Don't forget to scroll all the way down and click on the link to see the MORON comic!
I.R. MORON
sub: The Authority
-"Hey Goldie, what do you think of Moron's style?"
-"I think he's confused."
-"Maybe if he wore his jeans tigher his fat stomach would stick out more!"
-"Okay peoples. I think that my style be jiggy! I be getting down with my bad self!"
-"Ewwww gross!" shouted Goldie
-"Dat be enough. We play now. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..1..2..3..Go!"
-We all just sat there. Did this putz have a clue? Well obviously he didn't. How did he ever get to be a teacher? He can't even count off right. What a dumbass. Anyhow...
-"I be thinking no you guys play anymore make me sad angry!"
-"If we could play through a section instead of stop, go, stop, do nothing, maybe more people would play!"
-"Maybe!"
INTOLERABLE
-"Now you guys all play here slow but fast. Dick, I need to hear you!"
-"If you'd listen you could!"
-We played for a bit then stopped.
-"Oh Dick. You make mistake. You need to see me in office after class."
-"Now what for?!"
-MORON winked, nauseating us all.
-"Now everyone try again make sturdy, solid music, just like Dick will after class."
-We played 5 measures.
-"Now make blend no blend now together all go."
-We played the same 5 measures again.
-"Now make stick together like gel...or Jello. Yummy. I'm hungry."
-Same five measures.
-"Woodwinds no good practice play Monday points chair test no move me is retarded but do I say!"
-"Ryan Salzer why you no play mus-ac? Make me angry!"
-"I don't like this song."
-"Oh. Xena why you no play your...your...thing with keys?"
-"You mean my SAXOPHONE?!"
-"Ha! If dat be what you call it yes."
-"Because someone else is playing it."
-"Guys you know no play make me mad sad no matter no points or play now dislike the........yeah dat don't play go!"
-"You mean you don't like it when we ignore you everyday? That we might lose our 2 paricipations points? Guess what MORON, we don't care!" said the mysterious voice from the back of the room.
-"Oh. I smell samwich!"
-"Oh no. Better feed him or he'll eat you!" I shouted.
-We all laughed. "He's eating for two you know!"
-We were still laughing but then MORON started laughing too..."Huh. That's funny." Yeah, actually it was a tad creepy.
-"Hey fatass! Eat me!" shouted Samantha Cuts.
-"You be porky enough. Okay."
-He stabbed her with the baton, killed her, and started to eat her!
-"Oh my god! What's he doing?!" shouted Melinda
-Everyone scattered and ran towards the exits. Mysteriously all the doors had been locked. We started screaming.
-"No other classes this hour!" and he started to laugh.
-He finished what he could and then stuffed her into a flute locker. The bell rang and the doors unlocked but we were only allowed to go as far as the hallway. We yelled and screamed and pounded on the doors but no one could get them open.
-The crisis had begun. We were trapped in the building with a psycho. A crowd gathered near the door but somehow the moron had gotten hold of some high tech security stuff which kept the door locked from the inside and the outside.
AN HOUR LATER
-We've tried all the usual tactics: throwing our instruments at him, luring him with pizzas outside, even the percussion tried ganging up on him. He threatened to eat them and they "calmly" decided to join the rest of us in the hallways.
-"Oh god, I'm missing Trig. What am I going to do?!" asked one flute player.
-"Be grateful?" said Melinda.
-"Wouldn't it be cool if someone called the news?" I asked
-I walked to the door and yelled, "Someone go get Mark. Have him call the local news stations!"
-30 seconds later we heard reporters from 3 different stations outside the door.
-"Here at Blue Mountain the Symphonic Band is being held hostage by their band director...I.R. MORON? That can't be right....oh. It is. After reviewing his record we the station believe this to be an emergency."
-"On a calm day at Blue Mountain High School, some 60-odd students are frantic..."
-"Can you tell us what's going on behind those locked doors?"
-"Yes! He's already killed one student and well...he ate her."
-"I'm sorry, did I hear you right? He ate the student he killed?!"
-"Yes that is correct."
-"Oh my god, he's eating the students!"
-"I'M HUNGRY!"
-"Oh god Dawn, how long's it been since Samantha?"
-"4 hours."
-We heard screams and crying as he picked his next victim.
-"Who'd he pick?" I asked.
-"Bradley Yourmard."
* * * * * * * *
-"Outside of Blue Mountain officers are trying to free these trapped students from the hands of a psycho. This has been declared a national emergency."
-"Today classes have ended early. Students are gathered around the Performing Arts building in support. This news channel has recently discovered that the students had filed many complaints against this teacher..."
THE EVENING
-"Upperdly's gone now too."
-We greeted the news with grief and relief. He hadn't picked one of us. We could hear everyone outside trying to free us but it just wasn't working. Parents had come to the door to talk to the students. 3 parents came too late but supplied "their children" anyhow. We just didn't want them to know they had already lost their kids to MORON.
-"Melinda, what's going to happen to us?" asked Dawn.
-"I'm not sure."
-And then they both looked at me. "What am I supposed to do?!"
-I walked to the door. "Where is Sean?" I asked through the door.
-"Downtown Mesa."
-"Still?"
-"The teacher feels it's unsafe to return and refuses to bring her class back."
-"Hmmmm...what about Ebony?"
-"Her boyfriend came and picked her up before this even started."
-"Where's Matt? I need to talk to him."
-"He and the rest of his class are trying to hack into the system to open the doors."
-I walked back to Melinda and Dawn.
-"Ebony and Sean aren't even here. Matt and the others in computers are trying to hack the system."
-"At Blue Mountain High School our National emergency is continuing. We have everyone working on the situation. Due to having no windows the student's easiest escape route has been eliminated."
-"FEEDING TIME."
-"I hate those words." someone said.
-Ten minutes later we heard a locker slam signalling the end of his binge.
-"Now who?" I asked.
-"Xena."
-"This is getting to be too much!" I shouted.
-"It's only too much after Xena? What about everyone before her?"
-"I just meant...I'm tired of it all. We've got to come up with a plan.....I've got 2 ideas."
-I went to the door. I had to talk to the reporters and have Mark make 2 calls.
OUR LAST CHANCE
-"I is always hungry! Da more I eat da hungrier I get!"
-I stood at the door telling the reporters everything that's going on behind the doors. I had Mark put in two phone calls. Candace had shown up for support. I need her to complete the plan...
-"You! Girl I don't like who play horn. You just tell everything?!"
-I looked around confused. 'What should I say?'
-"No matter. You all die now. Start with low reeds, they no listen to me ever!"
-"We need to occupy him for 2 hours. Then everything will be over!" I whispered to everyone I knew.
-"Moron! Wait!"
-"What that?"
-"I think we need to rehearse!"
-"Hmmmmmm, I think that too! Get out instruments!"
-Now no one really wanted to go into the locker room but it did put things off for a while. We sucked it up and got ready to play.
-"I like directing! It reminds me of something..."
-We made sure to constantly mess up but never say a word. It worked. We had to always stop but MORON didn't care since we were quiet.
-"I'm so glad you all make mus-ac sturdy and blend it like gel!"
-'I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.' I thought to myself.
-"Where be Dick? Oh yes...still in my office, guh-uh!"
-I kept checking the clock, my watch, everyone's watch.
-"We can't stop now!" I whispered in vain. "I need just one more hour."
-"Here at Blue Mountain the National emergency has only heightened. We've recently learned what's going on behind the locked doors. Folks, this is America's newest tragedy unfolding before our eyes. 3 students have come togetherand have formed a plan. We here at News TV are glad to report that if all goes well this crisis will be over in an hour. Until then we have to sit tight and hope our children will be safe. The next segment is very graphic and viewer discretion is advised..."
THE PLAN: INITIATED
-"Shawn? Kaleena's said that you need to be down here right now. Between you and Matt you guys might be able to overwrite the system."
-I asked MORON to go to the bathroom while he was passing out new music. I quietly made my way to the door.
-"Did you make the calls?"
-"Yeah. Shawn's already here. He and Matt are working on it."
-"Did Candace leave?"
-"Long time ago."
-"Good."
-I went back. My lips were numb. They were also swollen (damn Chex Mix). I didn't know how much longer we could hold out.
-"I no want to play no more. Time to eat!"
-We left. We couldn't watch him eat anyone. My plan was falling apart.
-"Who was it this time?"
-"Collin Benjamin."
-Someone from the outside was knocking on the door. It was Mark.
-"Matt and Shawn can't do it. They'd need to put something on his computer and no one can get in. They tried everything."
-I went back to Melinda and Dawn.
-"Matt and Shawn can't do it."
-*Slam* "Guess he's done." Dawn said.
-We sighed. Our hope, and time, was running out. What were we going to do. Melinda, Dawn, and I talked about everything. Life, love, our shortening future together...
-"Why would MPS hire someone like him?"
-"Cheap."
-"What are we going to do?"
-"We have one more chance. I'm still waiting for Candace to get back. If everything went according to plan we still have one chance. Just one though. We'll have to hope it'll work..."
CANDACE!
-There was a frantic banging on the door. We rushed over. Either we would be saved or left to die.
-"Candace is back!"
-"And?! And what else?!" I was screaming.
-"She has it all. Get things together. You have...5 minutes!"
-Everyone had to gt to the bathrooms. As everyone slowly, inconspicuously, left towards the bathrooms someone asked, "What about Dick?"
-"Shit. How are we going to get him out?"
-"We've got it." said the percussion.
-They all went back into the Band room and knocked on the office door. Dick ran out and to the bathrooms. Some of the drummers held the door shut while the others ran out of the Band room. Now the others ran. MORON followed-not so closely. They slammed the door shut and put 10 drumsticks through the handle as if to lock the door.
-"Okay! Good job guys. Now run for the bathrooms because time's up!"
-The door was blown away and everyone ran out with relief. We were finally safe. But then we heard a cracking noise. MORON had been trying to get out the whole time and was finally cracking through the drumsticks!
-"Kaleena, get outside! I'll take care of this!"
-It took me a few seconds to realize who was talking to me but when I saw all the helicopters and ammunition I knew it had to be Stephen.
-"There, he's been taken care of. Now he's dead, along with those students he killed."
-"Thank god Candace got to you in time! Thank you for saving us. How exactly did you get here?"
-"I was discharged. Something about stealing government property and taking explosives and I guess they weren't too hot on the idea of me taking the tank...oh well. I'm glad you guys are okay."
-"While all didn't end perfectly well we here at News TV would have to say that this is one of the best outcomes anyone could expect. With former Pvt. Taylor to the rescue the remaining students are safe. Blue Mountain High School will be doing a full investigation and no one will ever have to deal with I.R. MORON again. This is News TV signing off."
Don't forget to scroll all the way down and click on the link to see the MORON comic!
