Slash fic: A loving committed relationship between two people who just happen to be men.

Title: The Stars, The Sand, The Wind

Author: Debi C

Feedback: dcole6@satx.rr.com

Author Website: None for the adult stuff yet, working on one, just Alpha Gate and Area 52 so far

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Jack/Daniel

Category: Slash, angst, and still some comfort of hurt.

Date: 01/07/2003

Status: Finished

Series: The Vision Series (oops, I did it again!)

Season/Spoilers: Sequel to Clear Vision by the same author, based mainly on scenes from The Light.

Archive: Alpha Gate. Area 52. Anyone else please ask.

Synopsis: During the events of The Light, Jack and Daniel see the truth.

Notes: Alphad by Darth Devra, Unbetad, and somebody said the magic word. SEQUEL!

Warnings: Language. and it's slash, silly.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/ Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I do not own the characters and indeed am only playing with them for a little while. Jack and Daniel belong with each other, just ask them. I am not making any money from this and I'm still paying for everything I own so there's very little point in suing me. No copyright infringement whatsoever is intended. The story is for entertainment purposes only. At least I hope it's entertaining. The original characters, situations and story are mine. Please check with me first if you want to archive or link to this story.

The Stars, The Sand, The Wind. Debi C

"None of it means anything." It all seems so pointless anymore. Why was I on that planet studying that unimportant, meaningless palace with its useless, worthless inscriptions? What good does it do? What purpose does it serve? It wasn't like I enjoyed my work anymore...the reason for my work was gone, buried and dead, both literally and figuratively. Sha'uri, under the sands of Abydos and Jack, in love with Sam.

My career was in tatters. My work itself was unimportant anyway. God knows I couldn't publish anything. All the wonderful, fantastic things I had learned were classified Top Secret. And the only people who knew about it were the SGC, the NID, the JCS, Senator Kinsey and the President. A phrase one of foster fathers used to use fit the situation well, casting pearls before swine.

"I try. It just all goes away."

So, it seemed so right, so easy, to just let me go away too. I'd be one less person for Jack to worry about, one less casualty for Hammond to count and who would care anyway?

*******

When I found him on that balcony, hanging on to the brass banister by his fingertips, he was looking down at the street below. And he said, "None of it means anything. I try. It just all goes away." I didn't get it. I didn't understand.

Oh, I understood the feelings. Me, the guy, who used to play with a 9 millimeter pistol, holding on to it like it held the answers to my problems. I got that part. I just didn't get the source of the problem. I didn't get that "I" was the problem. I thought the problem was Sha'uri, no make that Ammunet. Or maybe the problem was Sara Gardner, or Shyla or Nick Ballard or, hell, anybody else but me. I was his friend...wasn't I?

Some friend. A someone who didn't understand, someone who saw but didn't comprehend what the hell was happening to us. To him, to me. Our friendship was true. It had always been. Ever since Abydos. Ever since I left him behind to what I thought was a storybook fairytale ending to a romantic adventure story. The hero came along, solved the puzzle, opened the door, saved the sidekick (and his team), saved the world, killed the bad guy, won the princess and lived happily ever after. That is until the sidekick came back and a new bad guy kidnapped the princess and off they go on a new adventure. Only this one didn't end happily ever after. In this one the princess died, and the hero had to stay and look for her bastard kid, who...well, never mind, it's way too complicated. And it doesn't even matter, cause my hero is hanging off the fucking balcony of his apartment eight stories up and now the sidekick has to figure it out...and pretty damned quick too.

"We'll get it back."

"You don't even know what I'm talking about."

Got me there, spacemonkey. But I'd better find out pretty damn quick or I'm gonna lose the most important person in my life...right now.

"No, I don't." (But Daniel, God please...let me get to you before I'm too late.)

Then he turns to me... "Jack?"

Yes, oh yes. "I've gotcha, buddy. I've gotcha."

But I didn't have you, not really. You passed out in my car on the way to the SGC. I hit the entrance carrying you, hollering my fool head off for Fraiser, for Warner, for anybody, to help you...to fix you...to save you. But the only thing that can save you is that fucking planet...the same planet that killed SG-5 and that had us all addicted to it. So, again, I carry you, your almost dead body...through the `gate. I'm so scared...I can't even think straight. When I put you down, I sit there like an idiot...can't even do CPR...but you come back, to life, to us, to me. Thank God, Jesus and all the heavenly hosts.

But, I'm in command. My training kicks in and I gotta get going. You're alive, but...where are the others? Lorne tells me...they're with that damned light. I gotta go; it's my job.

*******

I wake up on the planet. The only one here is Lorne and he's staring at me as if I was a ghost. I feel like one. I should be one...or at least whatever you become when you're dead. But, no. I can hear Jack yelling. He's yelling at Sam and Teal'c somewhere for something. He makes my head hurt.

There they are. Jack's pissed. Sam's confused. Teal'c is...Teal'c. "Daniel Jackson," He says like he's surprised to see me here. I am too, surprised to be here, that is.

Jack rants on. He had to bring me back...we're addicted to something...find it Major, fix it, staying here is not acceptable. You shouldn't yell at Sam, Jack. You love her. You said so. You told Anise and Janet and Teal'c heard you. Teal'c said so, and he wouldn't lie to me. But you yell at Sam and then, you come and sit next to me. And you look at me. I can feel it. But you don't touch me. I can feel that too.

Then you're gone. Back to the light. I talk to Hammond, and he sends supplies for us. It's been a while so I go looking for you. And it's got you too now. The light...the beautiful, deadly, addictive light has got you too. What do you see in its depths? What will it show you? Will it show you my truth, my folly, my impossible dreams. Or will it hurt you too? Will it show you your failures, your lies, your unmet needs? Will it drive you into her arms at last, steal you from me forever? It won't matter. As long as you're alive, it doesn't matter and you are stronger than I am. You will survive, and so must I apparently.

*******

Okay, O'Neill. You're in Command here, start acting like it, so let's go by the book. Lessee, uh, Perimeter check. We're here for a while, let's do a security assessment. Daniel says nobody comes here. Lorne says he's never seen anyone else but procedure says `do a threat assessment and secure your perimeter'. So, I take my team, well, the so-called healthy ones. We do a walk around, find bodies...probably Lorne's parents...and Carter and I fight. Just as well it was Carter, Teal'c woulda kicked my ass about now, except he's not affected thanks to good ole Junior. We go back, Danny's puttering around, translating. That's always a good sign, except he's not quite back to normal. There's something still bothering him. I can tell that it is, just not what it is. Humm, have to talk later.

*******

Later on that evening, when we'd all rejoined in the `pleasure palace by the sea' as Jack had euphemistically called our little vacation resort. Sam was taking first guard mount and Lorne had gone off to his bed. Teal'c had left to do a one on one sit-rep to the General since he wasn't addicted to the light. This left Jack and I alone...together.

I see him approaching me. I'm still not one hundred percent. My head isn't exactly hurting, but it's kinda fuzzy and unclear. I'm not sure I'm ready to talk, but from his expression, he is.

He sits down next to me on my cot and lays a hand on my shoulder. It feels good, warm and comforting. I'm such an idiot. "Daniel, we need to talk."

I shake my head, not saying anything.

"Come on, throw me a bone here. Danny, what's goin' on with you?" The mix of Chicagoism and Irish lilt is almost my undoing. It's so representative of the man, half hard-ass, half romantic. I bury my face in my hands. "Daniel?" I can't escape him.

I reply in my best calm Daniel imitation. "Yes, Jack?"

"Daniel, please, talk to me."

"What do you want to talk about, Jack?"

He takes a deep breath, "Why were you on the balcony, Daniel?" I finally have to look up at him.

*******

He finally looks up at me...and I see it. Those eyes can do a lot, mean a lot and have seen a lot but lying is not one of their talents...at least not to me. I've seen that look before, on one other person. On Sarah.

It hits me like a ton of bricks. All of it, the fighting, the misunderstandings, the mixed messages, the running, the hiding, the lying. Now, I know. It's as plain as the nose on my face. All that love in those eyes...is for me. It's so strong, so real, I can't stand to see it, I can't believe it, I can't begin to hope I'm right so I break it off. I drop my eyes. It's the wrong thing to do.

I can feel his dismay, his disappointment, and his hurt. But can he feel my amazement, my shock, my hope? Evidently not, because...now he's talking.

"Jack, I think I need a transfer. Maybe another team would be better. I would be more useful on a..."

"No." I reply. "No, I...can't..."

"But Jack, I'm not..."

"Yes, you are, Daniel. You're very important." He looks at me. I look back at him. "You're so damned important...to everything." Way to go Jack-jerk. That made sense, not.

"To every thing? What, Jack? What things?" He almost, but not quite, raises his voice.

Do it stupid...do it now or...shit, just do it! I turn to face him, putting my hands on him, on his arms to hold him. "To me, Daniel. You're very important to me." That at least shuts him up for a minute. "I need you, Danny."

He looks at me as if stunned. Surely, he knows, well not all of it maybe, but the needing part, the friend part. He's got to know that. Doesn't he?

*******

He needs me? Why? What for? "What for, Jack? Of what use am I to you?" I shake my head negatively. "I'm just the civilian, remember? I don't play by your rules."

Jack looks at me in surprise. "Daniel, I don't want you to. You're my conscience, my better smarter, gentler part. I thought you got that."

"No, I don't get it, not anymore." I finally let go...he wants to talk, well, he's going to listen too. "I see you changing, I see you going after things." I think it is a surprise to him. "I see us falling away from each other, I see us losing our way, and Jack...I'm already lost. I don't know why I keep going through the Stargate. It doesn't mean anything anymore."

*******

He doesn't know it though, I can see it. He really doesn't get it. Well, Jacko, it's time. He may laugh, spit in your face or slug you, but he'll know it. At least we'll have that, if nothing else. He's looked away...and I catch him by the jaw and turn him back to me. "Daniel, I love you." There, I've said it. Whoops, not a great reception going on here. He's looking at me, looking at me as if I had two heads.

"What?"

"I love you."

Then he starts to laugh. I look at him in amazement. I had expected some reaction, but laughter? Uh, oh...he's not laughing right, it's changed, and it's almost hysterical. He's still laughing, but his eyes are wild and he's not stopping. Daniel is beginning to scare me. I take hold of him again, tighter this time and I pull him into my arms. He's trying to fight me, but he doesn't seem to have much strength back yet. I hold him, rubbing his back like I used to do to Charlie. Finally, he stops that awful laughing and just lays against my chest, panting a little like it hurts.

Then he looks up at me with those eyes, and I just fall into them. The next thing I know, I'm kissing him, no, devouring him is more the word. Everything I've ever wanted is right here right now and it's Daniel. I'm half expecting him to fight me, but...he's not. At first he just kinda takes it, like he can't believe it's happening. But now, now he's giving as good as he's getting. He presses against me, opening to my tongue, to my caresses, to my love. our teeth clash, and I back off but he won't have it. He's coming after me, his hands are everywhere and oh, my God. Is this it? Is this the problem? This...this is SO NOT a problem! This is the answer to every daydream, wet dream and wish upon a star I've had in the past three years.

*******

Jack said he loved me. Yeah, sure. Like a son, like a friend, like a pet maybe. I start to lose it right about then, the words are right but it's all wrong. The whole tragic story is playing out before me and I just can't take it any more. I start to laugh. Oh, not at Jack. He means every word of it. But at me, here I go again, the linguist who can't say what he means, a Greek tragedy waiting to unfold.

But then, he pulls me into his arms, he strokes my back and I don't understand. I stop laughing, and try my damndest not to cry. I won't cry. I've wasted too many tears already. Finally, I look up at him, and he kisses me, on the mouth, a real kiss. I'm stunned, shocked, flabbergasted, unhinged, floored but I'll be damned to perdition if I let it go like this. This is what I need. This is the answer I wanted. I don't know why or how but by God, if it ends here, he WILL know. He tries to draw back away from me, but I'm on the hunt. My dreams have come true and the midnight bell will not send him into the night without me even if I do turn into a pumpkin. I follow him onto the floor, my mouth and hands insistent. I want, I need, I have. Finally, I have! You cannot get away. You cannot leave. You cannot change your mind. Not now, not after this.

*******

During my patrol near the campsite, I hear a noise coming from the room that is the sleeping quarters. I knew the men were going to be talking. The Colonel had asked me to pull first watch so he could be alone with Daniel. I had agreed. Thank goodness. It was about time they got a clue.

I'd had some time to think about what I had seen in Daniel's eyes earlier that day and the Colonel's too for that matter. Did it bother me? What? That he didn't love me? Nope. Too messy. We'd have killed each other in six months. That Daniel loved him? Why? I knew he was bi. He'd told me years ago one night when we`d gotten shitfaced together. I had told him to be careful around the GIs. Nope, he said, he was loyal to Sha'uri. He loved her, he was gonna find her. But, Sha'uri was dead now. That the Colonel loved Daniel? Don't think so, maybe a little jealous, but as I said it wasn't like I wanted him.

But when I opened the door to be sure everything was okay with them, Holy Hannah! Jacob Carter's little girl got an eyeful. They were wrestling all right, but holds like that weren't legal in any league I was familiar with. And it looked like they were both winning.

So, I closed the door softly behind me and went in search of other things that weren't bumping in the night.

*******

They lay together in the night, enfolded in each others arms, secure in the knowledge that tonight at least, they belong to each other. When it began was drawn upon the stars, written in the sands and sung in the voice of the wind. Where it will end is anyone's guess for such knowledge is forbidden to men. How is already fated. It will end with their deaths and not before. As my love for him ended with my death. Hold him firmly, O'Neill. Grasp him lovingly my Danyel. And remember...love is like the stars, the sands and the wind. It lives on long after men's lives are spent.

fin