Fatso Cleaveland



"Love me, love me. Say that you love me. Leave me, leave me. Just say that you need me!" Sang Fatso Cleaveland as he sat with his econo-size tub-o-popcorn. You see, today was Fatso's special day. He was going to see his special friend, Buster Bailey. Buster told Fatso sensually funny stories and gave him a happy meal toy every time he came for a visit. Fatso would sit on his fat lard ass all weekend with his Nature Puffs and Jumbo-Size Tube-o-Hotdog Cheese and wait for Buster Bailey to knock on his bedroom door.

The simple fact was that Fatso was kinda stupid. The same way his useless bulk slowed his speed as he attempted to jog in pink n' blue spandex, the tumors in his brain made it very hard for him to formulate an intelligent thought. He was perfectly contented to shove his chipmunk cheeks full of Cheeze-it's all day long. He didn't know there was anything better in life. He didn't know that the reason all the kids laughed at him was because he was a freckle-assed Behemoth. As long as he had a $1.99 Squishee in one hand and a micro-wave chili burrito in the other, he was good.

"Fatso...oooohh Fat-soooo!" sang Fatso's mother, June Cleaveland. "Come down stairs hunny. Your friend Buster is here!" "Aww mom! you know I can't handle the stairs any more. My only way out is this large hole in the wall." He pointed a chubby finger in the dirrection of his only way out, even though there was no one there to see him point.

With more effort than anyone ever gave him credit for, Fatso lifted his mass off the stained floor. He manuvered his body to face his never-used doorway and peered beyond to the stairs. His over-used palms began to sweat. It made him nervous, throat dry. His brain was empty, don't know why. If he had a neck he could have turned his head in the opposite direction, but he had no neck, only multiple chins. "Oh no!" Fatso began to panic! He couldn't avert his gaze from the evil staircase! "Duuuuuhhh...gravity is not my bestest friend." He said with exhaused, short breaths. He'd become confused. "Give up?" he asked himself. "oohh...ok." He promptly sat his fat ass down and began his mid-morning, halfway through breakfast, almost noon nap.

"ZZZZzzzz! SNORT! ZZz...PLop. Contort! ACK! Gasp...Snore...ZZzzZZZzzzzZzZzzz. HACK!"
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