I Feel Like Such a Tool

I never even liked "Livin' La Vida Loca". In fact, I think the next time I hear that song I am going to embark on a killing spree. That song is like chinese water torture. I've heard a few of his other songs. They should just be titled "Living La Vida Loca Parts Two and Three", since they sound virtually identical.

So, in essence, because I am too lazy to completely rewrite this thing, just read the following and laugh at what a dumbass I am.

Yo puedo usar una computadora!

Ricky Martin is my new boyfriend. Really, I swear, we're going out. God, I have not had a crush on a celebrity since I was 10 (Simon Le Bon, Duran Duran--I'm still hot for him, and he's like 40 and getting wrinkly). I feel kinda stupid, like I should have left this sort of stuff behind after I went through puberty, but I can't help it! This boy melts my buttah...when he comes on TV or whatever, I just gaze at the screen and drool. I don't even like his music, but I'm thinking about buying his CD just so I can hear his sexy voice. How gay is that?

It is going to be virtually impossible to find a hottie like that in real life. Actually, scratch "virtually", it IS impossible. Guys like that don't really exist. I think he must have been manufactured in some Puerto Rican babe-making factory. If so, I want to order one!

This is kinda an embarrasing crush too because he used to be in Menudo. That group was so retarded. I remember seeing them in these short little video clips on Saturday mornings in between cartoons singing bizarre songs in spanglish (that's a combo of spanish and english, for all you gringos out there). There was one that, I shit you not, went like this "I am so hungry, so mucho mucho hungry, go--on--pic--nic--eat--ba--na--na". Hello, eubonics! I still sing this song when yo tengo hambre (when I'm hungry).

But damnit, he is so fine! Ouch! I think I would even go see him perform just to see that gorgeous body and face in person. I am so retarded, yes, I know.