Past Diaries

Welcome. All the past pages from my online mirror book are resting here at my MIRROR BOOK GRAVEYARD -HA HA! They're arranged from oldest to newest with titles. Browse and enjoy! HA HA HA!!!

When you're through here, go to the site index.

Past Pages

DISCOVERING WICCA Hi, everyone. This is my first page of the Online Diary. I hope you enjoy it. I discovered Wicca by accident when a friend of mine looked up witchcraft on the internet during our rebellious stage. We found lots of information on nature loving, happy, white candle lighting, hippie people. These aren't witches! Right? That was not what we were wanting. We threw the Wicca stuff aside and continued searching for something a little more fun. No luck. Later, I found an article about actress Fairuza Balk talking about how respectful Wicca is, and.... OH! there's that spell stuff! :) Wicca was once again resurfacing in my life, this time with a friend of mine, named Gail. I watched the movie starring Fairuza Balk, 'The Craft' and decided to get a book on Wicca. Scott Cunningham, 'The Guide to the Solitary Practioner' was my first book on Wicca and still my favorite. I never really got around to reading it so, once again, Wicca got pushed aside. The religion snuck up on me. I started to talk to flowers, and feel energies from the rocks, trees, and air. Gail was having similar experiences. I decided to pick up the book. I flipped through it and discovered that they worshipped a God. I was not ready for that. I did not want to be anything like the confining Christian religion. The Goddess and God would not give up on me. I was watching music videos one day and had on a band I'd liked, called Godsmack (reveiw on this site in the Goth Room). The woman was talking about how the lead singer, Sully Erna, was a Wiccan. That , I thought, was interesting. Then, I had thought Wicca was pretty well a strictly female religion. Here was a guy I liked into it! Then they played the song, ironically titled, 'Voodoo'. It and the video was heavily Wiccan themed and very hauntingly beautiful. I picked up the book again, and this time, I didn't put it back down. There was one event that later cemented my relationship with the Goddess and God. My four year old cousin wanted me to take her fishing in my Grandpa's pond. Feeling guilty about having to kill a grasshopper for her to use, I asked nature for one. To my surprise, it worked! A grasshopper actually jumped right in front of me and I caught it effortlessly and thanked it. Not more than two minutes later, she caught a fish. (We let it go by the way and thanked it). The next day, I went fishing with my dad at the river. We used live woems. I asked to use one, but could not catch one. I began to get annoyed and said, "come on, stupid worms, you're all going to get used anyways". Well, I caught one and my line broke in the water, then my dad's line broke. We then realized we'd forgotten the tackle box. We didn't catch any fish, and you know what else, we didn't use any worms. They were all set free.

5/1/00 HAPPY BELTAINE!!!!!! Being a solitary witch can get very lonely. Where I live, there are no other people who believe like I do. No one around here even accepts my religion. Everyone thinks I'm evil. My town is predominately Mormon and Baptist. So, holidays as a Wiccan can get really, really lonely. It's hard sometimes. I woke up this morning to a beautiful Beltaine sun shining through my window. I was so happy. Beltaine is a great time. The God reaches maturity and "fertilizes" the Goddess, the beginning of beautiful Wiccan spring. I forgot I was alone in the joy. My whole day at school, I was smiling until, peice by peice, people wore me down. By the time fourth hour rolled around (last hour for me), I was successfully depressed. I just sat there in my art class, mixing my same container of paint over and over, not wanting to touch anything, afraid in my self-pity I might mess something up. My friend noticed I was upset and asked me what was wrong. All my friends know I'm a witch but they don't approve. I told her today was a holiday and no one else knows or cares. She didn't say a word, just turned and left. Even more upset at the thought she might be weirded out or mad, I just sat there with my back to her. Then I heard her pull a chair up behind me and jump up onto it. I casually turned around to see what she was doing, and discovered she had handpainted a sign for me that said in big letters "HAPPY BELTAINE!!!" I was so shocked! We sat and talked a little about my religion. That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. :)

5/26/00 MERCURY RETROGRADE EFFECTS LAST On the last Mercury retrograde, I had done a stupid thing. Despite all the warnings of not doing anything big and important, I... well, I got a job. :( Oops! I didn't have any choice I had thought. I had put in an application well before the retrograde, but they didn't contact me until then. I hated my then current job, and they wanted to hire me on the spot, I thought it through. There was no reason not to take the job. No visible reason not to quit my other job and take this one. So, after putting it off as long as I could, I accepted the job. I have regretted it ever since. The terrors of it are numerous. The first thing that happened was I became involved with a "psychic vampire". In case you don't know what that is, it's a person who can basically play with your head and mess you up mentally. Well, he definiately did that. Finally he was fired. (I had to do a little work with the Goddess and God to get him out of my life). It was a really hard thing to go through. I haven't been involved with anyone since. This started a matter of days after I was hired. As if this wasn't a clue, things continued to go like this. My favorite manager quit after a fight with another manager who quit shortly after. Soon, they hired a guy who is extremely scary. He even followed girls home. He was finally fired. Eventually, it came to the point where things started getting really bad. One night, as the scary man was working, I was upset about getting in a fight with my friend about, of course, religion. I had walked to the back, and he had made a huge greasy mess on the floor (I work at KFC). Not paying attention, I slipped on it and broke my elbow, jammed my wrist, and bruised my knee and hip. By the time all this had healed, my hours had been cut from six-seven days a week to two days a week by our new horrid manager. The paper with my workman's comp has conveniently disappeared. I've now taken the hint to get a new job. I'm working on it. :) I have only been here since the end of February. I have never had luck like this! So, as the next Mercury retrograde all to quickly approaches (June 23-July 27 to be exact), I leave you with this small peice of advice... "Don't be dumb!!!" Respect the power of Mercury retrograde. It's no fun if you don't.

6/29/00 NEW SELF-KNOWLEDGE Lately, I've been trying to get more interactive with Wicca, because I don't seem to be focusing enough on it. So, I went out to see if I could learn anymore about my personal aspects. I did. I finally have an idea of who my Goddess and God are. I have been led to discover the goddess Beth and the Egyptian god Temys. I believe I heard about them for a reason, but I have not as of yet found out anything more than when I first discovered them. This is a hint to me that I need to do my studying out in nature more than on the web. I have been introduced, now it's my turn to pursue more. I have also discovered my totem animal (animal medicine) and my spirit guide. My totem animal is the red fox (big surprise here, I LOVE foxes), and my spirit guide is the crow. I attempted to contact them once, but aside from knowing what they are, I have had no further hints from them. I discovered the crow as I was sitting facing the woods and decided to see if I could be contacted by my spirit guide. I called out and asked that if my spirit guide was there if it could speak to me. Instantly, a crow called out. Thinking this was a coincidence, I asked if I could see my spirit guide. Then, the crow flew right above my head. Completely surprised by the ease this bird came to me, I asked if there was a message. The crow gave out three calls and flew above the road. I had the urge to follow it. As I started down the road, the bird gave a few caws, then flew back into the woods. I still felt I should continue the way I was going, so I did. Soon, I came upon my mom who said she had been looking everywhere for me. My grandma had come down from Texas to see us, so they were trying to find me. I'd never heard them say a word, but the crow led me there. As for the fox, I have had no such contact with him, but as has been said might happen, I have seen him all over everywhere else. I have found a fox cartoon series on t.v. (I still like cartoons), and many other movies and things with foxes. Most importantly, I was shown the night after I tried to contact the fox, that they are being killed in California. All the foxes in California are being euthanised for eating a species of bird. I instantly felt a need to try to stop this and have set up a webpage, and have contacted some people to try to help. I hope it goes okay. Just last night, I was on the phone with a friend of mine from England and a fox ran in front of him and stared in his face while he was talking to me. So, I guess the fox is trying to tell me he is there for me. It feels good to know. I hope everyone has great luck in their pursuit of the ones that will help them along the way