Me and Brian talked for practically two hours. We cried, comforted each other, cried, and cried some more. We just talked about memories with Nicole and how great she was. I wish I could have told her that more. I can’t believe I didn’t call her once since I went on tour, for all I know she could have died mad at me. Brian said that they were all flying down tomorrow since they didn’t have a show so they could go to the wake, and then re-schedule the next show after that so they could go to the funeral. They all knew Nicole and we all hung out a lot, so he figured it was the right thing to do.

“Brian, I’m going to go call Larissa. I’ll see if she can come back on tour with us too.”, I said not pulling myself out of his hug.

“Alright, want me to stay with you while you do?”, Brian asked loosening his grip and looking down at me.

“No, I’ll be alright. Go to sleep when we get to the tour bus. I’ll just go in the TV room.”, I said as we walked out to the tour bus.

No fans were there. I guess they all gave up on seeing Brian. He had skipped the Meet and Greet tonight.

“You sure you’ll be alright?”, Brian asked one more time before going to his bunk where Leighanne was waiting.

“I’ll be fine, I’m just gonna say goodnight to Nick.”, I said as I hugged Brian,

“Thanks Brian, for everything.”

I walked to mine and Nick’s bunk and saw the light shining through the curtain so I knew he was still awake.

“Hey Nick!”, I said climbing up the ladder into the bunk, “I’m gonna call Larissa. Brian said that we’re all flying down tomorrow for the wake since you guys don’t have a show, and then you’re gonna re-schedule the show after that so you can go to the funeral.”, I said as I sat down next to him, he had his notebook out and closed it as soon as I came in.

“Alright, are you okay?”, Nick asked while sitting up to hug me.

“I guess, I just feel guilty. I was here, having a blast and never once called Nicole. And I don’t even know if she was mad at me when she....you know.”, I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

“I’m sure she wasn’t. You should go call Larissa before it gets too late, it’s already 11 there.”, Nick said while letting go of me and looking at his watch.

“Alright, goodnight.”, I said as I gave him a kiss, and climbed back down the ladder.

As I was walking to the TV room I saw a card on the table that was addressed to me. It was from Kat, Leighanne, and the rest of the guys. It was really sweet. I walked into the TV room, and called Larissa. I took a deep breath before dialing.

“Hello?”, I heard a sad Larissa say.

“Hey.”, I said, knowing she would know it was me.

“Mandy! I can’t believe she’s gone. She was just so great. She had so much going for her.”, Larissa said while bursting into tears.

“I know. When I heard it I couldn’t believe it. I was just so upset. I’m so sorry I didn’t call you guys. Was she mad at me?”, I said as I burst into tears too.

“No, we were both kind of sad you didn’t call, but we knew it was just because you were having fun, not cuz you forgot us. Are you coming to the funeral?”

“Of course, I’m gonna stay down there with you guys for about a week. The guys are coming down with me too. If you want, you can come back on tour with us. I figured you wouldn’t want to be down there by yourself.”

“Yeah, I’ll have to see what my mom says though. Mandy, do you think she knew how much we loved her?”, Larissa said through sobs.

“I hope so.”, I said as my sobs became heavier.

“I just, don’t know how to feel. Should I keep on mourning, or should I try to get on with my life?”

“I feel the same way. It’s like, I know she wants us to be happy, but how can I when I just lost one of my best friends. I feel like something of me is missing.”, I said as my sobs grew very loud, and everyone on the tour bus walked in.

“I know...my mom wants me to go and try to get to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you Mandy.”

“I love you too Larissa.”, I said as I hung up and began to cry.

Nick and Brian were on either side of me and they were holding me, while Kat and AJ were in front of me, and Leighanne, Howie, and Kevin in back of me. They were all trying to make me feel better. It did help that they were there, and I knew that they all cared, but it wasn’t going to bring Nicole back. I figured I had to let them know how I felt about them, before it was too late like with Nicole.

“I love all of you guys so much. It feels really good to know that you guys care. I needed to tell you before it’s too late, like with Nicole.”, I said as my tears fell harder.

I felt Nick and Brian hold me tighter. I also heard Leighanne and Kat crying.

“We love you too Mandy, we really do. And we all hate that you have to go through this.”, Leighanne said to me while kissing the top of my head.

“If you need anything, even just to talk, or someone to lean on, you know where you can find us.”, Howie said while he gave me a hug.

“We’re all always here for you”, Kevin said while he gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you so much, you guys can go back to sleep now.”, I said as I stopped my tears as much as I could.

“Alright Mandy, we’ll see you in the morning!”, Leighanne said as she left followed by Kevin and Howie.

“I’m so sorry Mandy, I wish you would feel better.”, AJ said as he gave me a hug.

“I know we basically just met, and I’m probably nothing compared to Nicole or Larissa, but I’ll always be here for you!”, Kat said as she gave me a hug, and walked out with AJ.

“Do you want me to stay down there with you?”, Brian and Nick both said at the same time, which caused me to laugh a little.

“No, you guys have the tour and everything, and I’ll be fine. I’ll have Larissa.”. I said, they weren’t holding me anymore, but Nick still had his arm around me and pulled me close to him.

“Well, if you change your mind, just tell us. And we’ll fight over who will stay with you.”, Brian said as Nick put both his arms around me and pulled me closer.

“She’s my girlfriend!”, Nick said as he kissed me on the cheek.

“She’s my sister!”, Brian said as he grabbed me from Nick.

“Ow!”, was all I said as I laughed a little.

“Well, we should all try to get some sleep.”, Brian said as he stood up.

“Alright.”, me and Nick said at the same time as we stood up.

“No more falling out of the bed.”, Brian said with a laugh.

“Goodnight Brian!”, I said as he hugged him.

“See you in the morning!”, Brian said.

Me and Nick climbed into the bunk and he put his arms around me. “Feeling any better?”, Nick asked, as he kissed me.

“Sorta, I really wanna see Larissa.”, I said as I kissed him back.

“You sure you don’t want me to stay with you?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just wanna go to sleep.”

“Alright, goodnight, I love you!”

“I love you too!”, I said as I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

I woke up to the sound of Brian screaming at everyone to wake up. “C’mon people, we’ve gotta get outta here. We’ve got half an hour until we’ve got to leave. Quick, quick, quick.”, Brian said while running around and opening everyone’s curtain.

I went to kiss Mandy, but realized she wasn’t there. I stepped out of my bunk and saw Brian trying to get AJ up. I saw Leighanne and Mandy talking, so I went into the bathroom to get ready. I knew I was going to cry today. I had already cried, so had the rest of the guys when we found out. We all tried to keep it from Mandy, except Brian he was a lot closer to Nicole than any of the other guys, we had to be there for her.

I finished getting ready, and I packed a small bag. I was finished just as we had to leave. Mandy was talking to Leighanne and/or Kat the whole morning, and I didn’t even get a change to say good morning. As we were going out to the van I finally got her by herself.

“Hey babe!”, I said as I come up to her from behind and wrapped my arms around her.

“Hey Nick!”, she said as she turned around and kissed me.

“You ready?”, I said as I put my arm around her waist, as we got into the van.

“Not really, but I’ll make it!”, she said with a smile, I love that smile.

“You know I’m always here for you. We’re all staying at your house, lucky you, so if you need me during the night just come and get me. During the wake and funeral too. Alright?”, I said knowing that she would need someone, but would probably go to Larissa.

“Alright, Brian’s giving the eulogy.”, she said leaning her head on my shoulder.

“He is? He never said anything about it!”, I wasn’t suprised that he would give it, I was just surprised he didn’t say anything.

“Yup, we talked about it this morning, and you guys are singing ‘Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonley’, at the wake.”, she said as we arrived at the airport, it was a really short trip.

“Oh really, when were they gonna tell me?”, I said as we went inside.

I didn’t realize how early it was until I saw a clock, five in the morning, we had gotten like two hours of sleep. So we would probably get there at like nine or ten, three hour time difference, so around one or two.

“Just take your stuff on the plane, it’s just us on the plane.”, Brian said as we got out of the van, “Come on people, the plane’s waiting for us.”

“Will you sit with me?”, I said to Mandy with a puppy face.

“Ewe, no!”, she said as she shoved me away from her, “I’m sitting with Howie!”, she said as she grabbed on to him.

“Huh?”, Howie said looking really confused.

“Nothing!”, Mandy said as she took my hand and all of a sudden her smile faded.

“What’s wrong?”, I asked as we got to the terminal, and were heading on the plane.

“I dunno, I feel guilty being happy.”, she said as we sat down.

“Do you think Nicole wanted you to be sad for the rest of your life?”

“No, but I mean...I dunno. I’m gonna try to go to sleep.”, she said as she rested her head in my lap and went to sleep.

She slept throughout the whole flight, and didn’t even stir once. I stared at her the whole time and just stroked her hair. My mom told me once that if you could just watch someone sleep you were in love. I knew I was in love with her. She was everything you could ask for. Smart, nice, beautiful, funny, she was everything good. So was Nicole, poor Nicole, why did that happen to her? What made her deserve that? I thought as tears fell down my face. I let them fall, I didn’t care who saw, everyone cries.

When the plane landed we got our stuff, and everyone changed at Brian and Mandy’s house. Then we headed to the wake. We were the first ones there, since we were early. We sat in the lobby and waited. Mandy, Kat, and Leighanne sat by themselves and comforted Mandy while she cried. I went over there once, but Kat and Leighanne shooed me away. Then Larissa showed up.