Site hosted by Build your free website today!


From: Surgeon General of the United States
To: All Employers
Date: 06 May 1999
Pages: 01

Subject: Newly Discovered Medical Disorder

1. It has recently been discovered that excessive rainfall may cause outbreaks of reckless, carefree whitewater kayaking in certain individuals. The most acutely affected, in extreme cases, may even expose themselves to three- and four-day excursions on whitewater rivers.

2. Symptoms include, but are not limited to, heightened sensations of restlessness, an exaggerated giddiness about the prospect of rain, praying for rain, and/or searching the sky for rain clouds whenever outdoors.

3. Rational, work related thought may become blurred in these individuals. Because this is a medical condition beyond their ability to control, these individuals cannot be held accountable for any neglect of household duties, estrangement of family and/or friends, or missed days of work that result after periods of excessive rainfall.

4. It is imperative that these individuals do not attempt to operate ANY equipment during these rare but serious outbreaks other than motor vehicles and non-motorized, decked water crafts.

5. Should you notice any of these symptoms in one of your employees, you must immediately place said employee in a "leave of absence" status until such time as all rivers within a 400 mile radius of your place of employment recede to normal seasonal levels.

CAUTION: Expect any employee exhibiting any of the above symptoms to display signs of extreme frustration and aggravation toward their employer if forced to work while area free-flowing whitewater rivers are at unseasonably high levels!

Your cooperation in this serious medical emergency is greatly appreciated.

Dr. Iwannago Paddling
Surgeon General

Thanks Kayaker