Warnings: Well, not the ones you expect.... No, I have absolutely no idea what I am doing here! Never done anything like this before - don't know if I ever will again!! (have patience please - and no, I do not even know what a 'beta' is! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
"Qui-Gon Jinn! Come here now you will!" roared the diminutive green master. "UT-oh" breathed the boy, currently in the smaller of the two sleeping chambers. //I think he found out!// he thought, eyes wide in alarm. Slowly he opened the slide-door and went into the common area he shared with his Master.
There Yoda sat in the short chair before the low table…. On which lay a brown envelope that had been opened. "Padawan Jinn -" Yoda began in a stern growl - then paused and closed his eyes and seemed to be counting to 10 - or even perhaps 100 in an effort to control his emotions.
When again he opened his eyes it was to find the boy on his knees before his chair, the younger's eyes glued to the floor with a most downcast look to his features. Yoda sighed softly to himself as he considered the boy before him.
A boy…. yes, but a rather large one at that, being well over 5 feet in height…. Arms and legs all at angles, hands and feet seeming much too big even still for the body… cheeks still unshaven and unblemished as the Padawan braid hung down to mid chest level.
Qui-Gon had been known since earliest childhood for his excessive energy and stubborn streak. Yet strong was he in the Force, the Living side of it at any rate. Yoda reached out and gently lifted the boy's chin so their eyes met. The younger's seemed moist and overly bright - but he met his Master's gaze steadily. Resigned perhaps, but steadily.
"Three times this week you were into mischief Padawan…three times too many for my taste. Now THIS? " Yoda said sternly as he held out the Jedi Academy grade card, and the boy sighed dismally at it. "Can you explain this to me?" Yoda asked sharply, and the boy's eyes immediately dropped to his lap.
"I guess…. I am… not very intelligent Master… I do fine at the Katas… I love literature… science is my favorite - especially natural science…. But history? I cannot seem to get history to stay in my mind Master… I am sorry I am such a failure to you." he barely whispered in an uneven voice and seemed to withdraw further into himself.
"Not everything in life will you always be good at Padawan… but if you give up - narrow will be the avenues open to you in the future. If only the easy do you attempt to master - yourself do you cheat the most…. And others as well. You are not a stupid or even a slow learner Qui-Gon…. But lack of interest in history, perhaps has something to do with your difficulties with it. Change - history does not Padawan…. It is the approach of the learner to it that makes the difference." he said, and the boy sighed enormously as he nodded, still not looking up again.
"Yes Master" he said obediently, in a soft tone, and Yoda sighed with a concerned look. He knew the sound of automatic response without conviction when he heard it. He should - Qui-Gon Jinn was the 51st Padawan he had trained… and Yoda already knew this young man would be his last… and most likely the most unusual of them all - perhaps even the greatest in many ways. He had not even planned on training another at all… 50 was enough …. Yet, the Force had drawn him to this boy, over and over and over - until finally it had dawned on him….
Qui-Gon Jinn was indeed a fast learner… this Yoda knew well. Already at 14 the boy possessed totally amazing skills at the Katas. Normally all awkward arms and legs…. Yet…. When he managed to center himself in the Force, he could do routines with his eyes closed that students 6 years his senior could barely complete.
More than once Yoda had gone to the practice room, only to find his Padawan sparring with a full fledged Knight - a crowd of on-lookers around them…. And much too often for the Knight's liking - the Padawan not only held his own - but won. At this rate, by the time the boy was ready to take the trials of knighthood, he would be the best swordsman the Order had seen in hundreds of years.
Yoda closed his eyes, grasping for a glimpse of the future, and smiled at the images he found there…. A very tall man with long hair, deep voice, short beard and a Master's cloak, …a combination of great might and strength, and yet also compassionate gentleness - one who lived in the Light of the Force. He sighed as the vision faded…. And opened his eyes to smile gently at the boy before him.
"Qui-Gon Jinn, how long have you been my Padawan?" Yoda asked him quietly, and the boy seemed to swallow dryly as he looked up at the diminutive master. "Almost - almost 15 months Master Yoda." he said, as if expecting the absolute worst now - the color draining from his face slowly. Yoda nodded with the best inscrutable face he could muster. "And of these 15 months Padawan…. How often have I punished or shouted at you ….. told you did I, that perfect I expect and perfect I demand that you be?" he asked gravely, and the boy blinked as if confused for a moment.
"Not at all sir…. You have NEVER told me I must be perfect. Only that I must do my best." he said and Yoda nodded with a kindly look. "Difficult it is - when of the Living Force one is, and centered in the needs of the moment …. to see the value and pertinence of history. This I understand Qui-Gon….I too, am of the Living side… And, also the Unifying side… But prefer I the Living most times, I think ….It is good to feel the connectedness of ALL… around one…." he said in a rather drifty tone.
"I really do intend to succeed every time I work or study history Master Yoda… It just will not stay in my mind. Just last night I was up for hours after darkfall reading … reading and re-reading the same chapters…." the boy said, stopping with a gulp as Yoda suddenly arched an eyebrow at the mention of the boy's having stayed up so late.
Yoda suppressed the urge to frown at the boy. "Go and get your history file…. Lets see how much good it did you to misuse your resting time." He said dryly, and with an unhappy sigh the boy went and soon was back with the datapad that he gave over reluctantly.
Yoda thumbed through the record of file accesses for a moment. Indeed, the records showed the boy had been studying history some 2 to 3 extra hours of the day - often in the middle of the night when he should have been asleep. Yoda sighed. //And then he wonders and is discouraged when it will not stick in his head and he does poorly on the tests?//
Indeed, much to Yoda's dismay, when he asked the boy questions from the text he had studied…. One would think the boy had never looked at the material. With each question the boy's face became redder and redder - again his eyes overly bright - until finally he seemed to stifle a half sob as he suddenly turned away, tears now clearly in his eyes.
"I already know how stupid and clumsy I am! I don't need you to show me again Master! If you don't want me anymore- just SAY so!" he blurt out with, then suddenly turned and ran for the sleeping chamber, snapping the slide-door behind him and flinging himself face down on the bed as now the tears came quickly to his cheeks.
Yoda sat for a moment in stunned silence. //Where had THAT come from?// he wondered with concern. That certainly had never been his Padawan's reaction to discipline before. Carefully Yoda closed his eyes and reached out across the training bond, to gently brush the boy's mind. He could feel the exhaustion and stress the boy's efforts had caused him - and how it had worn him down without Yoda even being aware of the problem. This perhaps troubled him more than the actual failing of the history class.
Slowly he eased into the room and up to the bed. The boy was turned away from him, but still Yoda could feel his tears and deep … all dulled by extreme exhaustion and blurred by stress. Gently he sat on the side of the bed. There he fondly ran a hand slowly over his Padawan's hair, humming a calm-inducing tune in his mind, that he slowly fed through the bond to the boy. Finally the younger turned to face him, cheeks still slightly damp as he now heaved a sigh and deep blue eyes blinked drowsily at his Master.
"Now, now, my Padawan…. What is the real reason you are so upset?" Yoda soothed hypnotically as he gently rubbed the boy's back in a slow circular motion and felt the tension ebbing away under his touch. "I…I am not good enough to be your Padawan, Master Yoda… not yours! You are the strongest and wisest of all the Jedi…. You should have someone a LOT better than me. I just can't do it…. I can't… Everyone is always telling me how disappointed you will be in me if I am not the best… how you are just not getting rid of me until you can find someone to take me off your hands. I - I'm so sorry Master -I…" he suddenly half sobbed, breaking off to turn away and curl up towards the wall.
Yoda frowned hugely. Firmly he drew the boy back, rolled him over and with amazing ease for one so small, moved the boy closer so the one's head lay in his lap. "Shhh…. Yes, I know…. Easy it is not Padawan…. You are not the first of my Apprentices to suffer from the jealousy of others." he soothed gently, and the one sniffled. "Jealous? Of what? Me? I fall over my own feet every chance I get…. I drop things, knock stuff over… Oh yeah - I'm sure they all wish they were me all right!" he sobbed quietly.
Yoda smiled as he drew him into a warm hug, gently cradling the exhausted boy's head against his chest as he slowly rocked him back and forth, and back and forth. Slowly the sobs stopped, the younger now turning towards him, his eyes drifting closed as he relaxed into his Master's arms, safe and secure. Lulled by the heartbeat and gentle rocking motions, sleep swiftly came upon him.
It was dark still when finally the boy stirred, opening his eyes reluctantly, and instantly he froze at finding Yoda still sitting there beside him. "M-Master? What - what time is it?" he mumbled uneasily and Yoda half smiled as he gently stroked the short hair and gave an affectionate tug to the younger's braid. "Almost dawn it is Padawan…. Almost dawn. Feel better you do?" he asked and the one nodded as he rubbed at his eyes with a fist.
"I… I… I'm sorry for how I behaved last night Master -" he breathed softly and Yoda sighed deeply. "No Qui-Gon… it is I who am sorry. It has been many years now since I have had a Padawan I am afraid….Even then, the last one was already half taught when he came to me. Forgot I did that sometimes those who have no business, will insert their opinions anyway." he said as he considered the boy whose downcast look had returned already.
"Qui-Gon…. Why do you think I chose you as Padawan?" Yoda asked and the one sighed deeply and shrugged. "I…. I honestly don't know Master," he said softly, absently twirling the end of the braid around one finger."Ah, ah… none of that…" Yoda reprimanded fondly, as he took the braid out of the boy's grasp and the younger half smiled shyly. There was a long standing stereotypical joke in the Academy of the Padawan who stood twirling his braid as he tried to answer the 'Impossible Question' posed to him by his Master….Who was often drawn to look VERY much like Yoda, who at this moment was still smiling down at him.
"Why did you Master? Really? I am good with a saber…. But I am so clumsy it will do me little good…." the boy asked and Yoda sighed as he gently stroked the boy's smooth cheek. "You will not always be this way my Padawan. Growing faster your body is than your sense of it … and that is why you trip or knock…. A phase of growth it is, just as is teething in infants of the crèche. While teething they are, awkward and uncomfortable it is… but when finished they are, excellent tools they now have in their little heads for chewing…. With you it is much the same. Growing extremely fast you are… 6 inches this last year alone. But - when you are done, and again familiar you become with the body that houses your soul…. Very great will be the tools you will have with which to serve the Force. I look at you now and I see enormous skill already in one so young… and I see the shadow of the man you may become - good - honorable - powerful - yet with a heart not stilled by the rigors of protocol. People tell you it is an enormous responsibility and task to be my Padawan, do they not?" he asked and the boy nodded, and Yoda sighed.
"Wrong they are my young friend…. It is I who have the great honor and responsibility to be able to teach you the things you need to know to serve the Force… After all… . The more knowledgeable the Master… The greater the teacher he must be. My job that is. Yours is to listen, do as I tell you, not ask TOO many questions, and be afraid not to tell me if something is bothering you. For all the gossip Qui-Gon… a mind reader I am not. When trip or spill or knock something over you do - do not embarrassed be young man…. Think of it as the coming of who you WILL be… just not in full form yet. Be willing to welcome this man into your life Qui-Gon Jinn… like him you will I think." he said and the boy smiled as he blushed a little. Yoda bent and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead and the one looked startled at the gesture.
"Remember young man…. Known you from your earliest days have I… as have I the other young ones here …. But when came time it did … choose you I did as Padawan, and not them. Jealous they are of this. Why you and not them? And I do NOT expect you to be perfect - because I shall not be. Together in this we are, I am afraid - for better or worse. Do your best - and I will be honored." he told the boy, who frowned mildly.
"Is it not prideful to think such things Master? That you chose me over others?" he asked and the wizened being smiled. "It is not prideful when it is true Qui-Gon Jinn… Choose you I did over others. Have to live with that fact you will, I am afraid." he said, and the boy smiled mildly with a sigh.
"Besides," Yoda added, "If you are my Padawan, behind me you will be…. and worry not will I need to about you running me down, as racing through the temple halls you do go!" he said, and tickled the boy mildly, making him giggle and roll away and sit up, with a grin now and the sparkle back in his blue eyes.
"One thing though Master Yoda - I did do my best with history - yet I
failed… "
he started and Yoda sighed. "Not always succeed in life will you at what
you attempt
to do Qui-Gon… not as a man, not as a Jedi. Failures there will be, even
despite
your best efforts at times. It is also a lesson of life to be learned.
However, your
methods I think could use some adjusting. I will help you with your history
myself…
but NOT at 2 in the morning." he said and the boy smiled gratefully. "Thank
you
Master," he said, and suddenly hugged the senior Jedi, who gently returned
the
gesture.