10:52 Louis just said "you need to mow your floor." Arianna took hers at 6:45 and Louis took his at 9:16, so they're already fucked up.
11:59 i'm still not really feeling anything yet. i think my vision might be getting kind of weird though, it's weird hanging out with Arianna and Louis because they're already really fucked up. i can feel the Cordies in my eyes.
1:27 i've been fucked up for a while...i'm not as freakout slap happy as i was on these before, and i wish i was. i can't describe how i feel right now...i'm really mellow and stuff.
1:36 Free write! Badgers and acorns are in my spine? What is the meaning of life? Never mind that...i'm on Cordies and i'm fucked up...barbie on acid can kiss my acid and bubble butt the bubble gum like no one's home. Wicked fucker, how do i feel? Spiders on red webs in my mind floating on an ocean of blue apple wine. Spider and acorns and fireflies, what's the truth? Can you see it in my eyes? i just wanna get blasted and blast out my brains like an original Warhol exhibit airplane photo bastard do you know where it is? My life is spinning into pieces of asphalt, i'm writing much too slowly. What the hell do i want?
2:29 i just took four more. i still feel fucked up but not as much. i want to be fucking toasted.
3:17 i took four more
3:59 Things are changing.
4:22 i just cried and Louis and Arianna looked really concerned and it was funny. Ah, the shit that lives inside my head, it gets flung and splatters against the cordies and just kinda spills out my ears, and it's funny, i'm a living shithole and i know it, but whatever. it's fun to get fucked up and tell life to go shit itself. All i wanna do is get fucked up and just make everything gone. Go away, everything! i fucking cast you out! i'm really really fucked up right now and it's good. Fuck off, world! Fuck off, world! i took pills and pills and my brain exploded and it's so good! i need to let it all out. i want to stretch my arms out like rubber and bitch slap the universe, space monkey! What the fuck is wrong with you? WAKE UP! World can go fuck itself in ass! ASS FUCKING WORLD! ASS! ASS! i can feel the whole Coricidin world all around me, i wish i could keep it here. i feel like i brain is floating in cotton candy and it's all pink.
5:00 Everything is made of play-doh
Arianna is fucking awesome
gummi bungee i'm chewing on a pen and going bendy in circles. There's sweat on my forehead and i keep going bendy boingy circle dancy Cordies
5:08 it's really hot and my legs are shaking and i'm hungry. i'm really hungry.
5:14 i like to not be here with them. i want to be not here with them forever, i want us all to run away into a cloud of cotton candy. We are too good for this dirty world. We are too important for you crazy morons. We are god. Drop sweet kisses on the deep end.
whistle in the clouds
pink frost is dining on you <--- <--- That's a haiku
where has my soul gone?
i'm trapped in a person's body and the world is full of lies. Everyone thinks something that is not true.
5:26 i feel like my insides are getting all cuddly wuddly with the eyeballs and the lighting.
5:31 i want to shed this skin i'm in, i want to get out and be free! i want to melt right out of existence so i can be free to roam the nothing! i don't know who i am! Who is impersonating me? i want to just stick my hand in the foamy, squishy reality, palpable is a stupid word, and i want to keep it! I WANT TO STAY HERE! HERE IN THIS FOAM! THIS IS MINE!
5:37 i think when i'm on drugs my brain lets itself out, come on, brain, come out and play! Get out of that cage. How can i get past all this human ettiquette bullshit? i'm stuck in a fucking human.
5:48 i am grasping my reality
5:52 Super calloused, fragile, mystic, plagued by halitosis
5:55 i am everywhere.
5:59 i know i have to be tired now but i'm on cordies and i feel good and i'm inside a cloud. And the cloud is inside me. And there is a lot of air in me, and it is coming out of my mouth. i keep belching. My vision is really fuzzy but it just kinda seems normal to me or something. i really don't care.
7:13 Wow! Lots of time passed! Arianna and Louis have both gone to sleep, but i'm still flying high on cold pills. i went outside and walked around and splashed around in the water by Carol's car, it rained and we were all inside but i went out and played in the water anyway. i guess it was pretty cold, cuz my feet kinda went numb or something. i wonder what i's like to be hypnotized. i wish i could hypnotize myself and see what going on. it's hard to use words. there are so many thoughts in my head and i don't know how to communicate, really. i hate the charade everyone has to put on all the time, why can't we be honest with each other? Truly honest with each other, and with ourselves. We are not being fooled, we are merely giving in and letting ourselves become boxed in cages because we are afraid of what will happen if the truth is revealed, if people can see inside of us, if they can see what we're really thinking and feeling, and what will happen? Why can't we overcome this fear? All i want is honesty and everyone will be okay. i feel totally at peace with myself right now. But i know it won't last. Damn roller coaster. Maybe some day i'll be so smart that i'll know how brains work, with all their intricasies and stuff. The sky is getting lighter. i should probably take my Seroquel and go to sleep. but i'm so high right now. Holy crap, it's 7:44. i'd like to not worry about smiling at people and pretending i feel okay when i don't. i don't want to have to add emphasis to things i'm saying so people will understand me. i want so much to just say what is on my mind no matter where i am, and tell people things that come straight from my soul. i don't want to fashion my actions to fit what society is okay with.
8:01 Anger and hatred are bad. Pretentious bullshit is bad. Trying to fit into someone's idea of who you should be, is bad. Trying to be like anyone else is bad. Fighting with with myself is bad. i like to not have anger and fighting in my brain. All this saying stuff is bad looks really negative but i'm just trying to put thoughts into words. Just sit back and watch everything flow. i really have to go to bed now.
it's now officially Saturday, October 30th
DEVIL'S NIGHT
3:07pm i woke up at about 2:30 and immediately started freaking out, woke up Louis and Arianna and it looks like everyone's still affected by the cordies. i remember last night (this morning) i was feeling so amazingly peaceful, and i still feel that way. Art is a direct extension of your mind and it feels so wonderful to express it and not hear myself fighting inside. i need to keep it this way, i need to keep my whole mind open, i don't want bits of my mind to start building walls and barricades again. i don't want to be like America. When people question us, it makes us question ourselves. But we shouldn't try to come up with an answer that we think someone wants to hear. i like peace and love and getting along.
9:04 Today kicks a lot of fucking ass! i clocked in at five and right away the power went out. it flickered for a bit and went off for good, and we got all the customers out of the store and locked the doors, we straightened the store with flashlights and switched all the Coke to Pepsi, ha. We got out of there around eight and Christina drove me home and i got Carol to buzz me into the building, but i forgot to bring my keys with me to work so i sat in the hallway for about an hour, coming down finally from my extremely happy mood, and i just sat still for a long time waiting. Then i decided to go outside and build it. i built it and they came! Louis and Arianna came home in the truck and they gave me Cordies!
8 Coricidin Cough + Cold 9:00pm
We promptly decided to go see the GRUDGE. (again) But Arianna hasn't seen it yet. it's going to be awesome! So after we decided to go to a movie we promptly locked all our keys in the house except for one. The one key we had was the extra car key Louis made randomly on that random ass day over there somewhere <--WHOOSH! Using this magic key we are now in the magic red truck on the way to the movie theater. When we get back we're going to break into the apartment and it's going to be AWESOME.
We successfully got to the movie theater and saw the Grudge, Arianna had never seen it before so she turned into a stick in a stiff marshmallow. DXM makes scary movies even scarier and i suppose that's why we had such a fascination with seeing them under the influence. When we got home i lifted Arianna up to the kitchen window on my shoulders (we live on the second floor) and she cut a big hole in the screen with Louis's car key, crawled in and let us in the door. On Coricidin this was the most amazing experience ever and it proved to us that we are capable of doing anything and we need to stop thinking bad things about ourselves. I can't possibly describe the impact this had on us.
10:53am HALLOWEEN! Wow. i don't know how to say everything, i have a lot of thoughts in my head and they're all connecting one right after the other so fast, and it's still really hard to communicate. i'm going to have a very difficult time trying to explain this but i have to try. i've come to an understanding in my mind that i've never been able to reach before, i feel wonderfully balanced. i feel like i've reached a point where i could talk to Gandhi and we would have an awesome conversation. i'm still the same person, but i see myself in a different light. i still have racing thoughts all at the same time and they still confuse me but i'm not bothered by it.
1:38pm The drugs are still affecting me somewhat, i can feel it. The next couple days i'll probably still be feeling it and then i'm interested in seeing what will happen. i know my state of mind is being partially supported by the effects of Coricidin, but i also think when i come down from all of this my brain will remain completely changed, and i think that's very awesome. Peace!
