A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,"HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW" HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY. "FIX THE LIGHT? NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO." WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT." TO WHICH HE REPLIED, "FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO." FINE," SHE SAYS "THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK." I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS," HE SAYS. "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!" SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT. AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED. 'HONEY, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?" SHE SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE." HE SAID, "SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?" SHE REPLIED, "HELLOOOOO........ DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?"
Which condom would you use....
Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool, mountain air. No one knows about this secret place. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world". The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under the water.
There now.....feeling better???
Anita V.S Drew Carey
Refere: In this corner, our champion, the woman who can date two monsters and balance killage, two lycanthrope packs, and regular life at the end of the day, Aaannniitttaaaa......Blake!!!!
(Jean-Claude, who is currently grabing a bit on Jason takes a moment to applaude, Crowd cheers happily)
Refere: And in this corner, annoying talk show host, god only knows how he got signed up for this.....Dddddrrrrrreeeeewwww Carey!!!!! (Drew Carey stands and goes to the middle of the the ring, meanwhile, Anita is standing there, polishing her gun, looks up and nearly busts a gut)
Anita: Him?? I'm going against...HIM???? (Starts to laugh)
Ref: FIGHT!!!!
Drew: **Punches Anita**
(crowd goes silent)
Anita: ** stumbles back holding an already brused cheek** You little Fuck!!!!
Drew: How did you like that, Chick??? Ha ha!!!
Anita: **drops the browning, and pulls something from her sleave...** Not as much as your going to like this.. **throws the knife in her hand and it lands right in the middle of Drew's forehead**
Drew: **Sputters around like a idiot then his head explodes, showing it was a robot**
(Meanwhile a man in a trench coat and a hat is trying to leave the room, Jean-Claude trips him and it's the real Drew Carey!!!)
Drew: **looks around the arena** What?? You didn't actually think I'd go in the ring with her!!!! She killed off all her challengers!!!!
Whole Arena: Let's Linch him!!! Ya!!! Linch! Linch! Linch! Linch!!!!
(Crowd jumps Drew Carey and Beats him like a *itch)
Crowd: Teaches you to make fun of Anita!!!!
Ref: Does the horror ever end!!!! You've seen it here!!! Drew Carey got gang beat by the Anita Fanatics!!!!! Next time: Anita V.S.....(off camera: Who was it again??? WHAT!!! EDWARD!!! FINALLY!!!!) Well you heard id Anita V.S Edward right here so....BE THERE!!!!!!!!!!!
- Archangel
I was walking around down town. The Nike advertisement with Michel Jordan marked the spot where I had to turn to Jade’s house. I was almost there when I sensed something in the alley ahead. It was strong and from the energy pattern I could tell it was unstable.
I went to the corner cautiously, not wanting to alarm anyone there, and peeked around the corner. Then I spotted it. An unstable portal. But who would leave it open. As I stepped near it I knew I couldn’t close it from this side.
“Well, whomever left this portal open will be glad that I closed it.” I said to myself.
I stepped through the portal and looked around. It was a modern city, it wasn’t Second Realm, thought it did seem familiar. I closed the portal and walked to the end of the new alley I was in.
Then I stood in shock as I watched Richard Zeeman and Anita Blake walk out of a restaurant.
What the hell was I doing here? Better question, who would leave that portal wide open in a populated area.
Then I also saw who made the portal.
“Jade!!!!!” I yelled.
Anita, Richard and Jade looked back.
“Uh oh…” Jade said as I stormed over to her. I looked much younger than the Tri-Crafter but being in crio for a little over a thousand years does that to ya. Jade was twenty-seven with black long hair, green emerald eyes wearing a black leather coat, jeans, and black with a white swoosh Nikes.
I was wearing the usual, white tank top, dark blue cargos with my black, sleeveless, trench coat. My dark brown eyes were flashing silver behind my black hair.
I heard the safety click off a gun. I looked toward the only person there who worked with guns on a regular bases. Anita had her gun pointed at me.
“Sorry to interrupt but can I ask what the hell are you??” Anita stated bluntly.
Stupidly I ignored her. “Jade what the hell are you thinking?? I mean I’m glad you picked up on how to use the rest of your powers but did you have to pick this universe!!!!”
“Sorry, I just thought it’d be cool to check it out and…”
“Ahem, woman with gun here. Liable to blow you brains on the sidewalk, yeah, hi.” Anita said reminding her of where they were.
“Ms. Blake, Mr. Zeeman, I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but my friend and I aren’t supposed to be here and well we got to get going before we screw up the universe line.”
“Universe Line?” Richard asked.
“Yeah, we come from a alternate universe. Out of pure chance, my friend just learned the full extent of her power and we ended up here. And based on your life, well we can assume that being around you isn’t very safe so we’ll be going soon, I can’t tell you anymore or we’ll screw up the universe like I said. Bye!” I said and then grabbed Jade’s hand and made a run for it.
After we where back in our own universe I turned to Jade and asked, “What possessed you to go into the Anitaverse of all places!!!”
“Anita’s cool and I was hoping to pick up some pointers.”
“Jade, even the council has put that as forbidden!! We can get in some serious shit if they find out a council member broke the law.” I said as I turned the corner.
Then we froze.
“I think they already know.” Jade said as we saw that the street where the Nike advertisement once was now held a “Cauldrons R’ us” advertisement.
~Council Screw-up Archive Committee (C.S.A.C)~
In reality, what happened to Gretchen???
Total of years in the box: 3
Total of sanity left in box [Rating 1-10]: 2
Total of sanity after box [Rating 1-10]: 6
Pity Level [Rating 1-10]: 3
If you want add a idea, e-mail me!
