I have considered making a Poison website for about 3 years now, why I haven't until now is beyond me. I suppose it may have something to do with trying to find the right words to say -- to find the perfect way to express my profound gratitude towards this group of wonderfully talented musicians who always seemed to get me through life when nothing else would... or could... but... feel free to come with me on a major flashback to when it all began... I guess the best place to start is at the beginning, and no, not the David Copperfield beginning with, "I am born". But more along the lines of when I first discovered Poison. I was 10 years old, 1986. My father, Grandfather, and great grandfather had all passed away the year prior. Needless to say I was going through a really rough time in my life. I was just beginning fourth grade at a new school, I had no friends, save those at my previous school whom I had left behind. My Mother, whom I love dearly, had moved me so she could be closer to me. She was a teacher and happened to be teaching about 100 yards from the elementary school where she had placed me. That year I met my life long best friend Kelly. She was my new and only friend and every weekend I would go and spend the night at her house, sometimes for the whole weekend. Her father was rather odd, and he would very rarely let her spend the night at my house, so I opted to just stay with her. One weekend while I was spending the night her cousin Amy, who is three years older than both of us, was spending the night. She had brought over this new, fabulous cassette tape and a poster, of guess who? You got it, Poison. Kelly, Amy, Kelly's older sister Kandi, and I basically drooled over that poster the whole night. I was immediately smitten over C.C., Kelly for Rikki, Amy for Bret, and Kandi for Bobby. We were in LOVE, if ten and thirteen year olds can be in love. Whatever it was we were hooked, for good. Well, that's how it began, fairly simple, probably similar to other Poison fans at the time. I had later found out that my brother Andy had bought the Look What The Cat Dragged In several months prior, but I had never seen it until after Kelly and Amy had introduced me to them. Now that I look back on it, and have seen all of the videos. I do remember a couple of times seeing them on MTV, I didn't know who they were at the time, and had no idea what kind of impact this band would have on my life. After that night I was never quite the same, I saved up every penny of my allowance to buy merchandise, buttons, t-shirts, cassette tapes... anything and everything I could get my hands on. Years passed, not too many mind you, we're only up to 1988 right now, I was 12 and more in love with C.C. DeVille than I was two years prior. I was attending summer camp that year, I believe it was the first time, I'm not sure. That was the summer that Open Up And Say... Ahh! was released. I purchased the vinyl album (uncensored)on my birthday, June 17th. But I went off to camp before the video was released on MTV. Sometime during the two weeks I was gone, I had spoken to Kelly and she was watching MTV. Surprisingly the video for Nothin' But A Good Time came on while I was on the phone with her. She let me listen to the beginning and then as the song played, she described to me every little thing that was happening in the video. The rest of my time at camp I was praying to fly by so I could return home and see the video myself. When I finally did see it, that sent me into a deeper obsession with C.C. if I could have gotten any worse already, but amazingly I did. My mother told me that I was obsessed as did my brother, but as a twelve year old, did I listen? Of course not. I still went about collecting everything I could get my hands on, copies of Metal Edge, Blast! magazine, Circus. If it had Poison on it or in it, it was mine. Then that fateful day came, October of 1988. Poison was coming to Chattanooga!!!!!!! I thought I was going to die from excitement. When I found out I begged and pleaded with my mother to let me go, but she said no. In her words, "That band is satanic." Which she knows now is not true. I cried and cried, played "Let Me Go To The Show" over and over and over again, begging and pleading up until the night of the show itself, then it dawned on me that I was not going to get to go. I was devastated and heartbroken. Kelly did get to go and she called me from the arena and put the payphone down to go watch Poison's set. I was able to hear about 20 minutes of their set until someone came by and hung the phone up. That was enough though, perhaps a bit of a tease, but just to hear them, I could close my eyes and imagine being there. Plus just knowing that they were in the same city was enough. The show came and went, Kelly told me every little thing about it when she came home. I milked every minute detail from her. Combining that with what I had heard on the phone, I could picture how wonderful the show was. Whoosh... two more years passed... So here I am, fourteen now, school had just begun and I had the greatest boyfriend in the world, so I thought. His name was Stephen and he was a Senior, I was a Freshman. Flesh & Blood came out that year, 1990. After the Homecoming Game and Dance, Stephen took me to a graveyard and raped me. I was fourteen and had noone to turn to. I was frightened and alone, but somehow that wonderful band was there for me. I remember the two weeks following, I didn't sleep at night, I stayed up all night crying and talking to my Poison posters, telling the guys what had happened, how I felt, every emotion I was feeling I told them, and they listened. Even though they weren't there, they were there. I couldn't even tell Kelly what had happened, I didn't want anyone to know. I would sit up and listen to "Life Goes On" over and over again, that was the song that got me through that, not to mention the silent listening that the band did. There were some nights where I would be clutching a razor blade in my hand, getting ready to apply it to my wrist, and somehow they would intervene with my actions, stopping me from doing something, keeping me going. It was like I had aged into an eighteen year old over night. Everything seemed to begin to affect me right at that moment, my father's, grandfather's and great grandfather's deaths, my rape. It was because of Poison that I still breathed each day, that I still had a reason to live. It took several months but I got over that speed bump, thanks to Poison. Again Poison returned to Chattanooga that year, but the same as two years prior, my mother would not allow me to go. The same thing happened, Kelly went and called me from the arena, I listened to the beginning of their set, about ten minutes worth until someone came by and hung up the phone. Then when she came home I wheedled every ounce of information from her about the show, what the band was wearing, everything. I seem to be going in increments of two here, so I'll stay with it. 1992 -- in March of that year my grandmother died from a heart attack. Noone knew she had passed away for some days after she had. I was the one who answered the phone when the police department called. There was not much of anything I could say when they told me so I simply handed the phone to my brother, ran into my bedroom, locked my door, put on a Poison tape and cried. The next few days after that are fuzzy. I don't remember much of anything, but I do remember once again the band was there for me in my time of need. Their songs, their lyrics, their interviews, they consoled me. One of my best friends Adam committed suicide, for one reason or another, I'll never know. I was the last person he had tried to call, but I wasn't home from school yet and didn't get the message from the answering machine until about four hours after he had called -- and shot himself. By May I was in the worst state of depression that I had my mother frightened to death. She doesn't know but Poison is one of the few things that kept me from attempting suicide. It was Something To Believe In that kept me from doing it. When I would hear that song I would remember about Kimo, and what kind of pain Bret had gone through after his death, I couldn't bear to do that to my family and my friends. My mother, for my own benefit, placed me in a adolescent mental hospital. I was there for three months, placed on anti-depressants and there I learned to face my problems, my emotions, and my fears. I was allowed photographs in there, so I brought along my trusty photo of my C.C. DeVille poster collection. C.C. was the one I spoke to while in there, and just like always he listened, quietly and attentively to every problem I had and was feeling. I did have to go three months without hearing any of their songs. Talk about withdrawl! That came and went, just like every other thing in my life... Sometime after I got out of Greenleaf (the hospital) I learned that Poison had split. There had been rumors flying for some time before it actually happened, but when it did I was devasted. My hopes of ever getting to see them the original band live were dashed. I swore I would never listen to them again... of course I lied, I was entirely too addicted to stop for any reason. Native Tongue came out, I wasn't too into it because it didn't have C.C. in it. I was going through a really bad drug phase, perhaps to help with dealing with all of my problems and emotions, marijuana, crank, acid, alcohol, pills. Almost anything I could get my hands on I would take. As a getaway from everyday life and the complications and problems that go with it. Then I learned that C.C. was dealing with some sort of addiction problem and that was what stemmed the break up. I was shocked into reality of exactly what I was doing to myself, and perhaps even my family. It was C.C. getting help and getting clean that prompted me to do the same. His strength helped my strength. I kept up with him as much as I could during the break up. Reading tidbits here and there in music magizines. Anything I read just gave me hope, it let me know that he was alright, that he was still alive. Everytime the guitarist left I would pray that C.C. would come back. I met a new best friend, Eric, he and I dated for a while and now (right now) he is my complete and utter best friend, listens to every old story I have to tell about Poison. Kelly and I drifted apart over the years, she's still one of my closest friends. She's married now and has a baby boy who is utterly beautiful. But we just don't seem to have the time for one another as we once did, plus the distance between us doesn't help. We do see each other when we can. Well, we are almost up to the present. Thank goodness huh? Sometime in the middle of all of the above, I went through two failed marriages, both because of verbal abuse and cheating on my ex-husband's part. Another abusive relationship that I ended up injured in, from a five inch by four inch silver belt buckle to my right hip. An apartment fire in which I lost every single article of Poison that I had collected over the years. And all those times Poison's music helped me cope with whatever I was going through at that time. They were there for me when noone else was or could be. They were the light that shone through and lit up my life, their words, their wisdoms, the faintest grin in a picture. That was all it took to make a rainy day sunny. Last year, 1999, Poison reunited, to my utter happiness, and toured again. They came to Nashville and I went. I had waited for thirteen years to see them, to see those men who had helped me through the darkest times in my life. When the lights went down and that voice announced them, I leapt from my chair and sang and danced through their whole set. Crying during some songs, laughing during others. It was the most immaculate time I had ever dreamed of having, and would not trade that moment for all the money in the world. I saw them again in Nashville this year, 2000, and had just as good a time as last year. C.C., Bobby, Bret, Rikki, (not neccessarily in order of thanks) I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart, with every ounce of gratitude I have in my body. Thank you ALL of those times for giving me something to believe in. You truly have no idea how much you have changed this Poison fan's life.