Chapter II: Samantha Says

November 2006

Disclaimer: All XF characters belong to CC. Any extras are mine

"...You still there?"

The voice on the other end of the phone sounded, soft and shaken.

"Yeah....yeah, uh..."

"What is it? You don’t believe Samantha’s been talking to me," Fox concluded.

"No. I...w-what did she tell you?"

"Did you not hear me, or do you just want me to repeat it?"

"I just...I need to hear it again. M-maybe I misunderstood, or..."

"She didn’t use exact words. I think she wanted me to get it on my own, but, sh...she thinks there’s...something... Say it ...between us."

"...Something?"

"Yeah. And I...I think she wants us to...to talk about it."

"....Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don’t know, I...if you want to, I guess...unless you don’t think that there is anything to talk about....Krycek?"

"Huh?"

"Do you not think we have anything to talk about?"

"I don’t...I...you called me," Alex finished weakly.

"So, you’re telling me that I have to do all the talking?" There was a hint of an edge in his voice, now.

"No, but..."

"But what?"

"But you called me and said that we have to talk. So you must feel the need to."

"So, we’ll talk even if you don’t feel we need to? No. We both agree, or it doesn’t happen."

It was Alex’s turn to get edgy.

"Your way or no way, Mulder?"

"Well, it’d be kinda pointless, don’t you think?" Fox got a little louder. "I mean...I could have had the same conversation with my fucking desk, if all you’re going to do is sit there and not say anything."

"Did I say I wasn’t going to say anything?"

"You haven’t given me an answer," Fox accused. "How else am I supposed to take it?"

Somewhere, Samantha was surely rolling her eyes.

"All right," Alex sighed. "Let’s talk."

"No. Forget it," Fox droned. "I think maybe this was a mistake."

"What? I said I’d talk," Alex said, sounding a bit anxious.

"Not because you think it’s a great idea."

"Mulder, please," Alex whispered, sounding suddenly very tired. "I don’t want to do this with you."

"Then don’t," Mulder said flatly. "Go back to sleep."

"I can’t...I...I can’t."

"You don’t know that you can’t. You haven’t tried."

"Mulder..."

"Go back to sleep. Wake your brother if you have another dream. I’m sure he’d want you to."

Silence met his words.

"...You there?"

"Yeah," Alex said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Okay...bye."

Fox let the phone slide away from his ear as he disconnected. He stared at it for a while then set it down. He sat quietly, frustrated, instantly regretful, and he waited for the scolding he thought would surely come. When Samantha did not come back, he looked around and rose from his seat.

"Okay, Samantha, I know you must have something to say. Let’s hear it."

No response.

"...Samantha?"

Still, nothing.

"Oh, what? You’re mad at me now? Come on, you can’t tell me that he wasn’t being a difficult pain in the ass."

A difficult pain in the ass, who had just awakened from a terrible dream. He could have given the man a bit of slack.

"Okay, so, now what?"

He looked at his watch and decided against anything more tonight.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow he’d call Alex back and try again. That decided, he shut off the lights and headed into his bedroom for a mostly sleepless night.

The kitchen door swung open, and Peter Tate hobbled into the living room, carrying a sandwich and a glass of water. Just as he put them down on the coffee table, the phone began to ring. He sank down onto the sofa, dropping the bag of chips he’d held between his teeth, and snatched up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Peter. It’s...it’s Mulder. How are you today?"

"I’m okay, Mulder. Uh...how are you? Have a good flight home?"

"Uneventful, which I guess is good. But I’m sure Scully told you that already, right?"

"I did talk to her this morning, yeah. So, what’s up? You just call to see how I was?"

"It wasn’t the only reason, no. Is uh...is your brother around?"

"No, he isn’t, actually. He just left about ten minutes ago. He decided to go for a short walk. Have you tried his cell phone?"

"Yeah, I...it’s going to voicemail."

Peter frowned. "Straight to voicemail?" Alex should know better than to shut his phone off.

"No. It rings a few times first."

Okay, so it wasn’t off. Which actually worried Peter more.

"How many times have you tried him?"

"Just once."

"When?"

"Few minutes ago."

"’Kay. I’m going to try calling him. I’ll call you back and let you know if I reach him."

"All right."

Peter hung up and, his heart beating just a bit faster, he dialed Alex’s cell number. The phone rang twice, and the younger man answered.

"Hey, kid."

"Hey. You okay?"

"Yeah. Fine. I was just going to ask you the same thing."

"I’m all right. Why?"

"Did you hear your phone ringing a few minutes ago?"

There was silence for a moment, then Alex answered.

"Yeah."

"Ah. So, you just didn’t want to answer it."

Alex said nothing.

"Okay, Alex. What’s going on? Why don’t you want to talk to him?"

"Nothing to say," Alex answered softly.

"The look on your face yesterday when he left, told me a very different story."

"Pete..."

"What?"

"Never mind. Forget it."

"Yeah. Okay. Right after you do. Why don’t you want to talk to him?"

Alex knew better than to think Peter was going to leave this one alone.

"He called last night, okay?"

"He...he did? I didn’t hear the phone ring."

"Yeah. Well. He did. He called, it wasn’t the best conversation, and that’s it."

"Apparently that’s not it, since he’s calling again today."

Nothing.

"Maybe he wants to apologize." That earned him a soft snort, which he ignored. "So...why’d he call?"

"Doesn’t matter."

"Like hell it doesn’t...Alex, c’mon. Talk to me."

"There’s nothing to say, Pete."

"There is. Alex, come home. Sit down and talk to me about this, okay? ..........Alex?"

"I don’t want to."

"You don’t want to come home, or you don’t want to talk about it?"

"Don’t want to talk about it. And I don’t want to come back if you insist on talking about it."

"Okay, kiddo. O-okay.  I won’t bug you, I promise. If this is how you want it, I’ll leave you alone....Alex? All right?"

"....Okay."

"You coming home?"

"In a while. I want to walk a little longer."

"All right. I’ll see you in a while."

"’Kay."

Peter heard the click that signaled Alex’s disconnection, and he cursed softly to himself before calling Fox back. The phone rang only twice before it was picked up.

"Mulder."

"It’s Pete."

"He okay?"

"Yeah. Well...."

"What d’you mean, well?"

"He doesn’t want to talk to you. And he doesn’t want to talk to me about why he doesn’t want to talk to you. How about you? You wanna clue me in?"

Fox sighed heavily. "I...I called him last night. He was very...he was upset. He’d just had a nightmare. Pretty bad from what he’d told me about it. I uh..." He took a breath and plunged on. "I told him that Samantha had been visiting me, and...and she said some things."

Peter waited a couple of beats then asked.

"What things?"

"She said...uh...is that all you have to say? You don’t have any questions about what I just said about Samantha visiting me?" As soon as he finished the question, he figured it out. "Wait. Scully told you about it, didn’t she?"

"Well...yeah."

"So, are you just humoring me?"

"No, Mulder, I’m not. What did Samantha say to you?"

Fox paused for a moment, trying to determine whether or not he believed Peter, then he answered.

"She asked me to stay and help him, which is why I did. She kept telling me that he needed me, but she’d never explain. Then, uh...last night, she showed up at my apartment and said I needed to call him. She told me again that he needed me, and then she said..." He stopped, pausing for so long that Peter had begun to think he wasn’t going to continue. But he did. "...She said that I needed him too."

Peter tried to sound surprised. "Oh. Uh...w-what d’you think she meant?" Fox’s silence was his answer.

"Mulder...listen, Alex will kill me slowly and painfully if he finds out that I’m telling you this....when you left yesterday...Christ, I can’t believe I’m going to.....he, uh...he was...upset. You didn’t part on the best terms, and....he...he didn’t want that."

"Neither did I," Fox murmured then went silent.

"Yeah. Well...I went to talk to him out on the balcony after you and Dana left. I asked him to tell me how he was feeling. He didn’t say much, but he didn’t have to. The look in his eyes said it all. He was hurting, Mulder. Bad."

Fox ran his fingers through his hair and let out an audible breath. "S-so, what do I...I mean...he doesn’t want to talk to me, so I don’t..."

"You have to keep trying. He’s very confused and more vulnerable than I’ve even seen him. I don’t know if it’s the surgery or you...maybe it’s a combination of the two...he’s just really strung out, and nobody but you has a chance in hell of doing something about it."

There was a long silence, then Fox’s voice sounded, soft and doubtful.

"I don’t think I have as much pull as you and Samantha seem to think I do. Maybe I did, but now..."

"Don’t give up, Mulder," Peter urged. "Somewhere down inside Alex, where he keeps all his guilt and soft loathing, he feels he’s not nearly good enough to be with you, even though he wants with all his heart to be."

Fox spread his legs and put his head between his knees. "I can’t believe I’m having this conversation," he muttered, more to himself than to Peter. Peter heard anyway and answered.

"But you are, and now I have to ask...you said Samantha told you that you needed Alex just like he needed you. What do you say?"

"What d’you mean?"

"What do you feel, Mulder? Do you want a relationship with Alex?"

Fox drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, but that did nothing to quiet the thundering of his heart.

"I..." Another breath. "....Jesus, Peter."

"Is it hard to admit to yourself, or just to me?"

"I....I don’t.....dammit, I called him, didn’t I?"

Peter smiled at the other man’s obvious agitation. "Yeah, you did. Please call him again."

"And if he doesn’t answer?"

"Keep trying. And I’ll see what I can do to convince him to talk to you."

"...Okay."

"Great. Okay, well, I’m gonna go. He may be back soon."

"All right. Just....Peter, don’t push him too hard, okay? That won’t help anything."

"I know. In his condition, I wouldn’t dare. Talk to you soon."

"Okay."

Less than twenty minutes after Peter hung up, Alex walked into the apartment.

"Hey, kiddo. How was your walk?"

"Okay," Alex mumbled distractedly.

"Good. Uh...are you hungry? It’s a little past lunch time. I already ate, but I can throw something together for you."

"No," Alex said, making his way over to a chair. "I can get my own lunch."

"So, why are you sitting?"

"Not hungry yet."

Peter glanced at his watch and sighed. "Okay." He drummed his fingers on the arm of the sofa and tried to return his attention to the television, but it wasn’t long before his eyes started cutting away to his brother. Alex felt the blue gaze on him and, without turning to face Peter, he spoke.

"You’ve got something to say."

"Say....me? No. Uh uh."

"Then, why do you keep looking at me?"

"Looking at you? Am I? I....I didn’t realize."

"Bullshit." Forest green eyes turned to focus on the other man. "You’re a really bad liar. Which is why dear old dad never gave you any of the real important jobs."

It sounded like he was being insulted, but Peter knew that Alex was aiming the dig at himself.

"So. What do you want to say?"

"Okay. I’m not trying to start any conversations, all right, so don’t freak out on me. I just want to say that I think you should talk to Mulder."

"I have talked to him. Last night."

"I think you should talk to him again."

"Why?"

"So you can maybe stop looking like that."

Alex ignored the comment. "I’m not calling him."

"And you’re just going to keep avoiding his calls?"

Alex’s eyes narrowed on the other man.

"What makes you think he’s going to call again?"

"Uh..." Peter shrugged, giving Alex a wide eyed innocent look. "A hunch?"

"Goddammit, Peter." Alex shoved himself out of the chair and stalked to the balcony door.

"What? Oh, come on, Alex. You don’t really think he called here and we didn’t talk, did you?"

"Why can you not just mind your business?"

"You’re my baby brother," Peter said to Alex’s back. "The only one I’ve got, thanks to that decrepit old bastard, and I came closer than I really want to think about, to losing you. If that makes me more involved in your life than you’d like, I’m sorry. But when I see that you’re hurting, I’m going to butt in."

Alex bowed his head and sighed softly. "Pete. Look...I understand what you’re saying. I appreciate your concern; I do. But I...I can’t....can’t talk about this." He looked up at the older man. "Please?"

Before Peter could answer, Alex’s cell phone rang. Both men froze, then Alex slowly reached down and unclipped the phone from his belt. He looked at the number displayed on the screen then, lips pressed into a thin line, he returned the phone to its clip. Peter clenched his hands together, hard enough for his knuckles to turn white, but he said nothing. Alex looked down at the floor for several seconds, then he got up and shuffled toward the kitchen.

"Guess I’ll get some lunch, now."

When he’d disappeared into the other room, Peter dropped his head into his hands and let out an exasperated moan.

"Ohhhh, yeah. This ain’t gonna be pretty."

"...and tell me how anybody can get hit with that much voltage and not fry to a crisp."

"Don’t know."

Scully tossed the folder she carried down onto Fox’s desk and dropped into the chair in front of it. She stared at her partner, waiting. When he said nothing more, she leaned forward and knocked on the desk.

"Mulder. Helloooo."

"What? I’m here."

"Barely. Come on, Mulder, what’s eating you? You’ve been kind of out of it all day."

Fox grimaced and picked up the folder.

"What d’you mean, out of it?"

"You’re mind is somewhere else...need I ask where?"

Fox shifted his entire body so that he was sitting on his hip and facing away from Scully.

"I didn’t think I did. What’s going on?"

"Don’t act like Peter hasn’t filled you in."

"I haven’t talked to him since early yesterday, and believe it or not, you are not the topic of our every conversation."

Fox picked at a speck of lint on his knee.

".....The other night....the night we got home...Samantha visited me."

"I know."

Fox’s head cocked in Scully’s direction.

"Thought you said you didn’t talk about me."

"I said you’re not the topic of all our conversations. I didn’t say we never talked about you."

"Great. So...how much do you know?"

"I know what she said to you. I know that you called Krycek and that you talked that night and it didn’t go well."

"And?"

"And...that’s it."

"Really."

"Yes, really. Why? What more is there?"

Fox threw up his hands.

"Ah, what the hell? Peter’s going to tell you about it, anyway. I’m surprised as hell he hasn’t already. I tried calling Krycek the next day. He wouldn’t answer. I called Peter, and we talked. He told me..." Fox stopped and went silent.

"Told you what?"

He sighed heavily. "He told me that Krycek was really upset when we left. I think his exact words were, he was hurting bad. He asked me to keep trying to reach Krycek."

"And have you?"

"Three more times. The last time was last night before I turned in. I’m done trying. Three times is enough to make me look like a damn fool."

"Oh, please, Mulder. Since when are you concerned about looking like a damn fool?"

"I don’t mind if it’s something I believe in."

One red eyebrow arched.

"So, what are you saying?"

Fox raked his fingers through his hair. "I don’t know, I just....I don’t know."

"He’s got you pretty screwed up, doesn’t he?" Scully observed softly. "Mulder, you need to talk to him."

"Were you not listening when I told you that I’ve tried to do that?"

"I heard you, but..."

"But nothing. He’s not having it. So." Fox lifted one hand and let it drop on the desk with a thump.

"So, where does that leave this?"

"Where’s that leave this? Nowhere."

Scully rubbed her forehead.

"Christ. You’re being a gigantic ass, you know, Mulder?"

"Why am I being an ass?" Mulder sulked. "He’s the one not answering the friggin’ phone."

"Because you were so wonderful and sweet and patient, right?"

"So, Krycek behaving like a child is my fault?"

"You can’t let go, Mulder. You still can’t let go. Except, I don’t think it’s anger so much...I think it’s fear."

Fox gave his partner a bitter laugh.

"You think I’m scared of him?"

"I think you’re scared of you."

"I thought I was the psychologist on this team, Scully."

"It doesn’t take a shrink to figure this out."

No response.

"Call him again, Mulder."

"Scully..."

"What’s Samantha got to say about it?" She couldn’t believe she just asked that.

"...I haven’t seen her since the night we got home."

"Maybe she’s ticked off at you."

"Who isn’t?"

"Mulder. Please, please stop being so stubborn and get this straightened out."

Fox looked down at his knee, saying nothing, then his head snapped up, and he looked the redhead in the eye.

"Hey. Here’s a wacky question. Why are you so gung ho to get me and Krycek talking?"

"Because it’s so glaringly obvious that there’s something between you, and for your sanity, if for no other reason, you need to figure out what it is, and what you’re going to do about it."

"I...I gotta ask this. You’re telling me, Scully, that if we did get this figured out, and it...it actually went somewhere, you’d be okay with that? I’m not talking about me being with a man. I’m talking about the fact that the man’s name is Alex Krycek. I mean, think about it. Doesn’t it seem just a little, I don’t know.... insane to you?"

"I’m not saying that the thought of it isn’t more than a little disturbing," Scully answered. "But we can’t chose who we fall in love with, and..."

Fox jumped out of his chair, a stricken expression on his face.

"Now wait a minute."

"Okay, okay, bad choice of words."

"Really bad."

Scully held up a hand. "Sorry. We can’t chose who we’re attracted to. Better?"

Fox looked away, giving a noncommittal shrug.

"I’m not going with anything less than that, Mulder. Like it or not, at the very least, you’re deeply attracted to him."

Fox was quiet for a good long while then spoke so softly, Scully had to strain to hear.

"I don’t want to be."

"I’m sorry, Mulder, I can see that this disturbs you."

"Disturbs." Fox laughed softly, then he turned pleading eyes to Scully. "What the hell is wrong with me? How can I even be attracted to him?"

It was Scully’s turn to shrug. "He’s a handsome man, Mulder. Magnetic. That much is obvious. But clearly there’s more than that for you. Maybe there’s something in him that...I don’t know, that speaks to you."

Fox lifted his gaze to the ceiling.

"Oh, God."

"All right, it might sound corny, but tell me it isn’t so."

Fox speared his fingers through his hair, clutching at the golden-brown strands as he began to pace slowly around the room.

"Try again, Mulder."

".........And if he still won’t answer his phone?"

Scully rose from the chair and walked over to her own desk. "Don’t know." She removed her jacket and prepared to get to work. "What do you think you should do?"

"I’m already doing what I think I should do, which is nothing. Apparently, I’ve got two people and one ghost who disagree with that. So, let me ask again. What if I call, and he still doesn’t answer?"

"I’m going to let you figure that one out for yourself."

Fox grimaced, throwing himself back into his chair.

Rolling her eyes, Scully said nothing more and opened the file on her desk.

The rest of the day passed quietly, and as Scully was leaving at almost six o’clock, her cell rang. She smiled, seeing Peter’s number light up, and she answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi. You out of work, yet?"

"As a matter of fact, I just left."

"Oh. How was your day?"

"Quiet. After the conversation I had with Mulder earlier, he didn’t feel much like talking."

"Uh oh. Dare I ask?"

Scully huffed softly. "He’s the most stubborn, pig headed pain in the ass I know."

"One of the most stubborn, pig headed pains in the ass you know. The other half of that equation is living here with me."

"God," Scully sighed. "Hey. By the way. How come you didn’t tell me what went on the other night?"

"Yeah. Sorry about that. Alex is just so uptight about it, and about me being all up in his business, I just wanted to give him a break, you know? Plus, I knew you’d probably hear it from Mulder at some point."

"Yeah, that was basically the conversation starter today. Peter, I don’t know what the hell to do. Mulder refuses to try to reach Alex anymore."

"Well, don’t be too hard on him about it. It isn’t like he hasn’t tried several times. Alex just will not answer."

"Why do you think that is? Can you get any kind of a reading from him?"

"It isn’t because he wants nothing to do with Mulder, that much is certain. With every day that goes by, I’m more sure that Alex wants him desperately. But there’s that whole Alex thinking he’s not worthy to be the dirt under Mulder’s shoes, much less an equal partner in a relationship issue. And I don’t see any way around it."

"No. No way around it," Scully agreed. "But there’s a way through it. And Mulder’s got to be the one to lead him."

"Well, that’s great, but they’re on opposite sides of the map and aren’t even communicating through the phone. So, how do this happen?"

"I don’t know," Scully mumbled. "I know what has to happen. I never said I knew how."

"Mmm. Well. Let’s hope Samantha’s got some ideas, huh?"

Fox sipped at his warming beer as he sulked at the television, then he looked at his watch.

One-thirty in the morning. And he wasn’t even tired. Fabulous.

Long ass weekend with nothing to do.

Scully had left for her mother’s right after work, so he didn’t even have her to hang out with.

"Just you and the t.v., Mulder," he murmured to himself, flipping from channel to channel. "Shit. You’d think with eight hundred plus channels, there’d be something on."

Running through twice, he gave up and tossed the remote down and stared blankly at the screen before his gaze went to the phone.

It’d been over a week since he’d spoken to Alex, and six days since the last time he’d tried to call and been ignored three times. Four days since Scully had given up trying to reason with him, and about two days since he’d last tried to get Samantha to talk to him.

And now, fuck it all, there wasn’t even anything to watch on t.v.

"Hasn’t been a good week, has it, Fox?"

Quickly, Fox sat up and looked in the direction of the window. He found her sitting at his desk, shaking her head at the mess littering the entire surface.

"When was the last time you cleaned this?"

"Where’ve you been?" Fox asked, ignoring his sister’s question. "I’ve been needing to talk to you."

"What for?" Samantha shrugged. "It isn’t as though you’re actually going to listen to me."

Sighing heavily, Fox frowned at the vision.

"This isn’t easy, you know."

"I know it’s not," Samantha said gently. "And I know you did try...for a little while...after you blew it that night. But now you’ve given up. And where has that got you?"

Fox stared at his sister. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Have you appeared to him?"

"I haven’t visited anyone but you."

"Why not? Don’t you think Krycek could benefit from a good talking to?"

"Fox...he and Peter are my brothers. Even though I knew them for a very short time, I’d do anything I could for them. I did do what I could. But the long and the short of it is, you’re the brother I grew up with...well...until I was taken. But you were my big brother. You still are. You’re the one I can talk to. You’re the one I know."

"You know him enough to keep telling me that he needs me."

"I could’ve known him for a day and been able to see that, Fox."

Fox looked down at his feet then looked up quickly, fearing she’d disappear if he took his eyes off of her.

"You said that there was more to him than I knew. How do you know that?"

"I didn’t put it all together until after I came into this state of consciousness. I know things now I might never have known over the course of a lifetime. It’s amazing, Fox."

"There’s so much I want to ask you. So much to talk about," Fox whispered.

The smile wilted a little, but Samantha’s tone remained soothing. "Right now, we have more important things to deal with."

Fox let out a heavy sigh.

"I...I don’t know what to do. How to feel. If you know everything now, then you know my history with Krycek."

Samantha nodded. "I know why it’s so hard for you, Fox. Your emotions are at war, and I completely understand that. But you understand this. You need to face it. Get it settled. If you don’t, it’ll continue to eat you up until there’s nothing left. I love you, Fox. I can’t watch that happen. It’s not necessary that that happen."

"God," Fox rasped. "How the hell did I get myself into this?"

"You know how it goes, Fox. Lose one thing. Find another."

"Not exactly an even trade in this case."

"All it’ll take is a little effort...okay a lot of effort. But you have no idea the fruit it’ll yield. You can be happy, big brother. Happier than you ever imagined you could be."

Fox stared, his head shaking slowly. "Samantha, you’re...are you telling me that I can have a happy life...with Krycek? Are you serious?"

"Can you believe me when I tell you that it will be worth the pain?"

Frowning, Fox looked down then back up. "......How much pain?"

Samantha wrinkled her nose at the question. "Probably quite a bit. You were never one to be scared off by difficulty, Fox. You’re not going to start now, are you?"

No answer.

"Fox?"

"I don’t know," Fox answered quickly. "I...I don’t know."

"Okay. I understand that you need time to think about it. You will think about, won’t you?"

"I think I can pretty much guarantee you that it’s all I’ll be thinking about this weekend."

"All right. I guess I can’t ask for more than that."

"I have another question."

"Okay."

"Have you...you said you haven’t visited anyone else. S-so, you haven’t seen him?"

"No, I’ve seen him. When I said I haven’t visited him, I meant that I haven’t spoken to him.....do you want to know how he is?"

Fox stared, not knowing how he should answer.

"It’s okay to admit it to me, Fox. Who am I going to tell? And even if I did, who’d believe it?"

Fox sucked a corner of his lower lip into his mouth and chewed on it thoughtfully.

"Old habits die hard, huh?"

"What’re you talking about?"

"You’re chewing on your lip. You used to do it as a kid, too. Any time you were scared or worried or confused."

"At your age, what did you know about any of that?"

"You were my big brother. With Mom and Dad being the way they were, sometimes it felt as if you were all I had. I watched you closely, Fox."

Fox smiled sadly. "I was always so mad when you followed me around like a puppy. Always trying to push you away. If I had known. If..."

"It’s true what they say about hindsight being twenty-twenty." Samantha gave her brother a comforting smile. "You were no different from any other boy your age." She laughed. "I take that back. Remember how horrible Buddy Carson was to his sister? You were never that bad. Anyway, we’re getting a little off track here. Would you like to know how Alex is doing?"

He told himself it was curiosity and nothing more.

"Yeah."

"Not great. He’s had two more nightmares since you last talked, and he’s brooding far more than is really healthy for him...he misses you, Fox."

The hazel gaze dropped again. "I don’t know about that."

"I do," Samantha said softly. "Anytime you get within fifty feet of him, Fox, his pulse quickens, his whole body tenses, and he gets this look in his eyes that you would have to be blind or in serious denial not to notice."

"You sure you’re not mistaking that for the desire to cold cock me?"

"Make cracks if that’s how you need to deal with it, Fox, but you know in your heart what it really means. You have a profound effect on him."

"You’re forgetting something, though," Fox murmured. "He refuses to answer my calls. So. Maybe this effect that you say I have on him isn’t as earthshaking as all that."

"I’ll tell you pretty much the same thing that Peter did when you talked to him. Alex is scared. He’s confused, and he’s eaten up with guilt over the fact that of all hearts, it’s mine beating in his chest. Every time you look at him, he thinks it’s a reminder. He doesn’t believe you’ll ever be able to reconcile yourself with that. He’s sure that he can’t.

"Tell him it’s all right, Fox. Tell him, and he’ll believe you. Not right away, of course...Alex is as thick skulled as you when he wants to be. But you can make him believe it. You’re the only one who can."

"You and Peter and Scully put an awful lot of stock in that."

"We can see this more clearly than you can."

Fox said nothing.

"So. What d’you say?"

"I’ll think about what you’ve said."

One chestnut eyebrow lifted.

"I will."

"Okay." Samantha lowered her head a bit as if she was listening to something. "He’s having another one."

"What? Another dream?"

Samantha nodded. "Bad one."

"How do you do that?" Fox rubbed his forehead and refocused on what his sister had just told him. "Does Peter know?"

A few seconds passed, and she answered.

"Yeah. He’s waking him."

Fox nodded. "He’ll be okay, then."

"No, Fox. He won’t. Peter interrupted the dream, but there’s little else he can do to give Alex any comfort." She took a step backward and began to fade from the room. "I’m going to go, now. I’ll be back soon."

"Samantha," Fox called. "Don’t. Don’t go. Stay and talk to me."

"We’ve done enough talking tonight. Good night, big brother. Try to get some sleep."

"Sam.... dammit." Fox prowled back to the sofa and dropped hard onto the cushion. He stared at the empty spot that Samantha had occupied only seconds before, then his gaze went to the phone.

He picked up the phone and pressed the talk button. He listened to the dial tone for several seconds then shut it off and threw the phone onto the coffee table. Sucking his lower lip into his mouth, he dropped onto his back and closed his eyes.

"Morning. You look like shit."

"Thanks."

"How d’you feel?"

"Fine."

"You sure?"

"Just a little tired."

"A little tired. Jesus, Alex, did you sleep at all after I went back to my bedroom?"

Alex shrugged and sat down at the kitchen table.

"Aleeeex...."

Bloodshot eyes rose to meet Peter’s scolding gaze.

"What?"

The other man sighed. "Have some breakfast, then I want you to go back to..."

"Peter, I’m fine," Alex muttered, grimacing down into the oatmeal his brother had just placed into front of him.

"Fine, my ass," Peter shot back, anger seeping into his tone. "You were screaming, Alex. Fucking screaming last night. Scared the shit out of me." He sighed then sat down across from Alex, taking a calming breath. "Sorry. But...c’mon, kiddo. At least tell me what the dream was about. It’s supposed to help if you talk about it."

"Peter, just...leave me alone. Please," Alex whispered. "I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to forget it." He rose from the table and pushed the door open. "Just forget it."

Peter heard Alex’s door close, and he pounded both fists on the table. Lowering his head to the oak surface, he stayed in that position for several minutes before groping for the phone and dialing Scully’s number.

"....Hello?"

"Hi."

"Hi. God, you sound awful. What’s wrong?"

"What isn’t wrong?" Peter groaned into the phone. "Dana, I’m at the end of my rope. He’s driving me friggin’ nuts."

"What’s he doing?"

"Brooding. I don’t mean a little childish sulking. I’m talking world-class, make you wanna pull your hair out, brooding like you could only read about."

"Oh, God."

"And he will not talk to me. He had a nightmare last night that scared ten years off my life, and he wouldn’t tell me about it. I don’t know what to do. I just....I..."

"All right, Peter, all right. Take it easy. You can’t be of any help to him if you’re falling apart."

"I can’t be any help to him anyway, because he won’t let me. I worried, Dana. I’m so worried that this’ll affect his health. You should see him. He looks like crap. I need help. I need...Christ, I’ll get on my knees if you think it’ll get Mulder here."

"Oh, Peter. I wish I could say that there was something I could do something to get him on a plane, but he’s being every bit as pig headed as Alex. I don’t know what else we can do but just ride this out."

"I wouldn’t have a problem with that if Alex wasn’t in such delicate condition." He laughed in spite of his mood. "God, if he heard me say that, he’d slice me open from stem to stern."

"I’m sure. Uh...I can call Mulder and tell him what you said, but I really don’t think it’s going to help."

"I know. But it couldn’t hurt to try, right?" Peter asked hopefully.

"No, it couldn’t. I’ll call him in a bit. So...how are you?"

"Aside from this business with Alex, I’m okay, I guess. Miss you."

Scully smiled into the phone. "That’s actually kind of nice to hear."

"I’m glad. I mean it."

They talked for about twenty minutes, then Scully hung up with the promise to call Fox after her dinner with her mother. She kept her promise and called her partner’s number at about seven o’clock. When she got no answer at his residence, she called his cell. Still nothing. Telling herself he was somewhere, where he had had no service, she made a mental note to try him in an hour then went back to join her mother for a quiet evening.

"Hello?"

"Hi. It’s me."

"Hey. You calling because you missed me or because you talked to Mulder?" Peter finished loading the dinner dishes into dishwasher and, turning it on, took the phone into the living room.

"I’d like to be able to tell you that it was both, but I haven’t been able to reach Mulder since I started trying at seven."

"It must be what..." Peter counted quickly. "...eleven-thirty there?"

"Yeah. I’m getting a little worried. I’ve left him three messages, and, nothing."

"Hmm. Is it not normal for you to be unable to reach him for several hours?"

"Not completely strange, but I worry at those times, too."

"Very motherly of you."

Scully sighed. "I know. Can’t help it."

"I think it’s very sweet."

"Hmm. Hey, uh...you’re talking freely. Is Alex not there?"

"Yeah, he’s here. But he’s still pissed at me. He came out of his room long enough to have dinner then disappeared back there again after he ate."

"Well, at least he did eat then, right?"

"Yeah. Thank God for small miracles...who’s this? Hang on, Dana. Someone’s at the door."

"’Kay." Scully turned half of her attention to the flickering t.v. His voice, several seconds later, drew her back.

"Hey. Uh...you can stop worrying about Mulder."

"Hmm? What d’you mean?"

"....He’s standing right here."

Scully slid to the edge of her bed, shock keeping her silent for far too long, then, "What did you say?"

"He’s here."

"Oh, my God. Okay. Uh...okay. Listen, call me back and let me know what’s happening, all right?"

"Will do."

"And please tell him for me, that a phone call telling me where he was going would have been nice!"

"I’ll do that. Talk to you in a bit."

Peter hung up and stared at the sober-faced man.

"...Your partner is a bit perturbed that you came out here without letting her know."

"I’ll call her later."

"So, what’re you...never mind. Alex is in his bedroom."

Fox looked at his watch. "Sleeping?"

"I don’t think so. He’s been a bit pissed at me all day, and he’s in there brooding." Peter waved at the hall. "Go. Go see him."

Fox set his bag down and moved hesitantly toward the hall. Peter’s voice, calling his name, stopped him. He turned to look at the other man.

"Thank you."

Fox said nothing and continued on toward Alex’s door. When he reached it, he put his hand on the knob and froze.

Right hand still on the knob, Fox knocked with his left and paused for a moment before creeping into the room.

At eight-thirty, the room was fairly dark. Dark enough for Fox to be unable to make out any of the features of the man lying on the bed, and dark enough that Alex would have the same difficulty, had he been looking at him as he entered.

"What d’you want?" the soft, gravely voice asked.

"To talk to you."

Alex flew into a sitting position, his breath leaving him in a very audible gasp. He turned on the lamp by the bed and, blinking in the rush of light, he leapt to his feet and stared hard at the new arrival.

"What are you doing here?"

"I told you. I want to talk to you. And since you were refusing to answer your phone, I decided to come see what the hell your problem is."

Sable eyebrows drew down into a perplexed frown.

"All the way across the country?" he asked breathlessly. "Who the hell does that?"

Fox shrugged and raised his hand.

"Jesus Christ," Alex whispered, looking around him as if searching for a way to escape.

"So," Fox began with a calm he was way far from feeling, "what’s the deal?"

"What d’you mean?" Alex asked, not bothering with an attempt at masquerading his discomposure.

"Why wouldn’t you answer your phone when I called?"

"Because I didn’t want to talk to you, obviously!"

"Why?"

"What would the point be?" Alex asked. "We weren’t going to get anywhere."

No sense in denying it; he was probably right.

"Go home, Mulder." There was no conviction in his tone.

"No. We’re going to talk."

"I don’t wan’t to talk."

"Fine. I’ll do all the talking, then. "Fox didn’t move from his spot by the door. "We got stuff to settle."

Alex backed up a step, looking more and more uncomfortable.

"You..." Fox began. "...you have every right to feel guilty about having Samantha’s heart. Shit; you should feel guilty. All that you’ve done to me...if you didn’t feel guilt over this, I’d label you an evil, remorseless bastard and probably dig her heart out of you with a dull spoon and enjoy every second of it.

"But in addition to what I see, Samantha insists that you’re worth the trouble to...get to know. And she says I should do that."

Looking down at the floor, Alex shook his head.

"Why? What’s the point?"

"We need to..."

Shit, he’d come all this way, he was going to say it.

"We need to figure out what this is between us."

Alex’s heart thrashed hard. "There’s always been stuff between us," he said softly. "None of it good."

"Thought I was going to talk and you were going to listen?"

Alex sat heavily on the bed, facing away from his visitor.

"What you just said is right," Fox said, moving carefully into the room. "But...Samantha feels there’s something more. She thinks we need to explore it."

A faint rasp came from the direction of the bed.  ".....Does she?"

"We had a long talk last night, and..."

"Samantha thinks, Samantha feels, Samantha says. You know, it seems to me, Mulder, that if it weren’t for these visits from Samantha, you wouldn’t be here."

Fox went quiet. Alex continued.

"Well, what makes her so right?"

"I...I trust her. And anyway, she’s not the only one saying it."

Alex drew in a deep breath. "Who else?" he asked as he blew it out.

"Scully. Your brother."

The sable head lowered.

"So. You hate me, but because three people, on of them dead, tell you that you should be trying to make nice with me, you’re going to go along with it." He forced himself to face the other man. "You used to know your own mind, Mulder. When did you become such a brainless wuss?"

Fox stared for moment then let loose "God, I must have been fucking insane to think I was going to come out here and actually get something constructive accomplished with you!"

"You didn’t think it," Alex shot back. "Samantha thought it. Scully thought it. Peter thought it."

"Ah, fuck you, Krycek!"

In the living room, Peter was on the phone with Scully.

"Oh, shit. They’re starting to yell."

"Well, that didn’t take too long, did it?" Scully sighed. "You going to go in there?"

"Hell no. Not unless I hear furniture breaking."

"Chicken."

"That’s me. I don’t know the full extent of Mulder’s temper, but I know my brother’s."

Scully chuckled. "God, I don’t know why I’m laughing, because it’s really not funny, but...it just so happens that Mulder’s really only got a short fuse when it comes to Alex."

"Yeah, you’ve told me that Alex had really pushed his buttons in the past, but you’re telling me that’s the only time when he gets really mad?"

"Oh, yeah, don’t get me wrong. There are some instances when he can get pretty fired up, but never with more passion than when Alex Krycek is involved. Hey, what’s happening now?"

"Still yelling at each other."

"Can you make any of it out?"

"A few words here and there. Let’s see...asshole.....f-ing jerk...who asked you to.....ungrateful jackass..."

Back in the bedroom, Alex stopped short, blinking at Fox’s last rant.

"Ungrateful," he whispered. "I didn’t want Samantha’s heart. Remember? As hard as he fought it, his eyes filled with tears. "I asked. No, I begged to be allowed to die. But you and my brother decided, screw what I wanted. You wanted to play God and give me a chance at another fucked up life." He held his hands out at his sides. "Well, here you go. Round two. This one’s more miserable than the last. And there’s not a fucking thing I can do about it, is there?"

Fox stared, his heart thudding painfully at the agony etched in the younger man’s face.

Two tears fell and Alex closed his eyes and turned away. "Get out," he choked softly.

Fox didn’t move. He didn’t speak.

"Mulder, go."

Fox stood motionless for a few seconds more then, not knowing what else to do, he turned toward the door. Before he reached it, he looked back at the huddled form on the bed.

"Kry....Alex...."

"Get the hell out!"

"Shit. Oh, shit," Peter cursed. "The door’s opening. Hang on, Dana....Mulder. Whooooa, whoa. Where are you going?"

"I’m leaving."

"Leaving? What? No!"

"Peter, I never should have come here. It was stupid, it was pointless, I..."

"No, Mulder, no! Don’t go, please don’t go. Just...sit and talk to me a while, okay? ...Please?"

Fox sighed heavily and dragged himself back into the room. Peter pulled the phone to his ear and spoke into it.

"Dana, I gotta go. If I don’t call you back tonight, I’ll call tomorrow, okay?"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute. What happened?"

"I’m not sure yet. I asked Mulder to stay so we could talk. I’ll call you."

"Okay. Good luck and tell him if he comes back here without at least starting to get things straightened out, I’ll kill him."

"I will. Thanks, Dana. Bye."

Peter hung up and faced Fox’s back as the other man stood staring out the balcony doors.

"What happened?"

"You couldn’t hear what happened?"

"Some of it. Not all."

Fox spun around, startling Peter.

"You know, you all keep telling me how vulnerable Krycek is right now, and how much he needs me, blah blah blah. Well, he may be vulnerable. I can see that. But I don’t see where he needs me at all. I think maybe that’s some mass hallucination on the part of our family and friends."

"Oh, Jesus, Mulder, of course it isn’t!" Peter caught himself and lowered his voice. "I live with the man. I see the way he drags around and the look in his eyes when I bring you up. I’m here when he wakes up from those nightmares. God, the nightmares, Mulder. They’re horrible. And it’s you. Your name he’s calling. You he’s screaming out for. You’re going to stand there and tell me he doesn’t need you?" Peter shook his head. "Bull. I don’t give a damn what he said to you in there. He. Doesn’t. Mean it."

"You think he doesn’t mean it." Fox turned to face Peter. "When you and Scully and Samantha are telling me one thing but your brother is telling me something else, he’s the one I have to go according to, since it’s him it’s about. Nobody knows Krycek better than Krycek." Fox’s usually plush mouth was stretched into a grim line. "He told me to leave. I’m leaving. And I’m not coming back."

"Oh, my God," Peter muttered as Fox walked past him. "Oh my God, oh my God........he loves you!" he said with as much authority as his fear that Alex would hear him allowed. Apparently, it was enough, because it stopped Fox cold. When he didn’t turn around, Peter approached and stopped inches from his back.

"That’s not a desperate attempt to keep you here. I swear on the souls of all my brothers and sisters, it’s the truth. Alex is in love with you. Can you understand now why he might be acting the way he has been?"

Fox turned around slowly, looking at the floor. "He uh..." He cleared his throat and went on. "He said I hated him."

"He truly believes that, Mulder. Can you imagine the pain of being hopelessly in love with someone you think hates your guts? It’s because he believes that so strongly, that he’s trying to keep you away. It doesn’t matter about the pain he’d be in, not seeing you again. He just wants to do what he thinks is right for you."

"But...he says things...I....I don’t...things that express his pain, you know? Like I’m hurting him."

"You are hurting him. Just because he thinks he knows you can’t stand him doesn’t mean that it doesn’t kill him.......Mulder? You okay?"

The increasingly pale man took a long, shuddering breath.

"I’m...uh..."

"Come on, sit down." Peter led Fox over to the sofa and made him sit. "I’m sure you came here right from the airport, right?"

Fox nodded.

"Okay. Can I get you something to eat or drink?"

"No. No, I...I think I just need to close my eyes. Clear my head."

"Okay, well I don’t want you driving around at this time of night, looking for a hotel. You’ll stay here."

"No, I can’t. I..."

"Of course you can. You’re exhausted. I’ll get a pillow and blanket, and you can crash here on the sofa. Tomorrow, when we’re all a little more clear-headed, we’ll figure out what to do."

"And what do you think your brother’s reaction will be when he finds me on your couch tomorrow?"

"He’ll be surprised...probably say a bunch of stuff you should ignore, and way down deep in the heart that loves you beyond all reason, there’ll be huge relief."

"He’s right, Fox. Oh, he is so right."

He found her standing by the glass doors. Wide eyes flicked from the image to Peter and back again.

"Mulder...what is it?"

Sure that Peter and Scully’s many mentions of Samantha were only meant to humor him, he lied.

"Nothing."

But his reaction was genuine, and Peter didn’t miss it.

"Is...is she here?"

Fox looked at him and said nothing.

"Hey, Mulder, look. I’ve never experienced anything paranormal myself, but Alex believes without question that Samantha is visiting you. And if you two believe it, well..."

"You mean the sensible Dr. Scully hasn’t plied you with all the scientific reasons why it just ain’t so?"

"She believes that you believe it."

"That’s not the same as believing it herself."

"No, I guess not. But I do believe you and Alex. So...is she still here?"

Fox looked to his right.

"Yeah."

"Is she saying anything?"

"She said you’re right."

"I’m right...oh, about Alex being secretly relieved that you’re here?"

Fox nodded. "She uh...she insists that she’s got insights now that she never had in her mortal form, and she knows how he really feels about...things."

"And I know how you really feel about... things, too, Fox. You can’t bury them deep enough to hide them from me now. Stay. You stay and fight."

"I’m sick of the fighting," Fox said, incurring a curious look from Peter.

"I don’t mean for you to fight with him," Samantha countered. "Though I’m sure there’ll be plenty of that, stubborn pains in the butt that you both are. I mean fight for the two of you. For what you could have together."

"Jesus, that....it sounds insane!"

Peter frowned. "What? What sounds insane?"

"Forget about what it sounds like," Samantha said. "And think about how it feels. Really feels."

Fox shook his head then dropped it into his hands.

"Mulder?" Peter called, eaten up with curiosity. "What sounds insane?"

Samantha spoke again.

"You have no family left, Fox. No one to love you. I know that you and Scully are close, but it’s not the same.""

"You’re here," he said softly.

"I’m not flesh and blood any more," Samantha explained gently. "You need a warm presence in your home when you come in from a long day at work. You need someone who’ll make your heart swell when you look at them. Someone you can touch and hold. Someone who’ll share your life."

"Aren’t you getting just a little carried away?"

"With what?" Peter asked insistently.

"Sorry, Peter, I...she’s just telling me some stuff."

"Yeah, well, I figured that. Care to share?"

"Not especially."

"Because you know he’ll agree? ...I know it’s scary, Fox. I know you’re asking yourself how you can feel anything but hate for this particular man. But it’s time to stop analyzing and just feel. Give yourself permission to feel."

Fox buried his face in his hands and said nothing.

"You want me to leave you two alone?"

The golden-brown head lifted, and Fox looked from Peter to Samantha, who gave him a sweet smile.

"Goodnight, big brother."

He watched as her image faded, then he returned his attention to Peter.

"She left."

Peter looked around. "Ah. O-okay. So...you staying?"

"Jesus," Fox sighed. "Yeah. Yeah, okay."

Giving the other man a wide, grateful smile, Peter hobbled to the hall closet to retrieve some extra bedding. Taking the items, Fox laid them on the sofa then picked up his bag and shuffled toward the bathroom.

"There’s going to be hell to pay in the morning, you know that."

"We’ll see. Good night, Mulder."

Shaking his head, Fox entered the bathroom. When he left it fifteen minutes later, he stopped and took a long look at Alex’s bedroom door before sighing and moving quietly into the living room. The apartment was dark with the exception of one lamp by the sofa.

"What the hell am I doing back here?" he asked himself as he made up his bed then slid beneath the blanket. Now, in the stillness of the room, he began to turn all that Peter and Samantha had said to him over and over in his head. Most especially, one little nugget of information dropped on him by Peter.

Krycek...in love with him? Was Peter out of his fucking mind? Samantha didn’t think so, he knew that much. She agreed with her new brother one hundred percent. Shit, she’d even gone so far as to imply that Fox felt the same.

He stared up at the ceiling as he reluctantly contemplated what seemed like an absolutely ridiculous possibility. He lay that way for over an hour before deciding that sleep would not be coming easily tonight, if at all. In the attempt to occupy his mind with something less thought provoking, he turned on the t.v. Just as he had started to doze off at around three o’clock, a sound brought him back to full consciousness.

"Son of a bitch," he muttered, listening to the anguished cry coming from Alex’s bedroom. He stayed where he was, hoping that he’d soon hear Peter’s door open, but when Alex cried out again and Peter didn’t emerge from his room, Fox determined that the other man had every intention of letting him deal with it.

He lay there for a while longer, hoping that either Alex would stop or Peter would finally come out of his room. When neither happened, he flung the blanket off and got up.

Telling himself that he was going to Alex’s room in the interest of getting some sleep and not because the agonized cries were tearing at his heart, he pushed the door open and moved cautiously inside.

"Leave him alone!"

Fox crept closer to the bed and stood over the agitated man, watching as he pleaded with his unconscious mind’s tormentor.

"Fucking bastard! No...no! Please! Oh, God, please don’t hurt him!" Harsh sobs wracked his body. "No! Let me die! ...Mulder," he panted. "Mul...nooooo!"

Fox dropped down to the edge of the bed and placed a hand on Alex’s back, which was facing him, and he rubbed gently.

"Shhhh," he soothed, hoping to calm the other man without waking him.

It was his own sobs more than the caressing hand that began to rouse Alex from his nightmare. Chest heaving, the tears flowed freely as his eyes began to flutter. The dream came back to him in vivid detail, and he choked back a hard sob. But another was right behind it, and it escaped, followed by another, until he was crying openly. The hand at his back slid over his shoulder and around his chest, and a head rested against his, offering him warmth and comfort. Too immersed in his grief, he didn’t notice that the man at his back was not his brother. Soon, though, the calming presence began to take effect, and had Alex not been so wrung out, he might have wondered how Peter had been able to console him so easily, when he never had before. The deep, rasping sobs abated, and the tears stopped, and for once, he actually started to drift back into sleep.

Fox sat quietly, his torso twisted into a rather uncomfortable position as he held the other man, but as Alex had actually begun to settle down, and he could feel the tension draining from his body, Fox remained where he was. Several minutes passed, and Alex fell asleep. And Fox did what Samantha had suggested. He allowed himself to feel.

Unable to stop himself, he closed his eyes and focused on the body pressed back against his. He smelled Alex’s hair. He lightly rubbed his cheek against the sable strands, and his cock began to stir.

Carefully, he backed away then got to his feet, hands clenching together as he looked down at the still form.

Alex shifted position, a shaky sigh escaping his lips, and Fox froze, now looking directly into the sleeping man’s face. There was enough evening light coming in through the double windows to softly illuminate his features.

It could have been the moonlight. It could have been that he’d just never taken the time to really notice, but Jesus, the man was beautiful. Yes, Fox know he was damn good looking; he wasn’t blind, but he’d never studied Alex long enough to be able to say that he was fucking gorgeous. His cock agreed most strenuously with the assessment, and his heart pounded as his head spun with this new, jarring revelation. He ran a trembling hand through his hair, and while he tried to gather his thoughts, the younger man sighed again and opened his eyes halfway.

Awake enough to realize that he wasn’t alone, Alex quickly blinked and focused a blurry stare on the dim figure standing over him. The second he’d gained control of consciousness, he knew that the presence was not his brother’s. He trained his eyes on the face, and his breath left him.

He wanted to be angry. He wanted to shout at the other man and demand to know what gave him the right to be there, but something was different. The look in the dark eyes was unlike any he’d seen there before.

"You were having another nightmare."

The voice was soft and husky and full of some emotion Alex couldn’t name. But every nerve in his body responded to it. He tried to answer, but words failed him.

The voice came again, softer and deeper still, and Alex’s lip trembled.

"You were crying."

Alex watched in silence as Fox moved closer then sat on the edge of his bed. On his back, and with Fox so close now, he began to feel more vulnerable than he really cared to. He slid up into a sitting position and continued to eye the other man warily.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

Alex shook his head then lowered his eyes, waiting.

"Okay."

His gaze shot up, and his lips parted slightly, and he said nothing.

"You wanna try and go back to sleep?"

A soft hiss escaped before he found his voice. "I..." He stopped and cleared some of the gravel from his very dry throat. "...Don’t think I can."

"Me either. So..."

This was it.

"You wanna watch a little t.v.?"

Again, Alex stared in shock.

"Uh...y-yeah, I guess."

Fox rose to his feet and picked Alex’s remote up from it’s place on the nightstand. He turned the small set on then handed the remote to its owner.

"If you need anything, I’m out there."

Alex watched the other man head for the doorway, spinning what had just happened around in his head, and before he knew what he was doing, he called out.

"....Mulder."

The one word was spoken so softly that Fox barely heard. Hand on the knob, he turned his head and looked toward the bed.

"Y-you said you probably couldn’t sleep, either."

"Yeah, probably not."

"You could....I...if you want, umm..."

Fox turned his whole body but stayed where he was, and again his heart began to do flips.

So much uncertainty in his eyes. So much hurt and despair. And even so, they were the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen.

Oh, how did he get so screwed so fast?

Alex looked down, unable to finish his sentence.

Tentatively, Fox picked his way back into the room and lowered himself into the chair on the right side of the bed. Alex sat in uneasy silence, nervously fingering the buttons on the remote. When Fox said nothing to him, he sucked his lower lip into his mouth and aimed the control at the television with a shaking hand. Several changed channels later, he stopped on an old black and white horror movie. "This okay?" he asked softly.

"It’s fine," Fox answered with a gentleness Alex had never heard until tonight.

Glancing at the older man out of the corner of his eye, Alex set the remote down. And they watched television.