Imnotusnit (8:15:34 PM): IM me when you get back, if you feel
like it. Might be asleep tho'.
Vortexhunter1 returned at 11:32:25 PM.
VortexHunter1 (11:32:39 PM): hello?
Auto response from Imnotusnit (11:32:39 PM): I am a tired human
being.
Imnotusnit (11:33:32 PM): hey.
VortexHunter1 (11:33:42 PM): hello
VortexHunter1 (11:34:28 PM): um, pardon me for asking, but who is this?
lol
Imnotusnit (11:40:44 PM): Would you be terribly offended if I
preferred anonymity? :p
Imnotusnit (11:41:10 PM): PS sorry for the late response; I just
woke up because of intestinal issues that needed to be
addressed. :-(
VortexHunter1 (11:41:23 PM): I suppose it's ok
Imnotusnit (11:41:55 PM): Sorry. I'd just like an unhindered
conversation with you.
Imnotusnit (11:42:11 PM): You having any idea who I was might
change that.
Imnotusnit (11:42:18 PM): But, I found you from LJ.
Imnotusnit (11:42:47 PM): I wanted to talk to you about some
stuff sometime, if you'd care to humor a stranger.
VortexHunter1 (11:43:00 PM): I suppose. What's on your mind?
Imnotusnit (11:43:06 PM): Sleep. :p
VortexHunter1 (11:43:19 PM): oh, heh
Imnotusnit (11:43:49 PM): Guess I can divulge for a bit though.
Imnotusnit (11:44:16 PM): I think I know what's lying at the root
of your problems regarding your relationship trouble.
VortexHunter1 (11:44:29 PM): oh?
Imnotusnit (11:44:44 PM): What do you really like about yourself?
VortexHunter1 (11:45:58 PM): Oh, a lot of things. I think I'm intelligent,
witty, fun to be around. I like to think I've made something decent out of my
life, being able to support myself and do well financially
Imnotusnit (11:46:18 PM): What kind of stuff can you put on
display? Like, IE: Is there anything you outwardly wear as a
trophy? If you'd just met someone in a random place, would
you tell this to them about yourself to interest them?
Imnotusnit (11:46:40 PM): OK. You say you like those things
about yourself, but do you? Or are they just truisms?
Imnotusnit (11:46:44 PM): Things that people should like you for?
VortexHunter1 (11:47:38 PM): Honestly, not sure. I do think I've had a
pretty decent life, compared to most. I think people should like me because
I'm fun and caring
Imnotusnit (11:48:07 PM): The point is, I don't think you really like
yourself enough to the point of where it shows.
Imnotusnit (11:48:18 PM): If you do, the likes are shrouded by
things you dislike about yourself or are simply unsure of
Imnotusnit (11:48:41 PM): The reason being that you don't know
which "version" of you on display is right, because you have
only ever met with failure in your attempts.
VortexHunter1 (11:48:53 PM): that might be somewhat true lately. 10
years of facing constant rejection of taken their toll on my confidence and
self-esteem
Imnotusnit (11:49:07 PM): So I can believe that the things you
listed are things that you LIKE, but not necessarily like
enough about yourself to show.
Imnotusnit (11:49:18 PM): And, well, there's one of the underlying
problems.
Imnotusnit (11:49:41 PM): If you don't like yourself, it will show,
unless you're exceedingly good at hiding it. You're not.
Imnotusnit (11:50:07 PM): Nobody wants to date someone
unconfident in themselves unless they too have problems.
Imnotusnit (11:50:22 PM): Your desperation is blinding you to
your good qualities, and also your bad habits.
VortexHunter1 (11:50:26 PM): and there's teh catch-22
Imnotusnit (11:50:36 PM): For example - I know it's your journal
and you can write whatever you feel like.
VortexHunter1 (11:50:55 PM): need confidence to date, and yet can't get
that confidence because people don't take the time to care about you
Imnotusnit (11:50:56 PM): But I went back 60+ entries and the
only thing I saw in nearly every entry was one of two things.
Imnotusnit (11:50:59 PM): FFXI or relationships.
VortexHunter1 (11:51:16 PM): Well, this LJ started out as mainly
something for FFXI
Imnotusnit (11:51:22 PM): Understandable and forgivable.
Imnotusnit (11:51:47 PM): But the other part, which encompasses
nearly every entry in some sense, means that as far as
relationships go, you are obsessive
Imnotusnit (11:51:59 PM): Do you know why women are turned
off by that?
VortexHunter1 (11:52:00 PM): relationships were tied with that, as people
in teh game said they liked me
VortexHunter1 (11:52:30 PM): It's not too hard to imagine. I admit I've been
desperate lately. Fearing that I can't be loved
Imnotusnit (11:52:39 PM): Unless they're unstable and need that
sort of support, someone who spends their life yearning for
a relationship and nothing else is looking to live through
another person.
Imnotusnit (11:52:47 PM): As in - there is no life without that other
person.
Imnotusnit (11:53:01 PM): Desperation like that is more obvious
than it appears, and it will come out regardless of what you
say.
VortexHunter1 (11:53:06 PM): Heh, I've had a life without "another person"
before. For a long time
Imnotusnit (11:53:21 PM): You can't stop yearning though, can
you?
VortexHunter1 (11:53:23 PM): For a time, I was happy being single
Imnotusnit (11:53:27 PM): Sure - you've made something of
yourself in the off time.
Imnotusnit (11:53:32 PM): Oh yeah?
Imnotusnit (11:53:41 PM): Happy to the point of where you didn't
need a relationship at all period?
VortexHunter1 (11:53:46 PM): yep
Imnotusnit (11:53:52 PM): And if one offered itself, you would
have to give it serious consideration?
VortexHunter1 (11:54:15 PM): a relationship? yeah
VortexHunter1 (11:54:37 PM): that's why my entries dealt with
relationships. because people put forth their interest in me, ingame
Imnotusnit (11:54:48 PM): I bet you were more attractive then
than you are now. The thing is - I also bet that you didn't
realize it.
VortexHunter1 (11:54:54 PM): I didn't seek it out. It came to me. And so, I
decided to try again
Imnotusnit (11:55:01 PM): Yeah. I bet I know why
Imnotusnit (11:55:08 PM): You went to FFXI to escape?
Imnotusnit (11:55:14 PM): I lived on Odin too, at one point
VortexHunter1 (11:55:21 PM): Mmmm, not really
Imnotusnit (11:55:23 PM): Whereabouts of Christmas 03..
Imnotusnit (11:55:27 PM): Then why did you play?
VortexHunter1 (11:55:37 PM): I've always liked video games. FFXI was just
the next FF to play
Imnotusnit (11:55:48 PM): OK - I gotcha
Imnotusnit (11:55:56 PM): Not meaning to insult; just trying to
build a greater picture
VortexHunter1 (11:56:03 PM): It is a form of escapism, but then, so are
books and other hobbies
Imnotusnit (11:56:13 PM): Therein lies a point I'm trying to make
Imnotusnit (11:56:16 PM): But the point is - you weren't playing to
look for relationships
VortexHunter1 (11:56:22 PM): yeah
Imnotusnit (11:56:24 PM): Which means that, well, YOU were
displayed
Imnotusnit (11:56:50 PM): Which is why you were attractive
Imnotusnit (11:57:10 PM): But, when people said they liked you,
this need began to hound you again
Imnotusnit (11:57:17 PM): And it probably became more
immediately present than you realize.
VortexHunter1 (11:57:40 PM): Heh, then I can't trust myself again
Imnotusnit (11:57:54 PM): What are your goals in life?
Imnotusnit (11:58:01 PM): This shouldn't take you any time to
think of and respond to.
VortexHunter1 (11:58:25 PM): Just to have a good life, be successful. And
lately, to have someone to share that with
Imnotusnit (11:58:37 PM): That's a very general goal.
Imnotusnit (11:58:40 PM): Do you have specifics?
VortexHunter1 (11:58:55 PM): Not really. I'm generally a laid-back person
Imnotusnit (11:59:23 PM): Then let's recap
Imnotusnit (12:01:23 AM): And please take no offense: You're a
guy who doesn't have any real confidence in the person he is.
You have things you like, but they're shrouded by the things
you don't like. Your approach to women changes monthly,
if that. You obsess over relationships and come up with
theory after theory about love when you've never felt it
firsthand, and you try to think about why it's not working
without consulting the ones who would know. And finally -
you're not really going anywhere because you have no real
goals other than "a good life", which I'm pretty sure
everyone wants, and a relationship. IE - a person to live
through.
Imnotusnit (12:01:42 AM): Rationally, can you see why women are
hesitant?
VortexHunter1 (12:02:29 AM): Not exactly right. I have consulted with
people who have successful relationships, ie, my parents and my parents
friends.. I know what they entail.
Imnotusnit (12:02:47 AM): It works for them
Imnotusnit (12:02:50 AM): You're not them
Imnotusnit (12:02:57 AM): Why don't you ask the people who
have turned you down?
Imnotusnit (12:03:08 AM): PS - I promise I'm not trying to be
mean
VortexHunter1 (12:03:10 AM): And also, I don't believe it's entirely my fault
that some women have pushed me away
Imnotusnit (12:03:13 AM): I'm just outlaying a few things.
Imnotusnit (12:03:16 AM): Oh, undoubtedly
Imnotusnit (12:03:31 AM): And you're being a good sport about
the whole anonymous thing, so kudos :-(
VortexHunter1 (12:04:06 AM): *shrugs* Like I said, I'm laid-back, easy
going. Not much really gets to me.
Imnotusnit (12:04:14 AM): I'm not so sure.
VortexHunter1 (12:04:27 AM): well, except when my heart's involved
Imnotusnit (12:04:55 AM): What I suggest you do is reevaluate
yourself.
VortexHunter1 (12:04:58 AM): I'm just sick of the games, and the
double-standards
Imnotusnit (12:05:08 AM): Well, they'll be there sometimes
Imnotusnit (12:05:13 AM): Doesn't mean you have to play them
VortexHunter1 (12:05:13 AM): people telling me to be myself, and then
telling me to change
Imnotusnit (12:05:20 AM): Don't listen to group 2.
Imnotusnit (12:05:30 AM): I'll tell you the truth - I changed for the
woman I loved
Imnotusnit (12:05:35 AM): But it wasn't intentional.
VortexHunter1 (12:06:01 AM): well, which is it? I was being myself, but
you tell me to re-evaluate myself, which means possible change
Imnotusnit (12:06:11 AM): Because you're not being yourself!
VortexHunter1 (12:06:19 AM): ...
Imnotusnit (12:06:21 AM): You're being what you think you
should be
VortexHunter1 (12:06:38 AM): I'm being what I am. No offense, but I don't
think you really know me that well
Imnotusnit (12:06:45 AM): None taken - and I don't
Imnotusnit (12:07:06 AM): However - from what I see and
understand, I really don't think you're being honest with
yourself.
Imnotusnit (12:07:15 AM): You have no solid stances when it
comes to relationships
VortexHunter1 (12:07:30 AM): because no one gives me a chance
Imnotusnit (12:07:56 AM): Would you give you a chance, if your
perception of you was what I outlined above?
VortexHunter1 (12:08:04 AM): yes
Imnotusnit (12:08:13 AM): It doesn't make it all necessarily true,
but I only had to skim your entries and the comments to
garner that picture
Imnotusnit (12:08:25 AM): You are one of very few.
VortexHunter1 (12:08:30 AM): Then again, that's just me. I give everyone a
chance.
Imnotusnit (12:08:49 AM): Look at it this way - sometimes, a lot of
people think I'm an asshole
Imnotusnit (12:08:57 AM): It bothers me, but there's nothing I will
do about it
Imnotusnit (12:09:09 AM): Because the asshole they see is the
person I am.
Imnotusnit (12:09:14 AM): I'm also intrusive and nosy
Imnotusnit (12:09:19 AM): And overly blunt.
VortexHunter1 (12:09:19 AM): that's where we differ
Imnotusnit (12:09:46 AM): The people who are LEFT after I've
filtered out those who don't like me for who I am offer me
the best relationships I've ever had
VortexHunter1 (12:09:51 AM): I'm blunt, but if I'm doing something that
upsets someone, I try not to do it, unless it's really inane.
VortexHunter1 (12:10:07 AM): It's really about caring about others
Imnotusnit (12:10:08 AM): Do you think I'm that inane? :p
Imnotusnit (12:10:18 AM): I wouldn't do something deliberately
TO upset someone
VortexHunter1 (12:10:19 AM): dunno yet. I don't know you
Imnotusnit (12:10:45 AM): I don't care about many people I don't
know.
Imnotusnit (12:10:52 AM): It's just the truth about who I am
Imnotusnit (12:10:56 AM): I accept all my bad qualities.
VortexHunter1 (12:10:59 AM): No, but sometimes one says or does
something, that makes another upset. Not intentional, but I remember to
apologize and try not to do it again
VortexHunter1 (12:11:14 AM): accepting bad qualities isone thing. Doing
nothing about them is another
Imnotusnit (12:11:26 AM): Let's take that into perspective.
Imnotusnit (12:11:38 AM): I said I can be an asshole, intrusive,
nosy and overly blunt.
Imnotusnit (12:11:51 AM): There is nothing I would do about any
of that given a blank slate.
Imnotusnit (12:12:07 AM): I wouldn't pretend NOT to be that stuff
in order to present a different image of myself
Imnotusnit (12:12:15 AM): Because I don't want people to see
someone that's not me.
VortexHunter1 (12:12:37 AM): And someone could be an alcoholic. It's
who they are, they accept it, so why shoudl they change?
Imnotusnit (12:12:39 AM): HOWEVER, if - say - you'd started out
this conversation by saying "I really don't feel comfortable
talking to someone I don't know."
Imnotusnit (12:12:48 AM): I wouldn't have pressed
Imnotusnit (12:13:05 AM): There goes intrusiveness and nosy. If
people don't want me to be blunt, I just don't talk to them,
usually.
Imnotusnit (12:13:18 AM): Being an asshole depends on the
method, but I'll cut that down too.
Imnotusnit (12:13:25 AM): Do you see what I mean? It depends
on the situation.
Imnotusnit (12:13:53 AM): Re: your message, because my bad
qualities are self deprecating, whereas alcoholism can do
serious damage to oneself and others.
VortexHunter1 (12:14:10 AM): What makes you think your bad qualities
won't do harm to another?
Imnotusnit (12:14:21 AM): How could they?
VortexHunter1 (12:14:32 AM): let's put that in perspective:
VortexHunter1 (12:15:05 AM): A man is an alcoholic. He accepts it, and
yet never hurts anyone or yells at anyone
Imnotusnit (12:15:26 AM): Then he is only destroying himself
VortexHunter1 (12:15:28 AM): However, the man's family doesn't like it
anyway
Imnotusnit (12:15:48 AM): Well, if it's what the man decides he
should do to himself, that's the end of that story.
Imnotusnit (12:16:02 AM): My family would have liked a lot of
things for me to be different, but it's not who I am
Imnotusnit (12:16:14 AM): I'm not saying he SHOULDN'T change -
just that he won't, if he's already accepted it.
VortexHunter1 (12:16:18 AM): Regardless of the emotional hurt it brings to
others to see him do that to himself?
Imnotusnit (12:16:35 AM): Yes. because they have chosen to have
the emotional attachment to the man
Imnotusnit (12:16:44 AM): They have no right to tell him how to
live his life
Imnotusnit (12:16:48 AM): Only what they think.
VortexHunter1 (12:16:59 AM): I think that sets a dangerous path
Imnotusnit (12:17:08 AM): If he decides to change from that,
better on him. But you said he hurts nobody else and has
already accepted that he is an alcoholic.
VortexHunter1 (12:17:24 AM): We are all interconnected. We all live on the
same planet. What that amounts to, is saying I don't care about you
VortexHunter1 (12:17:41 AM): I only care about myself, and what I can do
for myself.
Imnotusnit (12:17:59 AM): I told you - I am relatively unconcerned
with most everyone I don't know.
VortexHunter1 (12:18:06 AM): you aren't important. Only I am. That
spawns a serious set of behaviors that causes a lack of respect for others
Imnotusnit (12:18:18 AM): How?
VortexHunter1 (12:18:36 AM): Well, if you're not important, and only I am,
let me take your wallet and beat you up
Imnotusnit (12:18:39 AM): You have to realize that not every
person takes that theory the same way.
Imnotusnit (12:18:56 AM): That's a pretty extreme situation
VortexHunter1 (12:19:03 AM): oh, of course. But maybe it's the way I was
raised, to care about everyone around me, even strangers
Imnotusnit (12:19:04 AM): Disregard does not infer power over
VortexHunter1 (12:19:19 AM): You know how soldiers are trained to kill?
Imnotusnit (12:19:27 AM): I am a soldier. :p
Imnotusnit (12:19:30 AM): (superhint 1)
Imnotusnit (12:19:48 AM): You had a question on your LJ once
that said: Personality is a matter of a) something, b)
something or c) choice
Imnotusnit (12:19:58 AM): Since I only remember one, guess which
one I think
VortexHunter1 (12:20:03 AM): it was: genes or choice
VortexHunter1 (12:20:09 AM): and then C: other
Imnotusnit (12:20:18 AM): I'm almost positive C was choice.
Imnotusnit (12:20:24 AM): Upbringing obviously affects who you
are.
VortexHunter1 (12:20:27 AM): no, I remember, and it was mine
Imnotusnit (12:20:29 AM): But after that, you are who you are
Imnotusnit (12:20:42 AM): You want to be like that? Care about
everyone else?
Imnotusnit (12:20:51 AM): Nobody said that was wrong. It's just
not how I am
Imnotusnit (12:20:58 AM): Can you accept that?
VortexHunter1 (12:21:24 AM): Why not? Somehow, to me, if nobody else
cared about anybody else... well, itmakes the world seem a bit colder
VortexHunter1 (12:21:31 AM): Why donate to charity then?
Imnotusnit (12:21:35 AM): Who says I don't care about anyone
else?
Imnotusnit (12:21:59 AM): I said that I am relatively unconcerned
with most everyone I don't know
VortexHunter1 (12:22:01 AM): If you care, you try to make people happy.
Even if it;s a little something
Imnotusnit (12:22:13 AM): That's not the way the world is.
Imnotusnit (12:22:16 AM): Realistically.
VortexHunter1 (12:22:31 AM): yep. And sometimes I wonder if that's the
reason the world is in teh shape it's in
Imnotusnit (12:22:39 AM): That's a whole nother debate.
Imnotusnit (12:22:45 AM): If I passed you on the street and you
caught my eye, I'd nod at you. Say hello. Smile if I was
having a good day.
VortexHunter1 (12:22:52 AM): Sometimes I wonder, if everyone just
showed a little more caring for others, we wouldn't have nearly the problems
we have now
Imnotusnit (12:22:53 AM): That doesn't mean I care about you.
Imnotusnit (12:23:06 AM): But I have basic respect for people on
the basis of being people.
Imnotusnit (12:23:14 AM): Does it matter? That's not the way it is.
VortexHunter1 (12:23:38 AM): then maybe it's time for that to be
re-evaluated
Imnotusnit (12:23:53 AM): You're not going to change the world.
VortexHunter1 (12:23:58 AM): what you're maybe trying to turn me into,
maybe that's not the way I am
Imnotusnit (12:24:08 AM): It's absolutely not, not right now.
VortexHunter1 (12:24:22 AM): that attitude enforces a sense of
helplessness. i can't do anything, so why bother?
Imnotusnit (12:24:23 AM): Look - you've closed yourself off to the
notion of what I've said
Imnotusnit (12:24:31 AM): )That can be overcome.)
Imnotusnit (12:24:46 AM): I probably offended you or something,
because now it's just a defensive debate.
VortexHunter1 (12:25:00 AM): Naw. Just the way I am.
Imnotusnit (12:25:08 AM): The point was - I wanted you to see
what was causing your bad luck
Imnotusnit (12:25:24 AM): And I'm relatively certain I'm right.
Imnotusnit (12:25:29 AM): (blunt)
VortexHunter1 (12:25:46 AM): Not totally. Each attempt was ended in
different manners
Imnotusnit (12:26:02 AM): The specifics don't matter if the
generalities are all jacked up
Imnotusnit (12:26:06 AM): IE the ones I pointed out
VortexHunter1 (12:26:09 AM): One girl, apparently distanced herself
because she felt I was brushing her off
Imnotusnit (12:26:27 AM): So do you know who I am yet?
VortexHunter1 (12:26:37 AM): Riukk?
Imnotusnit (12:26:44 AM): No. You have talked to me on LJ ONE
time
Imnotusnit (12:26:48 AM): On someone else's journal.
VortexHunter1 (12:26:57 AM): that's vague
Imnotusnit (12:27:10 AM): Yep. But if I pointed out that me being
a soldier was important
VortexHunter1 (12:27:32 AM): on Mandy's journal?
Imnotusnit (12:27:35 AM): Yep.
VortexHunter1 (12:28:02 AM): are you Loony bob? Scott?
Imnotusnit (12:28:08 AM): Those were the ones that failed
Imnotusnit (12:28:17 AM): They're both my buddies, though.
Imnotusnit (12:28:22 AM): Well, Scott not so much.
Imnotusnit (12:28:34 AM):
http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=ziranath
VortexHunter1 (12:28:54 AM): She told me about him. I don't think I would
have liked him too well, for what he did
Imnotusnit (12:29:00 AM): Scott?
Imnotusnit (12:29:04 AM): I agree.
Imnotusnit (12:29:10 AM): I'm Paul.
Imnotusnit (12:29:17 AM): What kind of fun stuff have you heard
about me, if anything?
Imnotusnit (12:29:29 AM): As far as I know she doesn't talk about
me too much.
VortexHunter1 (12:29:42 AM): The paul that used her in california?
Imnotusnit (12:29:53 AM): Used?
Imnotusnit (12:30:04 AM): Wow.
Imnotusnit (12:30:09 AM): When'd you hear that?
VortexHunter1 (12:30:14 AM): played with her for a week, then went off
with someone else?
Imnotusnit (12:30:49 AM): You must have talked to her from Feb.
04 to about ... July 04 to get that.
Imnotusnit (12:30:57 AM): Or did she tell you that relatively
recently?
VortexHunter1 (12:31:19 AM): She told me about it, oh, end of 04 actually
VortexHunter1 (12:31:50 AM): however bad I may be, I don't just up and go
for someone else after screwing one person. I'm sorry, but I don't see that
as acceptable
Imnotusnit (12:32:09 AM): That's fine. I don't expect you to know
the situation, anyway.
Imnotusnit (12:32:29 AM): And it's not like she didn't have her
share of cheating on me.
VortexHunter1 (12:32:46 AM): ?
Imnotusnit (12:33:19 AM): She cheated on me when we were
together. Not only were we not together when she left
California, but it was 7 months or whereabouts later, and I
asked if she would be okay with it.
Imnotusnit (12:33:28 AM):
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ziranath/129690.html
VortexHunter1 (12:33:31 AM): to hear her tell it, you sent her a postcard
bragging of being with someone else. She still thinks of you as a friend,
though, and was thinking of gettig back together with you
Imnotusnit (12:33:45 AM): Um.
Imnotusnit (12:33:48 AM): That's not true.
Imnotusnit (12:33:54 AM): We're engaged.
VortexHunter1 (12:34:02 AM): You and Mandy are engaged?
Imnotusnit (12:34:06 AM): We've been together again since Oct .
Imnotusnit (12:34:07 AM): Yes.
Imnotusnit (12:34:17 AM): What I linked you to - that's the truth.
VortexHunter1 (12:34:24 AM): She said she was having a relationship with
Brian
Imnotusnit (12:34:43 AM): When was that?
Imnotusnit (12:34:53 AM): Cause she'd cheated with a pal named
Flo
VortexHunter1 (12:34:55 AM): lately. She's getting married to him ingame
Imnotusnit (12:35:00 AM): If you've ever heard of that guy.
VortexHunter1 (12:35:11 AM): Heard about him once or twice.
Imnotusnit (12:35:26 AM): What she does with anyone IG doesn't
bother me as long as we're not together.
Imnotusnit (12:35:37 AM): I told her that before I left for Basic.
VortexHunter1 (12:35:51 AM): And according to Brian, he's going to visit
her and do all sorts of things with her
VortexHunter1 (12:36:04 AM): She said they were going to try a
relationship
Imnotusnit (12:36:14 AM): When was all this?
VortexHunter1 (12:36:31 AM): oh, about a month ago, I think
Imnotusnit (12:37:06 AM): Well, I don't think you should buy it. :p
VortexHunter1 (12:37:36 AM): She broke things off with me in January,
and then later told me about Brian, when I was trying to see if maybe we
could get back together. She said she didn't want to tell me before so as
not to hurtme
Imnotusnit (12:37:54 AM): Have you met, or ever seen, Brian?
VortexHunter1 (12:38:03 AM): only ingame
Imnotusnit (12:38:11 AM): Cyro?
VortexHunter1 (12:38:15 AM): yep
Imnotusnit (12:38:18 AM): He doesn't have a chance. :p
VortexHunter1 (12:38:34 AM): that's not how I hear it
Imnotusnit (12:38:52 AM): Well, I told her she could do as she
pleased.
Imnotusnit (12:39:05 AM): But he's not getting her from me.
VortexHunter1 (12:39:55 AM): I think the whole thing is messed up. I don't
know who is right and what's really going on. But however many problems I
may have, I would never cheat on anyone
Imnotusnit (12:40:05 AM): I have never cheated on anyone.
Imnotusnit (12:40:08 AM): Nor will I ever.
VortexHunter1 (12:40:19 AM): To be blunt: I don't know that about you
Imnotusnit (12:40:24 AM): That's fine.
Imnotusnit (12:40:43 AM): See, though - if I'd told you who I was
right off the bat, we wouldn't have had any sort of
discussion akin to what we'd had.
Imnotusnit (12:40:49 AM): I knew you liked Mandy, because she
told me all about you.
Imnotusnit (12:41:07 AM): And I figured that you knew about me
in some sense, and based off that, didn't like me.
VortexHunter1 (12:41:16 AM): What did she tell you about me?
Imnotusnit (12:41:21 AM): Well, the truth is, Mandy can be two
faced at times.
Imnotusnit (12:41:39 AM): The things she told me, I summed up in
what I told you. I promise I'd show you the log if I still had
it.
Imnotusnit (12:41:51 AM): I trust Mandy to be truthful with me.
Imnotusnit (12:42:01 AM): She lied once, and she knows she has
one more chance.
VortexHunter1 (12:42:05 AM): Well, obviously she hasn't
Imnotusnit (12:42:09 AM): How not?
Imnotusnit (12:42:19 AM): I don't get on with her and say WHO
ARE YOU SEEING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
VortexHunter1 (12:42:20 AM): She didn't tell you all about Brian and her
plans with him
Imnotusnit (12:42:32 AM): I know about him as Cyro, remember?
Imnotusnit (12:42:39 AM): And I know all about him
VortexHunter1 (12:42:45 AM): yes. But you didn't know she was getting
back together with him
Imnotusnit (12:42:58 AM): For the third, or possibly fourth, time:
She can do as she pleases
Imnotusnit (12:43:21 AM): Because when I get out there, she's
mine.
Imnotusnit (12:43:30 AM): Until then, I wouldn't restrict her.
VortexHunter1 (12:43:40 AM): yeah, I know that. But if there's one thing I
know, it's good relationships, and what it takes to make a healthy one
VortexHunter1 (12:43:47 AM): that's not the sign of one
Imnotusnit (12:43:48 AM): I sincerely doubt that.
Imnotusnit (12:44:02 AM): That's fine. It can never work for you. I
can accept that.
VortexHunter1 (12:44:04 AM): Remember? Parents married almost 40
years here?
Imnotusnit (12:44:16 AM): Doesn't matter a bit. I manage under
unconventional circumstances.
Imnotusnit (12:44:54 AM): Click on that link I sent you and search
for Mandy. The date on that is 5/10/2004.
Imnotusnit (12:45:25 AM): Everything there is the truth of what
happened with us up until THAT time.
Imnotusnit (12:46:07 AM): The endstate is this: I'm in the Army
and I'm getting stationed in Germany.
Imnotusnit (12:46:21 AM): She will be here from May 11 to May
18, once I graduate from the place I'm at.
Imnotusnit (12:46:37 AM): From there, I either go to Germany or
don't. I don't know how it's going to go yet. The point is, I
will end up there.
Imnotusnit (12:46:49 AM): If I have to go to Iraq - that's another
year that she's free to do as she pleases.
Imnotusnit (12:47:12 AM): Because I'll tell you this; restricting a
lonely person never, ever helps your cause.
Imnotusnit (12:47:17 AM): But, in the end, she is mine.
Imnotusnit (12:47:30 AM): And I am hers.
Imnotusnit (12:47:41 AM): If you don't agree with that, okay.
VortexHunter1 (12:48:21 AM): No, just thinking. If she really is two-faced,
and based on how things hav gone between you two, then it won't work
Imnotusnit (12:48:47 AM): That's fine.
VortexHunter1 (12:48:53 AM): The problems from before are still there, and
if they haven't been resolved by now, if she is deciding between two guys,
then she really isn't yours.
Imnotusnit (12:48:55 AM): I don't expect she displays us to you.
Imnotusnit (12:49:08 AM): And neither will I, past what I post.
Imnotusnit (12:49:17 AM): There is no decision. It's already been
made.
VortexHunter1 (12:50:17 AM): hmm, interesting. Then she's leading Cyro
on
Imnotusnit (12:50:28 AM): Yes.
VortexHunter1 (12:50:35 AM): if that's the case, how do you know she's
not leading you on?
Imnotusnit (12:50:40 AM): I told you, already.
Imnotusnit (12:50:44 AM): She has my trust one more time.
VortexHunter1 (12:50:57 AM): That's exactly what she said to Brian
VortexHunter1 (12:51:12 AM): I find this very interesting indeed
Imnotusnit (12:51:16 AM): What did she say?
VortexHunter1 (12:52:58 AM): She said that the best relationships come of
friendships, that she's going to try with Brian again. I asked her about him
betraying her, and she said that he has one more chance with her. If he
screws it up with her, then she's gone
VortexHunter1 (12:53:13 AM): It's funny, because your name did come up
too
VortexHunter1 (12:53:44 AM): I knew you were planning to visit, and back
when I thought Mandy was interested in me, she said I could visit, and that
you'd be coming as a friend, nothing more
Imnotusnit (12:54:10 AM): I never planned to visit her.
VortexHunter1 (12:54:29 AM): but when I was talking to her about Brian,
she was saying how you would visit, and she'd see what might happen.
Whether friends, or something more
VortexHunter1 (12:54:49 AM): Well, she said now, that it wasn't a visit,
but that you were moving to Germany to be close to her
Imnotusnit (12:55:10 AM): Hee. Well.
VortexHunter1 (12:55:12 AM): I asked her then, if you were a backup in
case Brian failed, and she said no, that I had misunderstood. She was with
Brian.
Imnotusnit (12:55:40 AM): How about this - ask her about me next
time you see her. Get as clear of a picture as you can, and
then tell her I said "Check the other."
VortexHunter1 (12:56:52 AM): Well, I'll say this much
VortexHunter1 (12:57:05 AM): I don't think I'm as wrong about things as I
was before
VortexHunter1 (12:57:17 AM): or at least, how I thought about things
Imnotusnit (12:57:36 AM): I think a couple more guys are going to
be angry at her.
VortexHunter1 (12:57:48 AM): I personally think she's still young, as are
you
Imnotusnit (12:57:54 AM): Yep.
VortexHunter1 (12:58:03 AM): and I think you all have some more growing
up to do
Imnotusnit (12:58:17 AM): Little bearing. :p
VortexHunter1 (12:58:32 AM): the young always say that. Teenages know
all
Imnotusnit (12:58:57 AM): I meant coming from you. Remember,
I never mean offense.
VortexHunter1 (12:59:06 AM): Whatever else I may be, I'm only dedicated
to one person at a time. When it dosn't work out, I give them up
Imnotusnit (12:59:21 AM): I am also only dedicated to one person
at a time.
VortexHunter1 (12:59:40 AM): Well now, see, I don't know that. From what
I've heard, you weren't
Imnotusnit (12:59:53 AM): What you've heard doesn't concern me.
VortexHunter1 (12:59:55 AM): so I'm getting conflicting stories
Imnotusnit (1:00:02 AM): I know what the truth is as far as I go.
Imnotusnit (1:00:10 AM): And I know what I believe to be the
truth as far as she goes.
Imnotusnit (1:00:13 AM): That's all I need.
VortexHunter1 (1:00:30 AM): no relationship will work, if one person is
prone to cheating
VortexHunter1 (1:00:41 AM): from where I stand, that's either you or
Mandy
Imnotusnit (1:00:46 AM): You can hear horror stories about me all
you like and build your own image. It's up to you to have
any trust in me and change the image, but it doesn't matter if
you do or do not.
Imnotusnit (1:01:02 AM): I don't foresee a friendship with you
because of your misconceptions and preconceptions, but I
could be wrong.
Imnotusnit (1:01:18 AM): And also because you still like my
fiancee. :-(
VortexHunter1 (1:01:25 AM): Well, considering I heard such stories from
Mandy, either you're telling the truth, and that makes her a liar. Or she's
telling the truth, and you'r a liar
Imnotusnit (1:01:33 AM): But I don't blame you, because she is
likable.
VortexHunter1 (1:01:36 AM): I care about her, yes
Imnotusnit (1:01:39 AM): Well, she is more prone to lying.
Imnotusnit (1:01:51 AM): I don't like to think of her as a liar, but
she does lie.
Imnotusnit (1:01:55 AM): And she has admitted it to me before.
Imnotusnit (1:02:02 AM): I have never lied to her.
VortexHunter1 (1:02:05 AM): Ironic, because the reason she broke things
off with me, was because I told a minor lie
VortexHunter1 (1:02:16 AM): did she tell you about that?
Imnotusnit (1:02:22 AM): Yeah, honesty's pretty awesome.
Imnotusnit (1:02:31 AM): No, I don't know about most of her
flings.
VortexHunter1 (1:02:44 AM): I don't think I was even a fling
VortexHunter1 (1:02:53 AM): Honestly, I feel pretty used
Imnotusnit (1:03:19 AM): Well, if you're going to tirade about it,
either send the whole log to her or MAKE SURE you tell her
"Check the other."
VortexHunter1 (1:03:38 AM): yeah, I will.
Imnotusnit (1:03:43 AM): Thank you :-)
VortexHunter1 (1:04:45 AM): Listen, I don't really hate anyone. If you really
want to know how I feel,
VortexHunter1 (1:04:58 AM): and what happened between us
VortexHunter1 (1:05:38 AM): gradually, we started talking more and more
ingame. She said I was intriguing, and she liked me. She agreed with me,
that anything that happened, would go slow, which is what we both wanted
VortexHunter1 (1:06:18 AM): We were mostly friends, and I thought we
were keeping feelings on the back burner for now, but that something may
happen in the future
VortexHunter1 (1:06:57 AM): Along the way, I made up a relationship I
didn't have, because I thought that not having had any, would make me
seem pathetic
Imnotusnit (1:07:11 AM): TwistedMascara: I... would love to marry
you, but I do think we should meet up and see just how
much we've changed to make sure it's the right decision.
Imnotusnit: well, we're meeting up anyway :p
TwistedMascara: Aye. :O
Imnotusnit: i didn't want to do this online
Imnotusnit: but i didn't want to dump it on your shoulders
when you got out here
Imnotusnit: cause i knew i wouldn't be able to hold it for
long
Imnotusnit: i can keep my country's secrets, but i'm no good
with personal secrets :p
TwistedMascara: You did hold it for 5 months. =P
Imnotusnit: not very well
Imnotusnit: everyone knows :p
TwistedMascara: But me -_-
Imnotusnit (1:07:18 AM): Imnotusnit: It's cause I'm scared!
TwistedMascara: Of WHAT
Imnotusnit: I'm not always super confident you know
Imnotusnit: Of you not feeling the same
TwistedMascara: You know, it used to be the other way
around..
Imnotusnit: Yes, I do know that
Imnotusnit: But you never took that initiative :p
TwistedMascara: Because I was pretty sure I didn't mean
much to you for quite a while. :P
Imnotusnit: you were wrong
Imnotusnit: I just knew from my past experience that if it
were ever to get to this, i couldn't do like i'd done in
previous relationships
Imnotusnit (1:08:34 AM): Proving that I'm not pulling this stuff
out of my ass.
VortexHunter1 (1:08:36 AM): However, as she's probably told you, I can't
really stand lying to people, and so voluntarily came forward to tell her
VortexHunter1 (1:08:55 AM): Well, now, that is interesting. But it says
something about you, too.
Imnotusnit (1:09:08 AM): What?
VortexHunter1 (1:09:46 AM): *If* Mandy is being two-faced, she'll cheat
you again. And again, and again. And you'll grow tired of it, and the
relationship will end again
Imnotusnit (1:10:01 AM): All it will take is 1 again.
VortexHunter1 (1:10:01 AM): in other words, neither one of you is ready for
this
VortexHunter1 (1:10:19 AM): Don't kid yourself, you'll come back
Imnotusnit (1:10:21 AM): Look, I'm sorry. But coming from
someone who's never, ever had a successful relationship, that
means nothing
Imnotusnit (1:10:38 AM): Shit. I'm twenty and I have tons more
experience than you.
VortexHunter1 (1:10:54 AM): You're right about that. I'm beginning to think,
because I got my advise from my parents, that I'm actually ahead of the
curve, and hence my failures
Imnotusnit (1:10:59 AM): I already told you - I know what I will
do, because I'm honest with myself.
Imnotusnit (1:11:07 AM): You can think that if you need an excuse
that badly.
Imnotusnit (1:11:22 AM):
http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=1092313049572209
9489
VortexHunter1 (1:11:24 AM): hey, just being blunt in return
Imnotusnit (1:11:34 AM): You're fully within your rights.
Imnotusnit (1:11:58 AM): But if you are going to take that avenue,
I am within my rights to inform you that I honestly don't care
about what you think with as limited an understanding as
you have
Imnotusnit (1:12:08 AM): Regarding us, specifically, but regarding
relationships at all, too.
Imnotusnit (1:12:15 AM): What I'm doing could never work for
you.
Imnotusnit (1:12:23 AM): Got it.
Imnotusnit (1:12:29 AM): That doesn't mean it wouldn't work for
anyone else.
VortexHunter1 (1:13:35 AM): There are studies on relationships that work,
and ones that don't. I won't say it won't work, just that it's statistically
unlikely, and unhealthy
Imnotusnit (1:13:52 AM): Unhealthy is questionable.
Imnotusnit (1:13:57 AM): Unlikely I can deal with.
VortexHunter1 (1:14:46 AM): Look, this has been an interesting and
informative convesation, and I have learned a lot. Like anything, I do listen
and try to understand
Imnotusnit (1:14:58 AM): Do you?
Imnotusnit (1:15:18 AM): I was going to go to bed an hour ago
and I took time out for you!
VortexHunter1 (1:15:29 AM): I was going to go to bed, too
Imnotusnit (1:15:32 AM): You should feel special since I'm up for
like 18 hours at a time usually. :-(
VortexHunter1 (1:15:54 AM): But I also need time to reflect on what I've
heard. I don't accept everything right away
Imnotusnit (1:16:00 AM): That's fine.
Imnotusnit (1:16:27 AM): Go ahead and go through my journal
with a fine tooth comb, should you feel like it.
Imnotusnit (1:16:38 AM): I can be quite the asshole, as you now
realize. :p
Imnotusnit (1:16:41 AM): But I would never lie.
VortexHunter1 (1:17:15 AM): Everyone lies.
Imnotusnit (1:17:41 AM): You'd think. :-(
VortexHunter1 (1:17:45 AM): The only considerations are the
circumstances of the lie, how it came about, what it means to those
involved, how its revealed
VortexHunter1 (1:18:34 AM): So, if you understand it from my side, I've
heard 2-3 different versions of things. I currently have no way to know for
sure which is the right version.
Imnotusnit (1:18:52 AM): I wouldn't sweat it.
Imnotusnit (1:18:58 AM): You probably won't get a straight story
out of her either.
VortexHunter1 (1:19:21 AM): No. Whatever else may happen, she is my
friend. I do care about her.
Imnotusnit (1:19:50 AM): Then realize that this is a facet of who
she is.
VortexHunter1 (1:20:07 AM): or maybe, it's who she's become to hide
herself
Imnotusnit (1:20:37 AM): Perhaps.
VortexHunter1 (1:20:46 AM): I won't say for sure, either way. But she
deserves to be cared about. Everyone deserves that
Imnotusnit (1:21:00 AM): I can think of a few to the contrary...
VortexHunter1 (1:21:34 AM): Perhaps. There are prices to be paid
sometimes. But every soul can be redeemed
Imnotusnit (1:22:00 AM): If for any reason you desire any sort of
friendship, I offer it to you, but be warned - I am always who
I am. :p
VortexHunter1 (1:22:13 AM): sometimes, people become who they are,
because no one cared about them
Imnotusnit (1:22:15 AM): Non Mandy/relationship conversations
can occur.
VortexHunter1 (1:22:54 AM): maybe, we'll see. I'm not going to make
decisions like that right now, though. It's late here, and I'll need to sleep on
things, and perhaps have some conversations
Imnotusnit (1:23:14 AM): Your call.
