I felt terrible for betraying Zac. Betraying your own brother like I did is probably a sin. Unfortunately, I can't go back and change the events that happened between me and Ally.
I do like her, but there is no way I'd risk mine and Zac's relationship for her. Now,Zac, he might risk our relationship. For love, he'd do that. But there'd be nothing for him to risk if he got with Ally, because I'd be nothing but happy for him.
I really and truly would've understood if he never wanted to speak to me or see my face again. Auspiciously, that was not the case.
"Tay?" His voice made me jump and I turned around, looking at the ground. I couldn't bare to make eye contact with him at the minute. I was still feeling too guilty.
"Yeah?" I finally looked up, not exactly looking at him, but looking up.
"Um...I need to talk to you." He sat down on my bed.
"Okay." I scrambled for a place to sit where I didn't have to look at him. I finally decided on the floor. I laid face down. He laughed.
"Why are you laying like that?" He questioned.
"Because I want too," It was a child-like way to go about things, but I didn't care. It got me out of more guilt.
"Okay. Anyhow, I came here to tell you I forgive you." I sat up when I heard those words.
"Huh?" I asked bewildered.
"I forgive you. It was stupid of me to get so mad. I mean, you did know how I felt, but it's not like we were dating or anything." He stood up and stretched. "So I just wanted to let you know that you're forgiven. You can stop drowning in guilt now." He started to walk out.
"Hey, Zac?" I jumped up. He turned around.
"Yeah?"
"Uh...how about me, you and a few other people go out tonight? I can try and get Ally to come along. If you'd like. I have her,uh, number to her new place," I suggested, flinching. I truly didn't know what his answer would be. I highly doubted he'd want me and Ally even in the same room together. And I didn't blame him. Do I ever?
"Sure." Zac agreed. I gave him a blank stare. He just kept on suprising me.
"Um, okay. Well...how about we go to Brandies at...8:00? I'll meet you there."
"Kay. See ya." He waved and walked out of the room. A smile crossed my face for the first time in days and I walked downstairs to find Ally.
Somehow, I'd managed to get her to stay with me instead of going home. I don't know why, but I felt she needed to stay longer. Truthfully, despite the fact I slept with her, I feel that she and Zac belong together, they need eachother. No, I don't feel. I know.
Ally
"What should I wear?" I scrambled through the piles of clothes scattered around the floor as Raven changed into white shorts and a red tank top.
"Umm...." Raven grabbed white flare jeans and an extremely tight pink halter top. "How about this?"
I scrunched my up nose. "It looks kind of...slutty, doesn't it?" I asked.
I don't know why I agreed to go out with Taylor, Zac, Zac's new 'friend' Laiken, Raven,and Raven's cousin Rhett.
"I think Rhett would like it." She assured me. It wasn't Rhett I cared about. It was Zac.
Raven thought I needed to meet someone new and since I wouldn't go out and meet a new guy for myself, she decided to set me up with someone. Rhett Geyer. Named after Rhett Butler from Gone With The Wind, Raven claimed he was just charming.
"Fine." I changed into the flares and halter. Glaring at my reflection in the mirror, I wondered how I could've gotten myself into this position. It was clearly a mistake.
"I can't believe you did that!" Ally exclaimed angrily as I dropped her arm that night, after practically dragging her out of the club.
"Did what?" I asked, barely able to contain my own anger. "That guy had his hands all over you! What did you expect me to do?"
"Maybe ask him to let me go...ask if you could cut in...but certainly not PUNCH HIM OUT! OR MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE JUST LET US BE!" She screamed. "He was drunk, Zac, he didn't know what he was doing. He wasn't hurting me." She folded her arms across her chest and let out a breath, refusing to make eye contact with me as I continued driving.
"All the more reason you shouldn't have been dancin' with the guy." I don't know why I felt this need to take her away from this guy she was dancing with. I know for a fact I was jealous, but the guy really was drunk and I didn't want to see her get hurt.
My eyes were practically shooting sparks as I went over what had just happened in my head.
Tears pooled over in her eyes. It made her look so helpless. Those tears forced me to soften up a little bit. I don't know why I was so interfering. I didn't like to see her with another guy.
"I'm sorry, Ally, really. You know I didn't mean to upset you, right? I just couldn't stand seeing that guy pawing at you like that. It made me..." My voice trailed off as I focused my eyes on the road.
"I-I know, I guess. But damn, why do you always have to be the one to bail me out? Why do I always need your help,Zac?"
I hesitated at that question. "Because we're friends." I began. "And friends are there to help when they think it's needed. I thought it was needed. I'm sorry."
I cast a sidelong glance her way. She was so beautiful, her eyes glistening from her tears, her mouth curved down into a frown. She has this type of beauty that's almost impossible. It's like when I see her, I can see nobody else. It's like there is this spotlight, headed directly towards her, and everyone and everything else is just shut out by the darkness. It's a really,really beautiful light.
Ally
"Ally, what is wrong? I told you a billion times I'm sorry." Zac's eyes held confusion as he stopped at a red light.
"It's not you.I don't think anyways."
"Then what is it?"
"Just thinking about tonight...you followed me around on the dance floor, hovering over me...it's like you think I can't take care of myself or something. Is that what you think?"
"No...it's not. It's just...sometimes, when a guy sees a beautiful girl, he thinks of only one thing, and it's not something you want him to be thinking of when you first meet him. I don't want you to get hurt."
"You think I'm pretty?" I asked, my voice childlike.
"Of course. I mean, who wouldn't, Ally, because you're...you're beautiful." He said, casting a sidelong glance at me before glancing back at the road.
***
"Ally, look, really, I'm so sorry about what I said, I'm sorry about pulling you out of the club like that, I'm sorry if I embarassed you, I didn't mean anything the way you heard it. I just mean that you should not go around kissing guys you don't know..." His eyes widened as he caught my suprised gaze. "Not that you do...but I just..." He trailed off, not bothering to finish his sentence.
"Well, then, tell me, Zac, you're such an expert on the issue, who should I kiss?" I gulped.
"Me." He choked. "Me." His voice was louder, clearer, this time.
"I mean, since you have found absolutely no person to fit your standards on who I should date and kiss and all...what'd you say?!" I had the words already planned in my head, and I think I blocked out what he said after I asked him that question.
Zac reached his hand over and cupped my jaw. "I want to kiss you." He paused, looking down and fiddling with a string on my t-shirt. "Can I kiss you?"
I nodded slightly. A spark of excitment fell into Zac's eyes, he let his lips find mine, his hands finding my waist and pushing me towards him. His arms crossed around my waist and he pulled me tightly against his body.
"Ally, I'm so in love with you." He whispered once he pulled away.
There was a magic sense in the air as he kissed me once more. I desperately wished I could hold onto him and never let go.
"Zac, I don't know if I can do this." I pulled away, looking up into his big, beautiful brown eyes which widened at my comment.
"No? Why not?" He asked slowly.
"Because. I'm a liar and I don't want to hurt you again."
"What did you lie about?" His voice was so calm, so ready to listen.
"I'm not living with friends. Well, I sort of am. I'm staying with Raven and Taylor at Taylor's house." I admitted. He shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't care. I don't care." He repeated, lowering his lips to mine once more. "I don't care anymore. I just wanna be with you." He cupped my face in his hand, kissing me fiercly. My hands went directly to his waist and my mouth was soon entrapped with his. I ran my tongue along his teeth. His tongue was soon against mine, ready to thoroughly explore my depths. And I was just relishing in the scent, taste and feel of him.
Somehow he managed to undress me and take off everything of himself within seconds.
His hands trailed away from my face, gently scraping over my breasts, my stomach, and stopping at my waist. I had to break our breathless kiss to breath and I took the chance to gently suck on his neck, causing him to mellow a moan. His arms wrapped around me tighter, forcing my body against his.
He moved even closer to me if that was possible, pushing his lips onto mine, lowering himself onto me, spreading my legs until he was comfortable.
He kissed me again, more gently, and I looked up at him, staring into his eyes for a split second, finding everything I desired-love, passion, trust.
I wanted so desperately to just satisfy the one desire filling my whole body, mind, and soul.
moved a little, trying to stifle the moans welling up inside my mouth as he fulfilled my wish. I had to close my eyes as his breath came against my neck, his whisper, "Are you okay?"
He fell against me, his breathing heavy, sweat pouring down his body and onto mine. I knew at that minute that every doubt I had in our relationship had to dissapear, because Zac and I had something very, very special.
Zac
I liked waking up holding her more than anything. Having her in my arms, watching the slow fall and rise of her chest. It made me feel sort of in charge, like I was her protector or something-
"Holy shit!" Taylor's voice snapped me out of my thoughts immediatly.My eyes widened and I threw the covers over Ally.
"What the he-I'm confused. Very very confused." He let his hand rest on his forhead for a minute before looking up at me, anticipating an explanation.
I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess she finally realized how much she really loved me and decided she wanted to be with me. I don't really know. But I'm glad." I looked back down at her and found she was awake. She was physically awake, but I don't think she was quite mentally awake yet.
Either way, she looked so beautiful and it turned me on more than anything. C'mon, if you're a guy laying next to a beautiful naked girl wouldn't you be turned on? Yes, you would.
"Oh. I see. Well, you know Jessie's party is Saturday. We're leaving for Tulsa tomorrow. Uh, we really need to know if Ally is comin' or not, cause I'm going to pick up the plane tickets right now..." Taylor turned his body and then turned back to motion he was leaving soon.
"Yeah, she's coming." I responded.
He gave a nod of his head. "Okay. Cool." With that he turned and walked out of the house.
I don't know why but I seriously didn't want my brother's to come back. I hate when they come back for a visit. It's funny, how somebody I just barely know or even my worst enemies...when they find out my brother's are coming back for a visit, they freak out, "Oh my gosh, Jess! You're like, the prettiest girl." "Wow, Jess, I love your shirt." "Jessica! What a pretty and original name! By the way, can you introduce me to your brothers?"
Ugh. I hate it. I hate my life when they're around. All the attention I get from anyone goes directly to them. And sometimes I think I deserve some credit too. I mean, I'm pretty. Why don't people comment on that? I can sing. Why don't people comment on that? I'm going to be 17...can't you tell me happy birthday without asking to meet my brothers?
I don't care if they're world-famous. I know this. I spent 5 years moving back and fourth from LA to Tulsa, Tulsa to LA, going on tour with them and having my ear drums popped by tons of screaming bitches who go "Oh MY GOD! LOOK! HE'S TAKING OFF HIS SHIRT!" When Tay takes off his overshirt and then they faint. HELLO! I've seen the guy naked. How would you like that? (Accident, of course, but people would pay to see my brother naked).
Why, you ask? I'm wondering the same thing. It's like, "Hi, I'm Jessica Hanson!" and then you hear a scream, "Oh my goodness Lord! THIS IS TAYLOR HANSON'S SISTER!!" And then a bam as someone falls on their ass. I'm used to it.
It's kind of funny, actually, to see my brother's squirm when this 500 pound girl is telling them how cute they are. Eew.
In a way, I hate my brother's.
***
"Jess!" Taylor's voice broke me out of my thoughts as he swept me into a hug and planted a kiss on my cheek.
"Ugh! Stay away from me." I wiped at the spot on my cheek where his lips had touched.
"What's your problem?" Zac asked, coming up behind Taylor.
"I don't have a problem."
"Aren't you glad to see us?" Isaac poked his head in the doorway and stood next to Zac and Taylor.
It made me sick,looking at them like this. They looked like they do on all the TV shows they're on when they're getting ready to say, "Hi, I'm Isaac, I'm Taylor, I'm Zac, and we're Hanson." They say it in every single goddamned show they're on.
"No. Just go away." I mumbled, making my way to my window when the phone rang.
"Hello?" I scrambled to grab it.
"Jess?"
"Blair! Oh my God, you have no idea how glad I am to hear your voice."
"Your brothers there yet?" He asked me.
"Unfortunately, yes." I raised my eyes and glared at my brothers as they turned to leave. Well, Isaac and Taylor did, anyways. Zac stood there, facing the hallway. A brunette came into view.
"Um, Blair, let me call you back, okay?" I hung up the phone and walked to Zac.
"Hi, I'm Jessie." I gave the girl a fake smile. Probably one of Zac's hooker girlfriends.
"I'm Ally." She had a strong voice, one that was sure to get the point through to someone when she talked to them.
"Nice to meet you." I nodded. Zac sighed with relief.
He should've known better than to think I'd be rude to someone that I'd just met. I'm not that wicked.
"Well, I have to go, I'm going out with friends. I'll see you later. If mom asks, tell her I died and went to heaven, okay?" I rolled my eyes and ran from the room.
Ally
I was in shock by Jessica's attitude, but not enough to let me move away from Zac when he leaned in to kiss me.
"Why does she act that way?" I asked him when he pulled away.
"I don't know. A phase, I guess." He shrugged and pulled me into a room.
"This was mine and Tay's room." He sat down on one of the beds.
"I can tell." I nodded, sitting down on the bed next to him.
"Yeah." We were both silent for a minute.
"Can I ask you something?" Zac sat back and rested against the wall.
"Maybe."
"What made you decide you wanted to be with me?"
That question made me think. What forced me to decide I wanted to be with him?
"Well...alot of things, I guess. Like the way I hated to see you with any other girls. And when I'd think about you when I was in a situation that had absolutely nothing to do with you. Just this gut feeling that was telling me, 'Ally, Ally, don't let this guy go! He's for you!' You know that gut feeling you just feel you have to trust? Well, I trusted it."
Zac nodded slowly. "I knew I wanted to be with you when I realized I didn't want to be with anyone else. When a pretty girl hit on me and I just brushed her off. That's how I knew I wanted to be with you."
That comment made me smile. It was kind of his way of telling me that I somehow changed him. That made me satisfied in a way.
"That's really sweet." I said slowly, reaching for his hand.
He pulled me towards him and embraced me in a hug.
We sat there, holding onto eachother, in silence. I like silence when I'm with him. It gives me time to relish in the feeling of being with him. Because I love being with him.
Most of all, I love him.