The Story of Pisha The Tailor; The Hat.

The Narrator's Explanitory Notes:

  I have heard this story many times 
  and in many lands.  The names and
  locales are adjusted for seasonal
  variation and the audience, and 
  sometimes the props are changed; 
  for example, the polynesians do
  not use "coins" or "dollars" for
  their currency, they use instead
  "Money Cowries" -- which are a kind
  of common sea-shell, which they 
  knit into lengths the longer of the
  length the higher the demonination
  -- not un-like the "Wampum Belts"
  used by the Injuns of North America.  

  And in the case of the same Polynesians
  the title is more like  "The Story of
  Bora-af-alo the Paddle Maker"  -- always
  his name is that of a sort of cheap 
  fish that is eaten when you have nothing
  else to eat.  And always his profession
  is something that does not take any 
  training.

  Anyway, I will tell the story in my own
  way and in my own time.

But, alas.  I digress, even before I begin.

The Hat

It is always the same.

When a man has several sons, the oldest one
gets the best education, he gets the best
name.  The next youngest one gets the next-best
name, and the next-best education. Until
you arrive at the youngest son.  He gets
what-ever is left over; which is almost
inevitably nothing (or close enough as
makes no difference).  So, when a man has
7 sons.  Well....

And it is the same with daughters.  The
youngest gets the smallest dowery, and
the most common name.

And so it was that that Pisha became a 
tailor (for tailoring does not require 
much of an education); unlike his oldest
brother Adam (the Doctor and Physician).

And so it was that Lina married Pisha
and kept house in the three rooms that they
had above the local pub.  In exchange for
a slight lowering of the rent, the owner 
let Lina wait on tables, wash the dishes,
sweep the floors, and when he was in a good
mood not have to take out the garbage.

And as to our story...

Pisha was walking back from a long trek
to drop off a mended suit and a new pair
of pants that he had made for Nicholas
Chompski (who being the oldest son of a
very well-to-do family, lived on the 
out-skirts of town in a large house.
Nicholas didn't mind living so far out
side of town, he had two different carriages
(one for everyday use, the other for special
occasions which he would send into town when
an important visitor was expected).

But, alas I digress.

So, here it was near dusk Pisha was walking
back to town, to his home (such as it was)
and with the 16 rubles that he had finally
managed to get out of Nicholas (even though
he had spent 12 rubbles just on making the 
pants themselves).  But, as with the wealthy,
they don't stay that way by running a 
charity.

And as he was walking along, stare-ing at 
the dusty road, Pisha noticed something 
half-covered in the dust.  

A hat.

Not a particular old hat; in fact a rather
nice looking hat.  

But.

Covered with dust.

Pisha reached down to pick up the hat,
thinking that one of his neighbors, an
old man (a professor of literature and
a poet, who did not earn much money) 
could use a new hat.  He picked up the
hat and was dusting it off, when he noticed
that under where the hat had been  -- half
covered in the dust of the road, there was...

A wallet.

His heart skipped a beat.  

He blinked twice.

And.

His heart skipped a second beat (just to 
make sure).

He almost lept upon the wallet.  And,
trembling he opened it.  Inside were
3, 5, 15, 20, 40, 50...

Over two hundred rubbles.

He shook off the dust from the wallet
(which wasn't so bad as the hat which 
had been covering it), and looked up
at the heavens and mumbled something.
(Which is what people do from time to
time when they think that there might
actually be a G_d that takes pity 
upon them.  

And he continued on back to town.

After a minute or two he could see
up-ahead a man come-ing toward him.

This man was walking slowly, and
peering at the road in the fade-ing
sun-light.

Looking for something.

And Pisha (being who Pisha was) asked,
"What are you looking for?"

The man (whose name it turns out was
Dimitrii Ustinov) was startled and said, 

 "Well, you see, yesterday, I was out 
  here when a hail-storm broke out, 
  and so I had to run under a tree 
  down the road and wait it out.  
  When I got home I discovered that 
  I had lost my watch and my hat, 
  and my wallet".

With a sigh Pisha held out the hat for
the man to see, saying, "Is this your
hat?"

The old man grasped it with joy saying,
yes, yes, where did you find it?  

And Pisha fished out the wallet from
his coat and handed it over saying,
"Come back this way, I'll help you 
look for the watch."

And Dimitri shook Pisaha's hand 
saying, "Thank you, thank you.  My name
is Dimitrii Dimitriivich.  This is 
wonderful!   The money I need to pay
the rent and some debts -- it was all
that I have.  But, the watch I had already
found.  I had just gotten paid for some
legal papers that I had drawn up for
Nicholas Petrovich.  Here I must give you
the watch,  for your honesty and to thank
you."

Pisha looked at the watch.  It was a fine
piece of craftsman-ship, and on the in-side
was engraved "To my darling, Nicholas.  Iriina"

Pisha handed back the watch saying, "I can not
take this.  But, if you have another hat, I 
would appreciate the hat as a gift.  For
a friend of mine."

And so the hat was proffered and the two 
men walked back into town.

When Pisha got home, it was quite late, and
he was quite tired.  The children had already
been fed, bathed and put to bed.

His wife was sitting there with his oldest 
brother Adam.  Before he could even speak,
Adam handed him a pair of pants that had a 
tiny split in their bottom, saying, "I need
these fixed by next Friday.  Can you do that?"

Wearily, Pisha sat down in the chair that his
son usually sat in (Adam was sitting in the
chair that Pisha usually sat in, as head of
his humble house-hold).

"Yes", he said as Lina brought him the left
over food, which she had kept warm.  She poured
him a mug of tea and sat down next to him.

Pisha started to tell the story, leaving out
nothing, and when he got to the part about the 
watch, his brother became very excited and 
interrupted, 

  "But this is wonderful!  The watch will 
   make an excellent present for our father 
   on his fiftieth birthday. We can say it 
   is from all of us, and your friend
   Sergi the jewler can change the engraving."

Pisha simply sighed and took the hat out of his
pocket and placed it on the table, saying, "Yes,
but I couldn't take a watch like that.  It clearly
meant so much to him; from his wife and all".  
Here he simply smiled a little and reached out 
and squeezed Lina's hand, gently.

Adam took the hat up and looked at it, saying
(as he tried it on in front of the mirror), 
"Yes.  This is actually quite nice.  But, next
time remember that I where a 6 and 7/8's."

And with that Adam and the hat walked out.

Or started to...

Pisha grab-ed the hat, and threw the pants
at Adam, shoving him out the door, saying,
"This is a present for Anton Michaelovich, 
not you.  And find yourself another free tailor."

He slammed the door and returned to the
kitchen, where Lina had moved his bowl of soup
and mug of tea back to the head of the table.

He sat down in the chair, and smiled at her.
She smiled at him and said, "I think that Anton
will like the hat very much, especially when he
hears it's story.  And Adam is surely the most 
generous of men."

Before he could respond, she continued, "After
all, it's not everyone who gives a man a 
chance to stand up for what is right, right 
in front of his wife.  More tea, dear?"


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