Molly Ringwald Does Not Go To Your High School

High school sure has changed since I graduated way back in 1993. (OH! goes the collective gasp! How ancient she is!) When I was in high school, no one was preoccupied with popularity and shit. If anything, the groups that are historically supposed to be cool, like jocks and stuff, were the biggest dorks around! No one wanted to hang out with them! They didn't drink, didn't smoke, what the hell was wrong with them? And if they did, they tended to act like such morons about it that no self-respecting person would choose to associate with that.

When I was in high school, I drove a 1981 Honda Accord that was held together with rust. I wore things to school that I had slept in. The cool thing to do was shop in thrift stores and dress as tacky as possible. Now it seems that spending gobs of money on your clothing and having an expensive car is de rigeur.

It seems that there is a caste system in place in high schools across America that rivals India's. We have a slew of "youth" films on the market now, each encouraging the notion that jocks rule and nerds must die. That seems like such an eighties concept, something out of a John Hughes film. Are there really high schools out there where kids are segregated into categories? I know there are different groups, but is there a system that determines which ones are cooler than others? If this is the case, don't these people realize what morons they are? Where are they learning this shit from? Who sets the rules that determine who is considered cool and who isn't?

I hated everybody in high school. They were all so incredibly bourgouise and lame. I couldn't give two shits if someone thought I was "popular" or not. It certainly wouldn't have driven me to shoot up the school or something. Please, like I would waste any of my time on those lame-o's. I was too busy waiting for college, where I knew life would start getting good. And guess what? It did. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of fun in high school. I had a lot of great friends, and I can look back on some of that time quite fondly. But I was between the ages of 15 and 18. You don't know a lot at that age, even if you think you do. You still live at home under the control of mommy and daddy. You are still technically a child.

So kids, get over it. This is not "The Breakfast Club" and you are not Molly Ringwald. You're not even Ally Sheedy. There is no such thing as a hierarchy in high school, except for in your own mind. These hierarchies exist in the movies because the establish clear protaganist/antagonist roles. You root for the cool yet poor girl to expose the rich and popular kid for the phony he is, a la "Pretty In Pink". (God, I loved Ducky!) You cheer as the dorky girl gets the hunky guy as in "Sixteen Candles". But people aren't like that in real life. Thank god