Rice is the intentional useless modification of a vehicle. There are millions of people out there who understand the value of making real racing vehicles and actually increasing the performance of their cars. This project is not directed at those individuals.

Rice is the unneccessary, heavy spoiler. Rice is the Japanese characters on an American car. Rice is the application of brand names and corporate logos to a mechanically obsolete vehicle. Rice is abundant. Rice is everywhere. Rice is the intentional faking of racing success.

Since motorized transport was invented, people have been racing automobiles. Over a century of progress in automotive technology can be directly related to advances that have been born out of the search for higher speeds and tighter corners. A million men and women have made successful careers of this. It is this progress, and this real racing, that I strictly believe in.

But now, we see rice. Here is a stereotypical example of a common rice modification: "Euro" style or Altezza taillights. These clear plastic replacement taillight lenses were first introduced on the Toyota Altezza, mechanical cousin to America's Lexus IS300. The origin of the title "Euro," however, remains a mystery, since European cars do not have clear taillights. This is an example of a part that has surpassed any logical use by the owner of a vehicle, furthering itself only because young teens saw it on another automobile and decided that they must have it. Next we have the spoiler. A spoiler is necessary for high-speed cornering, as it creates downforce over the vehicle to create pressure on the ground, enhancing cornering performance. Though this may seem like a worthwhile performance add-on, one must remember a specific fact about rice: All ricers believe strictly in drag racing. A car moving in a straight line does not need a spoiler.

At this point, then, the Euro taillights have joined the spoilers. Added to these "trendy" styles are the Ridiculous Paint Job and Improper Lowering of Vehicle. Past this we have Stickers and Badges, and, after this, we have Stickers and Badges From Other Vehicles/Companies. From here, well, the ricers devote a lot of ingenuity towards trying to imitate Hollywood and racing magazines.

In the end, what we have here is millions of people, spending precious money and resources in a lengthy pursuit of having the same "cool" stuff on their car as everyone else. And this is not, in itself, a problem. People may modify their cars however they like, after all, lots of people drive SUV's and never leave the pavement, right?

Correct. Where I deviate from the subject is at the point where the racing becomes fake. There is a line, and on side, people have useful hobbies and careers dedicating towards turning the cars towards performance. On the other side of this line, there are people who devote their cars mostly towards style. A decent example of these would be low-riders. On this line, however, we encounter a large group (it's a pretty fat line, really), of people whose cars do NOT have personal style (because they copied everyone else) and whose cars do NOT have any performance merit whatsoever in the racing world (Modified Civics, Eclipses, etc.) These people, whether they are aware of it or not, have constructed vehicles that FAIL to meet the requirements on either side of the line. They are not stylish and they fail to perform. In many ways, they completely reduce what were once fine machines to unreliable, ugly, and completely unsellable piles of junk. In the near future, there will be millions of wasted Honda Civics, economy cars ruined by big exhausts and botched suspension setups, misrigged wiring, and a million dents and scratches from bad driving.

I'm sure that many readers are wondering what I drive. My car is a 1995 Saturn SC2. Although Saturn is the butt of many automotive jokes, I have received a lot of satisfaction out of this decent-performing car, and it does not bother me in the least that the car is slower than an Acura Integra (but, just for the record, considerably faster than any stock Honda Civic, Mitsubishi Lancer (yes, even the special "OZ" version, which has no performance differences), as well as countless older vehicles that no longer have any performance merit whatsoever, such as a Geo Metro. In the end, my car takes real good care of me, and I am satisfied with it even though it is not a racing vehicle. Should I one day decide that racing vehicles would make an enjoyable hobby, you can all be assured that I will not use this car or any other economy car. It also has fun pop-up headlights. (read: Honda Civic.)

Please feel free to look about the website and be sure to sign my guestbook! I'm sorry that updates are slow, but, if you must know, the projects' total price is still under $20, so if you have lots and lots of funding, maybe you could give it to me and we'd work faster. For those who want to see the bad rice that I have the most disdain for, visit www.ricecop.com.orwww.beaterz.com.orwww.jerseyrice.com.

Now is also a good time for me to indicate that the term RICE is not a racial slur against Asians. People of all cultures have participated in this fad, so nothing I do or say can be construed as racism.

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~ Kevin Kernaghan