It happens after the orphanage. You already know it, but hell, we've both got time to waste. I escaped from the orphanage, with Dex, but quickly left him too. He and I had different agendas, you see. I don't know why Rake wasn't there... I don't know where it was he left me, it was long ago. I miss Rake. I would have liked to have him when she left us. I suppose he saw what was coming. Or maybe I drove him off one too many times. For his own good. I so often become a monster.

I was alone. Just shot up, got too high to even get the damn needle outta my arm, not that I cared. Nothing mattered. I suppose I was just waiting to die there. It was cold, I think. I think I was sick. Doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Well, except the blood. My arm was bleeding from the needle, just a little. Not enough to pique my interest, in my altered state. (ruefull chuckle) But it grabbed someone's interest, that's for sure. But I'll tell it as I remember it.

I was completely wasted, so it's a little hazy, what happened. I remember the alley. I know I blacked out a little, or at least I don't remember what was going on for a while. I do remember someone leaning over me, taking the needle out. I tried to move, but I couldn't and I really didn't care all that much. Let them do whatever it is they wanted. Not like I had anything worth stealing. I tried to focus, but all i see is a white blur of a face. Shadows. I think she said something to me then . . . damned if I can remember what it was. I was really out of it.

She left me in there for days. I was coming off the H, I don't remember much. It was horrible, I know I saw things. Better not to go into it. Better not to think of it. To forget. I was in those cuffs they put psychos in, the ones attached to the bed? I couldn't get out of them. They put an I.V. in me, I guess. It takes a long time for the physical stuff to go away. I really don't think cold turkey is the best way to go, not that I had any say in the matter.

The next thing I remember is waking up. If you can call it that. It was the first time I was really awake enough to function. I was in a white room. I figured it was a hospital, except it didn't have that smell. I couldn't hear anyone, either. No machines. But it looked like a hospital room. White walls, white sheets, white curtains. It hurt my eyes. The sun was too bright in that room. She might have drugged me, but I doubt it. I can guess why I was so weak . . . even the arm cuffs were gone.

I dreamed. I remember that. Not that that's anything unusual, mind you. But I always have that dream, and at the end, I always scream. The dream ended the same way, and I woke the same as always, trying to choke down the scream, and as always, I failed. I am awake now, it's dark. As dark at night as it was bright during the day. I couldn't see a thing. I lay there, sweat cold on my face, waiting for my heart to stop pounding, when I heard something.

I know it sounds crazy, but if you knew Alexi, you'd understand. I heard her sing. Very soft. It was some sort of child's song, something soothing, but it prickled my spine. I felt like ice. I couldn't tell where the sound was coming from, but there was nobody in the room, I'm sure of it. Just her voice. Then she spoke, but the song never stopped, it was in my head.

"Shh. Quiet now. It was a dream." She said, and her voice was like music. Like a song, like she was just making words to go with the melody. Her words and the song in my head seemed to blend.

My mouth was dry, and my throat hurt. "I know." I managed to say, my voice was like an old man's. One of the shadows moved above me, and I knew it was her. She sat on the edge of the bed, I could feel her weight, but I couldn't see her. Not really.

"Good. Then you know you have nothing to be frightened of." She murmured.

I strained to look at her in the darkness. "Who are you? Where am I?" I croaked out, my throat felt like it had been burned. She shifted, and pressed a cup to my lips. Cool water soothed my throat, woke me up a little too. I was weak, I couldn't even really sit up.

She didn't answer, I heard her set the cup down. The song kept going in my head, like a commercial that gets stuck in there, and you can't get rid of it. I wanted to see her, like that would prove to me that it was real, and I wasn't dreaming.

Suddenly, I felt a cool hand on my forhead. I flinched away. I didn't want her to touch me. I didn't want anyone to, really. Touching people always ended up in pain, I knew that since I was a kid. Not that I want to go into that. You know the story.

Not always. She whispered, twining the words into her song. I knew it was her song in my head. Didn't know how, but I knew it was her. She had some sort of magic. I knew magic, I was magic. But she wasn't fae. The fear inside me grew, and I tried to struggle away from her. She put a finger on my chest, just a finger in the middle of my chest, and it was like trying to lift stone. I couldn't get up. I couldn't get away.

You have nothing to fear. She whispered in my head, her song becoming a promise, making her words sound true.

But I was afraid. Who wouldn't be? I was helpless. It was like being a kid again. Like all the years in between hadn't happened, didn't matter. I couldn't do anything to stop her.

She stroked my face. Her hand was cool. I was shaking. I couldn't get away. Her touch was possessive, gentle, like the touch of the lover I never knew. Not that there weren't any . . . just none I didn't have to pay for. There's always a price for an ugly bastard like me. Always fear in their eyes, behind the indifference. But this time, it was me who was afraid.

But you don't have to be. You don't have to fear me. Her song was a croon, the whisper of trust. She wanted me to trust her.

"Who are you?" I whispered again, barely able to form the words. My eyes were squeezed shut, as if I could block her out that way.

She ran her fingers through my hair, brushing it out of my face tenderly. "My name is Alexi." She murmured, her face close, so that I could feel her breath near my ear. "Hush, my darling one, " She breathed, "I won't hurt you." The power behind her voice rolled over me like a warm wave. I began to feel safe.

You are safe the song promised. I found myself longing to believe her. I wanted to put aside my wariness, my fear, my very instinct that was fading, the sense that danger was near, the need to run.

No need to run. Safe. No more pain, no more hiding. Such beautiful words to hear. You cannot imagine what words like that could mean to someone who has never before heard them. You can't know what it means, to never have heard them before. Be glad you have never known pain like mine.

I was giving in to her, bit by bit. My fear was giving way to the longing to be . . . accepted? Loved? Not feared. Not being feared would have been enough. Was enough. She looked at me, touched me and was not afraid. Not repulsed. It was enough.

Her fingers traced my features, and even as I leaned into her touch, I shivered, knowing the pain that touch must eventually bring. I wanted to believe her, but I had known better my whole life. Why would this be different? I wanted to believe.

"Poor Shade." She sighs, her words resonating with sympathy. Singing.

"How do you know my name?" I asked, fear creeping in around the edges again.

"I know a lot about you. I know you." She said, running her fingers through my hair. I tried not to get lost in the sensation.

"How do you know me? How do you. . ." But my concern was fading. Her music was too strongly in me to put up much resistance. Of course she knew me. She was in my mind as surely as she was sitting beside me. Her fingers twined in my hair, pulling but not hurting. My eyes were still shut, but not with fear.

I could feel the press of her body all along mine. She pressed a finger to my lips. "Shh. You ask too many questions." She said in a teasing voice, her lips against my neck. I was beyond words. I had never been seduced before, and she was doing a damn fine job of it.

She trailed her fingertip across my lips, and down to my throat, her fingernail tracing a stinging line. The small pain of it brought me back to myself for an instant. I opened my eyes.

"But why me? What do you want from me?" I pulled back a little, confused.

She laughed, her voice like bells, resonating inside me and out. Alexi was beautiful when she laughed, her green eyes would shine like a cat's. I couldn't see it that night, in the dark, though. Her voice was enough, in any case.

"A trade." She said in an amused tone. Although I could easily take what I want from you. The song was a promise without words. I was at her mercy and we both knew it. "I will train you, you have a marvellous killer instinct, I could teach you to use it, to improve it, to perfect it." She purred, her voice a warm caress as my blood was running cold.

Killer instinct? No. I couldn't accept what she was saying. I drew away and she let me. "No." I whispered, my voice deserting me. I didn't want that. It was wrong. It was something that was wrong inside me, not something to be called forth. Not something to be used. Not something to improve, something to bury. Something to suppress. Something to fight.

"You would fight me?" Her song was amused, a cat and it's prey. She nuzzled her face into my neck again, sending shivers down my body. "But you didn't ask what I would offer in return, my pet." She whispered, her voice was like velvet, her lips moved against my skin, cool and inticing.

Her hand slid up under my shirt, playing over my stomach and chest. "Don't you want to know what you'll get in return?" She was toying with me, and we both knew it. I didn't want to ask. I swallowed hard, forcing down the words she wanted me to ask. She sighed, almost a laugh. "What if it was better then the drugs you seek oblivion in? Better then a fix?"

I had trouble believing that. The price was too high. I would not kill anymore. Not for her, not for this. I shook my head. The movement caused her hair to fall against my skin, like silk, like something forbidden. Her music had become a siren's song inside me. I trembled with the effort of not surrenduring to her.

"You don't need me to kill for you." I gasped, knowing the truth of my words.

"No." She allowed, her lips forming a smile against my throat, her nails tracing down my stomach again. Lower. My breath escaped in a rush. "No, I don't need you for that."

"What then?" I breathed, my willpower fraying. I couldn't fight this.

Her lips parted once more, I thought, to speak. I felt her teeth then, cold and sharp and in an instant I knew what she was. Of course, by then it was too late. Her song sharpened with her hunger, her desire, different from mine, yet much the same. The song promised pleasure the like of which I could not know. Her music assured me I would live, promised me pleasure, promised me something I could not refuse . . . promised me . . . love.

I barely felt the pain as her fangs tore my flesh. I was lost in the overwhelming extacy of it. Even her song faded in that endless instant. When it was over I knew that I had become her creature. Fully hers. My surrender was complete, just the promise of love, coupled with the pleasure had shattered my will to resist. I knew I would do whatever she wished of me.