Ben Goldberg:
"Being weird is cool. Masturbation is important."
"Everyone needs hugs. Even Anthony Hopkins and Aleister Crowley."
Caitlin Madison:
"It's hard to be religious when you're an atheist."
"How am I supposed to lose weight if I keep getting hungry?"
"I have to go both ways on the mini-bus tomorrow."
"Empower my squeaky voice? Are you nuts?!"
"Thank god you didn't urinate on each other!"
"I'm smart and I'm waving my pinkie at you."
"Well, I was ripping my face off but I think I'm done now."
"Nuh-uh, I'm normal cuz...I just woke up."
"You don't need to be a transexual frog to be gifted."
"I always have trouble breathing when i'm underwater."
"You're spilling my yummies."
"I'm driving into headache country and I don't want to be there."
"The Playstation is on! I turned it on! Twice!"
"Don't play the enemy game with my boobies."
"The whole purpose of motion is that I'm an X."
"Your elbow and my leg together equal not happiness."
"You're a whore, you're a whore, you're a dirty whore you whore, oh no I'm a stupidhead!"
The voice in my head:
"I'm a lonely pigeon, flop flop."
Holly Schafer:
"I'm not a big orange person."
"I think it's about time for me to put my pants on."
"Vampire stories? Those wouldn't be...EROTIC vampire stories, would they?"
"I whack you with my pornographic literature!"
"Ying ying ying ying. Woooooooo woooooo woo!"
"Oh no! I've been eating my corn in rows of two and there's five rows left!"
"I do not have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I do not have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I do not have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I do not have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I do not have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."
"We understand...yes...jerking him off, yes, let's see it. Less angst, more fucking. God, isn't that the story of my life?"
Laura:
"You may not leave until I remove my head from your pelvic area."
"I love admiring dead butterflies!"
"This Gatorade is yellow & tastes like pee. Coincidence? Gawd I hope so!"
Lotus:
"Your pussy is acting suspicious."
"I wish I was as cool as the guy in the Coke bottle."
"Diana Ross? Wasn't that the queen of England?"
"Belching and sneezing and farting like men! Yes! Yes! Yes!"
"We can't lose this...wait, where'd it go?"
"I spy with my little eye...oops! I just blinded myself."
"I wish i could delete these with my stomach."
"Just because you're old doesn't mean you have to explode."
"Wow! You wanna go hit someone?"
"You stoned little ratfaced cutie, I just wanna touch your...beep!"
"There's no point in living when me seepy you wake."
"I am god. I like fried chicken and spaghetti."
"Mmm, smells like Jesus."
"Sometimes you have to put a negative to your ass and say 'hey look at me, I can fly!'"
"I try to think reality into my head."
"If you ever see a white rainbow, run."
"When you open the bible isn't there boobies in there?"
Arianna:
"She's making mushroom tea, I think she deserves to have no face."
"Do you know how much fun the world would be if everyone was retarted?"
Ondria:
"I don't know about you, but I don't think I'd be able to stand up to a teddy bear that big."
Megan Denley:
"Reality is for losers."
"Someone is going to have a very flavorful noodle."
"Caitlin? I don't remember you being square and covered in cloth."
"Get back here! I still have every intention of tying you around my head!"
"Damn you, Megan! Don't eat silly putty!"
"I had applesauce and...I remember putting something else in my mouth, I'm going to assume it was food."
"Someone ate all the whipped cream and replaced it with bloody hunks of meat."
"Nipples make me nervous."
"I'd rather cheat on someone than do paperwork constantly."
"Oh look, the aborted fetus turned into cotton candy."
"God had yet to reveal his other eggy parts."
"I don't hate you. Hating you would be time consuming."
"Don't insult the rabid George woman."
"I have to stab it more, but I'm lazy."
The Voice in Megan's Head:
"DRINK IT! DRINK IT ALL NOW BEFORE LOVE BECOMES LIKE MASTURBATING A DEAD CHICKEN (AND YOU KNOW IT WILL)!!!"
Erin Denley:
"Another fly on Evil's windshield."
"Do you mind if i oscillate?"
"Should I choke on it or stick it up my nose?"
"Our tampons are your tampons."
"You have to jump up there and do that light bulb yourself."
"By the way, I don't mean to keep staring at your crotch, it's just there."
"Would you like to water my pork tree?
Dave:
"You're not dead. You're lying. I'm not going to have sex with you."
Traci:
"Porno movies are the only good use for an alto saxophone besides jazz."
Marty:
"I'm fuck stupid."
"Woah, my Slurpee froze."
"This is the coldest Slurpee I've ever had."
"Why is the water raining and not my windsheild?"
Jesus:
"Tried pot once, got chained to a redneck's flatbed, never again, no, never again."
My mom:
"See how my feet make me think?
"You're a person again!"
"If you weren't so retarded, you'd be a genius."
My brother Bejmo:
"Why would I want to watch Carrie with someone whose face isn't even as bug as my thumb?"
"Go string one of those bows for me. I want to shoot arrows into Jeff's wall."
"What's an Evil government style? Maybe I'll just settle for Oppressive."
"Minkys and apes. Minkys and Apes."
My brother Timmy:
"Happy on time birthday today, and happy belated birthday tomorrow."
"That sounds like a problem within the toilet itself. I don't deal with the toilet itself."
