A low thrumming begins to vibrate the walls, and a red glow illuminates the room.
-Mere- is crouched on the floor, loomed over by The Figure, and is concentrating with feverish passion on the jar in front of her, which begins to shake and tremble.
...with an excruciating crash, the jar shatters...
Rakshasa comes to a screeching halt in front of the Bronze. Taking another deep swig of Gold Schlager, he steps out of the car and strolls back into the club. He looks around the club, turns to Closet Buffyholic and asks, "seen greengirl?"
Closet Buffyholic, tired of being disturbed, simply nods toward the kitchen again, and goes back to her coffee. "Thanks," Rakshasa says as he takes a deep breath and heads into the kitchen.
Once inside the kitchen, he finds -mere- chanting and dancing for some unknown ceremony. Rakshasa shrugs his shoulder and turns toward the freezer, where he spies greengirl trying to sneak the freezer open while -mere- is distracted.
"OK, gg, hand over the pictures and nobody gets hurt, well at least not yet."
Gg turns, startled, and says "Ha, the jokes on you, I don’t have them, you little -mere- lap dog."
"Tsk, tsk, what’s with the name calling. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will just succeed in pi$$ing me off." With that, Rakshasa sniffs the air, turns and heads out of the kitchen. Once in the bar, he sniffs again, and his nose leads him to Roxx. "OK, Roxx, the pictures, I want them. Hand them over." Roxx instinctively assumes a crane kick posture, a la ‘the Karate Kid’. Rakshasa lunges toward Roxx, deftly avoids the devastating crane kick, then grapples with his opponent, each wrestling, trying to get the upper hand.
Greengirl sees Ty King come in...
"Hey Ty, you'd better take a seat...you probably don't wanna be inthe middle of this..." gg says
She pokes her head in the kitchen and sees -mere- working her magic...
"Boyfriend?" gg mutters under her breath..."Who does she think she's kidding? RDgelus must've really drove her crazy"
Greengirl finally opens up the freezer and frees Sasheer and Unearthly...who are both babbling about Joss..
"Wow, i think they're delusional...they think Joss was in there..." gg chuckles...
Unearthly scrambling out the door, turns around to see sasheer running back towards the kitchen. " What are you doing? Are you crazy?!
I have to get Joss. Can't leave him behind, insurance." Sasheer runs in and grabs the Joss-sicle and sticks him under her arm.
Unearthly rolls her eyes."Well it's your funeral. You know she'll hunt you down." They both hurry out of the bronze. Heeww, safe at last.
Roxx finally gets the upper hand on Rakshasa she pins him down and says If you want those pictures as Roxx points over to her Large Rotti & Gt Pyrenees hey just figure out which one is wearing the collar holding the pictures and well it's your arm maybe a hand I think the Rott likes the jugular. Hey a girl must have many ways of protection you know.
Roxx looks over at gg and says we still have the upper hand at the moment. but hey can't I have the picture of David in the speedo too, bodyguarding is risky business it nice to have some perk's.
Darkwind comes back into the Bronze to discover all Hellmouth has broken loose.
Greengirl sneaking around the kitchen. -mere- dancing and chanting.
Then his eyes fall on Rakshasa and Roxx duking it out for the pics. Rakshasa has gotten the upper hand. Darkwind decides to take action.
"Ayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayaya!!!" With a Xena-esque yell (which sounds very odd coming from a guy) Darkwind leaps into the fray.
Rakshasa didn't see the gloomy breeze coming and got hit full force.
"Get out of here with the pictures Roxx!" He yells, "Rakshasa, I'm your opponent now!"
Roxx see's and says thanks, grabs the dogs and high tails it out of the bronze before Rakshasa knows what hit him. She looks back at Darkwind and says let gg know will check back in about 20 min. Goodluck my friend. Roxx dashes for the door and is gone. woo that was close call.
-Mere- emerges from the back room, her face streaked with dust, a glassy look in her eyes.
"It worked," she says, almost stunned. "it-- it worked."
Following behind her is...
RD.
Looking (as if it were possible) more handsome than ever, wearing a black silk suit with a crimson shirt beneath it, his eyes are aglow and he sports a wry smile.
"Thanks, doll," he says to -mere-. "that spell was great. was it good for you, too?"
"Shut up, jerk."
"And it's nice to be immortal now. not IMMORTAL, you know, because he's a deity all on his own, but unable to be killed. you know, like 'not killable'. i think that's pretty damned cool." RD picks up a steak knife and offers it to -mere-. "here. stab me."
-Mere- eyes him, thinking, did i fall asleep already?
"Not here, cowboy," she finally says. "we'll save that for later. besides, we've got other things to take care of, first."
-Mere- gestures at the The Figure standing in the doorway. RD looks back and grins.
"You think greengirl and Sasheer will like it?"
"Oh, i think they'll LOVE it," laughs -mere-. "i just hope it FITS."
Leather Jacket slips Willie the money for the doctored -mere- pictures he instructed Willie to give greengirl after sufficient protest. "If I could, I'd nominate you for an Oscar." "Forget the Oscar," Willie shouts, "-mere-'s lackey, Rakshasa tried to give me the Indian Arm Burn of death!"
Leather Jacket pats Willie on the back. "Sorry bout that. Guess I should have told her gg's pictures were fakes. So, when do they self-destruct?" As Willie collapses to the ground from the pat on the back, LJ walks off, muttering "whimp"
Leather Jacket re-enters the Bronze and sees belmont fondling one of his little remote-control thingies. Sheesh, he always puts those random number generators in those things. A quick kick to the face, a jab to the gut, a chop on the back of the neck and one last roundhouse for good measure send belmont spiraling to the floor. The remote skims across the room, finally hitting the distant corner, where it shatters irreprably.
Rakshasa calmly picks himself up from the floor, dusts himself off, then speaks to Darkwind(oddly enough, the movement of his lips doesn’t seem to match the words coming from his mouth),"So, you have returned to interfere with the present course of events. Very well, let us to it." with that, he reaches behind his back and pulls out an enormous 5 foot long two-handed claymore (that’s a type of whup@$$ Scottish broad sword to the uneducated) and holds it in front of him in a battle ready position (Rakshasa thinks to himself that he was glad he spent so much time watching re-runs of the ‘Highlander’ TV show, and finally figured out how they pulled off that little trick) "There can be only one..."
Gg steps out of the kitchen..helping Sasheer and Unearthly into the warm bar area...
She sees Roxx and Rak fighting by the juke-box...
"Roxx...just give over the pictures..we can fight again another day..." gg comments..."besides, like i don't have the negatives."
Just then -mere- and the resurrected RD come out of the kitchen followed by the mysterious figure...
"RD, please..." greengirl pleads..."Please, trust me when i say it was all for the good...i mean, i knew i had to kill you in order to make you immortal..."
RD and -mere- just laugh...."really," greengirl continues," i swear that's the truth."
Exiting the kitchen, -mere- spies greengirl and Sasheer (who said she was leaving, but is actually here, just very, very quiet), standing in the center of the bronze, dueling with Rakshasa and Roxx and Leather Jacket [and a whole bunch of other bronzers who may be involved but whom i can't seem to follow their overlapping narratives -ed.] over the doctored photographs.
-Mere- laughs again. "are you still fighting over those pictures? silly humans. the pictures aren't what i was worried about. it was the Photomat! that's where i've been running my fetishistic brothel! but now that my PR agent has destroyed the evidence, and everything i'm telling you now can be construed as hearsay, i have no more problems! i'm completely satisfied!"
Greengirl and Sasheer breathe respective sighs of relief. -mere- turns.
"Except for you two."
-Mere- struts up to the two girls and plants her hands on her hips.
"You two don't know how to play nice. first you decide to have a jello-wrestling match without me, then you shove innocent little KAMmie into the goo, then you slime up Ty, THEN you go and stake my lustpuppy. i ask you. what up with THAT?"
Greengirl and Sasheer shrug sheepishly.
"Now, at first, i was ready to chase you to the ends of the earth and run you through with my Stiletto Heels of Death. that was the first plan. then i was like, 'wow, -mere-, that's really trite. you've used the Stiletto Heels of Death the same way Dawson's Reek has used teen sex: sure, everyone's interested, but after 4,000 times, even something that kinky gets boring.' "
-Mere- narrows her eyes at the killers. "then i thought, 'well, i could just stake the two of them in revenge-you know, do the whole poetic justice thing--but then that would just create a need for more funerals, and i've already wasted an entire day trying to complete this storyline. like i really need to get fired because i'm spending too much time on the internet arranging cyberfunerals? i don't think so.
"And that's when it came to me," -mere- says slowly. "what could i possibly do to these two that would make them understand the hell they've put me through? what could i do to make them truly digest the burning, acidic feelings of pain i've been experiencing?"
-Mere- touches both greengirl and Sasheer's cheeks. "that's when i realized..."
The Figure moves forward.
Darkwind's eyes widen at the sight of Rakshasa's sword.
"Ha, for you to hurt me with that bone breaker you have to be able to touch me first!" Darkwind sneers.
Taking a few paces back, Darkwind begins to chant under his breath and a breeze begins to blow.
Rakshasa wonders how there is breeze inside a building.
Suddenly, Darkwind looks up and raises his hand in the air. "Now you will see my true power!" Darkwind shouts over the cacophonic din of the growing wind.
Dropping his hand and aiming it at Rakshasa, Darkwind yells:
DIEM WING!!!
The wind then redirects itself at Rakshasa and hit's him with a gale force blow.
"Oh my god," gasps greengirl, grabbing Sasheer's hand. "it can't be!"
"Oh, but it is," cackles -mere- joyously. "marvelous what a little history will teach you. like, for example, the fact that Son of Whupass has been living in the utility closet for the last three months! and since deadguy has such empathy with the whupass species-being, as he is, symbiotic with the race (them and land squids)-he managed to tame the Son enough to where he agreed to refrain from destroying the bronze if we released him."
The Son of Whupass growls like a large stomach.
"Unfortunately," -mere- adds, rubbing her hands together, "the Son wanted a bit of collateral, too, to seal the deal."
"Coll-coll-collateral?" Sasheer squeaks.
"You really must look into that stuttering problem you have, darling," -mere- shakes her head sympathetically. "but yes, collateral. you see, the Whupass, as a species, need to feast on humans in order to survive. and this guy here, considering he's been locked in the utility closet for three months, well....
"He's exceptionally hungry."
Rakshasa breaks from his life-and-death combat with Darkwind, turns to -mere- and RD, and says,"So, you are satisfied then, my blood sister. Very well. As your satisfaction has been secured, and I have (I trust) served you well, I must fly from here and attend to other pressing matters (it's 2 for 1 day at Baskin Robbins)." With that, he turns back to Darkwind...
"You are a worthy opponent, oh Dark one. We shall meet again. But for now, the field is your's. As you are a man of honor, I trust you will sheath your weapon and tend to your own business. But I warn you not to interfere with my sister's plans again, lest my wrath be returned upon you 10 fold. 'You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you...'
With that, Rakshasa nods to -mere-, and, in a swirl of dust, bolts from the Bronze. The sound of tires squalling on the asphalt echoes through the night air...
Darkwind watches Rakshasa bolt out of the bronze after being hit with the Diem Wing wind spell. "You are an admirable opponent, we will meet again." Darkwind says to himself.
Now, to deal with -mere-.
Darkwind rushes over and stands with greengirl and Sasheer. Staring at the Son of Whupass.
"Hmm, distract him, you two, I'll work on something!" Darkwind yells to the two girls.
Darkwind then goes into the kitchen....
With an ear-splitting roar that shakes the very foundation of the bronze, the Son of Whupass lunges forward and grabs a screaming Sasheer. as greengirl shrieks and turns to run, a tentacle lashes out and wraps itself around her ankle, yanking her off her feet and into the air.
-Mere- and RD retreat to the bar to watch, arm-in-arm.
[hey. watch your hands, bud. i said "arm-in-arm". i don't remember writing anything about you grabbing my ass. -ed.]
Waving the two murderers around in the air, the Son of Whupass brings them together over his gaping maw. with a large, expectant burp so pungent that it causes the two girls to lose consciousness, Son of Whupass drops the two female entrees into his mouth, and swallows.
A silence descends upon the Bronze.
Darkwind hears a lound roar coming from the main room. Running out of the kitchen he sees that the Son of Whupass has swallowed greengirl and Sasheer.
-Mere- and RD and standing at the bar. RD's hand moving south of the border.
"Damn, I'm late," Darkwind says.
Pulling a piece of parchment from behind his back, Darkwind runs at the Son of Whupass.
Leaping into the air, japanese symbols start flaring brightly on the parchment paper as Darkwind jumps.
AKURYOTAISAN!!!* (*Evil spirit begone- ed.)
Darkwind plants the spirit ward on the monsters face. It begins to rumble and growl. The ward is not enough!
Circe leans over and asks -mere-, "that was a little on the harsh side, don'tcha think?"
"Nah," smiles -mere-. "Whupasses don't have teeth."
"So what'd you feed 'em to the Whupass for? if they're not mauled, where's the punishment?"
"Oh," -mere- stifles a chuckle. "i don't know. maybe it rests in the fact that the Whupass may not have teeth...but it DOES have a complete digestive system. in about two days or so, i think greengirl and Sasheer will realize exactly how unwise it is to mess with my lustpuppy. that is, as long as this particular Whupass is........regular."
RD smiles at -mere-, and she grabs ahold of his silk sleeve.
"Hey, you," she says. "you wanna go see if i can kill you?"
"Sounds like my idea of fun," he replies with a grin.
finis.
This has been a BAT Production. March 25, 1998. (c) -mere-, greengirl, belmont, Darkwind, Rakshasa, Zophiel, Circe, TV James, Unearthly, Samiel, Sasheer, and Leather Jacket.
crimson loss from words untold
hearts afire, bodies cold
soul return and form restore
to living world forever more
so signed in blood and sworn by fate
he shall return to human state
for will's an easy thing to bend
but no one messes with MY boyfriend.