I remember.........

Years ago, in March, I went "online". I had always avoided it because I had heard so many bad stories about "the net". But a friend of mine finally convinced me to try it by installing his software in my computer while he and his wife went on vacation and let me use his account. By the time he got back, I was sufficiently addicted, and asked him, "Where do I call these people at?" Thus began my relationship with U.S. Internet. I did not get into chat until months later, when a former roommate, who chatted regularly, introduced it to me one night to stifle boredom. She put me into TalkCity and by the end of the night, I was now addicted to chat.

I met several people online chatting, and was amazed at all the different countries and cultures I could touch there. I admit, in the beginning, I did not take anyone or anything on chat seriously, from what I had heard, it had biased me. But after some time, and making the mistakes along that line, I found that there were very real people out there, like me, who were looking to make new friends. So after some trial and error, I discovered some real people, who became, and still are, very good friends. Now when I say friends, I do not think of them as just "net" friends, but just as good as friends as the ones I see locally in 3D.

I had been asked many times what I was looking for on chat. In the beginning I would have probably answered just to pass time or have fun. But I learned it could be much more than just passing time, and much much more than having fun. As I was sharing myself with the friends I had made there and enjoyed every moment of it. And of course, made a few bad choices, and some mistakes. So from September, when Shannon put me into chat, until March, I chatted, then in March, something happened that caused me to stop totally.

Then as all things that go around, come around, then came November again. And one night, with totally nothing else to do, I thought, ummmm......let me see if anyone I know still comes online. So I loaded up Pirch and in I went. Surprisingly, within about 10 minutes, several people I had talked with before, all those long months before, messaged me, welcoming me back and asking where I had been. I was amazed that they remembered me. So back into chat I was.

Then about mid-month, I met this guy. And after some time I found him interesting. We exchanged a few emails, and caught each other for a few lines of chat...and then.....one day he sent me one of those forwarded deals, where if you sent it to so many people, this or that happens for you. It was a cute thing. So I emailed him back and remarked on it, as the bottom line was having someone fall madly in love with you, and said at the end of the email not to get so busy as to forget me. Well, that must have raised an eyebrow, cause he never forgot it.

Then a few days later, I found him online and said 'HI" and asked if he was busy, and he said he could spare some time. So, teasingly, I asked him, "What if I told you I was madly in love with you?" For a few endless moments, he was totally silent. Then the next line appeared. "I would consider myself the luckiest guy on earth." Now it was my turn to be shocked. I was not expecting him to say that. I just thought he would joke back with me, and we'd talk for a few minutes and then he'd go back to work, as in the other times we'd chatted, and I would go on with whatever I was doing. And also amazed, because he did not know what I looked like, nor I him, and we had not really gotten close in any of our chats yet. But I thought "WOW". So the conversation went on.

Within a few weeks, it was evident that both of us were hopelessly hooked on each other. He was begging me to come to his country and had spoken marriage to me and to his family. I was both so happy and also terrified. Two people, halfway around the world from each other, and so much in love, and all on chat, email and the phone. So much was perfect, because the love was real, even though it had began virtually, but also so much unknown. So many things limited by an online love.

So I withdrew into my own thoughts. Of what to do. And to his credit, he was the most understanding person on earth. He put up with my doubts, my fears, things I tried to hide, but couldn't. And in spite of me, he continued to love me. The love grew. Became unbearably intense.

I have learned that distance has nothing to do with love. It does not recognize such a thing. It only realizes itself and its burning desire to be known. That nothing can stop it. Come between it. Make it go away. It is there, and when it is true, from the heart, is definitely there to stay. Regardless of differences, cultures, family pressures, age, or anything else, it is all immaterial to LOVE. I thought I had understood love before, but I realize now I had a lot to learn. A lot to experience. A lot to know of how strong LOVE is. What it can endure and overcome. I've learned most about accepting myself. Not for what I wish I were, or want to be, but what I AM. Shree did that for me. Made it clear that if he could accept me and love me for ME, then so could I. But all of it just made the love bond stronger. He held me when I needed held, but not so tight as to suffocate me. He encouraged me when I needed it, but not to the point that my total dependency was on him. He kept reminding me that I was who I was, in detail. At first it all sounded so nicely put when he said it, but after some time I realized it was what he meant, and that I was all those things. And gently, and with so much love and care, he pulled the mask from me, and then "Anamika" was no more. Her "mystery" had been forever solved.

To Shree:

I have always felt your presence in my world
I always thought there was a gentle quality that was touching me
As I discovered the beauty of nature
I wanted only to share the beauty that I felt, with one dear to me
I wanted to turn and look, finding an understanding face
I wanted to know that the wind felt as wonderful to another
As it does to me, when it brushes past my face, stirring my hair
I wanted to share the exhilaration of the sounds of thunder
And the radiant beauty of lightning, with one who would comprehend its thrill
I wanted to stand in a rainstorm, feeling the cooling drops
Knowing also that the one next to me, felt the same power
I wanted to walk within the pines, sharing the freshness of the air
And the beauty and the fragrance of the trees
With rays of sunshine reflecting through the leaves, splashes of light
I wanted to walk along the ocean shore, hand in hand
Enjoying the mist of the water, realizing the beauty of the expanse before me
Surrounded and drenched in the glory of sights and sounds
I wanted to look toward the sky at night, getting lost in the blanket of stars
Finding the beauty of the moonlight, while feeling a pair of arms around me
Whose breath caught, as mine does, in the grandeur of the night
I only wanted to share the beauty of the world with one who not only loved me
But loved equally the experience of life, fully without hesitation
I wanted to experience all the passion in its entirety, nothing held back
I only wanted to share the intimacies of life's blessings
And then I found you

You're right, you know? I was always delicate. It was so easy to be.
Watching nature, being part of it all, makes one soft, I think.
There is such delicacy in the world around us, so easy to become part of it.
How can you feel the wind brush against your face, and not feel gentleness?
How can you hear the song of a bird, and not feel like singing along?
How can you watch the flowers bloom, and not experience the wonder of it all?
How can you watch a butterfly emerge from its cocoon,
And not know that even in the smallest creation, life is incredible?
I watch the birds soaring by, floating in the clouds, and I smile.
I feel the sun against my face, and I know there is such magnificent power.
I gaze upon the many colors that surround me, and I am in awe.
For me, there is that same beauty and good in people as well.
You say that I trust. You say that I am pure of heart. You say I am gentle.
You say that you will always be there to protect me.
You see, I always knew that if I was gentle and kind, goodness would come.
You see, I always knew if I was pure of heart, I would be safe.
You see, I just wanted to appreciate the beauty, and good.
You see, I knew that one day, someone would come to protect me.
And then, I found you.

And now real life for me begins.
I love you.

Anusha