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Toilet Bowl, Gore Canyon of the Colorado River, with Recon Ron (The Paddleman) said:

I think I'm a little shy about posting too much in a public and infinitely searchable record, but, these things are already well known (notoriety, not fame) However, if you run into me on the river, I'll be happy to share more details.

Don't THIS beat all! I mean, he's shy about posting personal info. Like there's anything he could say that's *more* embarrassing than the fact that he paddles an Open Canoe.

Name's Rattso del Flatulato. I've been infesting this group since late 1996. I've always been a little shy about posting my real name for all the world and the nutzos and wackos (that means *you*, Chris Kelly; and *you*, Kanubi; and *you*, John Kobak) to read, though many of you know my real name and it's been posted a cupple times. When TrashCompactor posted a bunch-o-nasties, I was rather relieved for the slight protection of anonymity. It's easily broached, I'm sure, but it's better'n nothing.

43, and I spent $25 dollars yesterday on my first pair of reading glasses. Oh, the shame, oh the horror. The Lovely & Telented Mrs. Ratt (many of you know *her* age, wink wink), who's been in glasses since she was in the second grade, thinks I'm a whiner and has no sympathy. After making fun of her very impressive diopter for twelve+ married years and many years prior, it's only fair that she has some fun now.

Did the Boy Scout canoeing on the lakes thang, read about whitewater, knew that I'd love it. Rented a kayak on the Saco in Maine in the late 70's, swam once when I tried to lean over on a brace and get my face wet the way I'd read in a book. I loved it. Bought a book on kayaking and all that, and went to a couple of rolling sessions at UMass, but I didn't fit well in the boats, so no progress.

Moved to Akron and bought a big-ol' Seda downriver boat for $60 dollars in 1989. I loved it, though it took me about 4 years to gain confident control of it. From its age and my learning curve, the poor ole thang has more patches in it than the knees in an intern's pants. I bought Monty McNeil's Prijon 81 last summer and won this year's Keel-haulers Vermilion race with it, butt I'm getting ahaid of myself.

Joined the Keel-haulers in '92 and bought a used Dancer XT. I'd already taught myself an unsteady, unreliable, halting roll in my downriver boat, and the roll came relatively easily in the boat with the tight ww outfitting. Got my first combat roll the following summer on the Middle Yough in the downriver boat, and a combat roll on the Lower Yough in the autumn in the XT. The XT may have been a dog of a design (apologies to canine lovers), but mine got me some runs on the Upper Yough, Gauley, and Big Sandy. I've rolled in the Great Outdoors at least once in every month since April '93. That makes 74 months and counting. And we're not talking no wimpy Southern rivers in the winter months. January, 1994, when the merc was hitting -25 below zero 0F (-32 km), I waited for a balmy 250F (-4 ml) to get out there and get that roll. Even scheduled my monthly roll around two hernia ops back in '97. Haven't had a swim since before Slick Willy got re-erected, oops, I mean re-elected.

I still paddle flatwater, own 2 fast flatwater canoes (a Jensen and a homemade wooden racing boat), but my love is whitewater. I own two Cruise Controls. Despite the fact that I'm not as tall is Wilko, I couldn't fit comfy-like in "his" Diablo. My butt never settled into the seat. I'm dying to mess with a Mr. Clean as Karl Gesslein did. Maybe someday...but I love my Cruises.

Kids? I've told you before, but...okay. No brats, but three dummies: . They don't paddle whitewater. Neither does the Lovely & Talented Mrs. Ratt, who shakes her haid at my adolescent male adrenaline-stoked fantasies but who allows me a Lott of freedom to paddle. She's a saint.

If you read this far, you have a Lott of time on your hands and aren't very discriminating in what you read. I can't solve that for you.

Riviera Ratt # 77, Charter Member of PFA, 4/14/99 Still Rattless in '99!!!
Ratt Boy.s Click of The Week updated 5/15/99
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Riviera Ratt