This week's edition is about Sarah. Sarah is a whore. The End. Moving on, Today is NO EATING day for the jews of the world. Also known as Yom Kippur to some, it is a day of atonement....whatever the crap that means. We're supposed to give pledges to the temple, so I stuffed an envelope with monopoly money, but my mom got mad at me and took it from me so that I couldn't do it. We starve ourselves for a day and that gets rid of our sins or something. All it does is make me hungry, I still feel sinful. Maybe my sins can't be washed away because I'M JESUS! Either that or Mr. Gordo the stuffed pig is a bisexual accountant. Either works for me. YES YES. Like strained carrots in pea soup. That reminds me of The Rescuers Down Under. What a quality movie. I mean really, enough with this Titanic crap, The Rescuers were the bomb diggity. Bianca was so freakin' hot. Bernard should've had her in the mouse-sack by the end of the second movie at least. Geez what a loser. He reminds me of me. Then again, so does that little guy who pops up and yells "Toasty!" from the bottom of the screen in Mortal Kombat II. That's not related to grandmother breasts at all though. Here's my question to the world: Nooks, or Crannies? See, I think that we should have a huge presidential debate between Nooks and Crannies. I mean, one makes them crispy and wholesome, the other holds the sweet butter and makes it tastier. They should run for New York senator. Really, enough of this Clinton/Lazio shit. They can both go to hell for all I care. I want Crannies for NY Senator! That's it, I'm makin' a sign and putting it out front in a pumpking carved out to look like a naked horse, with a candle inside, even though its not Halloween yet. To me, Halloween is the best holiday. It's so SINISTER! People dressing up and all, its so fun. Plus it spawned that award-winning disney movie, Hocus Pocus. Starring Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker. Sinister. Don't light the black flame! Whatever. What a sinister movie. Thackery Binks. So sinister. I think I've had quite enough (of that crack that the talking cat from next door has been giving me!) HIS NAME IS CHERYL AND HE REALLY TALKS! I'M SERIOUS! Cheryl the talking man-cat from next door. Delightful, really. I should oblige! Oh yes! Have another you say? Well aren't I the wicked one!! I am, and I'm Jesus too. Jesus Wicked Christ is his name, and botche ball is his game! Oh and shuffleboard too, ask Judas, he kicks ass in shuffleboard. Joseph! Joseph and his amazing dreamcoat! Joseph never had a dream coat. He never did anything either, never got sold to slavery or anything. He basically sat naked in his basement and played Bubble Bobble on Nintendo for a few years straight until he beat it. Then made up that slave shit to explain where he was and get his brothers in trouble. Hell, I'd do that if I were him. I mean, no one can beat Super bubble bobble though, that's just impossible. Oh wait this is supposed to be about Sarah....Anyways, so as I walked further into the woods the old witch woman turned around and flashed me! "Ughh!" I screamed "Keep your saggy rack the crap away from me, you perverted old twit!" Psychotic Fogey, I thought to myself, until suddenly, Harry Potter flew out of the sky on his Firebolt, and landed nicely. "I am the princess of the X-Men!" He screamed and then took a sand-belter to the old woman's head. Then I stole his broomstick and flew over a volcano. Then I flew away from the volcano. Then I ate some glo-worms. The little stuffed animal kind. Heh heh. Yess.. Glo-worms..SO Sinister....