November 20...Whoa, where have I been? A couple of things I've realized lately...

1. Sometimes it's cool working with your dad because when he pisses you off you can say "Stop pissing me off", and there are no repercussions. Like, I couldn't say that to Office Mate ((that sounds like Coffee Mate, but in the interest of protecting her privacy) (okay, that is too funny. Like my readership of 20 is going to hunt her down if I mention her name. Like we're dealing with nuclear secrets.) we'll just refer to her as Office Mate)) because then we would have this whole office drama where she would have to tell Salesgirl 1 who would then have to tell Sales Girl 2 and then by the end of the day it would be this big drama with everyone crying. I'm not shitting you. I really work in a place like that. I'm determined to stick it out, though. For now, anyway.

2. When someone sings a song wrong, it's funny. I was at a party Saturday night (a very LAME party, I might add) and I heard a man in his 50's (is the lameness making sense yet?) sang "Who let the dogs loose? Woof! Woof! Woof!". HAAH! Instant comedy!

I'll try to be more regular. Pass the Metamucil.

November 10...Needless to say, the disappointment continues. I think my sister Laura said it best in an email she sent me today:

I am so disillusioned and sad that W. is going to be president. I just want to blow up the white house, the capitol, Barb Bush for squeezing out the anti-christ, and the entire state of Florida. You know what really makes me ill? I just remembered that Jeb's son was at the MTV music awards. This is so unfair! The Bush family can cheat the entire nation AND turn their devil's spawn into the next Freddie Prinze Jr????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

November 8...After a very late night for me, much of which was spent watching CNN and being kept with my stomach in knots, I woke up this morning to see that Gore still had a fighting chance. No offence to Jen, but it terrifies me that this election is in the hands of a bunch of Floridians. I mean really.

My pessimistic nature is telling me it's Bush's, but good lord, please let it be a cruel joke. Plus, Gore won the popular vote! So even though the majority of Americans would prefer him to be our president, we're stuck with a retarded idiot fuckface. Sorry for such an immature choice of words, like I said, I didn't get much sleep.

I feel like I should be crooning some R&B song right now to Al Gore. "Baby, I was wrong! Please! Forgive me! Baby, come back to me. I'll love you so good!" Because when I said they both sucked, it is so obvious now, one sucks A HELL OF A LOT MORE than the other. Gore, you don't suck. We love you. Win Florida. Do it for me.

November 7...Oh my god, I am so worked up over this election. Just so's you know, I voted for Gore. Since I live in Texas this vote was meaningless, but I saw it as more of a protest vote. Like, "Hah hah Bush, millions of other hayseeds may love you because you talk just like them, but there is at least one person from your state who isn't falling for your frat boy antics." This race is still way too close to call, but let's just say that about 20 minutes ago I was doing the cabbage patch and telling Al Gore it was his birthday (Go Al! It's your birthday! Go Al! It's your birthday!) when he won Michigan and Florida.  If for some reason Bush wins, just let it be known I tried to warn you people. I've been touting the evils of Bush for months.

So do you guys think that if Bush loses he'll go on a bender? Maybe start drinking again, stay drunk for a few days, go to a titty bar, you know, the things you do when you lose the race for president. If he did, I would maybe be able to say "Wow, now there's a response I can relate to." Since I first wrote this, Al has taken the lead in the electoral college. You wacky, antiquated thing you! It looks like Bush is leading in the popular vote by a pretty big margin, but Al is leading in the electoral college. Whatever. Maybe it means Americans should be protected from themselves. I didn't just say that. But come on, what does the South know? I'm being serious, I'm a southerner, and it's pretty embarrasing to come from a region of such conservative hypocrisy.

Another thing...when did Tipper stop being the paragon of evil she once was with all that PMRC bullshit? I thought we were supposed to be in solidarity with Ice-T and shit, what's up with having a First Lady who tried to keep me from listening to 2 Live Crew in the 80's? Seriously, when did all that nonsense stop?

Speaking of titty bars, I saw strippers for the first time Friday night. I know this is probably such a yawner thing to say, but for me, I was quite intrigued.  Needless to say, it was not the sexually charged den of iniquity I thought it would be. After the initial shock of walking in the door and thinking "That girl's not wearing a shirt!", I settled into the beer drinking mode that takes place at most bars. A few things I thought were noticeably amusing...First, there was a plethora of guys wearing caps. Why? Second, I KNOW at least one of those girls was pregnant. It was pretty gross. So, in essence, my recommendation is that unless you're flush with cash, just stick with a regular bar.  Unless I'm missing something.