TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE
CHAPTER 15
By Sue
Remember I donÕt own the Beatles or their families; this is just a
fan fiction from my warped mind.
Paul sat at the kitchen table, his elbow on it and his head rested
in his hand. He ran his other hand through his hair as the events of the night
finally hit him. Three days until what? Until he and John died? Until he saw if
Vicky would be safe or if all three would be? The whole thing seemed to
overwhelm, he just couldnÕt think they could die in the prime of their lives.
They still had so much to give, he knew he did and John too. Vicky was a young
sweet girl and he hoped sheÕd make it. You never though of your mortality until
it hit you in the face. Now it did as he poured a drink down his throat and
felt the burn as the glass hit the table.
Tonight hadnÕt turned out as he had hoped. The whole weekend
hadnÕt. He thought they were safe and he could freely explore his feelings for
Rita more. Now, George and Rita had said he was surrounded by a death that
couldnÕt touch him until Wednesday. Paul shivered at the image of the black
hooded shadows watching him and wondered if they were still there. He took a deep
breath, held it and then exhaled harshly. He fidgeted with a pack of smokes and
then hit them on the table, letting one fall out. He picked it up and lit it.
The cigarette drooped from his mouth as he poured another drink. He picked his
head up so he could take the smoke from his mouth and have another belt of
scotch. It was then he notice his hand was shaking and felt the impact of the
fear gripping him. He put the glass down and watched his left hand shaking.
With disgust he placed it on the table, his feeling were spilling out
physically and he hated that, always did.
He wished John were there with his ÒNo worries we ainÕt goin
anywhere. YouÕll see when we wake on the tenth.Ó He wished he could be as sure
as John, or was John just being a poser. He didnÕt know if he was, but he did
know that he needed that strength whether John was putting them on or not. Paul
wondered how JohnÕs night was going with that beautiful bird he spoke of. It
had to be better then what they went through. He wondered what JohnÕs answer to
this eveningÕs event would be.
He poured a few more drinks and pounded them down. He didnÕt know
what else to do. He didnÕt usually turn down great sex, except of courseif it
would become too sticky in the end. He laughed bitterly at how ironic that was.
FriendÕs girls had propositioned him and that was something he never relished
or wanted. Well, if she were a looker heÕd ponder it a sec and then think
better of it. Paul pondered all of this as he had several more drinks and his
cigarettes filled the ashtray in front of him. He looked to the window and saw
the dawn breaking through the darkness. Light seemed to comfort him a bit as he
realized his eyes were growing heavy with sleep. He put out his smoke and with
the light of the kitchen walked out into the living room.
He stared at George who slept so soundly. A smile spread across
his face as Paul remembered how things were when they were younger. How things
seemed simpler. Had it only been a few years ago? To him it felt like a whole lifetime.
He sat on the table watching George, oblivious to all around him as he was
curled on his side under the blanket safe and warm. He remembered how they had
shared many single beds together before the Beatles, and in Hamburg. How they
all had laid on each other to keep warm in NeilÕs van on early tours, flip
flopping when the one on top got cold. They were close; they had to be in order
for all four lads to do something like that, and make it through Beatlemania.
George and he had been closer back then too. Now, they seemed to be feeling
that closeness again, only he didnÕt like the circumstances involved in making
that so. Sharing one single bed together in their youth seemed so innocent. He
longed to curl up next to George, feel safe, warm, and have that innocence
back. George had gone a bit sparce tonight, but he did it to save Paul. Paul
had felt that love so many times over the last few weeks. He thought about what
George had said, how nothing could touch Paul through him. George was his
shield tonight; he smiled at how it reminded him of a knight, and George had
used himself as that human shield. Now that was love of a true mate.
PaulÕs hands held up his head, it fell a few times and he realized
just how tired he was. He wondered if George would mind if he slipped in with
him, just like they used too. There was plenty of room if he slept on his side
like George. PaulÕs stomach was in knots, even with all he drank. He looked
around nervously to see if the shadows were still stalking him. He couldnÕt see
them, he hadnÕt before and so he figured they just very well could be anywhere.
This unsettled him and again curling up with George seemed more appealing. He
shrugged and pulled the quilt down a bit and crawled in, careful not to wake
George. Snuggled up under the blanket he felt GeorgeÕs body curl into his and
GeorgeÕs arm flop over his chest. He wondered if George thought he were Pattie.
God, he hoped not. But being close made him feel like a child again, craving
that safety, and to him thatÕs was George. Laying there nothing could touch him
and he could relax. It didnÕt take long before the safe warm feeling of their
closeness lulled him to sleep.
**************************************************************************
Rita came down the stairs dressed in jeans and a shirt of JaneÕs.
She hated rooting through JaneÕs things, but she needed some clothes. SheÕd
return them before they were missed.
The light was still on in the kitchen, and then she wondered if
Paul had fallen asleep at the table. She walked in quietly only to find the
table scattered with an open scotch bottle, an over filled ashtray with a pack
of smokes along with a lighter, an empty glass and a pulled out chair. She
wondered where Paul could be? She noticed the time, 12pm, could he be outside?
She walked over to the window only to be trampled by a mop of fur that Paul
lovingly called Martha.
ÒYou want to go out girl?Ó Rita bent over and scratched her ear
before she stood up, unlocked the door and watched the dog scamper out into the
garden.
Looking outside she saw no evidence of Paul. She started to get
worried when she heard two soft voices come down the stairs.
Ringo and Vicky were dressed, their hair wet from the recent
shower they had taken. All smiles and eyes glued to one another, it took a
minute for them to notice Rita standing at the bottom of the landing.
ÒMorning RitÓ chirped a happy Ringo.
ÒAfternoon it is luv.Ó Vicky let Ringo know as she smiled
adoringly at him.
ÒHas either of you seen Paul?Ó That broke the glue that held the
look of the couple.
ÒNoÓ Ringo and Vicky said in unison.
Rita shook her head, ÒLetÕs check on George. Pattie will be
worried.Ó
Rita wandered around to the couch and then stopped dead in her
tracks. A smile pulled at her lips as she watched the two sleep soundly.
Ringo smiled as he came around and saw what Rita was looking at.
He motioned for Vicky and then he checked a few table draws in the room. He
knew Paul kept his camera in one of them and usually had film in it.
ÒAh, here we are.Ó A light flashed as Ringo snapped a few pictures
and giggled quietly as the two slept through it.
The two girls tried to stifle their giggles as well. They headed
over to Ringo.
ÒYou know you will be tortured if he finds out about that.Ó Rita
joked with him.
ÒAh but it will be well worth it now wonÕt it? Ò Ringo
snickered as he shot a few more pictures.
Both girls nodded as the three again turned to stare at the two on
the couch.
ÒThey used to share bunks in Hamburg. I remember when I stayed
with them a few times, to drunk to get to me own flat. ItÕd be bleedin cold and
sometimes with the worn covers theyÕd sleep double to keep warm.Ó He smiled
fondly at the memories of the fun they had in Hamburg. Then he started
laughing.
ÒLook at George with his arm around Paulie. If I didnÕt know
better IÕd think them queer.Ó Ringo couldnÕt hold the laughter as he howled,
taking the camera and moving to stand over by the kitchen door, ÒRight,
PaulieÕd make a fit bird donÕt ya think? Ò
Vicky joined Ringo laughing, and soon Rita laughed too at RingoÕs
joking.
Paul shifted under the warm quilt as he became aware of noises.
Slowly he opened his eyes.
ÒAh now see IÕve done it, gone an woken sleepin beauty.Ó Laugher
poured out of the three.
Paul sat up, his hair tousled, face imprinted with a red mark from
the cushion he had laid his head on. His head felt as if a band were
playing in it. The laughter hit him like a drum kit as his head throbbed with
pain. He groaned as he slowly rose off the couch still in the same clothes as
the previous night. He squinted his eyes at the three laughing figures by the
kitchen. What were they laughing at? Then it dawned on him as Ringo opened his
mouth.
ÒDid you and Georgie enjoy yer kip then?Ó RingoÕs face was red
with laugher as his hand stroked the camera he held.
ÒHaving a lark at me expense are we Ritch?Ó Paul winced at hearing
his own loud scratchy voice.
ÒRita got any tea luv. I need to be headin out to the family
soon.Ó Ringo watched as Paul moved mechanically towards him.
PaulÕs body was stiff from the couch, his mouth dry as the desert
and that God-awful banging in his head. He coughed which seemed to make his
head hurt more as he saw the steaming cup of tea that Rita handed Ringo.
ÒAh, Paulie donÕt be brassed off at me fer laurghin at you and
Georgie. You do make the loveliest couple you do.Ó Ringo just couldnÕt stop.
Maybe it was nerves from last night, or maybe he just knew why Paul slept with
George and wanted to make light of it.
ÒBugger off Ò Paul spat as he padded softly towards the kitchen.
ÒNeed sumethin fer the ole head do we? Ò Ringo kept it up.
ÒYes.Ó Paul grumbled standing directly in front of Ringo.
ÒIÕll get you somethingÓ Rita offered
She went quickly to the cupboard and brought back some aspirin.
Paul took them thankfully. He popped them in his mouth and took the mug that
Ringo offered. He gagged after swallowing.
ÒCor, Ritch a bit of tea with your sugar?Ó Paul grimaced at the
grittiness of the sugar that stuck in his mouth.
ÒÕCause IÕm sweet it is. Ò Ringo smiled, Ò Paulie IÕll go and
develop these for ya.Ó Ringo held up the camera and then pulled it to him as
Paul tried to grab it away.
ÒTaken some pictures eh Ritch?Ó PaulÕs brow furrowed at the
thought of what was on that roll of film.
Ò Took a few of you and Georgie. Thought it sweet. Would make some
nice Christmas cards I was thinkin.Ó Ringo smiled ruefully at Paul.
ÒGive it back you wanker. ThereÕll be none of that sort for
Christmas.Ó Paul told him softly and adamantly.
ÒNo, I think not sleeping beauty. A lot of mags would love to see
these babies.Ó Ringo howled.
Paul was too weak and pain to argue, and RingoÕs voice seemed to boom
in his ears. He held up his hand and lowered it a bit in slow motion to convey
the message to quiet down.
ÒOh sorry, forgot, youÕre hung over. Well, donÕt ferget the studio
tonite. We sagged off last night so weÕve gotta be there tonight,Ó Ringo looked
at his watch. He kissed Vicky sweetly on the lips.
Ò You better be having a lark on me about those Pictures you ponce
or when I feel better IÕll cripple you but good.Ó Was all Paul could say as he
quickly ran to the sink in the kitchen and gave up his insides.
ÒThat does it, canÕt watch that. IÕm off. Gotta get home to the
family yÕknow. Vicky luv, I hope to do this again real soon. Had a nice night
of it, sorry I need to leave so soon.Ó He again kissed Vicky sweetly.
ÒIÕll see you soon Ritch.Ó Vicky told him, a silly grin on her
face.
ÒRight then IÕm off. Take care of the head son and wake that nit
up before Pattie goes barmy with worry.Ó Ringo smiled, put on his coat, and
stuffed the camera in his pocket while Paul was in the kitchen, then opened the
door, ÒTaÓ He simply said before closing it.
Rita watched Paul slump in the kitchen chair. His face was a pasty
color and he sipped slowly on a new mug of tea. She then looked at Vicky and
nodded towards Paul. Vicky knew Rita wanted her to take care of Paul; she shook
her head and walked into the kitchen.
Rita was surprised to see George sitting up, the quilt wrapped
around him as he sat there in a daze. His face groggy and his hair stood on
end. She sat down next to him and placed her hand on his hidden lap.
Ò How you feelin?Ó Rita didnÕt have to look at him to know.
ÒLike Shite, I donÕt remember last night to well. Had a dream
though, bout Amburg,Ó He looked up at her with confused eyes, Ò No dreams about
anything, but that one. We, Paul, and me would sometimes share a bed to keep
warm or when we were younger, yÕ know stayin at each otherÕs house. Strange
that, havenÕt thought of it for awhile.Ó George sat there in thought.
Rita put her arm around George and gave him a squeeze, Ò You
didnÕt dream about you and Paul sharing a bed. I think he was scared by last
night and found comfort in sleeping on the couch with you. You do remember what
happened last night right?Ó She inquired.
George sat putting the pieces together about what happened the
night before. His eyes grew wide as the memories fell together in a sequence as
if it were a movie. Did he really choke Paul by trying to save him? He knew
what he saw was real and knew that Rita had seen it too. He hadnÕt meant to
scare or hurt Paul and could only figure what was going on in his mind.
Ò For fuck sakes Rita. You saw it too I know you did. Is Paulie
all right? Oh Christ, I didnÕt even think with all I had that they couldnÕt
touch him until itÕs time. I never expected to see those fiends and I was
scared too,Ó GeorgeÕs voice was a bit panicked as he spoke. His head was
cloudy, but he felt it clearing up the more he thought; he wondered what they
gave him. ÒWhat in bloody hell did you give me?Ó
Rita stared at George; her face fell serious as she answered him.
Ò I did see them too and I told Paul, Ritch and Vicky after you were under
control. Yes, PaulÕs all right, just scared is all. He feels as if the shadows
of death are still hanging around him. HeÕs spooked like I told you, thatÕs why
he slept with you. You made him feel safe. We gave you tranquilizers we had
too, you were protecting Paul, but choking him at the same time.Ó She watched
at GeorgeÕs reaction.
George nodded agreeing with her. He never meant to hurt Paul, just
protect him. He was out of control and maybe he did need those pills. He also
knew that the aura of death was still around Paul. They wanted him and it
scared George as well that he had seen them.
ÒGeorge he knows that they canÕt touch him right now, but still he
needed you last night, even if you were sleeping.Ó Rita finished with a sigh.
George rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, Ò ItÕs fine
really, the pills and Paul sleepin with me. I understand it. Cor, Pattie, did anyone
call her?Ó He bolted upright out of RitaÕs arm.
ÒGeorge relax. Ritch called, told her you were out of it, which
was the truth. Told her you were sleeping it off at PaulÕs flat. ItÕs quiet
alright I can assure you that one.Ó Her hand lay on GeorgeÕs shoulder keeping
him in seated as she told him.
ÒRight, good then I should see how PaulÕs doin then leave. Half
twelve already? I really need to get movin here. Ta Rita for the help last
night.Ó George stood dragging the quilt around him into the kitchen. He poured
some tea, lit a cigarette and sat next to Paul.
Vicky saw George come in and smiled back at his half smile as he
poured his tea. She figured heÕd want some privacy with Paul, and so she
slipped out of the kitchen to find Rita.
PaulÕs head didnÕt hurt like it did before. The pain had dulled
and the tea had settled his stomach. He was aware that George had come in and
Vicky stepped out. His eyes traveled to his friend when George sat down.
ÒYou all right there mate? Sorry I got a bit barmy last night.
Throat hurt?Ó
George felt bad and inquired when he noticed Paul didnÕt look so
good.
ÒFine now, the throats good and I can sing tonight,Ó Paul noticed
the surprised look on GeorgeÕs face, Ò Oh, got studio tonight, sagged off
remember?Ó
ÒRightÓ George nodded at remembering
ÒIÕm not keen on being choked, but I know why you did it and I
thank you.Ó It was hard for Paul to say. He was looking over his shoulder since
he woke for those shadows, but he did want to thank George.
ÒYou slept with me last night. Thought it a dream. I understand why
and really donÕt blame you. IÕm just sorry I spooked you is all. You do have
the aura but that doesnÕt mean it will happen. Please keep that in mind.Ó
George tried to reassure his friend. It was hard for him seeing these things,
but to be on the receiving end was probably much harder.
Paul looked into his mug a bit embarrassed,Ó Yeah couldnÕt sleep
even after quiet a few drinks. I hoped you wouldnÕt mind. I thought about how
we used to share a bunk and it made me feel better. YÕ know those things couldnÕt
get me with you there with me and I was finally able to sleep. I am a bit hung
over, but IÕll mend by tonight. Oh, by the by, Ritch took some bleedin pictures
of us. Told me he was gonna make Christmas cards with them. Think he took me
camera whilst I was sick in here. Told him to think better of it or IÕd cripple
him but good.Ó Paul snickered a little while finishing up what he was telling
George.
George gave a lopsided smile to his friend, one of those smiles
that warmed your heart, and he hoped it did. He thought about Ritch taking the
pictures and knew they wouldnÕt go to far, only between the few of them. He
still felt a bit bad at what he told Paul and then noticed how Paul smiled
weakly back at him. This wasnÕt his Paul, the optimist, the one who always
looked to the sun with dreams, or the rainbow for that pot of gold. He felt
guilty for taking that away from him. He knew he didnÕt mind that Paul slept on
the couch with him. HeÕd have done the same thing if it were his life they were
talking about. He noticed too that Paul seemed to scan the room every so often.
Bloody hell, he thought, now heÕll be looking over his shoulder the next few
days.
ÒPaul? Ò George ventured.
ÒHmmm?Ó PaulÕs attention focused back on George.
Ò YÕ know Ritch aint gonna go showin the pictures around. IÕm sure
that was his way to relieve the tension,Ó George sighed as he thought, Ò You
know I would have slept with you under the same circumstances donÕtcha? IÕm
sorry I even mentioned those bloody shadows, now youÕll be lookin fer them. You
canÕt see them, I canÕt right now and I was so wasted, shite faced I was. Sorry
again mate, but listen where is that McCartney optimism eh? YÕ know how you are
and sometimes we want ta choke ya over it. Oh sorry not a good choice of
words.Ó George floundered as he tried to talk to Paul. He then chuckled at his
inability to speak the way he wanted to. He figured it was everything catching
up with them. He knew he had to pull himself together. He had to make a second
plan as Ravi had said. Again the burden fell on his shoulders, but he had to
hide it. He figured he had spooked Paul enough already. His eyes watched Paul
as he listened.
ÒHaza, I know what yer sayin is true and that yer tryin ta make me
feel better. I justÉ..Ó Paul found himself getting choked up and couldnÕt
finish his thoughts. He shook his head and then looked out the window. Again he
felt his hands shake, blimey, he thought as he held one hand inside the other.
He hoped George hadnÕt seen it.
George felt and overwhelming sadness hit him as he saw Paul
shaking. He didnÕt mention want to mention it and embarrass Paul. He couldnÕt
let this happen, not to John and especially Paul. John had seemed fine to him,
but Paul had lost that spark, the spark that was his inner self.
Ò Listen mate, weÕll go to the studio tonight and work on the
music. That always makes us feel better. No worries, just play. Remember we
will get through this alive. ThatÕs a promise.Ó George stated adamantly. He
wanted Paul to believe him and most of all he wanted to believe it himself. He
hoped this wouldnÕt be the first promise heÕd have to break to his friend.
Paul shook his head to acknowledge George, Ò Right that we will.
Sing our songs until the music dies.Ó Came the morbid words from PaulÕs lips.
His stare was back to the garden again. He wondered when spring would come. If
his father would have the roses blooming nicely this year and if the music
would indeed die.
George strained to see what Paul was looking at. He got up and
walked over, knelt down eye level to Paul and took his hands. Paul wasnÕt a
morbid person and he needed to get the strength back in him, get him to think
optimistically again.
ÒThis will pass, I can assure you that the music will not die, not
now, not like this.Ó George reassured him while gently squeezing his hands.
ÒYa might be right there Georgie, might be. IÕll have to let this
go. I want to see spring and my flowers. Dad loves to do the roses and they
smell so nice. What I really want is to go to liddypool and see them. IÕll call
later to talk to the family. I want to go back Georgie.Ó PaulÕs watery gaze
fell on the younger man in front of him.
:ÓYouÕll go back to the Pool, see your da, Mike, aunties, uncles
and the whole six hundred McCartneyÕs that sit at the pub or JinÕs. DonÕtcha
worry son, youÕll go.Ó George leaned towards his friend and kissed the top of
his head, Ò Now, take a kip and IÕll see you at the studio. No, sulk ons, ya
hear me mate? Just the music and us, ok? And no worries over those shadows,
weÕll make them fail. You hear me Paul?Ó George stood up waiting for a reaction
from Paul.
Paul stood up and pulled George in to him for a hug. They patted
each other on the backs before they separated. Their eyes locked with understanding.
ÒRight IÕll take a kip and meet you at the studio and be all
sunshine and flowers. No worries just us and the music.Ó Paul forced a smile.
ÒGood, I have to see to Pattie. Walk me out?Ó George smiled
Paul wrapped his arm around his friend and smiled back at him.
HeÕd force himself to feel better. He felt such love for his friend. They
walked to GeorgeÕs car. George stopped and looked in the mirror. He tried to
run his fingers through his hair and then stood back up. He gave Paul a hug and
then got into his car.
Paul laughed as he watched his friend try to brush his hair down.
He leaned into the car as George started the engine.
ÒTa mate. I think IÕll take that kip and see you at the studio
later.Ó Paul stood up and hit the car lightly to say good-bye. He watched a
wink from George as he backed out of the drive and Paul walked back to the
house, feeling more positive. A kip was what he needed and for George to be
right.
Pattie looked up at the clock for the hundredth time. She
knew something must have happened last night. She shook as she thought about
it. She held the old book against her and after thinking for hours decided to
take the chance and leave the book in the music room. She knew George would see
it and wonder where it came from. SheÕd have to admit to him what she knew and
had done. She prayed he wouldnÕt be angry with her. It would be hard to tell
him, but she knew at this point that she had too. Lives depended on it so much
and this old book held a lot of the answers he sought A row with her husband
was worth saving three lives.
She slowly walked into the music room. She carefully placed the
old book down on the desk by the phone where he would see it. Pattie stared at
it for a few minutes and then turned to walk out before she lost her nerve.
George walked into the house and called out for Pattie. He saw her
walk to him. He figured sheÕd be mad and yell. He was surprise when all she did
was give him a long hug.
ÒSorry luvÓ George spoke into her hair.
He felt her nod and hold him tighter, Ò I didnÕt mean to worry you
pet. ItÕs quiet all right really.Ó
PattieÕs blue eyes shined up into his dark eyes, ÒI know and itÕs
fine. I just missed you is all and was worried. YouÕre home now and thatÕs
whatÕs important. You look worse for the wear.Ó The smell penetrated her nose
and she looked up again at him with a smile, Ò You
could use a wash up luv. You do have a smell to you.Ó
George nodded, Ò Yeah I do. IÕm going up to do just that. You
going to be here when I come down?Ó
Pattie knew she had to be. She had to make sure he saw the book
and explain to him. She didnÕt relish it, but she couldnÕt run now could she.
Her head nodded yes as he kissed her and traveled up stairs to clean up and
change.