Bethany: Hi everyone! My name is Bethany, and I've never written a ramble before. But hey, what the heck. Its worth a try. And I gotta friend helping me too.
Matt: Hey, that's me. Yeah.
Bethany: First I'm going to explain something.
Matt: We're a buncha strange people. Strange, strange, strange.
Bethany: Uh, yeah, Matt. I'm introducing a few new characters in this ramble. Most of them are Hobos.
Matt: 'Why Hobos?' you ask. Well, the reason is simple. Go ahead Bette explain it.
Bethany: Um, ok. Well if you've ever played Final Fantasy games, you should...
Rufus: ...be dragged out into street and shot, with my gun. *pats gun*
Bethany: No, Rufus. No one gets shot, yet. Like I was saying, if you've played the games before, you might have noticed that there is a homeless guy or two floating around, especially in trains. AKA, hobos.
Matt: So we've decided to give these guys a chance of recognition too.
Rufus: Hey! You never ran this by me! We can't have 'scum-of-the-earth hobos' in this story! I refuse! Either they go or I go.
Bethany and Matt: Bye Rufus!
Rufus: Hey! *slowly fades out of script*
Bethany: Well, now that that's over with, here's the real story!
********************
Matt: Sometime after the end of Final Fantasy VII, on the far away planet of whatever they call it... does it even have a name?
Bethany: Shut-up Matt, you've never even played the game ...does it have a name?
Matt: Anyway, in the ruins of the train graveyard in Midgar, there was a meeting being held of the 'Loyal Order of the Hobos Group Club Committee Thingy'. They were angry at the great Sephiroth...
Bethany: Yeah!!!
Matt: *clearing throat* ...for destroying their home, as homely as it was. They planned to form their own party of Hobo Warriors against Sephiroth in hopes of teaching him a lesson.
Bethany: They would soon find out that Sephy really isn't that bad. He was just... misunderstood.
Matt: No, he's evil.
Bethany: Shut it Matt. He is not!
Matt: *cough-yeah-he-is-cough*
Bethany: *sigh* Anyway, one day...
Boxcar Bob (The Invisible Canadian Hobo): Hey guys! C'mon over here! I'm calling an official meeting of the Loyal Order of the Hobo Group Clu-... whatever!
Caboose Carl(TheMisfit Riding-In-The-Back-of-The-Train Hobo): Yeah, guys! We's gotta do sompin' 'bout dat Seph-man. He trashed da graveyard, man! We gonna get 'im back fo' dat! We's gonna get 'im good, man!
Railroad Ralph (The Slightly Confused Hobo): Huh? But how's we goin' ta beat him?
Who's Sephiroth anyway? Has anyone seen my sock?Engine Eddy (The Wise Guy Hobo): We could wisely gather all of us Hobos and our best mastered materia and attack him all at once, making us an indestructible force!
Bob: Uh, sure, Eddy. That's a great idea. Whadaya think guys?
All Hobos: Yea- Great jo- Ed- you th- Good on- Eddy- dy!
Bob: Okay, men. Gather your weapons and follow me.
Ralph: *goes to his humble little lean-to and grabbed his weapon of choice: a small bag on the end of a stick.*
Eddy: *pulls out a handful of small green, slightly cracked orbs to show the guys*
Carl: Hey, man! Where did you get the glowing balls man?
Eddy: They are Materia Orbs. I got them from some punk girl in the woods. She sold them to me for surprisingly cheap.
Bob: *pulls rusty chain off of old bike in his boxcar* I've been waiting a long while to use this.
Ralph: We ready to go now? And has anyone seen my sock?
Carl: I need weapon, man! Gimme a weapon!
Bob: Quit complaining! Here's a train wheel. *throws train wheel at Carl, who collapses* Use it wisely!
Eddy: I think we are prepared. Shall we be on our way?
Bob: Ok! Follow me, fellow hobos!
*All hobos march off to Northern crater*
********************
Bethany: And meanwhile, on the nice big and comfy couch where we write our story... Hey Matt we have a problem.
Matt: Hey Bette, what's the problem?
Bethany: The hobos are going to the north crater to beat on my pal Seph.
Matt: Why don't you just call him Sephiroth? And what's the problem with the hobos beating him down?
Bethany: Uh, Matt, Seph is dead.
Matt: Yeah!!!
Bethany: Uh, no. The hobos don't know he's dead.
Matt: Why is that?
Bethany: Well, you know how slow news is getting to the hobos.
Matt: And plus, Railroad Ralph is in charge of announcements, and he isn't the most reliable person. Isn't he the one looking for his sock?
Bethany: I know! I can bring Sephy back to life! Wait, no. That wouldn't be right. He was a little bad, I mean destroying Midgar and all... Matt you do it.
Matt: I don't want to bring him back! No! You can't make me!
Bethany: *sigh* All right Matt. *walks out of room, sulking*
Suddenly, out of no where, well it had to be somewhere cause you can't come out of no where... never mind - Sephiroth appeared. POOF!!!
Matt: You know, you need to work on that entrance.
Sephiroth: Sorry! I haven't had that much practice. I haven't been dead that long!
Matt: And what brought you here, you fill in the blank!
Sephiroth: Huh? Fill in the blank? Is that the best I could get???
Matt: What do you want?
Sephiroth: Nothing, but I know what you want.
Matt: Huh?
Sephiroth: Don't act so innocent! I know you have a crush on Tifa! And I could get you two together.
Matt: Re- he- heally?
Sephiroth: Mmmhmm. For a small price.
Matt: What? *Thinks: Anything for Tifa!*
Sephiroth: Life! *Laughs evily* And... maybe... a date with Bethany?
Matt: Hmmm. Life, okay. Now, a date with Bethany... That might be a hard one. Why would she want to go on a date with you anyway?
Sephiroth: Well, I am one of her favorite characters, haven't you noticed?
Matt: What does she see in you? I mean you're evil.
Sephiroth: Why thank you. So you noticed too.
Matt: I don't want to talk to you anymore. You're evil. The most evilest thing on earth.
Sephiroth: Well, are you going to revive me?
Matt: How can I be sure you'll get Tifa and me hooked up?
Sephiroth: Trust me. I'm the Great Sephiroth, you can trust me.
Matt: Yeah. I can really trust a guy who wants to destroy the planet and take over the souls of innocent people. Yeah, that's always fun. *thinks* Let's shake on it.
Sephiroth: *shakes Matt violently*
Matt: No, you idiot shake hands! Not me!
Sephiroth: Oh, yeah. *shakes Matt's hand, even though he is dead*
Bethany: Hey Matt. What are you doing?
Matt: Uh, nothing. Nothing at all.
Bethany: *who can't see Sephiroth* Why are you talking to yourself? And why are you shaking like that??? You aren't having a seizure or something, Matt, are you?
Matt: No, Bette, don't worry I'm all right, really. Just having some problems.
Sephiroth: You won't have any problems if you'd just bring me back to life!
Matt: How?
Sephiroth: How about 'Sephiroth Materia'?
Matt: Like a summon?
Sephiroth: Yes, why not?
Matt: Okay. But, I don't have any Sephiroth Materia.
Sephiroth: Why don't you make some?
Matt: How am I supposed to make materia?
Sephiroth: Write it!
Matt: But Bethany is the author. What if she gets mad?
Sephiroth: *pulls out long sword* Mad?
Matt: *Pulls a nice round red orb from pocket* Ah, here is some Sephiroth Materia! Heh, heh. How come I never saw it there before?
Bethany: Matt? Maybe we should take you to a doctor. You are acting really strange.
Sephiroth: I'm waiting. You can bring me back to life now...
Matt: *summons Sephiroth and thinks: why am I doing this??? Tifa. Oh, yeah...*
Sephiroth: *materializes out of thin air and laughs evily* I'm back!
Bethany: Sephy!
Sephiroth: Hahaha!
Matt: Why? Why? Why???
Bethany: Thanks Matt!
Matt: So, where's Tifa?
Sephiroth: Be patient! *points long sword at Matt*
Matt: *cringes*
Genevieve: *walks into Northern Crater where Bette, Matt, and Seph stand* Hi all! Its me! I'm here! I am special. Everyone look at me! I am Beefy's sister!
Bethany: Veve(Bette's sister)! What are you doing here? You're not in this ramble!
Genevieve: Now I am! Yeah!
Matt: She's a cute little vermin(sister's nickname). Let her stay.
Bethany: Lemme think on it. Until then, Veve, get outta here!
Genevieve: Hey! *slowly fades out of text*
Bethany: Uh, Oh.
Matt and Seph: What?
Bethany: Is that what I think it is?
Matt: What the heck?
Sephiroth: What? What is it?
Bethany: Hobos! Hobos everywhere! And not a drop to drink! Hey, where'd that come from?
Matt: What? Haven't you ever drank a hobo before?
Sephiroth: Hobos???
Bethany: Oh, yeah. Sephy, I forgot to tell you something. The hobos from Midgar are coming to beat you down.
Sephiroth: *picks Bethany up under one arm and points his sword at Matt. Suddenly, Tifa materializes out of somewhere, cause you can't hardly come from no where... The rest of the crew appears: Avalanche (except Aeris), The Turks, Rufus and his goons Scarlett, Heidgger, and Palmer* I want you all to lay the smack down on those hobos, and after that, you might as well put it on yourself cause if you don't I will.
Bethany: Hey! Seph put me down right NOW!
Sephiroth: *looks at Bette and laughs*
Bethany: *sheepishly* Please?
Sephiroth and Bethany: *vanish into thick air*
Matt: Bette no! *thinks* Welp, guess I get to write the story now. Hey, Tifa...
Tifa: *smiles* Hi Matt.
Cloud: Hey Matt! *holds up Ultima Weapon, but Cloud suddenly disappears*
Tifa: Cloud? Hmm. Oh, well. Hey Matt, comere!
Matt: *purrs* Comin'!
Reno: Oh. I think I've had a little tooooooo much to drink.
Yuffie: Well that's no surprise. Its you're own stupid fault!
Reno: *pulls out nightstick and fidgets with controls* Comere, you little brat! I've waited a long time to toast your butt!
Yuffie: *pulls out a small plaid orb and turns Reno into a nerd*
Reno: Has anyone seen my pocket protector?
Rude: ....... *snickers* ......
Elena: Ha! Reno! You're a nerd! Look at you! *rolls onto floor in laughter*
Rufus: Hey... I thought they blocked me outta this story! Oh, well.
Scarlett: HA HA HA! We can take over now! We can destroy Avalanche! We can...
Rufus: Scarlett, shut up!
Heidgger: Gya ha ha! But she's right! We can take over now!
Rufus: If you laugh like that one more time...
Palmer: *starts making faces and wiggling his butt at Scarlett and Heidgger*
Scarlett and Heidgger: *attack Palmer with no mercy*
Rufus: *sighs and watches the rolling ball which consisted of Scarlett, Heidgger and Palmer roll around in the dirt and rocks* Quit fooling around! We can't take over yet! We've got to destroy those blasted hobos first!
Genevieve: I'm taking over this story now ha ha ha!!! No one can stop me!
Bethany: *never comes back again*
Matt: You can't do that!
Genevieve: Yes I can. *picks up a twig and turns it into Cloud's Ultima Weapon and threatens to kill Matt*
Matt: *backs away* Okay so you can
Genevieve: Now then since this is my story, Matt you'll have to go.
Matt: *quickly fades away*
Everyone: *cheers*
Tifa: Oh well, he's gone nothing can be done about that.
Genevieve: Reno, you're not a nerd anymore.
Reno: Thanks.
Yuffie: Hey!
Reno: Nya Nya!
Yuffie: That's not fair!
Genevieve: Who said anything is fair? Oh no I have to go. See ya everyone!!!
Reno: Remind me to give her a kiss when she comes back.
Yuffie: Reno, you disgust me. The girl is only 12!
Reno: So?
Yuffie: Ugh! I'm leaving. *fades out of text, fuming*
Rufus: What just happened?
Matt: *fades quickly back into story* Bette's sister tried to take over. When Bette and I were preoccupied, she came and wrote some stuff.
Rufus: Oh. Hey Matt, can you get these goons to stop fighting? *looks at Scarlett, Heidgger and Palmer who are still rolling around, arms and legs sticking out everywhere*
Matt: No problem. *snaps fingers and a red materia orb appears in his hands. Summons Bahamut*
Genevieve: Now that I'm back, Matt you'll have to leave...again.
Matt: *quickly fades out...again*
Reno: Now that you're back I can give you that kiss.
Genevieve: Okay...
Reno: *kissing Genevieve* You're kinda cute.
Genevieve: So are you.
Reno: Really?
Elena: Ugh, how gross.
Genevieve: *looks at Elena with THE EVIL EYE* Rufus I could of got rid or those goons in a more entertaining way.
Rufus: How?
Genevieve: *pulls out a red orb* Knights of the Round Materia.
Rufus: *stomps foot* Darn I should of chose that.
Genevieve: I better go before I get caught again. Well see ya!
Everyone especially Reno: Yeah, see ya!
Rufus: Come back real soon so you can use that Knights of the Round materia on Bette and Matt if they come back because they're boring.
Genevieve: Okay, see ya!
Matt: *fades back in* Ugh! Bette, where ever you and Sephiroth are! I am getting annoyed with your stupid sister!
Reno: Hey, she isn't stupid! Oh, my gosh. What is getting into me??? I kissed a 12 year old! Urgh...
Elena: I think she has some of that Manipulate materia.
Rude: .........*snickers again* .........
Rufus: Uh, you guys?
Matt: I can't believe she is doing this to the story! It isn't supposed to be this way! It is dragging this on forever!
Rufus: Hey, guys?
Tifa: Hi Matt! You're back! Comere and let me do what Reno did!
Matt: Heh, okay!
Rufus: Hello? Are you listening to me?
Aeris: *coming out of the life stream* Hey! Why am I not in this story?
Matt: Well, Aeris... you were dead.
Aeris: So? You brought Sephiroth back and he tried destroying the planet!
Matt: He was a major part in the story.
Aeris: This isn't fair!
Tifa: Aeris stop complaining.
Aeris: I can complain if I want! Hmph. *puts hands on hips*
Tifa: *gets in Aeris' face* Stop it.
Aeris: *slaps Tifa and then looks at her hand horrified*
Tifa: *puts a hand on her face where Aeris slapped her, her mouth in an O. Slaps Aeris*
Aeris and Tifa: *slap each other*
Matt: Uh, help?
Genevieve: Veve! To the rescue! *punches Tifa and Aeris who fall to the floor, unconscious* Okay, all done.
Everyone except unconscious individuals lying on the floor and Matt: YEAH!!!!!
Rufus: Nobody is listening to me!!!
Everyone except Rufus: WHAT???
Rufus: *sheepishly* I think the hobos are here.
Everyone: *gasps*
Bob: Yes. That is right. We are hobos and we have come to defeat Sephiroth!
Carl: Yeah, man! We's gonna kill dat Seph-man! Whahaha!
Eddy: *pulls out materia*
Ralph: Has anyone seen my sock?
Bob: Where is Sephiroth? *pulls out rusty bike chain*
Carl: Yeah! Where is da Seph-man? *readies train wheel*
Ralph: *rummages through bag on his stick looking for sock*
Eddy: I think these people are allies of Sephiroth! Destroy them all!
All Hobos: Yeah!!!!
Reno: Why me?
Elena: You? You? What about us? You always think about yourself!
Reno and Elena: *punches one another and both fall to the floor unconscious*
Rude: ....... *sighs* .......
Rufus: Lets see how you stinking lice infested hobos like my shotgun!
Eddy: *pulls out green, slightly cracked orb and casts spell on Rufus*
Rufus: *scratching himself all over* What is this???
Eddy: Lice Materia.
Yuffie: Hey didn't I sell those to you?
Eddy: That is correct. *casts another spell on Yuffie*
Yuffie: Mmphgm! *Drum Barrel 'o' Fire drops on Yuffie out of sky*
Eddy: Hehehe!
Barret: *using gimick arm* How you like it? Yeah! You like dat?
Carl: *hurls train wheel at Barret who slumps to the ground mumbling unintelligible words under his breath* Man, I gots you man!
Bob: Yes! *whips Cid in the behind with rusty bike chain*
Cid: ^&%*^%%&##$@@%^&^*&^#$#^$^%$^%$##$%&^*&$&#*^*(&^$^%#!!! *goes and cries to Shera*
Red XIII: *tackles Ralph*
Ralph: Mommy! I only wanted my blasted sock!!!!
Bob: *smacks Red XIII in the behind with bike chain, again*
Red XIII: *whimpers and runs away*
Vincent: Leave us alone. We are not allied with Sephiroth.
Carl: I guess we's gots da wrong guys, man.
Eddy: Hmmmm. I am afraid we have made a grave mistake, fellow hobos.
Bob: Yes. We are Extremely sorry.
Vincent: No problem.
Sephiroth and Bethany: *come from thick air* We're back... *hic*
Bethany: Thanks for the *hic* great time, Seph!
Sephiroth: *bows* No problem! Anytime.
Rufus: *still scratching himself* What is wrong with her? She looks drunk!
Sephiroth: No, she's too young to drink alcohol.
Rufus: Then what did she drink???
Sephiroth: Surge, Mountain Dew, and a few Jolts.
Bethany: Mmmmhmmm. Oh, my *hic*! What happened here??? *looks around at hobos standing there innocently next to Vincent who just stands there looking like his grave self, Cid's crying in Shera's arms, Red is whimpering off in a corner, Tifa and Aeris are laying on the ground close to Reno and Elena, who are also next to Barret, Rude stands there looking at the mess and Matt is standing behind Rude to hide*
Sephiroth: Looks like things got a little out of hand here while we were gone.
All Hobos: Sephiroth!
Sephiroth: *innocently* What'd I do this time?
Bob: We will have our revenge! You destroyed the train graveyard! Our home!
All Hobos: Yeah!
Sephiroth: Uh... I umm...
Bethany: The train graveyard is suddenly restored to the way it was before meteor struck!
Bob: It is?
Bethany: Yeah, cause I said so. I'm the author.
All Hobos: Yeah!!! Back to the train graveyard! *exit Northern Crater*
Bethany: Hey Matt?
Matt: Yeah, Bette?
Bethany: What happened Matt?
Matt: Well... *thinks* Actually, most of the corruption started when your sister came and terrorized. She wrote parts in while you were off partying with the evil man over there.
Sephiroth: *pulls out sword* Watch who you're calling evil...
Bethany: Genevieve???????
Genevieve: Yes, Beefy?
Bethany: How did you get here???
Genevieve: I just got on the computer when you weren't around and took over.
Bethany: Oh.
Sephiroth: Want me to slice her in half, Bethany?
Bethany: I'd love for you too! But my parents would disown me.
Sephiroth: Ah, that wouldn't be good.
Genevieve: Hey! Sephiroth! Lemme show you something! *runs wildly towards Sephiroth and attacks his left leg, smacking and slap-kicking it with all her puny might* This isn't working...
Sephiroth: *yawns, picks the girl up and pulls out a small materia orb* See this?
Genevieve: y-yeah...
Sephiroth: Watch this... *orb glows brightly and Genevieve is surrounded in light*
Bethany: Sephiroth...
Genevieve: squeek! squeek! sqaweeeeeeeeeek!!!
Sehpiroth: Vermin materia. *hands orb to Bethany* Here, last one on the face of this planet... whatever they call it.
Bethany: For me? *takes orb* Thanks Sephy! *gets on tiptoes and gives Seph a smooch*
Sephiroth: *blushing* Now. How are we going to clean up this mess?
Bethany and Sephiroth: Oh, Maaaaaaatt...
Whoo boy! That was a fun one to write! My very first ramble too! And those parts where my sister came in, she actually did get on the computer and write while I was doing something else, but it was so funny, I just had to leave it there! (I think my sister has the hots for Reno...) I hope you liked it! Oh, and any questions, comments, or complaints just e-mail 'em to me here... Warning... this ramble is full of inside jokes that may sound extremely strange, odd, and abnormal to you. Please ignore them and go on to the next ramble, Thank you!
