Ever since we got to the wake I had been really depressed. Leighanne and Kat stayed with me the whole time. We had gotten there early, like an hour early. Nick came over once, but Leighanne and Kat shooed him away. I felt bad, but I didn’t really feel like talking to him about it right now. Then all of a sudden I heard someone walk in. I looked up and saw Larissa walk in with her parents.

“Larissa!”, I said as I ran to her, my tears were already falling.

“Mandy!”, she said as we hugged and cried.

“I still can’t believe that it’s true!”, I said between my sobs.

“I know. Neither can I!”, she said as we pulled away.

“Lemme introduce you to Kat, she’s one of the opening acts on the tour bus. We became really quick friends.”, I said as I calmed down, I saw Nick give me a sorrowful glance, “And this is Nick, but instead of being my best friend, he’s my boyfriend.”, I said as I kissed him.

“I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! Didn’t I know it Brian?”, Larissa said while looking over to Brian, “Me, Brian, and Nicole, we all knew it. Nicole would be so happy!”, Larissa finished as she hugged Nick and me, “Mom and Dad, this is all of the boys-Brian and Nick of course, Brian’s girlfriend Leighanne, Kevin, Howie, and AJ. And that’s Kat!”

“Hi! It’s nice to meet you all finally, except Brian and Nick of course!”, Larissa’s mom had never met the rest of the Backstreet Boys before, or Leighanne and obviously Kat.

“Same here, I’m sorry that we’re finally meeting at such a sad time!”, her dad said.

Then me and Larissa sat down together, by ourselves. Kat and Leighanne sat with AJ, Howie, and Kevin, while Nick and Brian talked to Larissa’s parents.

“What happened?”, I asked, wondering whose party it had been, had her boyfriend been drinking, what type of party, who hit her, etc. The things no one else really knew.

“Well, it was Nicole and Mike (Author’s Note: Mike was Nicole’s boyfriend), and they were going to Kathy’s party. I went with them there, but I was staying later and helping Kathy clean up afterwards. I don’t think Mike had been drinking because there was very little alchol and Nicole had been watching him carefully. They left at around midnight and were going to Nicole’s house to just hang out and stuff. They pulled out of the driveway, and they were turning down Nicole’s street and all of a sudden a car going in the opposite direction was in the wrong lane, and it was all over.”, Larissa said as we started to cry.

“Who was it?”, was all I could choke out.

“Jake.”, Larissa said as her tears grew louder.

All of a sudden I felt faint. This was my fault, if I had gone to the police about Jake then this wouldn’t have happened. He would have been doing community service or something, not drinking. I stood up to get some water, but my knees gave out, and I fell.

“No...it’s all my fault!”, I screamed, no one knew what I was talking about, even Larissa, I had never told her and Nicole about what happened with Jake.

“No, it’s not Mandy, you were on the other side of the country, what could you have done?”, Larissa said as she sat down next to me and everyone rushed over.

“It was Jake.”, was all I could choke out to Nick and Brian as I ran to the bathroom, I hoped they would explain.

I got into the bathroom and locked myself in the stall. Why didn’t I do something about Jake? If I had I wouldn’t be here now, why am I so stupid? Just then someone walked through the door.

“Mandy, come out here, it wasn’t your fault sweetie!”, I heard Nick say.

“Yes it was. Jake killed her, if I had done something about what he did to me, Nicole wouldn’t be....”, I couldn’t finish as I came out of the stall.

“Mandy, you know that’s not true. Even if you had reported him, the file wouldn’t have gone through for at least a month!”, he said as wrapped me in a hug.

“But...maybe...I could have stopped him...”, I said as my tears still fell hard.

“You can keep saying maybe this, maybe that. It happened, and we have to accept it, and move on. No one could have saved her!”, Nick said as he began to cry too, “We all wish she wasn’t dead, but she is.”

“I know, but I can’t stand it!”, I said as I looked up at him. Nick just hugged me tighter, and wiped away my tears.

“I think we should go upstairs now.”, I said as I pulled away from him.

“Alright, lets go.”, Nick said as he took my hand and we went upstairs.

When we got upstairs I said hello to Nicole’s parents, Mike, and my other friends. Then I took a seat next to Larissa in the room where the wake was. I avoided looking at Nicole.

“Mandy, it wasn’t your fault. It was only Jake’s fault. Brian told me what happened, and you couldn’t have done anything.”, Larissa said as she gave me a hug.

“What happened to Jake?”, I asked.

“He’s got a broken arm, and I think internal bleeding. They’re taking care of legal charges when he gets out.”, then the priest began to talk.

I didn’t really listen to what he was saying. I just looked at Nicole’s body. Why her? Why now? When she had so much going for her. It just didn’t make sense. I didn’t even notice I had started to cry, or the priest had finished talking until Brian sat next to me and put his arm around me.

“Let’s go home, everyone else is in the car.”, Brian said as he led me out to the car.

I sat in the back next to Nick, who gave me a sympathetic smile and a kiss. As we drove back home I thought of Nicole and all the times we spent together. At least it was a long ride home.

The ride home was silent, even though there was a lot of people in the car. I was sitting next to Mandy and I just stared at her the whole ride. Her expressions changed, from a smile, a laugh, to tears, to frowns. I had finally finished a song I had written for her. I had done others, but I was particulary proud of this one. I wanted to give it to her, but I knew this wasn’t the time. “Okay, guys, we’re back.”, Brian said as we all got out of the car and went into the house.

They had a really big house, so we all just stayed there. We all sat down in the living room, except Mandy who had gone upstairs.

“I’m worried about her.”, Mandy’s mom said, “I don’t know if I should just leave her alone, or not.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine Mom, don’t worry about it. It takes a while. After the funeral, I think she’ll be fine.”, Brian said as he sat next to his mom.

“Want me to go up and talk to her?”, I asked.

“I think I’d rather talk to her. I know you two are best friends, but I think I want to talk to her.”, Mandy’s dad said as he went upstairs.

“A couple, and best friends.”, I mumbled to myself.

“What did you say Nick?”, Mandy’s mom asked.

“Just that Mandy and me are..”, I looked over at Brian first to make sure it was ok to say it, he gave me a look that meant yes, so I finished, “together.”

“No! Really? I never thought that would happen!”, Mandy’s mom said as she hugged me, “Congratulations!”

“Thanks.”, I mumbled, “I think I’m going to go to my room, I’m feeling a little tired! I think I’ll just take a quick nap”, I said as I gave Brian a look that meant come with me.

“Okay, I’ll show you which room you have.”, Brian said as we walked upstairs together, and went into Brian’s room.

“Ugh!”, was all I said as I sat down on the bed.

“What’s up man?”, Brian asked as he sat next to me.

“I want her to feel better. But I know nothing I say is going to help. I just wish we would go to the funeral and get everything over with. I just don’t think I can take much more.”, I said as I remembered Ben and everything that happened, “It just takes me back.”

“It’ll be over by tomorrow. Don’t worry about it, just get through with it. I know this must bring you back to Ben and everything, but maybe that will help Mandy. I think right now she just needs someone to hold her, I wish that could be me. But she needs someone else now.”, Brian finished as his eyes filled with tears, “And that someone is you.”

I looked over at Brian and saw how sad he looked. This wasn’t about Nicole, it was about Mandy. He was losing her...to me. That was why he was so upset the other night. I finally understood it.

“Brian, you’ll always be the one she turns to. Maybe she won’t go to you in reality, but you’re the first one she thinks of.”, I said as I gave him a hug, and went to talk to Mandy.

I walked to her room, and saw the door open and no one in there. I went downstairs and saw everyone, including Mandy, watching TV and laughing. I smiled, as I sat next to her and put my arm around her.

“I love you.”, I whispered into her ear.

“I love you too.”, she whispered back.

“I think I’m gonna go home for a while. I want to see my mom and dad and everyone for a little while. You wanna come?”, I said to Mandy.

“Sure. I wouldn’t mind seeing everyone.”, she said standing up, “We’re gonna go over to Nick’s for a little while. We’ll see you later.”, Mandy said to everyone.

“Don’t stay too late!”, Mandy’s mom said as we left.

We got in the car, and the ride was basically silent except for Mandy singing along to the radio. She was just so cute. Her voice is small, but cute. When we got there Aaron and Angel came running out to greet us.

“Nick! Mandy!”, they said while thorwing their arms around us, I picked up Aaron and Angel jumped on my back.

“Mom! Dad!”, I yelled as I came inside.

“Nick! When did you get back?”, my mom said as Aaron and Angel got off of me and attacked Mandy.

“Earlier today, we went to the wake.”, I said as I gave my mom and dad a hug.

“Mandy, sweetie, how are you?”, my mom asked while giving her a hug.

“I’m so sorry, honey, I can’t believe that happened.”, my dad said as he also gave her a hug.

“Thanks! I’m doing okay, getting through it.”, she said as Aaron and Angel lost interest and went back to the TV.

“Where’s everyone else?”, I said as my two other sisters, BJ and Leslie walked downstairs.

“Hey!”, Leslie said while giving me a hug, and then moving to Mandy.

“Hi Nick and Mandy!”, BJ said while giving me and Mandy a hug together.

“Well...um...I just wanted to say that Mandy and me are together.”, I said to everyone who was paying attention, which would be my mom and dad.

“Oh, that’s so great!”, my mom said as she gave us another hug.

“Congratulations!”, my dad said as he went back to his newspaper.

No one seemed to care. But that was alright. They’ll care eventually. I took Mandy’s hand and brought her up to my room. We sat down on the bed and I took her head in my hands and kissed her. Our kisses shortly got more passionate, but I stopped it. It was more mutual, we both knew that this was the worst place to fool around since no one in my family knocked.

“Is it alright if I just stay here tonight?”, Mandy asked, she looked so tired.

“Yeah, sure, just call you parents.”

“Okay, thanks, can you call them for me? I’m just so tired.”, Mandy said as she lied down in my bed.

“Sure, go to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”, I said as I kissed her forehead.

“Thanks Nick, I love you.”, she said as she closed her eyes.

“I love you too.”, I said as I went downstairs, thinking it’ll all be over tomorrow.