6/19/01: Ran down to Blockbuster Friday night to fetch the DVD of Cast Away
and was disappointed by a Disney World-sized serpentine line cascading down into the aisles. Further disappointment faced me when I realized that every single Cast Away shelf of both VHS and DVD's had been swept clean. But from tragedy sometimes comes triumph, because shortly I was rewarded with a highly coveted bilingual 'Blockbuster Rain Check' which saved me $4.08 when I finally located a DVD copy Sunday evening. Cast Away was a fine movie I enjoyed it. Since I'm often found in my front yard running lines out loud or having in depth discussions with myself or shouting driving instructions at hermetically sealed air conditioned automobiles as they wheel down my steaming street, I thought it odd that Chuck Nolan (Tom Hanks) did not utter a word on the island until wounded, he accidentally created the anthropomorphic 'Wilson' to speak to.  Anyway, today, I will finally make mention of the 'David Manning' fiasco over at Sony Pictures. Of course, your Master Thespian was on top of the 'David Manning' controversy from the beginning. But since I didn't think it was so unbelievable that a studio would quote praises for its movies from a non-existent critic created by their own advertising department, I didn't write about it. I assumed it was 'business as usual.' However, thanks to discussions with Matt over at The Filthy Critic I did discover an explanation as to why dreadful movies often receive splendid reviews. The explanation is 'quote whores'. As Matt explains, when queried about a particular movie reviewer, "A fat f*** who gets . . . and lots of perks in exchange for giving movies (his/her) attention. (He/She) is a horrible reviewer and doesn't even know (he/she) is a quote whore. (He/She) thinks there is nothing wrong with being paid to visit a movie set and then write a review of that movie." (To avoid liability, I added the 'his/her' and 'he/she' qualifiers.) I did not realize that movie reviewers who gave glowing reviews to horrid movies ('quote whores') also received all kinds of goodies and t-shirts (my favorite) and even, as in the case of the movie Pearl Harbor, all expense paid flights to, where else?, Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. It seems, as with many other things, the only critics we can believe are our own family and friends.
6/17/01: Oh my Gawd! The wife suggested we rent the DVD of "Mission Impossible II" last night.
DVD whirring, she quickly bored of the movie and, continuing her nightly trudge towards her master's degree padded off to pound on our QWERTY computer keyboard. Damn! How did this movie ever get made? Right away I was struck by Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) with a permanent maniacal grin plastered on his face. Why? Of course only later did I realize this was done so that in a following scene he could appear serious and grim by removing said grin. ("I'm not an actor. I'm a movie star!")  The characters were so poorly developed, that I feared more for Superman during my viewing of Superman: The Movie, than I ever did for Ethan Hunt. The music was laughable, especially when Ethan Hunt was being 'murdered' by evil bad guy Sean Ambrose (Dougray Scott). The background orchestration sounded like the full Mormon Tabernacle Choir was recruited to chant and hum. You would have thought Christ was dying on the Cross! This movie was simply a showcase for director John Woo's marvelous special effects, but they were so overdone that what I saw was nothing more than a 90 minute version of Fox's 100 Worst Drivers. Except I don't have to pay $4.13 including tax to see it. Your Master Thespian, having raced dirt-bikes off road for 16 years, found the motorcycle scenes especially confusing. Because, even without pausing the DVD player, I could see that sometimes these Triumph motorcycles displayed dirt tires with huge earth ripping knobs on them and then in the next shot had the smooth grooved rain tires that these street motorcycles actually wear. (To confirm this, when you arrive at the scene with one motorcycle flying through the air, its rear tire commanding the entire screen, pause your DVD player and note the knobby tire.) This movie was so bad that Anthony Hopkins performance as 'Mission Commander Swanbeck' was, according to IMDb, uncredited. However, I did note that character Wallis was played by a William Mapother, a cousin of Tom Cruise. For Mapother is Tom Cruise's given last name, with his actual middle name being the Cruise we are so familiar with.
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6/15/01: Perusing Sunday's Arizona Republic newspaper for a day-job, I spotted this interesting advertisement:
"Movie Extra Work, for film, television, commercials . . . " I visited the link at Movie Work Now Casting and signed up for free. "Free" is always a mandatory qualification of any 'casting director' or 'agent' I sign with. (Think about it, if an "agent" or "casting agency" charges a sign-up fee, they've already got a source of income. Why should they find you work, which is much harder than signing up more eager and innocent 'hopefuls'?) Course, since they didn't take my resume or photo, I really don't expect to be in Scream 4, but you never know.
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6/14/01: Paul Shaffer fans will be visiting the June 13th postings at the The Transom to read about his Friars Club roast. Over at
TV Guide Online we hear former Charmed hottie, Shannen Doherty, sighing, ". . . there was too much drama on the set and not enough passion for the work . . ." TV Guide implies that the word "drama" could actually be translated to mean actress Alyssa Milano! Women! They act worse than gay males.
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6/12/01: TV Guide Online reports that it appears they've found a replacement for Charmed's Shannen Doherty, in the comely form of ex-Manson girlfriend, Rose McGowan. Also, they report that (another one of my hot-babes) Angelina Jolie, to avoid the feelings of those left behind, once attempted to hire a hit man to kill her, revealing, ". . . With somebody being murdered, nobody takes some kind of responsibility."
Over at IMDb, I see where Tom Cruise is refusing to let ex-wife, Nichole Kidman to allow their children stay with her while she's working in England. Concerned for the kids, Mr. Cruise insists they remain in California cared for by an unrelated nanny while he is also working out of state.
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6/10/01: Reading in the June 8th, 2001 Arizona Republic I learned that Dreamworks filmed parts of the new movie Evolution in the desert surrounding Page, Arizona. Once I located some photos of Page, I realized they chose that location for its fabulous red rock formations. Regardless, Ebert & The New Guy both gave the movie horrible reviews and compared it to the original Ghostbusters which was also directed by Ivan Reitman. It seems if you want to guarantee that your movie is going to flop, you should film it in Arizona!
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6/09/01: Just found out my buddies, Doreen Pritts and Jason Barth are performing in the Peoria, Arizona, Theatre Works production of Noel Coward's comedy, Blithe Spirit June 8th through July 1st.
Box Office: 623 815-1791.
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