(~letter~)
Dear Carly,
I don't know where to begin. I know I said that writing this would be easier than talking about it, but well, that doesn't mean it's easy. You asked what keeps me up at night, and I know that you deserve to know so I'll do my best. I've done things Carly. I've failed so many people, all my life. When I was a little boy, my mother's husband, Deke, he would beat her up real bad, you know, and I, I didn't stop him. I should have, but I was too scared, and when he would turn on to me, I couldn't keep myself from crying. If only I hadn't cried, he wouldn't have hurt her. I should have done something, but I didn't it was my fault that she was hurt.
Sometimes, when I sleep, I see her face. She smiles up at me, you know, with the hope and pride of a mother, but then I see the bruises and she asks me why I failed her, and well, it's just easier to stay awake than to hear her voice. If we're going to make this work, I want you to know everything from the start, and that means you need to know, Carly that my mohter wasn't the only one. She wasn't the only one I failed. There's Lily, my first wife, and our child. I let her walk right into a car that her father had rigged to kill me. There are others, but Lily and my mother are the only one's who usually confront me in my sleep, and sometimes, sometimes Lily has our baby with her, and Carly those nights I can't even think about sleeping. It hurts too much, and then, when I think about how Lily and my mother and all the others can't wake up because of me, and how it's all my fault. That Carly is why I don't sleep because it hurts too much to be me and live with what I've done.
That's also why our babies need you to be strong, and it's so important you take care of yourself. I'm going to do my best to protect you guys, but that's never been enough, and well, I can't lose you. We never used to get along, and I don't blame you for not liking me, but Carly I see now I was wrong about you. I owe you so much. All this tie, I've been wrong. I know I've said a lot of things, but I don't regret our children. They are a gift and I love them. Even though I don't deserve it, you and Michael have shown me what it's like to love again. You've shown me that maybe it's okay for me to love and be happy. I'm not there yet, no where near it, but maybe, one day. I know I've failed a lot of people, and believe me I regret it every day; every night, but Carly I don't ever want to fail you or our children. I can only hope that you understand, and I don't blame you if you don't. I mean, I've never given anyone any reason to believe that they can have faith in me, he!!, I've failed everyone that did, miserably. God, I don't know what I'm trying to say here. Just...look the reason I can't sleep is because I've failed people, they got hurt, and it was my fault, and I can't stand the accusations and the faces that I see when I close my eyes. I can't sleep because I'm a coward Carly. That's why I don't sleep.
(~end of letter~)

Carly just hugged it close to her, tears streaming down her face. She just sat there thoughts racing, heart pounding. She could hear Sonny's voice as she read his words. She could feel his passion, his tears, his fear, his anger, his feelings. She couldn't believe there had been a time when she thoght he was just cold; hollow. She had been so wrong. She wanted to tell him so much. That he wasn't a coward. That he was the bravest person she knew. That it wasn't his fault, not any of it, that he made her feel safe, that she had faith in him, and always would. She wanted him to see that he was worth loving, that she loved him. She couldn't believe what she was thinking. She didn't love Sonny, did she? She knew she was falling, and there was nothing she could do about it, there was no way to stop it, it was too strong, maybe even stronger than her fear. She thought he felt the same way, but would he still after he read her letter? She was so scared. She needed to go see him, but couldn't, so she went downstairs.

~Sonny's Room
Sonny had read and reread Carly's letter, and he didn't know what to think. He just stared out his window through tear filled eyes with a haunted expression on his tear-stained face. Going over her words yet again.
(~letter~)
Dear Sonny,
God, where do I start? This is so hard. Look you wanted to know why I can't sleep, right? Well, it's simple I have scary dreams, and it's just easier to stay awake. Okay, I know that's not what you want to hear, just give me a minute. God, this is even harder than I imagined. Well, I guess I should start at the beginning. Sonny, these are things that I've never told anyone before, not ever. I thought I had moved passed them, but then AJ, Sonny AJ tried to rape me. If Johnny hadn't stepped in, he would have. I was weak, I almost let him hurt our babies, but Sonny, I was weaker than that, I let AJ unearth demons that I thought were long buried.
When I was a child, my mother had this boyfriend for a really long time, you know, he lived with us, and the whole deal, and then, then, one night he made it so I wasn't a chlid anymore. He raped me Sonny, for a lot of nights. It started before I even knew what the words were. He would come in after Virginia fell asleep, and do things to me. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't let him kill my mother like he threatened. I was weak, I didn't stop him. It went on for a long time; years. So, now you know, you were right about me all along, I've always been a slut, a tramp, your worst insults, and more. I know I was weak, but Sonny, I won't let him hurt my children. That's why I can't sleep, because at night, I see him. He comes into my room, the room I had when I was a little girl, and that old fear comes rushing back, but he doesn't want me. He walks up to me, and he rips Michael from my arms, and then he rips our baby from my womb. I can't let him take my chlidren, I can't see his face, I can't let him remind me how weak I am, I can't let him haunt me, that's why I can't sleep. It hurts too much to be me and live with what I've done. When I sleep, I can't get away from it, and so I stay awake.
Sometimes he comes to my room at Ferncliff, and then he's not alone. Things went on in that place. Sometimes they'd confine us to these little rooms for one on one sessions, and the guy I had my sessions with, he wouldn't say much which I liked because that way I never had to talk about my life or anytihing, but he leered at me the whole time, and he'd place a hand on my back and say things; make me feel trapped. Anyway, sometimes he joins in on my dreams, and I feel like I can't do anyting, can't protect my children, can't breathe, and then I wake up. Look I know you're worried about the babies, but don't. I know I haven't given you much reason to believe in me, but I promise I won't let these guys hurt my children, not ever, not even through my dreams. I know I've been weak, but I won't let them hurt my babies. I've controlled them before and I will again. I pushed them out of my life, and I'll push them out of my dreams too.
I want you to know how much you've helped me to see that I can do this. I know we never really got along, but I wnat you to know that I was wrong about you. I know our babies will always be protected and loved. You've made me feel safe for the first time in a long time Sonny. You've shown me that maybe, someday, I can be safe and happy. Sonny I'm trying to be stronger, and you help me do that. I'm not there yet, but you've shown me that maybe, just maybe, it's okay to be me, you know. I know this letter only further proves what you originally thought of me, but you've proven what I used to think of you so wrong. Look I don't know what I'm trying to say here. Just that...well, hey, you wanted to know why I can't sleep, and you might as well hear the truth, lord knows it's the least I owe you. As much as I try to hide it, it's because I'm weak. That's why I can't sleep.
(~end of letter~)

Sonny could hear Carly as he read her letter. He could feel her words, her fears, her tears, her anger, her feelings. All he wanted was to engulf her and make her fears disappear. To keep these images from haunting her. To show her that it wasn't her fault, not any of it. That she wasn't weak. That she was the strongest person he knew. That he loved her? He knew that as much as he didn't want to admit it, it was the truth. It was too strong for him to fight, maybe even stronger than his fears. No woman had ever made him feel so safe, so home, so alive, so much. He thought she felt the same way, but would she still after reading his letter? He wanted to go to her, but couldn't. So he decided to go downstairs instead.

PART 11
~Penthouse Living Room
Sonny stopped before he reached the bottom step when he saw Carly standing by the window. He could tell that she was deep in thought and debated whether he wanted to interrupt her or not, but he knew he had to. Before he could move any further. Carly turned to him.
Carly had known Sonny was there, it was like she could feel him. They stood frozen, staring blankly at each other, neither wanting to make eye contact for fear of the disgust and contempt they thought they'd find.
It was true they now saw each other through different eyes, but they were now eyes that were no longer masked by hatred. They, for the first time, saw each other with the true sight of heart and soul. The walls between them had come crashing down. They were both raw with emotion. They had so much to say and yet were speechless. They were sad, happy, angry, forgiving, sorry, determined; they were everything, a million thougts racing, and feelings raging through each of them, but most of all, they were afraid.
Sonny watched Carly. He knew there was no going back for him, not anymore, if he cared to admit it, he'd know, there hadn't been for a long time. He loved her, he wanted her, he needed her. He just wanted to reach out and love her forever. To wipe away her fear, her hurt, all the badness there ever was. He needed to show her he knew he had been wrong. He wanted her to see it wasn't her fault, not any of it. He reached for the railing at that thought. What if? What if not everything was his fault either? He couldn't even begin to wrap his brain around this thought, and quickly pushed it out. He needed to know first...He needed to know if he had chased her away, like he had everyone else.
Carly watched Sonny. She knew that this was it for her, just him, no one else. She loved him, wanted him, needed him. She just wanted to hold him forever, and efface everything bad, all the pain, all the guilt, everything. She wanted to show him she had been wrong about him. She knew she had to show him that it wasn't his fault, that he was worth loving, that she loved him. But she was so scared. She said nothing because she couldn't take his rejection, not now, probably not ever, but she needed to know for sure. She needed to know if she had lost him too, forced him away, like she had everyone else.
Suddenly, the were jolted out of their hypnotic trance by the phone.
Carly slowly walked to the stairs, to get out of his way, and became flustered as she neared him.
Carly: I'll go--get outta (she stammered)
As she brushed by him on the stairs their close proximity was too much for them, and they succumed to the need to touch each other. Sonny held her arm and she froze once more laying a hand on his cheek. They finally locked eyes and were surprised by the compassion and love? that they found. Tears came to both their eyes.
Sonny: Don't cry (he half whispers, half chokes)
Carly: I need you (whispered)
Those three barely audible words mean everything. For Carly they meant laying everything on the line, and though she was scared to death of it, she knew she had to, and for Sonny, well they were all Sonny needed, all he would ever need, he knew. He was so relieved to know she felt the same way. He pulled her into an embrace, and they engulfed each other, knowing words could never be enough.
They finally separated slightly after what seemed like hours, though it had been but a few moments, the phone call that had propelled them into each other's arms long forgotten.
Sonny: Oh, Carly. I love you so much it hurts. (he whispers, stroking her hair)
Carly was so relieved he felt the same way.
Carly: Oh, Sonny
She says quietly, and then rests her head on his shoulder...Carly's mood grows lighter and she pulls away slightly.
Carly: but hey, we don't hurt each other anymore, okay?
Sonny: (smiles) I never want to do anything to hurt you.
Carly laughs slightly and touches his cheek again, not quite sure where to go from here. Sonny brushes a hair from her face, and as if pulled together by cosmic forces, they kiss. It startles them both, but it feels so right, and they know it's what they want. Neither of them had ever imagined they'd actually get it, and that it would be so simple. It felt like they got everything they needed in that kiss; love, acceptance, a shot at happiness, a savior, a lover, a confidante, someone to love that would love them, and so much more. They had a long way to go, but Sonny and Carly both knew that as they walked up the steps that night (yes, they both went back to the same room), they were walking into their new life; a life together, where all their needs would eventually be fulfilled.

PART 12 

~The next morning. 
Sonny's arms tightened around Carly as she began to stir. They both smiled as they lay
entangled in one and other, the sun shining in. They had both slept peacefully;
dreamlessly, just holding each other, neither wanting to let go. 
Sonny kisses the back of her neck. She wishes she could lay there forever, but hears
Michael on the monitor. 
Carly: Mmm. I should go check on Michael. 
Sonny: How bout I go get him? 
Carly couldn't bring herself to argue. 
Carly: Sure. 
When Sonny and Michael return, Carly is at the desk making a list of things that need
to get done. 
Carly: Hey baby, did you have a good night? 
She takes him in her arms and plops him on the bed. He laughs. As the three of them
play, Sonny marvels at how all the ghosts and demons that had haunted his room,
seemed to have disappeared with their laughter. 

Sonny: Well, I gotta get dressed. 
Carly: Yeah, us too. I have to get these stitches removed, today. (she holds up her arm)

Sonny: You want me to come with you? 
Carly: No, you do what you got to do, me and Michael will be fine. I'm gonna take him
with me, and then have lunch with Bobbie. 
Sonny: Okay, but don't over do it. 
Carly laughs. 
Carly: Of course not generalisimo Corinthos. 
Sonny can't help but smile, and then turns to Michael. 
Sonny: Well, buddy why don't you go with Mommy so you can get ready, while Uncle
Sonny makes breakfast. 

~Downstairs 
When Carly and Michael get downstairs the table is full of food, and Sonny's still in the
kitchen. 

Carly: Hey Michael where do you suppose Uncle Sonny is? 
She puts her finger to her lips as they sneak into the kitchen. She gets up behind Sonny
and has Michael reach up his hands to cover Sonny's eyes. Sonny smiles. 
Sonny: Uh oh, I'm in trouble now. 
He lifts Michael into his arms over his head, and Michael giggles with glee. 
Sonny: You ready for breakfast buddy? 
He hands Michael a safety cup to hold. 
Sonny: Come on let's go. 
They eat their breakfast smiling and talking throughout. Sonny is surprised at how
enjoyable this all is, and wonders just how long they can avoid the heavy stuff. 
Carly on the other hand wants to get it all out of the way so they can live their lives like
they did this morning. 
Carly: Sonny, about last night... 
Sonny: Carly, I don't wanna go there yet, besides there's not enough time. 
Carly: Do I sense avoidance? Look it's just..Thanks. 
Sonny: For what? 
Carly: You're not going to make this easy are you? 
She really wanted to tell him everything she had learned last night, but the truth was she
was thankful for his stalling becasue she really didn't know where to begin. 
Sonny: (smiling) Make what easy? 
Carly: Oh, you're such a frustrating man Corinthos. You know what, forget it. (turning
serious) Just expect a letter when you come home. 
Sonny: (the smile has faded, and he's a bit concerned) So soon? 
Carly: Consider it my response. That's what you're supposed to do after reading a
letter right? 
Sonny: Hey, I can handle that, you know what? You should expect one too. 
Sonny was very pleased with the turn of events. He had really wanted to share what he
had learned last night, but didn't want to push. Another letter was the perfect solution.
Why hadn't he thought of that? 
Sonny looks at his watch. 
Sonny: Well, I better get going. Call if you need anything. Johnny'll be with you, he
knows how to reach me. 
Carly: Sure. (carly says as she begins to clear the table) 
Sonny: (He touches her hand) Leave the table. Gracialla will pick it up. Rest,
remember? I'll have a computer and stuff set up for you when you get back, so you
won't need a side trip to Wyndham's, okay? 
Carly: Just to GH, and then probably Kelly's. Is that okay, daddy? 
Sonny: Fine, fine, make fun of me for caring. (he leans in for a kiss). 

~At the Q Mansion 
A drunken AJ returns home. He is surprised to find the door locked. He can't seem to
find his keys, someone must have taken them away from him. So he begins to ring the
bell incessently. Edward appears. 
Edward: What are you doing here? 
AJ: I live here. 
Edward: Not anymore, you don't. You're a disgrace to this family, and I won't let
you're parents rescue you again. You got yourself into this mess, you get yourself out of
it, and don't even think about showing up at ELQ. 
Edward had always liked Carly, and had just about had enough of AJ. He had never
really forgiven him for Jason's accident either. 
AJ: What am I supposed to do? 
Edward: Quite frankly, AJ, I don't give a damn. Now, leave before you upset your
grandmother. 
Edward promptly slams the door in AJ's face. 
AJ stumbles away, and mumbles to himself. 
AJ: Now you've done it Carly. You've taken everything, but don't worry. You won't
get away with it. 
He reached for his trusty flask, only to find it empty. 
AJ: Damn, I need a drink. 

~At Kelly's 
Carly sat waiting for Bobbie to come back from the phone, (she been beeped when
they walked in). 
Tammy saw Carly and went up to her. She had really been concerned for the girl the
other day. As much of a front as Carly put on, Tammy knew she wasn't that bad,
afterall she had pegged Hannah right away. 
Tammy: Hey Carly. 
Carly was a bit surprised she had never thought Tammy liked her much, but Carly
knew Tammy was good at heart. 
Carly: Hi Tammy. 
Tammy: How ya doing? You know you scared us the other day. 
Carly: Oh I'm fine. (she smiles) 
No, I'm not she silently thought. She had just had her stitches removed, and was just
glad it was winter so no one had to see the way she was marked, branded like cattle. 
Tammy: He is such a cutie. (she refers to Michael) 
Bobbie returns. 
Bobbie: Hi Tammy. 
She turns to Carly. 
Bobbie: I'm sorry sweetie. That was Lucas's school. I've got to go. 
Carly: Is everything okay? 
Bobbie: Yeah, I think so. I'll see you guys later. Sorry. 
She quickly hugs Michael and Carly. 
Bobbie: Bye Tammy. 
Bobbie leaves, and Carly contemplates whether she should stay or go home. She
decides to stay and have lunch. Just her and Michael. She starts thinking about what to
order. 
~Outside 
AJ didn't know where to go. Where did his life go? He is about to go into Kelly's,
maybe get some coffee. He had a killer hangover, and couldn't think of how to get
more liquor. When he sees the answer to his question, sitting at a table. There sat
Carly, with his son. Laughing and smiling. He felt his neck getting hot, as anger and
bitterness filled him. He couldn't bring himself to go in, so he sat at an outside table, as
Carly and Michael sat inside completely oblivious.