You might be a kayaker if...
You "pour over" streamflow readings the way a stockbroker scans the markets everyday.
The longer dry time you have, the more you want to kick your dog
You practically salivate at the sound of rainfall.
There's no room on your speed-dial for anything but gauge readings and the numbers of people with nicknames like Psycho.
You paid more for a roof-rack for the boat than you spent for anniversary presents.
You tie down the boat better than you seatbelt in the kids.
"Waterproof" means "a little damp" or "might-float"
Your friends or relatives are shocked when you answer the phone at home on a weekend.
House guests ask you why you replaced your living room sofa with a sea kayak...
You can't drive over a bridge without looking for water under it.
The smell of old polypro doesn't bother you.
Your wife says you love your boat and your boat'n buddies more than her, and she sounds just like your first wife...and your second.
Driving 1200 km for a weekend on the river doesn't seem strange to you.
Your idea of a complete first aid kit is a roll of duct tape
"Small craft advisories" make you praise the Ocean gods.
Window shade means more than keeping the sun out.
Pearl means more than a gem in a shell.
You choose a new car based on whether or not your rack system will fit it
A dress shirt and tie no longer bother you, because they're looser than a drysuit neck gasket
You co-workers (and non-boating friends, family and your spouse) will not ride in your vehicle between March and October because of the ode de polypro.
The sight of a waterfall gives you the uncontrollable urge to urinate in a nearby bush- while you search out the line...
You call your buddies in order of shuttle ability
Your boat is worth more than your car
Even in the dead of winter, you never actually lose the PFD tan lines...
You build your new house as close as possible to the flood plain.
Your dog loves to roll in your pile of paddling clothes.
You're all dressed up and don't notice that you're being rained on.
You ask the clerk at Eaton's how well these dress shoes hold up to immersion.
You measure major purchases relative to the cost of a new boat...('Hmmm, that new computer will cost me about 2 1/2 kayak units')
You're the one with the Bright Sunny Smile on the Cold Rainy Day.
Every once in a while you touch your paddle, just to touch it...every once in a while you let go of your paddle, just to eat something.
When your non boating friends visit your home or your car they ask "Do you have dogs?"
You have no trouble saying "Rotomolded Crosslink Polyethelyne" ten times fast.
The idea of a 20,000 km per year car lease seems ridiculous.
You have a bathing suit that's wet from March to October.
Your Mom has stopped saying "be careful this weekend".
You've never setup a tent when it's light out.
You've tied up your mate using either a taught-line or trucker's hitch.
You have friends that you don't recognize without their helmet, pfd, paddling jacket, and boat ensemble...
You can ID make and model on a car topped kayak at a quarter mile...
"Wet, sticky hole" and "blowing a ferry" in casual conversation don't give you pause...
You always have sinus congestion on monday morning..
You freely discuss how much you and others weigh, and don't feel self-conscious about it (or about asking others how much they weigh).
You leave your glasses strap on at night
Your only considerations when buying a car are ground clearance, and the size of the rain gutters.
All career, personal and financial decisions are judged by the criteria of "How will this increase my paddling time?"
You visit Niagara Falls and think "This may be runnable."
You build a 2 car garage addition and you still can't park your car inside.
You bug out on your wife and kids to go paddling for the weekend because you are SURE your priorities are right.
You deliberately watch the whole commercial just to see the kayak on the car...
You maneuvre your car on five-lane streets by eddying out behind trucks and making S-moves in the left turn lane. And you lean into the turns.
If you live in a town with a river running through it, you give street directions with descriptions like "upstream of the ..." or "two blocks down on river left ..."
You find yourself humming Weather Channel tunes.
It takes longer and longer to get your "land legs" back. Solid ground "feels funny"
You feel all mushy inside when your wife gives you a drytop for Christmas.
You keep moving the car seat forward, so you can bend your knees and feel good and wedged in for pulling maneuvers on the freeway.
You can't look at water in a gutter without imagining tiny runs and miniature waves and holes.
You start driving around with your PFD and helmet on because you have noticed that other drivers tend to give you the right of way.
After a car wreck, the first thing you check for is damage to your boat.
The only thing you worry about when getting naked just about *anywhere* is whether or not you'll get a ticket!