Author's Note: Anything enclosed within **...** is a
quote from the JA books.
Author's Note 2: Yes, the title of this is from that
one X-Files episode. If you've seen it, you'll know
what I mean. Other than that, this bears no
relationship whatsoever to the XF universe.
[Prologue]
Obi-Wan sat on his bed, legs drawn up to his chest. He stared moroesly at the wall. He wasn't being punished... not really. He was supposed to be reflecting on some bad choices that he'd made - which amounted to the same thing as punishment, except Qui-Gon would dispute that if he'd called it 'punishment.' The Jedi Master prefered to call it 'discipline.' All that mattered was that he was stuck in his room while his friends were out having fun. He scowled. Sometimes it seemed that the whole galaxy was out having fun without him. Obi-Wan sighed for the umpteenth time that day.
He jumped when the door chimed. He wondered if it was okay for him to leave his room to answer the door. But he heard Qui-Gon get up from the table; heard him walk across the suite and open the door. Obi-Wan rose from his bed and pressed his ear to the door in an effort to hear the conversation in the hall.
"Hello, Master Jinn. Is Obi-Wan in?" He recognized Bant's voice.
"Yes, he is, Padawan Bant, but I'm afraid Obi-Wan is doing some private reflection at the moment and is not available."
Although Obi-Wan couldn't see her from his position behind the door, he knew she rolled her eyes.
"What did he do this time, Master Jinn?"
Obi-Wan heard his Master chuckle softly. "Obi-Wan made some bad choices today, Bant. I willing to risk a small wager on the chance that he won't be doing that again any time soon."
Bant giggled.
Obi-Wan groaned softly. "I hate my life," he whispered quietly.
It had all started when. . .
[Part 1]
The Padawans had all drawn lots in sabre-practice that day to see who would fight whom. By a queer twist of fate, Obi-Wan and Bruck had drawn each other. Obi-Wan groaned inwardly. The two boys' mutual dislike was near-legendary. It wasn't that he was afraid of Bruck - no, that wasn't it at all. Obi-Wan couldn't even remember their original conflict, only that Bruck was still holding a grudge against him from childhood. Obi-Wan's conflicting emotions pulled at him.
Hundreds of meters away in a far distant part of the Temple, Qui-Gon sat at a table with an old friend. They were sharing stories of their younger days and watching the endless streams of cloud-cars through the Coruscant skyline.
Suddenly Qui-Gon stiffened. He could feel Obi-Wan's emotions swirling about him, broadcast along their training bond.
"Forgive me, old friend. My Padawan is having some sort of problem. I can't get too much out of him, but I can sense that my presence is required."
The other Master smiled at his friend. "Go to him. If he didn't need you, you wouldn't feel the way you do."
Qui-Gon nodded briskly and headed off to the practice rooms.
The two boys were engaged in a mock duel, the 'mock' part of which seemed forgotten as they glared over their sabres at each other. They were fairly evenly matched, and the duel had been going for some time when Qui-Gon slipped in, unobserved.
The boys broke apart and circled each other warily, sweat streaking down their faces. Obi-Wan brushed his sleeve across his forehead, wiping the sweat out of his eyes. In that split second, Bruck used the Force to move an obstacle block. Obi-Wan stumbled over it and Bruck lunged, catching him fairly on the neck. Obi-Wan switched off his lightsabre, angry at himself, but willing to concede a graceful defeat. He bowed to Bruck, who bowed mockingly back. Obi-Wan frowned, but otherwise ignored him.
"You clumsy oaf! You only lost 'cause you tripped!" Bruck's sneer surprised him. Obi-Wan had hoped he'd outgrown the taunting jabs.
Obi-Wan looked up at Bruck. "So you're saying I could have beaten you and the only reason you won was because you fought dirty?" he asked evenly.
Bruck glared. The two boys stared at each other menacingly for a few moments. Finally, Qui-Gon strode from the corner of the room. Obi-Wan quickly hid his surprise at seeing his Master.
"Come, Padawan."
"Yes, Master."
Bruck looked chagrinned at having his target being swept away and called out one more barb.
"Sure, Oafy-Wan. Let your Master get you out of all the trouble you get in."
Obi-Wan turned, eyes glaring. Qui-Gon reached out an arm to hold him back, but missed his apprentice by a few centimeters. Obi-Wan jumped on Bruck and the two tussled about on the floor.
Qui-Gon paused a moment to roll his eyes before reaching down with one powerful arm. His fingers closed over the Padawan braid and he jerked Obi-Wan back to his feet. With his other arm, he held Bruck back.
"Enough," he said, his voice low and dangerous.
Obi-Wan blushed, rubbing the base of his scalp where his braid began. "Sorry, Master. I don't know what came over me."
"I have an inkling. You need to keep a stronger reign on that temper, Padawan. I suggest that you meditate in our quarters for the rest of the day."
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan muttered, somewhat sullenly. He fumed inwardly - at himself, at Bruck, and at Qui-Gon.
"As for you, Bruck," Qui-Gon continued, his voice hard. "You and I are going to go find your Master. You are going to repeat to him what you said here today."
Bruck swallowed. His Master was not an easy man to get along with.
Obi-Wan trudged silently back to his quarters and went
to his room. He flung himself on the bed. His only
consolation was that Bruck was undoubtedly in for a
worse time of it than he was.
[Part 2]
After showing Bant out of their quarters, Qui-Gon paced irritably.
**"I didn't start it," Xanatos would say whenever a fight broke out between him and another apprentice. His blue eyes would blaze with sincerity and sorrow. Like a father, Qui-Gon would always try to believe him.**
Xanatos. The name still managed to make him cringe even after several years. Qui-Gon still had to lay those particular demons to rest. He'd spoiled that boy. He would not make that mistake again. He scowled at the door seperating him from Obi-Wan's room. He chewed thoughtfully on his mustache. Perhaps he was treading too far in the opposite direction. Was he being too hard on Obi-Wan? Or was he merely attempting to right an old wrong by tipping the scales?
"Padawan," he called through the door. "I'm going out for a bit. You stay where you are."
A sigh from the other side of the door, followed by a contrite, "Yes, Master."
_*_
Qui-Gon strode firmly down the hall, in search of Master Yoda. He could sense his presense, and followed it like a homing beacon.
Qui-Gon was somewhat dismayed to discover that the Jedi Master was in consultation and could not be disturbed. Mace Windu stopped him with a raised hand.
"Sorry, Qui-Gon, but he's busy."
"But I need to talk with him," Qui-Gon said desperately.
Mace shrugged. "You can talk with me," he offered sympathetically.
Qui-Gon shrugged. "Okay, well, in that case, I've got a Padawan that I don't know how to deal with."
Mace allowed a faint smile to cross his face. "How old is Obi-Wan these days? Fourteen? Fifteen?"
"He's fifteen."
"He's probably going through an insecure stage."
"A what?" Qui-Gon was perplexed.
"Is he acting up to get your attention?" Mace asked.
"No, not really. Well, maybe," Qui-Gon sounded a little uncertain.
"Have you told him how important he is to you?"
"He knows," Qui-Gon said, beginning to get impatient.
"Does he now? Qui-Gon, that boy has major insecurity issues and he needs to know you care about him from time to time."
Qui-Gon frowned. "I don't think that it's at all."
"Then what *is* the problem?" Mace asked.
"I think maybe *I'm* the problem."
"How so?"
"Well, I think that part of the reason Xanatos, uh, fell from grace was because I spoiled him rotten. I always took his side and always gave him the benefit of the doubt. Now with Obi-Wan, well, I'm afraid I've been too hard on him. I think I've always put the blame on him, when perhaps it didn't need to be."
"Qui-Gon, first off, you need to climb out of the cess pit of self-pity you've been swimming in for the past ten years," Mace said.
Qui-Gon scowled at his friend.
"I'm serious, Qui. What happened to Xanatos was *not* your fault. The boy was a pain in the ass from day one. If you're guilty of anything, it's being too blind not to notice."
"Thanks," Qui-Gon muttered dryly.
Mace grinned. "No problem. What kind of friend would I be if I couldn't tell you when you were being a total fool?"
Qui-Gon resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at Mace - barely.
"Although you're more than able to point out my past faults, Mace, you seem to have given me nothing whatsoever to go on with regard to Obi-Wan."
"All right, then," said Mace. "What did he do today?"
"He and Bruck got into a fight during sabre practice today. Bruck had been antagonizing him all day long and finally he just snapped and jumped on him. I broke up the fight and sent Obi-Wan back to our quarters. Then I took Bruck to his Master," Qui-Gon paused, grinning. "And I thought *my* Padawan had a mouth on him. I must say that if Obi-Wan said half the things I heard Bruck say... well, he'd be spending the rest of his life in meditation *and* he'd be getting his mouth washed out daily."
Mace chuckled. "It's always good to take heart that everyone else has the same problems," he said with a smile.
Qui-Gon quirked an eyebrow.
Mace continued, "Have you ever talked with Obi-Wan?"
"Of course I talk to him," Qui-Gon replied testily.
"That's not what I mean and you know it. Talking 'with' and talking 'to' are two very different situations. Have you ever *really* talked with him? About Xani and how that experience affects your teaching methods?"
Qui-Gon fought the urge to squirm. "No, I suppose not."
"Perhaps if he knew the *why* behind his... confinement, he'd be slightly more tractible."
Qui-Gon sighed. "You're right, of course, Mace."
"Right well you said 'of course'," Mace said with an absolutely straight face. Qui-Gon laughed aloud.
"All right, all right. I concede the argument. I'll go talk to him now."
Mace smiled at his friend. "Okay, well, you'd best get going."
"I'm going, I'm going. No need to pull rank on me," Qui-Gon grinned.
"Wouldn't dream of it, old friend."
"Ha!"
"So leave already," Mace chided gently. "Standing here gossiping will not make the upcoming conversation any easier."
Shaking his head at the teremity of his friends,
Qui-Gon strode off down the corridor.
[Part 3]
"Obi-Wan, come out here please," Qui-Gon said upon re-entering their quarters.
The door to Obi-Wan's room opened somewhat timidly and a short-haired head poked out.
Qui-Gon attempted a reassuring smile. "Come on out, Obi-Wan. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk to... talk *with* you."
"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan's head disappeared momentarily and then the young man straightened his tunic, ran his hands through his hair, and walked boldly into the main room.
"Obi-Wan, I want you to know something. Something I should have told you before."
"Yes, Master?"
Qui-Gon swallowed. "I'm very proud of you, Obi-Wan. I'm not angry about this morning."
Obi-Wan gaped at his Master. He'd expected a scolding, not praise.
"However, that is not to say I condone this behavior."
"Yes, Master."
Qui-Gon looked sternly at his apprentice. "It will not happen again."
"Yes, Master."
"But," Qui-Gon continued. "I want you to know that sometimes I may be a little too hard on you. It's not your fault. Not at all. You've done nothing to deserve such harsh treatment. I - I'm afraid that, uh, I, well, what I mean to say," Qui-Gon shifted uncomfortably.
Obi-Wan looked at him expectantly. "Yes?"
"I'm afraid I spoiled Xanatos. I didn't want that to happen again, so I, uh..."
"You were afraid of spoiling me?" Obi-Wan supplied.
"Exactly."
Obi-Wan looked his Master straight in the eye. He seemed at once both older and younger than he appeared. The tension between them fluctuated wildly.
"I am not Xanatos. I am nothing like him. He is not me," Obi-Wan said, trying very hard to remain calm and rational.
"No, you're nothing like him. You do not deserve to be rejected and rebuked because of something that happened when you were only a child."
"Then why do you do it?" Obi-Wan asked, confused.
"Because I'm afraid," Qui-Gon said honestly. "I have no other reason. My pride blinded me to Xanatos' faults, just as my fear blinds me to your worthiness."
Obi-Wan's eyes filled with unshed tears. In the two and a half years he'd studied under Qui-Gon, Master and Padawan had never spoken so frankly with one another. He tried to speak, but his voice failed him. He swallowed and tried again.
"Thank you, Master. Thank you for telling me."
Qui-Gon smiled down at him. "You're welcome, my boy. I talked with Master Windu today and I came to some unpleasant personal realizations. While I've been teaching you how to be a Jedi, I've ignored certain parts of your education - like your well-being. I... I'm sorry, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan's eyes widened. For once, he was struck dumb. He merely stared at his Master.
Finally, Qui-Gon smiled faintly. "Padawan, are you hungry?" he asked, knowing it was a silly question. Obi-Wan was *always* hungry.
Obi-Wan could only nod mutely.
"Let's go get some dinner, shall we?"