1. Not only does shortening make a lousy floor wax, but it isn't a very good hair tonic either.

2. It isn't a good idea to ask your plump Grandma if there is a baby in her tummy.

3. If you wreck on your tricycle and get a bruise on part of you that is normally covered by your underpants, it is VERY foolish to show your injury to your 16 year old sister's boyfriend.

4. It also isn't a good idea to ask this same boy if he has false teeth.

5. Firemen are very unpredictable. They might laugh if you poke a puppy between the house and the shed and it gets wedged there, kind of dangling a couple of feet off the ground, but they are not very nice when you set the vacant lot across the street on fire.

6. Purple Bubble Yum makes a bigger mess in your armpit than Bazooka.

7. Sticking a medicine bottle in the mailbox doesn't work. The mailman just gives it back to your mom instead of taking it to someone else's house.

8. A pet hamster can chew a new pair of pajamas into little tiny pieces in about 8 minutes, so don't throw your pj's too close to the cage.

9. Goldfish don't like dishwater.

10. Even if your dad swears it's true, Christmas has not been canceled. Santa Claus is NOT in jail for killing the Easter Bunny.

11. Your Mom's box under the bathroom sink has white tubes in it. They make good musical instruments when you take the cotton ball out of them.

12. The same box has a piece of paper in it showing pictures of a lady doing some very strange looking exercises. DO NOT do these exercises in front of your sister's boyfriend. (Big sisters really get upset over some stupid stuff.)

I hope these observations will save a little time for some child who is too busy cutting their own hair to try all of the other fun things there are in life.