Cast:
Mother
Father
Son
Daughter
{A typical family (one mother, one daughter [17], one son [8]) is sitting down on the couch waiting for the father to come home)
Mother: Ok kids, now I know this may be tough. But, as you know, after the incident your father hasn’t been the same. And I have been talking to a counselor and she thinks that we need to just all tell your father how we feel. Can you do that kids?
Son: Yeah.
Daughter: What ever.
Mother: Ok. Great. (looks out window) Ok here comes your father.
(enter father with alien worm stuck to his ear)
Father: Greetings. Family. My day was joyous and profitable. That Carl was quite the humorous individual in front of the water dispenser. He did an Austin Powers impression and observed the many Starbucks in this region. How was your day young female daughter?
Daughter: Fine.
Father: And how about you slugger?
Son: Daddy how come your nose is bleeding purple?
Father: Shut up.
Mother: Honey, I think we need to talk. Will you sit down for a second?
Father: Your request will be accepted. (he sits down) .
Mother: Now honey. The kids and I think that you haven’t been the same, after the alien worm attached itself to her head.
Father: Worm? What worm?
Mother: Stop it! Just stop it! Everyone knows! The neighbors, my mother, our priest. This is a small town Fred, everyone knows everyone’s business. You don’t think I hear you when you sneak out the window and mutilate cattle. Do you think you are fooling anyone when you have to “work late”, we know you are just out terraforming without your family.
Son: We used to play catch daddy. Now you just spend all your time in the basement hacking into government files and making destructo rays.
Father: So I am a workaholic. It is my dis-function, I will repair.
Mother: Honey, this is bigger than you. We can work through is together.
Father: Unacceptable. I need to read the daily events in today’s information tube. (gets out newspaper)
Mother: We heard about Candice Johnson. You probed her didn’t you?
Father: So what is for our evening feeding? Pig I hope.
Mother: Quit changing the subject. We know you aren’t perfect, but we still love you.
Father: Love? I am not familiar with said emotion.
Mother: How can you say that? After all we been through.
Daughter: I am sorry I have to pop out early, since this is a ton of fun. But I have a date with the Tom Harkins, the star quarter back.
Father: Unacceptable. His desire to mate with you is too great. Also it is a school night. I was hoping we would play a board game. Since I was so busy lately. We can use it to bond.
Son: A board game? Great.
Mother: Well ok. But, we are talking about this later.
Father: This game I manufactured myself. You first role the dice and then let me inject you with a chemical to see what it does to your pathetic, weak ,human autonomy.
Mother: You weren't complaining about my autonomy last night.
Son: Dad can we just play Monolopoy?
Father: Acceptable.
Son: I’ll go get it. (he runs off to get it)
Mother: They grow so fast.
Father: Yes his larva state is almost complete, then it will be time for the harvest.
Mother: What?
Father: Umm harvest of love.
(son enters again with Monopoly. He opens the box and takes out the board.)
Father: Why is Boardwalk so many earth credits? Is it Earth Capital?
Mother: Honey there is no Earth Capital.
Son: I want to be the doggy.
Father: I want to be the space cruiser.
Mother: Honey that’s an iron.
Daughter: Dad you are so embarrassing. I hate you. (she leaves)
Father: Her mood swings are getting annoying she will not live through the night.
Mother: Now every father says that, but deep down they all love their daughters.
Father: No really! Her earth blood will flow. Let’s begin the game.
Son: I love you dad.
Father: Quite fool. Let the carnage begin.
(rolls dice)
Son: Sales Tax.
Father: Dang it.
Copyrighted: Johnny Mello, 2004