Transcribed by *Pixie*

* Jon Stewart: Tonight's guest is a very busy man. He appears on "Buffy..." he'll also be in this summer's "Austin Powers" sequel, and is in the new horror film "Idle Hands" which opens this Friday.

[Show Clip from IH]

< Pnub and Mick walk into Halloween Dance. Annoyingly bouncy blonde girl dressed as a devil bounces up to them. >

Girl: WOW!!! You guys look GREAT! Wow, who did your make-up? (tries to touch the bottle jutting out of Mick's forehead. He pushes her away.)
Mick: I... I guess Anton did.
Pnub: Based on my design, though.
Girl: (to Pnub) You wanna dance?
Pnub: Hell yeah!! Girl: (bounces over to Pnub and begins to lead him away.)
Mick: (Pulls Pnub away) Uh... no! (to Pnub) We're supposed to find Molly!
Pnub: Quit being such a skirt, we'll look for her while we dance, C'mon there's plenty of chick's here. (allows himself to be pulled away by annoying bouncy girl, who touches the duck tape on his neck) Careful, it's on kinda loose.
Mick: (watches, distressed, while they go)
[ End Idle Hands clip ]

Jon Stewart: Please welcome Seth Green! (and the crowd goes wild as Seth < with punkish red/black hair >, enters. They shake hands and sit down)
Seth: Alright... what did you feed them sugar before the show?
Jon: What! They love their Seth Green! I'm uh, very pleased to meet you we almost got a chance to meet awhile back.
Seth: I know, I know, you've been keeping me hanging. (explains to audience) Okay, it's a little known story--
Jon: Very little.
Seth: Jon had a great show on MTV and I loved that show and I was doing a show in Hawaii and they'd booked me on Jon's show and I was like, "Yeah Jon Stewart Woohoo!" and then the show got cancelled and I got screwed.
Jon: Yeah. It didn't get cancelled what happened was they found out I'd booked a young actor that I really liked called Seth Green.
Seth: Right, right, yeah, I heard about that, yeah.
Jon: And they said uh... "if you put Seth Green on the show...
Seth: *laughs*
Jon: That's it!" and I said, uh, "No. I'm putting him on." and that was the battle, that's what it was. It was all honestly, I wasn't cancelled it was me standing up for a young man that I thought had some talent.
Seth: Thank you, Jon.
Jon: Seth Green.
Seth: I knew, I knew, somewhere deep in my heart I knew it was something like that.
Jon: It was unfortunately... not, I came in one day and the doors were locked. That's what happened, it was the saddest thing in the world.
Seth: Aww, it was such a cool show, though. You guys had so much fun.
Jon: We got to meet Tony, Tony Tony. It doesn't get any better than that.
Seth: *Laughs*
Jon: Huh? 8 dudes with trombones what's better than that?
Seth: Well, uh... 10 trombones
Jon: You're doing great! You're the busiest man in showbusiness. First of all can I tell you this?
Seth: Yeah.
Jon: Austin Powers is such a great movie. Seth: Oh cool. Right on. (crowd goes wild again)
Jon: and I'm excited about the sequel. We have a world premiere clip of it that I thought you might like to— Seth: Alright, let's whip it out.
Jon: Alright, let's whip it out. It's a world premiere clip of, uh, Seth Green in Austin Powers 2.

[ Begin AP2 clip ] Scott: (to Dr. Evil) Great plan, Einstein.
Dr. E: Alright, zip it.
Scott: You know, you can't--
Dr. E: Ziiiip...
Scott: It's simple--
Dr. E: *speaks what can be assumed to be fake Japanese* Subtitled: Zip it.
Scott: Fine, I'll-
Dr. E: Zipit. Zipitzipitzip--
Scott: You always!!--
Dr. E: zipitzipitzipitzipit!
Scott: *roles his eyes*
[End AP2 clip]

Jon: Zip it! (crowd is wild once more)
Jon: Very nice. I don't know if you can get anymore popular with the young people. That's what I'm saying, this may--
Seth: *looks amused*
Jon: It may put you over the top into unbelievable--
Seth: Well maybe if I got, like, 5 other guys and we had a harmonizing R&B band. (crowd laughs) Just a thought.
Jon: Seth Green in N'Sync is what you're telling me.
Seth: That's what I'm getting at.
Jon: I think I like it very much.
Seth: I see it.
Jon: What happens when the young girls get a look at Seth Green in person. Do they get a little crazy?
Seth: Oh man. Yeah, I get all the marriage proposals from the 12-15 year olds.
Jon: Yeah.
Seth: Yeah, they just don't even do the math. They're like, "How old are you?" "I'm 25." "In ten years... that could be when... 'cause when I'm 60 you could be... I could take care of you. (crowd laughs)
Jon: Right right right.
Seth: And *you* could do all my homework!" So. It's a good trade I guess.
Jon: And the other fans just probably want you to --
Seth: Oh yeah, oh my God. Some people *love* the show and they get really, uh nutty with it, and somebody told me that they wrote ... erotica on the internet, based on the Buffy characters, and I'm just afraid to look! I mean, you don't wanna read about yourself in a Penthouse letter.
Jon: Seth, I've uh... I've looked and it's nice! Very, it's tastefully done--
Seth: Tastefully.
Jon: Not the kind of bad stuff you see otherwise. You're portrayed very well.
Seth: Sweet, sweet. They said I was a.. a large man. (crowd laughs)
Jon: *Looks incredibly baffled*
Seth: ... Four years for this?
Jon: (laughing) That was what we call cyber innuendo from Seth Green.
Seth: (laughs)
Jon: I think it was probably I was just so shocked to see you after four years.
Seth: Yeah.
Jon: That it probably put me back but can you stay for the rest of the show?
Seth: Sure, man, I'll hang out.
Jon: Or the rest of the week?
Seth: A couple of weeks? *touches Jon's leg*
Jon: What if we did Seth ... (registers that Seth has his hand on his thigh) That's my leg.
Seth: (laughs) That's my leg.