! He didn't do anything!
YOPLAIT: ((makes cat sound)) Doown Bitch!
LENNI: Ohhh, you just did it!
YOPLAIT: I, whaaat?
LENNI: That-
YOPLAIT: Yeeees?
LENNI: -Does it!
YOPLAIT: BRING IT ON SISTAH!
((They start hurling punches at eachother and food is flying across the cafeteria. Suddenly, the din is broken by a horrified shriek. Everyone goes silent and turns to see a girl standing with sauce on her shirt.))
JEZEBELLE: No! Ohh... MY GOD!
CHAMPAGNE: Oooh my god.
AMETHYST: Yeah... HI! --What?
JEZEBELLE: Oh you are SO DEAD! ((glaring at Linus))
LINUS: Why??
JEZBELLE: THIS ((points to her shirt)) is a Lillian Vernon cashmere sweater, $4000, with matching blouse, skirt and stockings, now covered with ketchup, because of you.
LINUS: ((sarcastically)) Ohh, my god, no, how could I?
CHAMPAGNE: And there's like, peanut butter in my Prada bag...
AMETHYST: And there's, like, a tampon, in, like, my shoe, and, like, some junk. ((She stares stupidly, crosseyed and then falls over)).
JEZEBELLE: YOU! ((points furiously at Linus)) are responsible for ruining a cashmere sweater, tampering with my facial complexion and ointments associated and altering eye shadow tone on one side causing asymmetry, juxtaposition and clashing! You've RUINED MY LIFE!
LINUS: What??
((Jez charges like a bull. Linus jumps out of the way, adn she runs into Yoplait. Yoplait turns around, seething with rage))
YOPLAIT: GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!
AMETHYST: We better, like, go, and junk.
CHAMPAGNE: Sorrry, Jezebelle....
((Exit A&C))
YOPLAIT: Grrrrrrrrr!
JEZEBELLE: I, I didn't mean it-
YOPLAIT: RRRRRRR!!!
((She whirls in a circle, downs a bunch of wavy kung-fu motions with her hands brings her hand slowly and gracefully down in front of Jezebelle. She shaps, the deafening sound echoes around the room as Jezebelle takes off through the air and flies through a wall>))
YOPLAIT: Now then...
((They stand there in awe, speechless. Trixie ballets acroso the screen in background. The bell rings)).
YOPLAIT: You betta get on to class while I cleeean up dis mess child!
LENNI: Uhh, okay then... bye.
((They leave the cafeteria stumbling over the debris from the wall and Jezebelle twitching on the ground, moaning about her mascara.))
THE STEP BY STEP GIRL FROM THE WELCHES GRAPE JUICE COMMERCIALS: I like lunch!!!
END SCENE.