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The Top 16 Signs Your Kids Have Been Watching Too Much Jerry Springer


Actual Sentences Found In Church Bulletins And Newsletters -------------------------------

1. Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help. 2. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 3. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer 4. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. 5. Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor. 6. Thursday at 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study. 7. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. 8. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday. 9. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 10. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. 11. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 12. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary. 13. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 14. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. 15. Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds wil be used to cripple children. 16. The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"