Sephiroth: *entering, holding Matt by the esophagus* Why hello Bethany! What a wonderful day it is, don’t you agree?
Bethany: …
Matt: *choking* B-bethan-ny? Ar-re you ok-kay?
Bethany: *sigh*
Sephiroth: What seems to be the problem?
Bethany: I’m… bored.
Sephiroth: Bored?
Matt: *still choking* That-t’s it?
Bethany: There’s nothing to do.
Sephiroth: There’s plenty to do! For instance, I got Matt over here to play with me when I got bored. Who else would be better to torture?
Bethany: But I don’t enjoy doing that.
Sephiroth: Well, you could always play Final Fantasy VII over again.
Bethany: For the 4th time?
Sephiroth: Why not?!
Bethany: I don’t have the game though.
Sephiroth: What? I thought you did.
Bethany: Matt has it.
Sephiroth: I can kill him for you and get it back if you’d like…
Matt: N-no…
Bethany: I let him borrow it, Sephy.
Sephiroth: Oh. Well, I could still…
Bethany: That’s quite all right.
Matt: *sighs a breath of relief*
Bethany: *sighs a breath of boredom*
Sephiroth: There are lots of things to do! Just look around!
Bethany: *looks around Big Compfy Couch Room… and sees nothing but the Big Compfy Couch which she sits on* Yeah, right.
Reno: *entering* Why hello, everyone!
Bethany: Hi, Reno.
Reno: *smiles and sits next to Bethany* Why the long face?
Matt: Why d-do you c-care?
Reno: *glares at Matt* Are you alright, Bethany?
Bethany: I’m bored.
Reno: *gasps* WHAT?
Sephiroth: *rolls eyes*
Bethany: I don’t have anything to do.
Reno: I have some ideas…
Matt: Kinky ones, no d-doubt.
Reno: Shuddup Matt… only three of the four are kinky.
Bethany: What did you have in mind, Reno?
Reno: I’m astonished you’re even letting me speak my mind!
Bethany: Reno… What’s your first idea?
Reno: Five words: Whipped cream and Chocolate Syrup. *winks* Whaddoya say?
Sephiroth: *pulls out long sword* Next Idea…
Reno: Geez… Okay, how bout we head on down to the bar… the drinks are half off this evening and tonight the rooms above are extremely cheap…
Bethany: *rolls eyes* Next idea.
Reno: Hmmm… A movie, then dinner, on me. Then, we can stroll on over to my place…
Matt: R-reno… Next idea.
Reno: But… there aren’t anymore kinky ones… Oh, fine. We could always go save Cloud and the rest of the gang from the massive screw attacking them right now.
Bethany: *jumps up and grabs Reno by the suit collar* They could be DEAD by now, Reno! And what if I would have said yes to one of your other ideas???
Reno: I’d be a happy man?
Bethany: We would never know!!!
Sephiroth: A screw?
Matt: A... Screw???
Bethany: Wait… a screw? Reno, are you making this up?
Reno: *fixes suit jacket* Would I lie to you?
Bethany: *sits back down on Big Compfy Couch* There’s nothing to do… Sephy, you can let Matt go now.
Sephiroth: Oh… I thought you forgot about him. *drops Matt*
Matt: Gee, Bette. Took you long enough.
Bethany: Sorry… Sephy looked so happy with you in a death grip though.
Matt: Yeah.
Reno: Uh, don’t you guys believe me?
Matt: Hardly.
Reno: Sephiroth, It’d be nice if you would refrain Matt over here from the smart comments again.
Sephiroth: *smiles*
Bethany: Sephy, no.
Sephiroth: *smile fades*
Cait Sith: *running in, out of breath* You guys! You hafta save Cloud and the gang! There’s this… this big screw… Its huge… savage, and is attacking the rest of Avalanche!
Reno: See? I told you.
Bethany: I’m sorry Reno. I’ll make it up to you.
Reno: Sounds great…
Matt: What is this thing called… screw…
Cait Sith: What are we gonna do!? What are we gonna do!? What are we gonna do!? What are we-
Sephiroth: *slices both Cait Sith and the mog right down the middle*
Matt: Mog! How could you do that to the poor stuffed animal?
Sephiroth: It wouldn’t shut up.
Matt: But… the mog didn’t do a thing!
Sephiroth: Would you like to join the mog’s status? *holds up sword* Cause it would be my pleasure…
Bethany: Sephy, Matt… Cut it out.
Matt: But I didn’t do anything!
Bethany: We have to save Avalanche!
Reno: Wait, wait, wait. You’re telling me that Avalanche saved the whole flipping Planet… and can’t even defend themselves against a screw?
Sephiroth: They… they beat ME and they can’t beat a SCREW???
Bethany: Actually, Sephy… you weren’t that tough of a fight…
Sephiroth: …*tosses black orb in hand* …
Matt: P-put… the orb… down…
Sephiroth: Hmph. I’ll do what I please. I’m Sephiroth.
Bethany: Sure you are…
Matt: So… what are we gonna do?
Reno: Bethany and I are gonna-
Bethany: We’re ALL going to go save Avalanche!
Sephiroth: I refuse! I am Sephiroth!
Matt: That’s right…
Reno: Do I have to?
Bethany: Yes…
Reno: You’ll owe me…
Bethany: Whatever. Let’s just get this over with!
Cloud: *wielding sword* We… we can’t hold it off much longer!
Tifa: My gloves are nearly worn through!
Cid: @#$&!!!
Vincent: My ammunitions supply appears to be running short. I didn’t pedict this mishap…
Barret: I’m runnin outta ammo here!
Red XIII: My head piece is coming loose!
Aeris: I’m dead… why am I fighting this big, silly screw?
Yuffie: My toe hurts!
Everyone: *stares at Yuffie*
Yuffie: What? It does!
Bethany: *bursting into room* We’re here to help!
Matt: We live to serve!
Sephiroth: I am not doing this… I am NOT doing this… I am not DOING this…
Reno: *thinking* I cannot wait till this is over… date… candle light… wine… hehehe…
Bethany: *looks at this enormous screw taking up half of the nameless room they all now occupy* Wow!
Matt: That’s one flipping big screw!
Reno: Did I mention the dentist appointment I have… right now?
Bethany: Reno, stay!
Reno: *whimpers*
Sephiroth: Can I just use the black materia and end it all?
Everyone: NO!
Sephiroth: Phooey.
Bethany: How do you suppose we defeat this… this screw?
Reno: I dunno… We’ll have to screw it over somehow…
Matt: That was lame and perverted.
Cloud: Be serious you guys!
Yuffie: Yeah! My toe hurts!
Barret: Shuddup bout yer stupid freakin toe already, Yuffie! We have much bigger things to worry about here!
Vincent: Like devising a way to overcome this strange creature once and for all.
Red XIII: Precisely.
Aeris: Oh! I could use Holy!
Bethany: Aeris, I hate to break it to you but you’re dead.
Aeris: …but Sephiroth can use the Black Materia! So why can’t I use Holy?
Matt: That’d be too easy!
Aeris: But it would save everyone!
Sephiroth: That’s no fun…
Reno: Aeris, why don’t you just go ahead and do your thing… Bethany. You owe me big for draggin me over here with this buncha losers…
Bethany: Reno! You’ll ruin everything!
Aeris: *holds up white orb*
Sephiroth: No! *holds up black orb*
Matt: Great.
Bethany: What… what are they doing?
Reno: I dunno, comparing the size of their material?
Matt: They’re each summoning powers of their orbs!
Bethany: Isn’t that bad?
Matt: Could be… but I think they should end up canceling each other out.
Screw: AGHmufroklenaspen!
Cloud: Oh no!
Tifa: What’s it mean?
Yuffie: I think the screw stepped on my toe!
Vincent: He appears to be attempting to communicate!
Red XIII: I have studied many languages, but cannot decipher the tongue in which the screw speaks…
Barret: What the flippin heck are you two numbskulls talking about?!
Matt: They’re trying to figure out what the screw just said.
Bethany: But… they don’t know.
Screw: UGHmiftardoneamick!
Sephiroth: You infernal Ancient! You’ll perish now once and for all!
Aeris: No! You are the one that will be banished forever!
Screw: I’m too big!
Bethany: HUH?
Matt: Did he just…
Red XIII: He said, I’m too-
Bethany: I know what he said… but how?
Reno: Screws can talk?
Yuffie: Ooo.. Look at the pretty green fog…
Vincent: The counteraction of Sephiroth’s materia and Aeris’ material seem to have created this… mist which allows the screw to speak fluently.
Screw: I agree.
Cid: What’s yer problem! You coulda hurt someone!
Screw: …I dunno what came over me… This weird scientist… he made me into… into a monster. Look at me! Just look at me! I went crazy! I didn’t know what to do! But something deep down inside said… Attack Avalanche. So I did. Only because it was first instinct. I didn’t mean it!
Matt: Sounds like the work of Hojo.
Bethany: Why that caniving little…
Reno: Can we just go now?
Matt: We’ll have to just give Hojo a visit.
Yuffie: Uhh… I know you guys are going to think I’m stupid…
Reno: Already do.
Yuffie: *glares at Reno*… but there’s a really long cord coming from the back of the big screw.
Bethany: A cord?
Matt: Hojo…
Reno: Good! Finally. Now Cloud, go bust Hojo up with your great big sword of yours, okay? Bethany, shall we go to dinner now?
Bethany: Reno! Shut your trap!
Cloud: *circles the screw*
Hojo: *jumps out and runs*
Cloud: *chases him in circles and squares and triangles*
Bethany: Well… Cloud’ll catch him sooner or later.
Reno: So…
Matt: Hey Bette, wanna go to a movie? Its on me!
Bethany: Really? For real, Matt?
Matt: Sure!
Bethany: Sounds great! Let’s go!
Reno: *stares at Matt & Bethany as they walk off* I can’t believe it!
Cid: I can.
Reno: Put a can on it.
Yuffie: Ouchies ouchies… My toe still hurts.
Barret: So quit yer blubbrin and put a band-aid on it.
Cid: You don’t put a band-aid on anything less its bleedin!
Reno: I’m leaving. This is too pathetic.
Yuffie: Yeah, who needs you anyway… you old Turk.
Reno: I heard that Yuffie! Just wait till the next ramble comes around! Reno’s Revenge! I’ll get you and everyone else back for how cruel you’ve always treated me! And maybe I’ll finally get to go on that date with Bethany… Hehehe! Tune in next time kiddies! Same Ramble Time, Same Ramble Place!
