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i have no idea

okay, i can't match this to my normal color scheme thingyhead cuz i don't remember what colors i'm using cuz i'm an asshole and i deserve to die, kill me now. anyway, a bit ago i was laying on the couch with dave while he slept and i was reading the old notes people wrote me in school that i keep in my bag. some of them are pretty funny....especially holly's. that crazy holly...i heart her. jesus, when's the last time i took a shower? it was much too long ago, i can tell you that. cleanliness is my friend...when i get home i'm going to make myself clean and that will be cool. and then i'll get my mental ass mentally kicked and i won't take it well cuz i'm mental. cyndi is very unhappy with me right now...i have no idea what she's gonna say to me. i'm kinda scared. but, idunno. whatever. i deserve to die. can i kill myself now? no, my daughter still lives. not that i'm doing her any good right now. i wish i could take her away with me. but...to where? to a big, old church where we can live with magan and louis and hang meat hooks from the ceiling. that is my ideal life right now...i want to live with magan and louis. the two weeks i spent with them in michigan were fucking awesome. i love those two to death. and, i want my daughter to live with me. if she wants to, that is. i would be fine with living with all my friends, but...well...my friends can be antisocial. it might not be a good idea to throw us all into one building together. by the time i could actually get a place with magan and louis all my other friends will probably be all set and not have to stay with me anyway. but right now, laura needs a mother. and i can't be there for her, and that makes me sad. i can see her and jess getting an apartment together...man, they would go crazy. those two girls are hilarious. poor dave, so tired. i am not tired enough to sleep. i want to sleep forever though.

"i kinda like it in a coma, and i don't think i wanna ever come back to this world again..."

trip inside my head: i will type my thoughts continously for a while now.
i fucking hate...elves? no, i don't hate elves. i hate everything. why did i say i hated elves? "back seat windows..." fucking hell, i'm going to kill my daughter's sister. that little whore. i hope she rots in heaven. what was that noise? it sounded like an animal noise. not that it matters. fuck you, caitlin. you fucking sound like fucking eeyore. jesus h. christ. h? shut up, holly! damn you! how dare you live in my head, where things go unsaid, i wish i were dead....stop that! now you're spouting poetry! holly, go away. i love you, but get out of my head right now okay hun? i'm trying to be myself right now. who the fuck am i talking to? you're talking to yourself, caitlin. why the FUCK did you have to put that in italics?! that was rediculous! "why the fuck did you hug my head?" ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. ha ha ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *silent laughter* okay wait....what's going on? nothing's going on. i'm doing my usual thing. nothing! and that is what's going on, and therefore nothing is going on, hence definitely. brr, my fingers are cooooold. "back seat..." DIE, BITCH! FUCKING DIE! i hate everything. but i don't hate elves. elves are cool.
okay you know what, that's all the trip inside my head you need right now. who am i talking to now? get it together, morgendorffer! argh, too much daria. i should probably...get off? sign off? but i wanna stay on just in case someone talks to me cuz i'm a poor lonely lost puppy. boo hoo. but you see, you see my train of thought? it doesn't connect well. and it doesn't make a lot of sense. but, well, i don't know what a normal person writing/typing without stopping sounds like, so i can't compare myself. "noooothing compares...to you." poor me, i'm really gonna take an emotional beating tomorrow. i hope cyndi doesn't yell at me too much. i don't like getting yelled at. this is so useless...i'm not even really thinking about anything. i'm just bitching. i suck.