I sat at my window seat, staring into the surrounding blackness. I was always up this early, though I wasn’t often staring into deep space.
‘Why?’ I thought.
At one time I had severly regretted that one night; and it wasn’t any helpful to my whole life after that. And yet, while I’m still ‘just there’, I feel like my whole world is spinning around and around in circles, and it never stops.
One fateful night, at the Grand Opening of this hot new club here in LA, called Ever After. I had met Brian there, at that same club that night about a year ago. After a couple margaritas with a buddy of mine, we bumped into each on the dance floor. We met, shared a dance, talked. After having a margarita moments ago, I suspected he was drunk too.
But, Brian suggested we grab a bite to eat. So we headed out, to find that I forgot my wallet at my apartment. We drove over there and I invited him in, so he wouldn’t be waiting all night in the car. I left him in the living room, while I searched my bedroom for my wallet.
A while later, I felt Brian wrap his arms around my waist, while we stood there in the darkened room. To cut a long story short, we had sex. Ha, I can even remember it minute by minute, hour by hour. But, it was a one night stand that I regretted for a long while during my 9-month pregnancy.
On February 15th, 1997, my baby girl Jasmine Lynnette was born. I had just given her the same last name as me, Hargrove, because I knew that there would be major questions later if I gave her the name ‘Littrell’. Jazzy, as my sister, myself, and many of my good friends call her, has gorgeous chestnut brown hair, and beautiful blue eyes. Sometimes I can just watch Jasmine play with her stuffed animals all day, and she would still remind me of her ‘Father’.
Brian had disappered a day or so after that night. I can’t remember exactly when. And then things changed. They changed, very suddenly, very quickly. Money was tight. I still lived in my small apartment in LA, and I worked as a waitress in a small diner with my good friend, Deanna.
Just a couple of weeks ago, Jazzy turned two years old, and my sister, Deanna, my other buddy Amber, and me and some other friends of mine held a party for her. Amber Mumford, my best friend since grade school, was the inspiration for my little girl’s name. Amber’s also Jazzy’s Godmother. Right off the bat, me and Amber had found that Jazzy had a love for singing. She loved everything from Monica, to yes, even the Backstreet Boys ironically enough.
Jazzy, had done everything early, she had started to walked early, she knew how to read a little, she could speak a few words... she was just like her Father in so many ways. She had Brian inside and outside of her. And yes, if you’re wondering, before we... ‘left’, I had gotten to know Brian quite a bit. It doesn’t shock me that Jazzy’s practically just like him. It’s pretty obvious that she’s related to him. Shaking me from my thoughts, a baby’s cries filled the house. It was now 4:30 AM...