my writing.....
November Winds
the november wind reaches its icy fingers thru my layers of clothing making me shiver and I realize that the winter months feel much colder when you are alone .
the barren trees and brown grass must be a reflection of my heart. the promise of a warm spring filled with promise of new adventures is what keeps me loving again.knowing that someday soon loves warm rays will shine upon my heart once more and the barren trees and browned grass will be all but a distant memory a stalker lurking in the shadows waiting till I am alone to reveal himself once more.
i continue to walk down the path shuddering @ the bleakness the winter promises to bring.
the notion of dark rainy cold months that lay ahead weigh me down like an acme anvil on my shoulders. the crisp cold evening stars are out tonite, shining on me;reminding me they are still there if I need them pleading with me to confide in them once more. Not that they helped when i needed them the most to begin with. smiling bitterly at the heavens i continue walking.i dont know where i am headed just that i have to walk to leave familiarity behind me. but running wont let me leave the pain behind so i just walk. walk and think of you , think of what we had.
another gust of november wind swirls around me clutching me in her icy grip. i can taste the snow in the air but that doesnt matter becuz I have reached my destination. i kneel down and touch the cold ground. the spot I have come to is the where you 1st said you loved me where you 1st kissed me,the wooded area with the babbling creek the area that was our special place but now that the summer sun is gone, and so to is our love. now the babbling creek has been muzzled by ice this frigid november.I remember when the brook laughed with us as we joked and splashed in his waters.
the november wind is starting to become angry with me and begins whipping @ my face , why do you come here? she whispers to me her voice filled with concerned anger. why do you do this to yourself?
the trees and the heavens tell me you confide in them share your tears with them. they say you dont understand what happened, where love went wrong.
the snow is now starting to fall, the wind is crying for me , i know i should leave. i cant bare to see nature in such chaos. but the wind hasnt finished with me yet. she's angry and disappointed that i wont let go that i cant seem to comprehend letting go. howling and crying and carrying on she berrates me until I cant bear to be near her anymore.I turn my back and make my way home slowly back across the brown grass and i glance @ the same barren trees that are now shaking with fear.
the angry wind is crying harder now the snow falls quickly and quietly in frozen obese tears that fall on my head to create a contrast with my auburn curls. as i make my way back the sound of the crying wind is fading and my thoughts are no longer filled with concern of what the wind might do if she realizes i may never be able to let you go .my mind has come to see what my heart already knows.she will give up on me before i can give up on you , she too will fail to keep me from reliving the days when i was the happiest when i was the most alive. she will fade to black and I will be left to envelope myself in the sanctuary of my memories of you once more.but the november wind has a secret,she will win, she always wins. she un be knowst to me will leave me with her legacy. her legacy is a tiny seed of new and different love that she carries with her. as she fades that seed shall be planted and when spring has sprung in a few months time when life is new andfresh again she will try to draw me from my sanctuary once more. but until then my love it is you and I living inside my picture frames and inside my heart.
the perfect couple , wearing identical smiles hands clasped ,only one is real ,can you tell? mirror mirror on the wall who the saddest girl of all?she is. she knows her time in his glow is near completion , she cant give him what he needed ,too many trust issues she keeps barying him under, he doesnt know the pain she has endured. look past the pearly whites of his smile , can you see the contempt that he breathes like a dragon? his eyes convey and in his head the monkey is banging on a typewriter trying to tell him sex is what will make things ok . but she says no and he hears you're not good enough
*This poem is a little different than anything else I have written , I am not sure whether I like it or not*
you look me in the eye
prepare to die
why?
you made the worst mistake of your miserable life
i'll swallow your heart and leave a void
i'm a man killer with a pension for vengence
he left me empty
now you'll fall under the spell
fall in line with the zombies that trail behind
an evil laugh and vampire bats
darkness will be your new destiny
pain will be all you need
i have ruined stronger men than you
give up and surrender to the inevitable
I am a man killer
dont look me in the eye
Isle of Despair
stuck on that isle of dispair
its paradise aint it?
the sun doesnt shine and u long ago shot all the birds
its funny its like the island is moving before you couldnt see land
now you can make it out ever so slightly in the distance
it seems to be shrouded in an iron curtain ,odd
not that it matters , the island has long since become your home
u have a great view of the sea of tears and your heart is moored in the harbour of self loathing
its paradise aint it?
who wants to be with everyone else? they dont care
they are wrapped in up loving and living
they dont get all you want is to die
to eventually escape your paradise you have so cleverly crafted
looking
looking in the mirror ,
looking at lacking
staring at hollow eyes
feeling empty inside
u left me
u ate my insides and laughed as u walked away
looking at pain thru troubled crevices
why? why did i let you in?
why did I let my guard down?
you were nice enough to leave me a hollowed out shell of my former self
god not that u care,
u got what u wanted and thats all that matters isnt it?
you win , I lose , too bad , so sad
stupid child , looking to love , looking to be happy again
looking in the mirror
looking at lacking
looking at my reflection
*~new~*
I am ready to bury myself...to let it all go...to let the good me die...to let the light that was inside burn out and leave it at that....to be dark inside to let the black envelop me...to just fade away slowly...i am tired so tired...i cant fight with my adversaries anymore...i wish i could just vanish and leave this place and become a bird and live that way...flying from place to place without care...i dont like what i have become so this is my option fly or die...
*~new~*
beautiful midnight
dangerous hour
sit back & watch me gain power
this the time
i make the stars mine
tumultous struggle
between emotions I juggle
Beautiful midnight
its time to embrace
the defiant look upon my face
the time has come to gather the brave
Lets lay me in that grave
I've come to realize that it wasnt enough
To live everyday in love
beautiful midnight dangerous hour
this is the time
I make the stars mine
beautiful midnight