I woke up with a bad headache, and felt horrible. I opened my eyes and saw Nick lying next to me, still asleep. I looked over at the clock. It said 7 o’clock. I should wake Nick up, so I could go home and get dressed and ready for the funeral. I really didn’t want to go, I knew how horrible it would be. I decided that I wasn’t going to stay home after the funeral, I would just go back with the guys. If I stayed here I would never get over Nicole’s death, and I really needed to get over it. Larissa couldn’t come with us because of her job and college, so it didn’t matter when I left. I decided I should wake Nick up.
“Nick, it’s seven o’clock. We’ve got to go to the funeral.”, I said as Nick opened his eyes and smiled.
“Okay, want me to drive you home? I’ll just grab the stuff I need and change at your house.”, Nick said as he pulled on clean clothes.
“Alright”, I said as I took one of Nick’s hats and put it on my head. I was too tired to do anything.
“Tired?”, Nick asked as we walked out to his car.
“Yeah, and I have a major headache.”, I said as we got into the car.
“You’re probably just nervous and upset. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay with you?”
“I’m not staying down here, I can’t. If I stay, I’ll never get over it, and the best thing is to get over it.”
“Are you sure?”, Nick asked while looking over at me.
“I’m sure.”, I said as we pulled up in the driveway.
We got out of the car and went inside. Everyone was awake and showered already. I went into my room and looked at a picture of me, Larissa, and Nicole. I took it off my dresser and stuck in my bag. I looked around in my closet for something to wear. I decided on a knee-length gray skirt, and a black tank top. I took my clothes in the bathroom and took a shower. I made the water as hot as possible hoping it would get rid of my aches and pains. After I finished, I quickly got dressed and dried my hair. I walked downstairs, and everyone looked at me.
“Hey.”, I said with a monotone voice as I sat down at the kitchen and made myself a bagel, “I’m not staying down here, I’m going back on tour. I think if I stay down here I won’t get over the death, and I need to get over it.”
“Whatever you think is best.”, my mom said as she and my dad left to go to the funeral.
They seemed upset, but they would never say anything. I think they were looking forward to me being around for a while. But I don’t think I would last.
“Well, we better get going.”, Brian said as he looked down at his watch and everyone headed to the car.
The ride was long and boring. Leighanne, Kat, and AJ were arguing over who was better, Britney Spears, Mandy Moore, or Christina Aguilera. Brian just drove, Howie and Kevin were talking about the guys next video, and me and Nick just kept quiet. When we got there a lot of cars were already there. We parked and got out.
As I walked into the funeral home I heard people sobbing, I walked into the room, but quickly walked out.
“Nick...I can’t do this...”, I said as I bumped into Nick.
“You don’t have to go...”, he said as he took my hand and sat me down away from the room, “You don’t have to go to the funeral if you don’t want to. I didn’t go to Ben’s funeral, I just couldn’t.”
“But...I’m gonna feel guilty.”, I said feeling guilt inside of me already.
“There’s nothing to be guilty about. Going to Nicole’s funeral doesn’t show how much you love her, and how much you care about her. Nicole knows that you love her and care about her.”, Nick said while he held me.
“But won’t people be mad at me?”, I sobbed while looking up at him.
“Leave them notes, that’s what I did.”
“Can we get an earlier flight back then?”, I said, “I can’t stay here anymore.”
“Alright, I’ll drop you off at your house, and you can do your thing, and I’ll go to my house and change the flight.”, Nick said as we stood up and left.
I let out a sigh of relief as we got to my house. I knew I wouldn’t have to go through going to the funeral. I didn’t think I could handle it.
“I’ll pick you up in half an hour, okay?”, Nick said as he kissed me.
“Yup, see you then!”, I said as he pulled out.
I walked inside, changed and packed whatever stuff I wanted. Then I got out a pen and paper. First I wrote to Larissa:
Dear Larissa,
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t make it to the funeral. Nicole knows how much I love her and care about her, and going to the funeral wouldn’t prove that anymore. I’m sorry I couldn’t say good-bye to you, but I have to get out of her. I just can’t handle this anymore. I’ll call you when I get there.
Love, Mandy
I folded it up, and started my next one to Nicole’s Parents.
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Thomas,
I’m so sorry that I couldn’t make it to Nicole’s funeral. I just don’t think I would have made it. I’m so sorry for everything. I know it must be hard to have lost her. I wish you the best.
Love, Mandy
The next one was to my parents.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I’m so sorry that I had to leave and couldn’t go the funeral. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and I know lately I haven’t been the best daughter, I didn’t even call you guys. I’m tyring to change, but I want you to know how much I love you. I’ll call you when we get there.
Love, Mandy
I wrote “Mom and Dad”, on it and put it on the kitchen table where they were sure to notice it. I got my bag, and waited downstairs for Nick with my other letters. I figured he would drive me to their houses so I could leave them the notes. I should have probably written one for Brian, but I would talk to him later. Just as I was heading outside to wait for Nick, he drove up. I opened the door and told him that I was just going next door to drop off my letter for Nicole’s parents. I slid it under the door.
“Can you drive me to Larissa’s quickly?”, I asked as I threw my bag in the back, and climbed in the car.
“Sure, it’s on the way anyway. And I got us a private plane.”, Nick said as we pulled out of the driveway, “So when are we gonna finish up what we started a couple of days ago?”, Nick said with a grin while turning and looking at me.
“You’ll just have to wait...”, I said with a laugh.
I felt so calm again, it was like being with Nick got rid of all my problems.
“You’re such a tease!”, Nick said as he stopped in front of Larissa’s house.
I quickly ran out and slipped the note under the door.
“I just want you to be begging for it when it happens.”, I said with a sly grin in response to what he said previously.
“Meanie!”, Nick said with a pout while turning on the radio.
“Ew! What is this crap?”, I said as heavy metal filled the car, “I’m changing it!”, I said as I turned on a pop station.
“Ew! What is this crap?”, Nick said mimicking me as we got to the airport.
“Yeah, well you can’t hate it that much!”, I said as BSB came on.
We quickly boarded the plane and as usual, I quickly fell asleep.
Mandy was right, not going to the funeral would be the best thing for her. She seemed so calm and happy now, she was back to her old self. I was glad, I wanted the old Mandy back. As Mandy was sleeping, I took out my notebook and started another song. I decided that next week when it was her birthday I would take her out to dinner, give her the song, and rent a suite in the hotel, and see what happened with that. I knew that I was ready, and Mandy was defenitely the person for me.
“Hey Nicky!”, Mandy said as she woke up.
“Hey babe!”, I said as I quickly put my notebook back in my bag.
“How much longer?”, Mandy asked while the captain came on the loudspeaker.
“Please prepare for landing.”, the voice said.
“Does that answer your question?”, I said as we got ready to land.
“Smart ass!”, Mandy said while playfully smacking me.
We got off the plane and the tour bus was waiting for us. The driver brought us to the hotel and Mandy and I got a room, and rooms for everyone else. Then we went up to our room.
“I’m gonna call my parents.”, Mandy said as she laid down her bag and dialed the numbers.
I put down my bags and hooked up my nintendo, while I was playing I also listened to their conversation.
“Hey mom!....Yeah, I’m fine...I just had to get out of there, I’m sorry....Yes I have been. You know I have but you won’t admit it....I love you too....Sure, lemme talk to him...Hey Brian!....Okay...We already got rooms, so just come up to room 223, and get the keys...Okay, see you then...bye!”, Mandy hung up the phone and then sat next to me, “They’re leaving for the airport now, so they’ll be here in a while.”
“Okay! Ya wanna play?”, I asked.
“Sure!”, she said grabbing a controller.
We played for a while and all of a sudden we heard someone knock at the door. I got up and answered it.
“Hey Frack!”, Brian said while he walked in followed by everyone else.
“Wow! We were playing for like 4 hours!”, I said to Mandy as everyone sat down where ever they could.
“The service...”, Leighanne started, put I shaked my head so she wouldn’t finish what she was gonna say about the funeral, “on the plane was great!”
“Yeah, it was really quick!”, Kat said helping me out.
“Well, can I have the key to my room? I am whipped out, I’m going to sleep.”, Kevin said.
“Sure, we’ve got 5 other rooms, so everyone take a key.”, I said as everyone grabbed a key and left, “Rough day, huh?”
“Yeah, you could say that!”, Mandy said as she changed, “I’m gonna call Larissa, okay?”
“Sure, do you mind if I go to sleep though, I am so tired.”, I said as I plopped down on the bed.
“Sure, good-night, I love you!”, she said as she gave me a kiss.
“I love you too!”, I said as I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up a little later, maybe two hours and I heard Mandy talking. I guess she was still on the phone with Larissa. I heard a little bit of their conversation.
“I’m just trying to get on with my life....of course I miss her....Larissa you know that’s not true....fine, bye”, Mandy said as she hung up the phone, I turned to face her.
“What was that about?”, I asked as she got into the bed.
“She’s pissed off at me. She thinks I don’t care about her or Nicole.”, Mandy said, she sounded pissed not upset.
“Just talk to her about it tomorrow, when everyone has a clear mind.”, I said putting my arms around her waist and pulling her into me.
“Yeah, I’m gonna go to sleep, I love you.”, she said as she closed her eyes and rested her head on my chest.