12-16-99
I wish I could be a cartoon. That would be cool. I wouldn't have to do anything dumb! I could just go around killing my enemies and eating ice cream, and not getting cavities or gaining weight! I suppose since I'm so fed up with everything else, I can take the time to explain some things about myself.
I am very different from everyone else. I'm obsessed with anime, because I don't like the real world. I sleep way more than I should because I don't like to deal with being concious. I also am obsessed with lucid dreaming because it's not the real world either. In dreams you can do whatever you want and you don't have to do anything stupid, and you can just kill your enemies and eat ice cream. You can do backflips without having back problems or passing out from too much activity. You can do whatever you want with anyone you want. The other night I had a dream that I was helping Rumiko Takahashi draw pictures. I forget what I dreamt about last night. Dammit! I knew this morning. But I've forgotten by now. I should have written down the key points so I'd remember it later. The guy beside me keeps telling me to look at kid rock's butt. I don't know why. I guess he's a freak. He just made my cd player skip. Oh well.
Anyway. What else is there about me? I have ADD. I do NOT have ODD. I have major depression, and I'm on Prozac. I'm also on Dexedrine for ADD. It helps when I take it, but when I don't take it I act like this! I haven't taken Dexedrine in days! I can't do my Dexedrine if I don't take my homework. I haven't done homework in a while either. Tee hee! Oh well. Um...what else about myself? I'm a Unitarian Universalist, and I go to the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Grand Traverse. That is when I have the energy. Many times I just want to continue sleeping. Either that, or I just can't make myself get out of bed. Okay, I'm gonna go mess around now. Buh-bye!
2-24-00
Hi, I've returned! I'm all screwed up right now. I think I'm being punished by wandering spirits. But really, I'm depressed because I'm a loser and I have no future, and I'm afraid of what's gonna happen to me in the future. Holly and I want to move to the jungle and live in a treehouse, but I'm not really sure that's possible. We wanna become cyborg jungle warriors. See, she's gonna write novels and hope she makes a lot of money off that. Then if she becomes rich and famous we're gonna get new spines and knee joints and retractable claws and get telameres (sp?!) implanted in our bodies if they've worked out how to do that by then. But I'm not really counting on her fame and fortune, and I wanna be an artist but I have no talent and artists generally starve to death anyway. My brain doesn't work. Dammit. Oh well, I guess there's really nothing I can do. I'm leaving again.
12-14-00
I have returned! I just need to correct a couple things that are not true anymore but were in fact true when I wrote them down. I am no longer on Dexedrine, I am now on Concerta for my ADD and it works but when I don't take it I freak out and I'm really hard to deal with. Um...I'm still a loser and I'm failing five classes because I can't seem to bring myself to do any kind of work whatsoever. Um...I'm on 40mgs of Prozac a day now instead of 20. I'm a loser. I suck. Um...I can't think. My brain doesn't work correctly and keeps thinking these evil, evil things and it won't shut up and it's kind of embarrassing when I'm in public because people wonder why I'm screaming "SHUT UP" and slapping myself in the face. Uh...I have to stop writing now because I'm a big dork and I don't have anything good to say.
