MISS PELT THE SCHOOLTEACHER.
There once was a schoolteacher named Miss Pelt. She wore fur coats and alligator shoes all the time, even in the summer, and taught the kids spelling all day. However, the kids always had to help her spell her own name because it was always Miss Pelt and that confused her.
She never married, although she dated that taxidermist named Larry for a while. But he was too stuffed up for her liking.
LARRY THE TAXIDERMIST.
There once was a taxidermist named Larry. He dated a schoolteacher named Miss Pelt for a while. He liked her a lot, except for a few bizarre quirks that she had. She always wore fur coats and she always refused to tell him her name, saying, "it has always been misspelt," and just handed him a Kleenex instead.
Now, you may be wondering why the fur coats were a problem for Larry, seeing as he was a taxidermist. Well, he was actually an animal rights activist that was allergic to fur; he wasn't a taxidermist, he was just a little mixed up on professional titles. On the night that he and Miss Pelt broke up, he drove her home, as always, in his taxicab.
LARRY THE TAXIDERMIST'S LITTLE BROTHER, HANK, THE PACKIDERMIST.
There once was a packidermist named Hank. You may be wondering what that is, since it's a title that no one has probably ever heard before. Well. There's an excellent reason for that. Like his big brother Larry, Hank was a little mixed up on the whole idea of professional titles and preferred to make up his own.
Hank was a dermatologist for elephants.
Hank was also a girl named Sally and wasn't Larry's brother at all, nor was she even related to him. (Larry was a little more mixed up than we all thought).
SALLY'S DOG LITTLE DUMBO.
Sally had a dog. He was named Little Dumbo. he had a skin problem, like elephants do, that made his skin lose all its fur and become all grayish and wrinkly -hence his name. What Sally didn't know is that Little Dumbo wasn't a dog at all, he was a Sphinx cat.
BOB THE DORITOS MAN.
Bob likes Doritos. Even the flavours he invented himself, like worm doritos for people who hate themselves, and Chuck E. Cheese doritos for those giant mouse types. Bob is invisible. Bob has nothing to do with any of the other characters in these stories, he just demanded to be mentioned in here.
~THIS looks like a good time for an intermission~
*****coming soon, The Cat in the Fat*****
~This looks like a good time to end the intermission. We hope you were bored out of your minds so that you won't realize how stupid these stories are~
ODUFUS THE LLAUGHING LLAMA.
Once there was a llama. His name was Odufus the Llaughing Llama. He lived on a potato farm and picked potaoes all day, llaughing all the while. No one ever quite knew what was so funny, because potato picking was a crappy job with wages good enough to be fertilizer.
One day, all of a sudden, Odufus just snapped. He planted corn, moved to Switzerland, and took up yodelling.
From then on, he was known as Odufus the Yodelling Llama.
Odufus later went on to yodel in the Phantom of the Opera with some guy named Ned, but Ned bit a fat lady and they fired him so he went to work at McDonald's with his friend Steve.
NED AND STEVE, THE EVIL MCDONALD'S EMPLOYEES.
There once were two guys named Ned and Steve who worked at McDonald's. They were forty years old and still got paid minimum wage. They couldn't get a job anywhere else, so McDonald's hired them, because they'll hire almost anybody.
One day, Ned and Steve thought it would be funny to spit in a customer's hamburger. So they did. Then Steve sneezed in the customer's coke and rootbeer McFlurry. And accidentally sprayed pesticides on his french fries. The customer turned out to be Bob. Don't ask how they knew he was there, seeing as he's invisible (or not seeinng as he's invisible, because he's invisible and you can't see invisible people's invisibility. Or something). McDonald's employees can smell customers a mile away. (Oh yeah, and I guess that Bob does have something to do with the other characters after all).
Then Ned farted and McDonald's exploded because there was an employee on a smoke break outside and the window was open (a good reason not to smoke, kids).
Over 1 million were served that day and they all died because of what Ned and Steve did. We can't show you their pictures thought because this happened a while ago and they're still dead. They were also fired. Figuratively and literally. They are survived by Little Dumbo.
But Bob still lives, amazingly.
IAN THE FROZEN LUMBERJACK.
There once was a strange lumberjack named Ian. Ian insisted one year that the Annual National Lumberjack Convention be held in Antarctica. And that wasn't the only thing held in Antarctica that year. Ian soon fell into the arms of an over-affectionate penguin while trying to sell maple syrup to the penguin colonies.
Lucky for Ian, the penguin found him to be cold and calculating (Ian's lumberjack jacket -lumberjacket for short and ease of saying the word- wasn't warm enough for Antarctica's cool climate and the penguin caught him trying to work out his profits on the maple syrup sales with a calculator) so she immediately dumped him into the ocean.
Unfortunately for Ian, he couldn't swim, so he drowned and froze in the freezing waters of the Antarctic and became a new statue in the Polar Bear Museum's art-deco collection.
Interestingly enough, the Polar Bear Museum's curator was the one, the only...Larry the taxidermist. But not for long, because Larry soon discovered that taxicabs do not fare well on the open seas. So Bob took over the world.
THE END.
