• Brad, being a boy of good morals and kindness decided to help my community by starting a local advice column. Here's a sample of "Ask Brad" from the newspaper, brought to you by the folks at Hello! China:
• Dear Brad: My family has a reunion every two years just to get everyone together and have a good time. So anyway we were having this year's this past June at Colonie Country Club, and it was going great. I was serving lemonade to some cousins, when i had to use the restroom. So i went into the restroom and saw my grandmother drinking out of the toilet. It smelled awful. she heard me come in, and turned around with her face dripping with nasty stuff and screamed "Diarrhea! Diarrhea!" with fire in her eyes. I was scared so i ran and left the restroom. I dont know what to do or how to bring it up with her. I dont want to hurt her feelings. what should I do?
• Dear Distressed: That's disgusting! Ugh, that's just, eww that's so nasty, get away from me!
• Dear Brad: I recently drove my 4 year-old to a daycare center, on my way to work, and upon arrival, I found that one of the daycare attendants was Asian. Can they legally employ Asians in daycare centers?
• Dear Concerned: What the fuck kind of a problem is that? That's not a problem at all, don't write to me with shit like that. Have your kid go play in a microwave.
• Dear Brad: I was cleaning the house the other day, and I realized I was attracted to my cousin. I don't know what to do, I don't want to tell anyone but i dont know how to work this out without hurting anyone, and without revealing myself to anyone. What should I do?
• Dear Baffled: Well you shou......Waaaait a minute! Is this Doreen? Doreen McMiller from school? Is that you Doreen? Doreen McMiller who lives at 29 West Field Drive and whose phone number is 807-0054? Is that you Doreen? Gimme a call sometime we should hang out!
• Dear Brad: I recently had a dinner party for a couple who just moved in down the street. My husband and I got all our best china out. It belonged to my mother who passed away several years ago. She really cherished it, its white and gold with small pink flowers on it. It matches the silverware perfectly. I thought I'd really be impressing our new neighbor's with our display. Even the tablecloth was spotless! I was very proud of--
• Dear Insulted: Can you hurry this up lady? This story is fucking boring as all hell!
• Dear Brad:.............What? How did you write back before I even--
• Dear Insulted: Who cares! Just get this shit story over with so i can go to sleep for God's sake! I've got a life too you know, i dont spend my days constantly dealing with the petty problems of you pathetic losers!
• Dear Brad: Why, that's horrible! and what makes you think I was going to sign my name "Insulted"?
• Dear Insulted: Well it's either that or "Ugly Whorebitch" so you know i thought I'd give you the benefit of the doubt.
• Dear Brad: That's the most rude, insulting awful thing anyone has ever said to me!"
• Dear Insulted: See? Told you so! And I hope your neighbor's died at the end of the story!
• Needless to say, i was fired soon after this was published. But I dont know why. You know what I do know though? The Times Union SUCKS! Goodnight kids

Email: imgonnamowdownthosemotherf_ers@hotmail.com