The Wrath of Lord Kerrek
BETHANY IS SLEEPING ON THE BIG COMPFY COUCH ALONE IN THE BIG COMPFY COUCH ROOM
Bethany: Zzzzzzz…
Justin: *entering* Hehehe…
Bethany: Zzzzzzz…
Justin: Bethany, wake up!
Bethany: *snort* Zzzzzzz…
Justin: *sigh* Hmmm… I wonder where everyone is.
Sephiroth: *materializing* Who wants to know?
Justin: *spinning around to face Sephiroth’s chest* S-s-sephiroth…
Sephiroth: The one and only.
Bethany: *rolls over*
Sephiroth: Who are you?
Justin: Lord Kerrek.
Sephiroth: Lord what?
Justin: Lord Kerrek. That’s K-e-r-r-
Sephiroth: *fuming* What are you doing here?
Justin: I’ve come to say hello.
Sephiroth: What?
Justin: That and visit Bethany, of course. I’m taking her out on Saturday.
Sephiroth: Does she want to go out with you?
Justin: …I don’t know. I hope so.
Sephiroth: I don’t think she does.
Justin: Why wouldn’t she?
Sephiroth: *sizing him up* Well, for one…
Justin: Don’t even cut on the short factor. Bethany and I are the same height.
Sephiroth: You’re too informal.
Justin: What the heck is that supposed to mean? I can be formal!
Bethany: Ahe ahe mmm… Zzzzz…
Sephiroth: *whispering* Shhh! You’ll wake her!
Justin: *whispering* You’re the one yelling!
Sephiroth: *whispering* I am not!
Justin: *whispering* You are too! Wait, why are we whispering?
Sephiroth: So we don’t wake Bethany, you dolt!
Justin: Dolt?! How dare you speak to Lord Kerrek with such manners! In my kingdom, foul creatures like you are burned at the stake!
Sephiroth: *astonished* You dare to speak to Seph- me in that manner? I’ll kill you now!
Justin: Don’t wake Bethany!
Bethany: Uh..huh….? Hmmm… Zzzzzzzz…
Sephiroth: *whispering* I’ll have your very hide plastered on the walls of the Crater!
Justin: *drawing katana* Shall we duel then, evil creature?
Sephiroth: You are trained in fighting?
Justin: Trained well, in fact. I have not lost a battle in more than three years.
Sephiroth: This will be the first in your victorious streak then, Kerrek.
Bethany: Noonoono…Zzzzzzzz…
Justin: We fight for Bethany.
Sephiroth: What? Are you mad?
Justin: Of course not. It is just much more dramatic this way. Don’t you agree? Although it is quite boring. Its like most games: Two men fighting for the hand of the fair maiden…
Sephiroth: Ahhh… I see you are an RPGamer…
Justin: You observe well…Sephiroth.
Bethany: Hehehe… he… hooo… Zzzzz…
Sephiroth: Then we shall battle… For Bethany.
Justin: If I win, Saturday she’s mine. If you win… ummm… uh… you can do what you normally do, whatever that happens to be.
Sephiroth: Great, so if I win I get to sit here in the Big Compfy Couch Room and do nothing? That isn’t even worth fighting over. You can take her out.
Justin *looking at katana* But…. But I…
Sephiroth: *putting sword in sheath* Too bad. Haven’t really had a good fight in awhile.
Justin: Hey, we can still fight!
Sephiroth: Well… I don’t want to hurt you.
Justin: *getting mad* Shuddup and put your sword fighting where your mouth is, villain!
Sephiroth: No no no. Bethany may become upset when she wakes. Why is she sleeping anyway?
Justin: How should I know?
Sephiroth: Were you formally invited to the Big Compfy Couch Room?
Justin: I had to be formally invited?
Sephiroth: Yes, as a matter of fact.
Justin: Well then, no I never received one. So? What are you gonna do?
Sephiroth: *unsheathing sword* Kill you, what else?
Justin: Now this is more like it! * gets into fighting stance*
Sephiroth: *rolls eyes and leans heavily on sword* What, do you practice this at home?
Justin: Yeah... on my neighbors. Why?
Sephiroth: No reason. *lifts sword* Prepare to die.
Justin: Come at me! I dare you!
Sephiroth: As you wish! *prepares to strike and then vanishes*
Justin: What…? Hey! This isn't fair! I can't do that!
Chris: Hey Justin.
Justin: Chris?
Chris: Hey this place is pretty cool…
Justin: Wait, how’d you get here?
Chris: *holds up bow* I fought my way in!
Justin: …but…
Chris: But what?
Justin: I was going to fight…
Chris: You were gonna fight me?
Justin: No… I-
Bethany: *snort* Zzzz…
Chris: Hey! Bethany’s here! Hey Bethany!
Justin: Shuddup, man! She’s sleeping.
Chris: Let’s wake her up.
Justin: No, we have to find Sephiroth.
Chris: Who?
Justin: We have to fight him. …for Bethany’s sake.
Chris: Oh, okay. Were is he?
Justin: How should I know! He just vanished!
Chris: Into thin air? Right, Justin.
Justin: Call me Lord Kerrek.
Chris: *looks at him strangely* Yes, Lord Kerrek. Hey, can’t we just wake up Bethany and leave? If …Sephiroth isn’t here, does it even matter?
Justin: Its only honorable to stay and fight him.
Chris: Uh-huh… Why don’t you stay and fight & I’ll take Bethany Outta here.
Reno: I can’t let you do that.
Elena: Neither can I.
Rude: …
Chris: Who are you?
Justin: Turks…
Chris: Turks?
Reno: Correcto.
Chris: How bout now I take Bethany while you fight these guys off, Justin… I mean, Lord Kerrek.
Reno: You don’t get it.
Elena: We’re Bethany’s body guards.
Justin: I’m her friend.
Chris: Yeah, so am I.
Reno: I don’t believe you. You Rude?
Rude: …
Elena: I didn’t think so. You guys will have to leave the premises immediately.
Justin: Not until you verify that we are Bethany’s friends… Wake her up.
Reno: No.
Justin: Are you afraid?
Reno: Of course not.
Justin: Than do it.
Sephiroth: I wouldn’t try it.
Justin: Sephiroth!
Chris: Agh! *holds up bow, shaking* I have th-this and I know h-how to u-use it!
Sephiroth: *smirks* Hahaha…
Justin: Okay, let’s duel!
Chris: We’re gonna fight this guy?
Justin: Not us, me. You take care of the Turks!
Chris: *turning to the 3 blue-suited enemies* So, what do you say… Let’s do lunch?
Reno: Now that you mention…
Elena: I am kinda hungry…
Rude: …*blinks under dark sunglasses*
Reno: Yeah, Rude looks pretty hungry too.
Chris: I bet Bethany would love to go too.
Reno: Yeah! We could say it was my idea and then maybe It’ll make up for all the times I’ve hit on her!
Chris: You hit on her?
Reno: All the time; every chance I get!
Chris: Really?
Reno: Why? You want some lessons?
Chris: *looks strangly at Reno* ?
Reno: Just watch and learn my friend, watch and learn!
Sephiroth: You are worthy to fight… probably not me, but you definitely have mastered the attitude of a chivalrous fighter. But that won’t move me!
Justin: *staring at Chris, the Turks and a dazed, newly awoken Bethany walk out the door* Ummm… we’ll fight later.
Sephiroth: What?
Justin: *runs out the door* Hey you guys!
Sephiroth: *left in Justin’s dust* I was looking forward to a killing today… Oh, Cloud!!!
