I am Your Angel
This story is written by Pey Jung
"Why?" Nick asked, his eyes full of pain and confusion.
"I'm in love with someone else."
Nick felt the full force of Serena's words hit home. His hurt and betrayal overwhelmed him. "How could you?"
"Falling in love with someone else wasn't a crime, Nick."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why did you let me go on babbling like an idiot about my hopes and dreams and my love for you? Do you think it is some kind of joke, stringing me along? And you decide it's game over, huh?"
"Nick, I'm...."
"Don't tell me you're sorry! I don't want to hear it!! I thought you love me!!" Nick's eyes begged Serena to explain.
"I believed I love you, but I was wrong. I'm sorry, Nick."
Serena slid out of her seat and quickly left the restaurant. Nick sat at the table, too devastated even to cry.
* * *
"Did you tell him?"
Serena's hands were trembling. Her eyes filled with tears.
"I couldn't."
"Then why the heck did Nick look like hell and refuse to eat?"
"I broke up with him. I told him I don't love him." Tears of anguish spilled out of Serena's eyes.
"You WHAT?!??!?!! Serena, are you nuts?" Brian exclaimed.
"Yes, Brian, I'm nuts. I'm nuts for keeping my pain to myself. I'm nuts because I don't want Nick to suffer. Don't you understand, Bri? If I broke up with him now, it wouldn't hurt as much for him when I'm gone."
"But why did you want to suffer all by yourself?"
"Because I love him."
* * *
"Nick?"
"Go away."
Kevin sighed. Nick sounded like a spoilt brat.
"C'mon, Nick, let us in." AJ coaxed.
"Go away."
Howie felt himself getting frustrated. This is getting old. "Either you let us in, or we break down your door."
Silence. And then tired footsteps. The doorknob turned.
"I love my door too much." Nick said sarcastically as the guys entered his room.
"Why don't you eat something? I can cook some spaghetti for you." AJ suggested.
"I don't want to do anything." Nick said dully.
Howie looked at Kevin helplessly. "Maybe we should just leave him to his thoughts," he whispered.
"Good idea," Kevin whispered back.
They got up and walked towards the door.
"But let me tell you something, Nick." AJ paused at the door. "Life is full of tough experiences. What you're going through now is only something minor. And if you couldn't get over this, how can you expect to go through another 70 years of life? Think about it, Nicky." The door closed quietly.
*TWO DAYS LATER*
"What's for breakfast?" An energetic Nick dressed in a clean blue shirt and jeans strolled into the kitchen.
The other guys looked at each other in delight. "Here, have some bacon!" AJ set a plate in front of Nick. Kevin immediately whipped some pancakes, Howie started up the frying pan and Brian set out to make cappuccino.
"Umm...guys? I just want to tell you that I'm alright now. AJ was right. I'll be fine. You guys can stop worrying." Nick took a big bite of bacon and sipped his cappuccino.
"You don't know how glad we are to hear that, Nick." Kevin smiled broadly.
"Oh wow, look at the time!" Brian glanced at his watch. "I have to go. I'm way late!!" He jumped up and raced from the kitchen.
"Where're you going?" Howie yelled. His answer was a loud bang and the sound of a car engine starting up. Moments later, Brian's Mercedes revved out of the driveway and sped down the road.
"Bri's been acting weird lately," Howie remarked.
*TWO WEEKS LATER*
"So, we cancel the Europe tour?"
"Nah....just a delay will do."
"But..." AJ was interrupted by Brian. "Sorry, gotta go!"
"Bri, what is with you lately? Rushing off everywhere! This is an IMPORTANT discussion, OK?" Kevin was starting to get irritated with his cousin's attitude nowadays.
"Umm..sorry, important meeting too, so umm, I really have to go and do this, ummm, thing. See you guys later!" Brian disappeared.
Howie sighed. "What is with him?"
Nick remained thoughtful. He thought back to the roses he saw Brian ordered, the late night phone calls.....he snapped his fingers. "It's simple! There's a girl in his life!"
The others stared at him. "Huh?"
Nick felt a flash of irritation. His friends can be really slow-minded sometimes. "I'm going to follow him!" Nick said mischievously. He grabbed his own car keys from the key holder.
* * *
"How are you feeling?"
"Bad." Serena grimaced. "I'm so sick of chemotherapy."
"But if it's going to make you better....."
"No, it's NOT. Final stage, remember?" Serena said ironically.
"Ser..."
"Don't say it, Bri. I don't want to hear it. And NO, you cannot tell Nick. You promised me, remember?"
Brian sighed. Serena was one of the most stubborn girls he knew. "If only you'll let me tell him....."
"NO, Bri. Case closed. I don't want Nick to know about my cancer. "
* * *
The hospital? Worry clenched at Nick's heart. Is something wrong with Brian? He rushed up the stairs. He practically threw himself onto the nurses' counter.
"Brian Littrell," he panted. "Is something wrong with him?"
"Mr. Littrell?" The nurse, a pretty, young girl answered. "Nothing's wrong with him. He's just visiting."
"Visiting? Who?" Nick was baffled. Was a sick friend such a big secret?
"Yes. Let me see...." the nurse keyed in something in her computer. "Room 324, a Miss Serena Johnston."
Shock hit Nick like a bolt of lightning. "I'm in love with someone else....." Brian? Serena was in love with Brian? Fury overwhelmed Nick. Brian was his best friend, his brother. How could he? Nick stormed towards Room 324. When he reached there, the door was ajar. He stopped, planning to eavesdrop. Might as well get some evidence.
"....no, you cannot tell Nick. You promised me, remember?"
"....if you'll only let me tell him...."
"no..case closed....I don't want.....cancer....."
Nick felt a jolt. Cancer? What was Serena talking about? He threw open the hospital door.
"What do you mean, cancer?" Nick asked hoarsely.
Serena turned around in shock. There stood the last person she wanted to see in the world, the man she loved. She could only stare mutely at Nick.
"Brian? What is she talking about?" Nick turned towards his best friend.
Brian swallowed hard. "Serena's....very sick. She is in the final stage of lung cancer."
Nick could only stare. "What? Why didn't you tell me, Ser?"
"I didn't want to. I don't want you to know I'm sick."
"But why?" Nick repeated painfully. Tactfully, Brian slipped out of the door.
"Because I don't want you to be upset. Don't you see? I have nothing to share with you, Nick. Nothing but pain and fear!!!"
Tears welling in his eyes, Nick quietly took Serena in his arms and held her tightly. Her own composure crumbling, Serena threw her arms around Nick, sobbing uncontrollably.
* * *
"Nick?"
"Yeah?"
"I am going to die. You know that, don't you?"
Nick shook his head. "Don't talk like that, Ser."
Serena smiled gently. She reached up to touch Nick's face. "Honey, I am going to die soon. If I can accept that, I don't see why you cannot. I'm not afraid of dying, Nick. It is His will that I return to Him. I am His daughter. It's time for me to return to Him. God will take care of me." She took a deep breath and continued, "I love you, Nick. Truly, honestly and deeply. Do you love me?"
Tears running down his face, Nick nodded.
"Then don't let my death affect your daily life. Go on as usual after I die. Love means not hurting each other. Love means learning to let go. If you truly love me, then don't mourn my death. Can you promise me that, Nick?"
Nick choked out, "I promise. I love you, Ser."
"Just remember, Nick. Even though I'm not by your side, I will always be there for you."
Serena smiled weakly. Her breathing became shallower. She knew her time was near. She closed her eyes and spoke her last words. "I love you, too, Nick. Very, very much." She saw a halo of light. A compassionate face, reaching out to her. He was coming for her.
Nick sensed Serena slipping away. Tears coursing down his cheeks, he wrapped his hand around Serena's. The heart machine beeped loudly. He felt her hand go limp. Her head drooped. . A look of peace settled over her face. Out of the corner of her eye, a single solitary tear trickled down her cheek.
Nick's shoulders shook with sobs of grief, pain and loneliness. She was gone forever. The only girl he had ever loved was gone. Never again will he hear her laugh, feel the warmth of her hand. Never again can he share jokes and kisses with her. Never again will he be warmed by her love. Brokenly, Nick whispered, "I will always love you, Serena."
* * *
*ONE MONTH LATER*
"You have been gone for a month, Serena. How's life up there? I'm fine down here. Don't worry, I remember my promise. I will be touring with the guys soon. We're going to tour Europe. Hey, remind me to get that French perfume you loved so much for you. Guess what? There's a new love in my life. A really adorable Pekinese puppy. I named her Serene, as a little tribute to you. I wish you could see her, Ser. She's beautiful. Just like you." As Nick spoke, he touch Serena's grave. It had been a month since Serena left him. Slowly, but surely, Nick knew he was healing. He was still in mourning and he was still hurting, but he knew that pain lessen with time. Serena wouldn't want him to hurt.
"I better get going, Ser. Or else Bri's going to jump to conclusions, like he always does. I will visit you again soon." As Nick rose from the grave, he thought he heard singing. He strained to hear.
".......I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm near
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel......."
Nick smiled. He understood completely. Standing by Serena's grave, he blew a kiss towards the heavens. A kiss for his angel. The angel that he will always love unconditionally, no matter what.
THE END
Note:
Lyrics: I am your angel
By: Celine Dion and R Kelly
Composed by: R Kelly
Copyright 1999