At that young age, I was always amazed at how bright it was outside of Nektulos Forest. As I crossed into the Freeport city limits, I could hardly bear it...seven secret blessings of a @#%$ I had only seen through his people, the halflings, invaders in my homeland, had not prepared me for a city of light and humankind. I inched forward, squinting in the sun, too awestruck to look beyond the gates and not yet old enough to always remember to sneak.
Needless to say, I was in for a rude awakening.
A fist to the side of my head brought me out of my awe to stare, terrified, into the face of a high elf! I could have sworn they only lived in Faydwer! Thus I thought as I turned tail and bolted back to the safety of the Commonlands and Nektulos. I was ready to swear off Freeport entirely at that point, but the image of the gates still stuck with me. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't forget my stealth again.
The second time I came to Freeport, I entered under cover of darkness like I should have in the beginning. Every movement made me twitch, every flicker of a Freeport woman's dress made me jump as I envisioned the pale wrathful face of the elf lady on every one I passed. There were no problems, though; the guards ignored me, as did most of the folk, though when they did see me they didn't look particularly happy I was there. I grew bold. I started exploring. Perhaps this, I thought, could be a second home! Certainly they didn't hate me any more than parts of Neriak.
That was when I heard her. The walls are thin in Freeport, and her voice was unmistakable, repeatedly cursing out some other woman for consorting with dark elves. I clung to the shadows, and slowly crept my way into the building--an inn of some sort. The bartender glowered at me but continued to polish his glass as I went by.
I ducked into a corner as she stepped out of the common room and started up the stairs. My fingers itched to pull out the small knife I bore and just stab her, but I knew I would only get myself killed, so I followed. Down a corridor on the second floor, I spotted her talking to a dwarf! Damn them, what were they doing off their continent? The dwarf muttered something about muffins, and the elf lady huffed and went into her room.
Muffins, I thought...
Operation Muffin Man: Day One
I've always loved muffins, though it seems as I've grown that they provide less sustenance than they once did. But they were light, and they were a chance to be able to walk safely in Freeport like all those human thieves I'd seen in the Commons. With a backpack brimfull of them, I made the slow trek back to the inn.Sliding into the shadows behind the dwarf was easier than I had expected for a race that can breed rogues. I suppose warriors, or paladins, or whatever he was are more used to attacks coming from the front. I was a shaking, nervous wreck as I stood behind him; what if he turned around? What if I was wrong? Well, I'd be a nice blue-and-red splatter on the wood floor. I had nothing much to lose.
He shifted, muttered something about being hungry. It was then or never.
"Pst!" I said. He started to shift. "No, don't turn around, please..." Fumbling a muffin from my pack, I held it out around him, just enough for him to spot it but not me.
There was a long moment's silence. I felt like my arm would break off from the weight of his stare. Finally, he rumbled faintly, a chuckle, and plucked the muffin from my hand.
"What," he said, "no milk?"
He never turned around.
I didn't trust my good fortune, so I stuck to the shadows on the way out. Once I hit the gates I ran until I couldn't run anymore.
Operation Muffin Man: Day Two
It had occurred to me, during the first day, that the dwarf must have had a portal to a separate dimension into his stomach. Certainly he wasn't much bigger than the bag of muffins I fed him, yet he worked away at them like some wondrous gnomish machine. The second day saw the same strange sight. I half-expected him to balloon to ogre size.He was still suspicious, the dwarf, but we were getting along all right as long as I didn't say anything and just kept handing him muffins.
Unfortunately, there was still the elf. I had just handed him another muffin when she burst out of her room and looked straight at me. And saw me. Her face went livid red; I froze in fear.
"Assassin!" she shrieked. The dwarf looked around wildly, as if he hadn't been eating into my silver supply for the past several hours, then hollered, "You ruined your own land, you won't ruin mine!" He must have been taking acting lessons from the orcs, but the elf never noticed. I leapt over the dwarf (not hard) and bolted down the hall with her close on my heels, swinging her fists wildly; from a distance I could hear the dwarf continue to yell, but he didn't come beyond the stairs. Must have been digesting.
Operation Muffin Man: Day Three
The dwarf turned around finally, and stared at me long and hard. I was stuck in my corner with a bag full of muffin crumbs and no weapon in sight; I'm sure I had the look of a kitten spotting a hellhound. He smirked; snorted dismissively; then just threw his head back and laughed. I winced, sure the elf would hear him from the common room below and come to investigate."You're younger than I thought." There was still a suspicion in his eyes, but he looked less inclined to throw me out a window or something. My mouth opened and closed a couple times, and all I could really manage was a querulous grunt. That set him off on another round of laughter, and he turned his back once more, seeming amused.
"If you're having problems with my ward," he said, "you should try white wine. I've been telling her she'll like it for a while now."
I cleared my throat. "Ah...thank you, sir," I said, then did my best to cram myself back into the shadows. His chuckles followed me as I slunk down the stairs, and I resolved to practice my sneaking some more.
Operation: Drunk Elf Chick?
My friend Alecto blinked at me when she caught me stuffing wine bottles in my backpack. The Blind Fish was empty except for her and I and the amused barkeep."Planning on throwing a party, eh?" She leaned against the bar and smirked at me. I blushed.
"Oh...no..."
"Courting?"
"No!"
"Mhm."
I hurried out of there as quick as I could excuse myself. Thank the gods for this dark skin. Court a high elf?! I couldn't even begin to think of something worse.
Off I went back to Freeport, clinking all the way.
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