Some people have noticed that I, like my good friend Martin Van Buren, seem to have a preoccupation with Koy Detmer and his awesome neck beard. Kevin McLaughlin as well has been rumored to be growing a tributary neckbeard. But, many don't understand this so-called "obsession." So, I am here to set the record straight, and convince the rest of you once and for all, why Koy Detmer should be named the permanent starter of both the Eagles and the Pro Bowl.
The History of Koy Detmer
Koy Detmer was born on July 5th, 1973 in San Antonio, Texas. After emerging from his mother's womb, the doctor was heard to comment, "That's the best neck beard I've ever seen on an infant." Indeed it was. At that moment, a nearby street drunk and prophet declared that Koy would "Oneday become the most famous and powerful person to ever wear a neckbeard." Well, much like another famous person with a beard, very little is known about Koy's childhood. Rumors float about him turning water into Pabst Blue Ribbon at a wedding. This I believe. After enrolling in the University of Colorado, Koy did something truly remarkable. Something he has only admitted to me. Koy used his amazing football prowess to travel through time. Luckily, Koy gave me the chance to tag along on a few of his exploits. Here are a few pictures from our remarkable journey.
Here is Koy signing the Emancipation Proclamation
Here is Koy on "Noah's" Ark
Koy crossing the Delaware
Receiving the 10 commandments
Delivering toys to the world's children and pretending to be black
Koy after building the Great Wall of China...single handedly
Koy declaring the obvious
Ummm, I am going to hell aren't I?
Well, it seems that Koy Detmer has been every famous and important person throughout history possessing a beard. Add that to the fact that he does nothing except kick ass on the football field and do that cool as whip thing, and you've got no reason not to love the man.
FUCK YOU
Here is Koy signing the Emancipation Proclamation
Here is Koy on "Noah's" Ark
Koy crossing the Delaware
Receiving the 10 commandments
Delivering toys to the world's children and pretending to be black
Koy after building the Great Wall of China...single handedly
Koy declaring the obvious
Ummm, I am going to hell aren't I?
Well, it seems that Koy Detmer has been every famous and important person throughout history possessing a beard. Add that to the fact that he does nothing except kick ass on the football field and do that cool as whip thing, and you've got no reason not to love the man.
FUCK YOU