i find the epitome of disgust.

i find myself dressing up to change my face.

i find myself hating people for being ignorant.

is that so wrong?

is it so wrong to hate something?

do i even need to be justified?

i find myself cutting pretty pictures in my skin.

just to see if it will scar.

i find myself smearing blood on paper

just to see what it'll look like.

i find myself coloring my hair until

it all falls out.

i find myself looking in the mirror saying

'give me something beautiful, give me something free'

and all the rest,

because i am alone and i look for some answer

in the dissipating music of today.

i look for some safety in myself

which i cannot even find

because do i even know myself?

do i even trust myself?

do i ever hate myself?

i must make it change.